Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Always Failing

Bobby_lapointe

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First post here, been a long time dude studying PUA's stuff when it first came out in 2000 and improving myself since then with more deep core and RedPill awareness (following manosphere and all its evolution).

I'm actualy losing my girlfriend : she's losing interest, pulling back, all in a sudden after a year. LDR, single mom, don't really want to settle, mixed signals after 1 year of success from myself (avoiding every obstacles). Usual stuff

Well, the end is near and I dunno if I will save the boat, or at the least, my own self-esteem.
I kind of feel depressed by how my "romantic life" seems so much different from every other guy around. I'm 34, and all my friends / colleagues are having babies, getting maried.

All the RedPill stuff, the AF/BB and all these theories don't apply to them. They are happy, their girlfriend don't cheat, they are supportive, never bored.
I'm so much better at 34 than I was in my 20's when first discovering Mystery & co. But even If i'm a better person, always trying to achieve something greater, willing to date a girl with high qualities and looks, I'm always failing in the long run.

There's only here on Sosuave, and all the boards I know from RooshV to BBing miscers that I can relate with stories posted and Field Reports.
Why is that ? There are no separated galaxies, we all live on Earth. Why are my day-to-day struggles nothing to compare to others ?

Yes, everytime a friend or colleague show me his wife, I'm always saying to myself "not very good". I don't want to be an a$$hole saying that, I just respect everyone being happy with what he has. But myself, I can't. The fact that I'm always trying to achieve better, having more, is constantly making myself on the edge : stressfull and exhausted.

With my current girlfriend, I did my best game I ever did. 1 year, I avoided ****-tests, I've been doing dread game naturaly as women are interested in me. I did all my ****in best. But once again, I Failed. RedPill is great, I'm another person that I used to be.
But everytime I relate my stories to my mum or dad that are concerned about my dating life, they don't understand my world. They don't understand the girls behaviours. They are speechless. Sure i'll always be right for them, as I'm their son. But noneless, they can't see what did I do wrong so she don't want to go further.

My brother has also choose a divorced single mum. 3 kids... It's been 10 years. They are now married, with 1 kid of their own (4 in total), and HAPPY.
The wife is just... the coolest I ever met. Supportive, all the thing you could dream about. My brother is nothing about RedPill or stuff like that. He has a purpose and live his life, but as I do. I've my own passions, my life, my goals, and don't make women my priority.

What's the difference between me and him ?
What's the difference between us and others guy all happy ?

I'm 34 and kind of feel lost today. Sometimes I want to disappear. Just leave, stop trying. ****ing be a beta for life. But I just can't. I can't let myself always fail, it's like I want to be right. Want to win at the end. What's to win ? What are we running for ? I don't want to spin plates. I want to feel a connexion, a deep bond with someone. Not be a beta, just, I dont know dudes... I want to listen to you guys, especially long time players. Where are we going, 2020, the world is bitter
 

badboyjmm

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My replies in blue

First post here, been a long time dude studying PUA's stuff when it first came out in 2000 and improving myself since then with more deep core and RedPill awareness (following manosphere and all its evolution).

I'm actualy losing my girlfriend : she's losing interest, pulling back, all in a sudden after a year. LDR, single mom, don't really want to settle, mixed signals after 1 year of success from myself (avoiding every obstacles). Usual stuff

Well long distance relationship is a problem, she's a single mom and she doesn't want to settle... She's on the fence because you guys are far apart. So it easy for her to just have fun. I'm not saying she's seeing other people. But there's a big possibility.

Well, the end is near and I dunno if I will save the boat, or at the least, my own self-esteem.
I kind of feel depressed by how my "romantic life" seems so much different from every other guy around. I'm 34, and all my friends / colleagues are having babies, getting maried.

Well why do you compare yourself to them ? Do you want the family life ?

All the RedPill stuff, the AF/BB and all these theories don't apply to them. They are happy, their girlfriend don't cheat, they are supportive, never bored.

You are assuming a lot of things. How do you know if there are happy, if their gf/wifes aren't cheating ?



I'm so much better at 34 than I was in my 20's when first discovering Mystery & co. But even If i'm a better person, always trying to achieve something greater, willing to date a girl with high qualities and looks, I'm always failing in the long run.

What's your definition of failing ?

There's only here on Sosuave, and all the boards I know from RooshV to BBing miscers that I can relate with stories posted and Field Reports.
Why is that ? There are no separated galaxies, we all live on Earth. Why are my day-to-day struggles nothing to compare to others ?

Well they will be similar but not exactly the same cause we are all uniques after all. I'm sure there's ways of make your struggles better.

Yes, everytime a friend or colleague show me his wife, I'm always saying to myself "not very good". I don't want to be an a$$hole saying that, I just respect everyone being happy with what he has. But myself, I can't. The fact that I'm always trying to achieve better, having more, is constantly making myself on the edge : stressfull and exhausted.

What do you mean by achieve better and having more: Better looking ladies ? More money ? More opportunities at work ? Spinning plates ? Why are you stressed out and exhausted ?

With my current girlfriend, I did my best game I ever did. 1 year, I avoided ****-tests, I've been doing dread game naturaly as women are interested in me. I did all my ****in best. But once again, I Failed. RedPill is great, I'm another person that I used to be.
But everytime I relate my stories to my mum or dad that are concerned about my dating life, they don't understand my world. They don't understand the girls behaviours. They are speechless. Sure i'll always be right for them, as I'm their son. But noneless, they can't see what did I do wrong so she don't want to go further.

They will never see what's wrong with you (i don't think there's anything wrong with you) or can't relate. My mom is the same way, she will always ask if I have somebody in mind to date... But will never ask me if I'm happy. I've been having a blast not focusing on dating to be honest.

My brother has also choose a divorced single mum. 3 kids... It's been 10 years. They are now married, with 1 kid of their own (4 in total), and HAPPY.
The wife is just... the coolest I ever met. Supportive, all the thing you could dream about. My brother is nothing about RedPill or stuff like that. He has a purpose and live his life, but as I do. I've my own passions, my life, my goals, and don't make women my priority.

That's a good thing.

What's the difference between me and him ?

Your respective outlook on life

What's the difference between us and others guy all happy ?

We believe that people are always happy. We compare eachother and when someone has something that we want, we start asking ourselves questions as if you can just work more as a career and get a partner.


I'm 34 and kind of feel lost today. Sometimes I want to disappear. Just leave, stop trying. ****ing be a beta for life. But I just can't. I can't let myself always fail, it's like I want to be right. Want to win at the end. What's to win ? What are we running for ? I don't want to spin plates. I want to feel a connexion, a deep bond with someone. Not be a beta, just, I dont know dudes... I want to listen to you guys, especially long time players. Where are we going, 2020, the world is bitter

Your mentality of win and lose is making me nervous. Aren't you winning by trying to be a better man ? Aren't you winning by posting here and trying to understand this dating life and life in general ?

Just because you FEEL like you should have a family should you just get it ? Are you prepared ? Are you happy right now ? What void that the family will fulfill for you ? Lots of questions you need to address.

Most importantly, why do you feel lost and why abandon when that wouldn't make you happy anyway ?
 

Kotaix

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well for starters, you're hanging your success on the outcome of a relationship and you're concerned how others will view you if you don't have a wife and kids. You're also idealizing the relationships that others have with their significant others. I've been told by my long term married friends that they envy my lifestyle because I don't have to put up with the bullsh!t from their wives. Most of them would cheat on their wives given half the chance, and a good number of them probably have.

There are multiple mentions of the word avoidance in your post. LDRs are an avoidance tactic to allow you to feel good about youself without being open to failure, and dating single moms is a cuck move if the father is in the picture.

I really think your problem is that you think way too much. You're so ego-invested in an outcome that exists solely in your head, and thinking so much about the future that you forget to live your life now while it's actually happening. The future and the past do not exist.

Yes current dating sucks, but I've found that just being open and looking women in the eyes and being true to your nature is enough. But you do need to stop wondering what you've done wrong. If you can learn the cause, learn from it, but don't dwell on it and don't beat yourself up over hypotheticals
 

andreihaha

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You need to figure out what you truly want, what you desire is.
Lock yourself in a room with no distraction at night and really think about it. No music, no nothing in the background. Just you with your thoughts. You seem pretty confused and influenced by what other people are doing, which is somethink I and many of us can relate to.
But in the end, all that matters is really tinking about what's the best for you. Once you figure that out, you'll know what to do.
Wish you the best!
 

Bobby_lapointe

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Well why do you compare yourself to them ? Do you want the family life ?
I think so. I still don't know if I want a child or no. But at least someone I can make "a team", not just a small walk.
You are assuming a lot of things. How do you know if there are happy, if their gf/wifes aren't cheating ?
Because I talked to them, and that's the case. Funny thing is that most of them are with the same girl since high school. They split once usualy, but came back together. Have this case for almost 4 people around me.
What's your definition of failing ?
Not being able to leave my dream. Having someone and build something together, whathever it is, doesn't seem so hard to get. Well...
What do you mean by achieve better and having more: Better looking ladies ? More money ? More opportunities at work ? Spinning plates ? Why are you stressed out and exhausted ?
After each breakup, I made everything to have someone matching my needs, in a beauty scale and personnality wise. SCreening lots of girls, going out of my comfort zone. None of my LTR or girls are from Online dating. i'm going after them in the streets, restaurant, and so. I learnt to go this way. Having more in money and work also. I'm constantly trying to improve, not staying the same guy while the years are passing by.
Your mentality of win and lose is making me nervous. Aren't you winning by trying to be a better man ? Aren't you winning by posting here and trying to understand this dating life and life in general ?
A friend told me the same 2 years ago. That whatever happens, I will still be a better guy with strong background. While I love this, I find it useless if you can't have love. Heartiste said in a article that the world is nosense without love. At the end, after each breakup and stories, I feel like a grandpa that all the neighborood could visit to have a small story or his opinion about something. "Grandpa knows everything !", yeah... but he's also single and tired in a rocking chair
Just because you FEEL like you should have a family should you just get it ? Are you prepared ? Are you happy right now ? What void that the family will fulfill for you ? Lots of questions you need to address.
Good questions. In a more simple way, I'm concerned about the fact I can't have someone in my life for more than 1 year since 2014. What should I do to fulfill the needs of a strong bond. I learnt to live my life and enjoyed every little things as they can ended abruptly, but while it can be positive, it's still missing something.
Most importantly, why do you feel lost and why abandon when that wouldn't make you happy anyway ?
Because at first I was just leaving my life and following some PUA tricks without much "inner game". I was happy then, less concerned.
Now it's like I have the matrix in my head. I'm always wondering what will happen next, trying to calm down, play things the way we should treat them to not **** it up. Whatever I'm doing, i'm still not married like Rollo (taking an extreme case) and always trying to be better. But I'm tired of pleasing someone else. I should taking care of myself but it's nonsense. "Be yourself", you know it's gargabe. You can't, you have to be a better man. I found this quest useless as I'm a better man but not really happy. My friends don't give a **** about RedPill and ****, and they are happy with their girlfriend.
 

Bobby_lapointe

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Thanks for all other input guys
How can you be doing game red pill awareness and dating a single mom ldr?LLmfao
Yeah I know about that. I know this girl for 15 years now, this is not someone from Online dating.
Anyway, I knew I was putting myself in a tight situation but I'm a player. I like to live things, to embrace risks and burn myself. That's how I'm living, always on the edge. I don't want regrets. I tried with her like my brother tried with his girlfriend. IT worked for him, not for me.
Whatever It was 1 ****in hell of a year. I could have spinned plates with 4 uninteresting girls. Instead I was happy for some time, and learnt I could be a good father for 2 kids that liked me. Having a child saying he loves you is one of the greatest moment of my life. Maybe sound creepy or clingy, it's not. I'm a human being and like to live things like that. I'm not trying to hide my feelings to prevent myself from being used or hurt. THat's part of the game, and that's why I'm a player. Always trying to win the almost impossible
 

Dr.Suave

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Yo! Mr. nice guy! Quit b1tching around and pull it together bro. Chill the f0ck out, drink a f0cking beer, hit the gym, spin new plats, and go out and make something awesome.

Good luck to her finding another chump who´s into single moms.
 

badboyjmm

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I think so. I still don't know if I want a child or no. But at least someone I can make "a team", not just a small walk.

The issue here is that you talk as if you NEED that. If it add to your live, great. If you are just thinking it will make you happy just because, you are due for a ride. There's a lot of work involved

Because I talked to them, and that's the case. Funny thing is that most of them are with the same girl since high school. They split once usualy, but came back together. Have this case for almost 4 people around me.

Isn't it odd that they split... then get back together ? And just because they are the exception to rule, doesn't mean anything. I mean look at the divorce rate.

Not being able to leave my dream. Having someone and build something together, whathever it is, doesn't seem so hard to get. Well...

Well ladies are not Xbox achievements, they are people. So this whole mentality that you NEED to get them, you will need to work on that. As other posters mentioned, you are too dependent of the outcome. You should just enjoy the interactions, the conversations, the fun if you ended up sleeping with a few of those ladies.

After each breakup, I made everything to have someone matching my needs, in a beauty scale and personnality wise. SCreening lots of girls, going out of my comfort zone. None of my LTR or girls are from Online dating. i'm going after them in the streets, restaurant, and so. I learnt to go this way. Having more in money and work also. I'm constantly trying to improve, not staying the same guy while the years are passing by.

Who cares where they are coming from ? Half if not more of relationship are created by Online dating.

A friend told me the same 2 years ago. That whatever happens, I will still be a better guy with strong background. While I love this, I find it useless if you can't have love. Heartiste said in a article that the world is nosense without love. At the end, after each breakup and stories, I feel like a grandpa that all the neighborood could visit to have a small story or his opinion about something. "Grandpa knows everything !", yeah... but he's also single and tired in a rocking chair

You find it useless because you don't love yourself enough. What's wrong with being single anyways ? That's one of your biggest issues. You seem to think that being single is a failure... Nicola Tesla wasn't a failure for being single. I'm single because I choose to be. Because I haven't found a lady that's worth upgrading her status to a girlfriend. So what I ended up single for the rest of my life ? I have hobbies, family members, projects, vacations and a lot more to deal with. I'm comfortable to be single because I love myself, love what I have become and honesty if no ladies around can't see that I'm awesome, they can choke on a d!ck and die.

Good questions. In a more simple way, I'm concerned about the fact I can't have someone in my life for more than 1 year since 2014. What should I do to fulfill the needs of a strong bond. I learnt to live my life and enjoyed every little things as they can ended abruptly, but while it can be positive, it's still missing something.

To obtain those things, you have to be comfortable within yourself. No one wants to commit to someone that NEEDS them, they want someone that WANTS them. Big difference.

Because at first I was just leaving my life and following some PUA tricks without much "inner game". I was happy then, less concerned.
Now it's like I have the matrix in my head. I'm always wondering what will happen next, trying to calm down, play things the way we should treat them to not **** it up. Whatever I'm doing, i'm still not married like Rollo (taking an extreme case) and always trying to be better. But I'm tired of pleasing someone else. I should taking care of myself but it's nonsense. "Be yourself", you know it's gargabe. You can't, you have to be a better man. I found this quest useless as I'm a better man but not really happy. My friends don't give a **** about RedPill and ****, and they are happy with their girlfriend.

Why are you always comparing yourself to others ? You think being married or in a relationship is easy ? You must act to the best of your abilities and not worry so much about the result. Otherwise you will always second guess yourself (im an overthinker so I would know)
We know that ''Be Yourself'' is BS, replace that with trying to be '' your best self at all times"
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Thanks for all other input guys

Yeah I know about that. I know this girl for 15 years now, this is not someone from Online dating.
Anyway, I knew I was putting myself in a tight situation but I'm a player. I like to live things, to embrace risks and burn myself. That's how I'm living, always on the edge. I don't want regrets. I tried with her like my brother tried with his girlfriend. IT worked for him, not for me.
Bobby mate, that's not a argument.

At best, you're purple pilled.

why put work in, learn game, and then, commit to a single mom signing up for yoyr own cucking and a LDR?

thats soft.

Whatever It was 1 ****in hell of a year. I could have spinned plates with 4 uninteresting girls. Instead I was happy for some time, and learnt I could be a good father for 2 kids that liked me. Having a child saying he loves you is one of the greatest moment of my life. Maybe sound creepy or clingy, it's not. I'm a human being and like to live things like that. I'm not trying to hide my feelings to prevent myself from being used or hurt. THat's part of the game, and that's why I'm a player. Always trying to win the almost impossible
single mom with multiple kids and LDR?



Bobby mate, you're not doing it right.

Look, top form SMV 18-23 or do not want! I'm not playing house once SMV craters and she's post wall.
I am not raising some other mans baby.


My **** won't suck itself. If you want to get a throater from a single mom, whatever. Play house after is wackkkk.

Furthermore, you're not getting top form SMV and pulling single moms.


Its either or... Moreover, by being the garbage man, by cleaning up the mess women make with bastard kids, you enable ****ty behaviour in women. Its like daddy government distribution of resources to women for skiing down cawk mountain.

I would rather fap to pornhub then be takin out trash.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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First post here, been a long time dude studying PUA's stuff when it first came out in 2000 and improving myself since then with more deep core and RedPill awareness (following manosphere and all its evolution).

I'm actualy losing my girlfriend : she's losing interest, pulling back, all in a sudden after a year. LDR, single mom, don't really want to settle, mixed signals after 1 year of success from myself (avoiding every obstacles). Usual stuff

Well, the end is near and I dunno if I will save the boat, or at the least, my own self-esteem.
I kind of feel depressed by how my "romantic life" seems so much different from every other guy around. I'm 34, and all my friends / colleagues are having babies, getting maried.

All the RedPill stuff, the AF/BB and all these theories don't apply to them. They are happy, their girlfriend don't cheat, they are supportive, never bored.
I'm so much better at 34 than I was in my 20's when first discovering Mystery & co. But even If i'm a better person, always trying to achieve something greater, willing to date a girl with high qualities and looks, I'm always failing in the long run.

There's only here on Sosuave, and all the boards I know from RooshV to BBing miscers that I can relate with stories posted and Field Reports.
Why is that ? There are no separated galaxies, we all live on Earth. Why are my day-to-day struggles nothing to compare to others ?

Yes, everytime a friend or colleague show me his wife, I'm always saying to myself "not very good". I don't want to be an a$$hole saying that, I just respect everyone being happy with what he has. But myself, I can't. The fact that I'm always trying to achieve better, having more, is constantly making myself on the edge : stressfull and exhausted.

With my current girlfriend, I did my best game I ever did. 1 year, I avoided ****-tests, I've been doing dread game naturaly as women are interested in me. I did all my ****in best. But once again, I Failed. RedPill is great, I'm another person that I used to be.
But everytime I relate my stories to my mum or dad that are concerned about my dating life, they don't understand my world. They don't understand the girls behaviours. They are speechless. Sure i'll always be right for them, as I'm their son. But noneless, they can't see what did I do wrong so she don't want to go further.

My brother has also choose a divorced single mum. 3 kids... It's been 10 years. They are now married, with 1 kid of their own (4 in total), and HAPPY.
The wife is just... the coolest I ever met. Supportive, all the thing you could dream about. My brother is nothing about RedPill or stuff like that. He has a purpose and live his life, but as I do. I've my own passions, my life, my goals, and don't make women my priority.

What's the difference between me and him ?
What's the difference between us and others guy all happy ?

I'm 34 and kind of feel lost today. Sometimes I want to disappear. Just leave, stop trying. ****ing be a beta for life. But I just can't. I can't let myself always fail, it's like I want to be right. Want to win at the end. What's to win ? What are we running for ? I don't want to spin plates. I want to feel a connexion, a deep bond with someone. Not be a beta, just, I dont know dudes... I want to listen to you guys, especially long time players. Where are we going, 2020, the world is bitter
No offense but you sound like a little girl. A girl because you're obsessed and think you'll be fulfilled by a woman. Little/childish because you want a strong meaningful amazing relationship with a girl without putting in the work to find that girl.

It's fine to want a strong relationship and family, but if you want it out of fear then it will be a miserable experience. And you are seeking it out of fear because you don't want to be alone and want happy feelings all the time. You are in essence seeking a woman to act as your mom so that you can completely revert to a child mentality because you don't want the responsibility of being the master of your own destiny.

If you wanted to be the master you wouldn't be complaining, you'd realize that you've been the master this whole time. You'd grab life by the balls and relentlessly go after what you want with a wicked smile on your face.

A relationship is like an island. If you don't bring the magic, you won't find it. You should focus on having the relationship that you want with a woman with yourself. When you've mastered that it'll be easy to attract a good woman. Loving the world you create for yourself is what will keep you calm and satisfied. You won't overthink things and you'll be less inclined to settle. That's how you cultivate natural confidence and swagger.

Personally I wouldn't mind a family, but I realize how much of a sacrifice it is. If a woman wants a family with me she better be an amazing well rounded woman. She'll have to convince me and I'll always be ready to dip if she becomes detrimental to my vision. I don't care what my family or anyone thinks about my relationship status. You know who all those things matter to the most? Me. How someone else feels about my choices has absolutely no bearing on what I do. All I do is silently thank them for disclosing more information about themselves.

I don't care if I die single, and that mentality shows a confidence in myself that naturally attracts strong women. I have a faith in myself that no one else has and if people don't treat me the way I want I disengage and find people that do. You're overcomplicating things. Focus on building yourself up in all aspects of your life and it'll bear fruit.
 
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