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Advice To Chancer357

chancer357

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the worst that can happen is that I fail, again, and then what is left? Theres no buffer of any self-esteem or confidence left to errode. So what happens when I fail this time?
 

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VIVAlasVEGASBaby

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I’m no doctor but I think you might be a chronic depressant. You NEED to consult with a doctor.

http://www.hmc.psu.edu/healthinfo/d/depression.htm

Secondly, you need to decide exactly what it is you want to change. Wanting a better happier life is a great goal and everything but it’ll take baby steps to get there. So I would recommend sitting down and writing 5 SPECIFIC things you’d like to change about yourself.
EX:
1. Feel better about my appearance
2. Feel more emotionally secure
3. Have more style
4. Have a better body
5. Get women

On the top of your list should be seeking medical help. Beyond that you need to pick something you’d like to change and change it!

Although I hate forwarding people to other posts, this one’s pretty good, although I’m not sure it’ll help.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16733

Again ill stress the fact that you really need to seek medical help.
 

DjDreamer

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Originally posted by chancer357
the worst that can happen is that I fail, again, and then what is left? Theres no buffer of any self-esteem or confidence left to errode. So what happens when I fail this time?
Fail, fail, fail and fail some more untill you obtain success.

Just remember...she could be playing hard to get...
 

Jon E

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Originally posted by chancer357
So what happens when I fail this time?
NOTHING!

Chancer, you have nowhere to go but "up" from here. You've got nothing to loose and everything to gain.
 

Bonhomme

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I have felt that way ... and overcame it

This will seem really bizarre, but give it a shot.

Your condition has a lot of the markings of pyroluria. It can be effectively treated with vitamin and mineral suppementation.

It would be best to contact a doctor who specializes in this sort of thing. If you're in North America, the Pfeiffer Clinic near Chicago and the Princeton Bio Center in New Jersey are cutting-edge clinics that specialize in this, and can be covered byu insurance, if you have it.

But the following should be safe:

Vitamin C, about 2,000 mg per day, preferably divided in 4 doses.

B-complex, with breakfast and dinner.

Extra vitamin B-6, preferably 50 mg OR 25 mg of the coenzymated form (better to absorb) pyridoxal-5-phosphate (P-5-P) in the morning.

Most importantly, zinc. 25 mg morning and evening should be safe.

Have a go, and see if this brings your appetite back. If you have real light, pasty skin and white spots on your nails, those are further indications this is going on.

I read about this stuff when I was figuring out why I was depressed... but my problems turned out to be chronic infections, food allergies, and chemical sensitivities. Once I got those things straight, the depression went away.

Best of luck... where the biochemistry goes, all else follows.
 
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chancer357

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Originally posted by Jon E
NOTHING!

Chancer, you have nowhere to go but "up" from here. You've got nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Thats just the problem. There is no "up". There is no reason to think I could possible go "up" when I'm further down and worse off than ever before. I have absolutely no logic reason to expect to succeed or be able to change ever. And because I have nothing left I can't move.
 

DjDreamer

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Once again...

Originally posted by DjDreamer
How will you ever succeed at something if you don't try?
Chancer stop making excuses...you need to practise for perfection...
 

jond

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As Devils Advocate:

What methods of beating his fears other than 'just doing it' have been suggested? Maybe I missed them?
 

m4a1

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You're convinced that you've hit rock bottom and that you're staying this way forever, even after 8 MONTHS of motivating posts, NOT A SINGLE reply said that you were hopeless, everyone here believes in you, but if you don't believe in yourself, you ARE in fact, hopeless.

You're so irrational, I hope you realize this before it's too late, if you continue this way, by the time you're 50 you'll be remembering us and this site and how you could have changed your life if only you followed the advice, you'll be biting your fingers off because of regret.

No advice posted here can help you until you get over your negativity and self-pity. Someone pointed out that you said you're great at making public speeches to a class, you know how many people envy that? fvck, I'm feeling like another one of those people here trying to flatter you the whole time, while you're doing nothing but rubbing it off like dust on your shoulder.

It's funny that I've read all your posts and all the advice headed towards you, and how much I've learned about the way you think, and that's why I know you can do it if you put your mind into it.

Good luck, bro, I promise you that with an attitude like yours right now, you NEED it more than the fish need the water. :eek:

IM me if you need anything, yeah, another flattering comment, I don't tell anyone to ask me for advice in private, and I'm offering it to you.
 

chancer357

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Theres nothing that would make me ever be able to change. I would have to see some girl look at me and look at some other guy and choose to talk to me instead of looking away in disgust. Thats never going to happen, and I have a feeling that even if it did I would not believe it was really happening and would think someone paid her to do it.
 
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m4a1

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When you hit rock bottom, you can only go up from there.
You KNOW you're messed up, you know you're irrational as I pointed out earlier, hence when you said "I have a feeling that even if it did I would not believe it was really happening and would think someone paid her to do it."

This is a world where men take the initiative, lots of guys here say they get approached a lot by girls, but you know what?? I never get approached by girls and they never throw themselves at me, when I approach and get to know the girl, she tells me that she had a crush on me but thinks it's not right to approach/was nervous/didn't want to show it/etc. This game can break a man apart, either join it, or live a miserable life.
 

A-Unit

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Thoughts.

First off, if you didn't want help from motivated people here or attention, don't initiate a post on how poorly you feel about your life.

Cause ~~~~~~~~> Effect.

Posting brought the ends of assistance from SOME members to your aid.

NOW, at a point in your life when NO ONE here has met you, is willing to help you, you shun them?

Please, see someone about proper drugs if you don't appreciate the significance of this. And if you say you do, you're lying. Someone who APPRECIATED the assistance of mere strangers who's only connection to you is this SITE, would IMMEDIATELY set to action EVERYTHING he's told.

You bought into your own plans; they didn't work. What harm is there in buying into guy's on here who have succeeded before and are willing to help? It'd be insane to keep chasing your own tail, believing it will change.

Do you prefer living half-alive, garnering support from members? Is it fun to gain attention through pity? We're not admiring the ideals of who you are, we're supporting what you're not. We want to see what you can become.

Your BIGGEST PROBLEM, dude, is thinking too much. You have to say:

Fvck the thoughts, no matter what I think, it's been wrong until now. To right them, I must act according to what A-Unit (or whoever) said to do. Have faith in them. LET THEM BE MY VOICE. LET THEM BE MY THOUGHTS.

Otherwise man, NOTHING, and I mean ZERO will change. I'd use kid gloves on a girl, but not on a guy who's supposed to be a man.

"We're a generation of men raised by women."

It's so true. There's no rite of passage. No connection to the father figure. Men don't pass on wisdom to younger generations, or teach the role of being a man in today's society. Sad fact. So what, let's change that.

Don't respond anymore to this post until you do something about yourself.

You ONLY FAIL WHEN YOU QUIT. That's it. No other time. Never. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

Someone working out, who hasn't gotten to 8% bodyfat only failts to achieve that end when he gives up and kills his diet. Other than, it might takes some tries to realize your diet, but think of how empowering it could be when you do?

THE ONLY TIME ANY HUMAN BEING WILL DISPLAY INTEREST IN YOU, is WHEN YOU DISPLAY INTEREST IN YOURSELF FIRST.

That's it.

The best-looking guy on the planet could have women dropping at his feet, but if he's meak, if he wreaks of garbage, vomit, and cigarettes, if his clothes are tattered, no woman would pay heed to sleeping with him. To believe differently is to believe that Fairy Tales are TRUE stories.

THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU ARE INTERESTED AND VALUE YOURSELF is the DEGREE TO WHICH OTHERS VALUE YOU.

Thus far you have displayed self-loathing, and the world will only give that back. But, if your rise up, claim ownership to your life and personal responsibility for your happiness instead of putting that on other's, then other's will value you.

I can't say much more, except that it needs to start now.




A-Unit
 

DjDreamer

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Re: Thoughts.

Originally posted by A-Unit
THE ONLY TIME ANY HUMAN BEING WILL DISPLAY INTEREST IN YOU, is WHEN YOU DISPLAY INTEREST IN YOURSELF FIRST.

That's it.

The best-looking guy on the planet could have women dropping at his feet, but if he's meak, if he wreaks of garbage, vomit, and cigarettes, if his clothes are tattered, no woman would pay heed to sleeping with him. To believe differently is to believe that Fairy Tales are TRUE stories.

THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU ARE INTERESTED AND VALUE YOURSELF is the DEGREE TO WHICH OTHERS VALUE YOU.

Thus far you have displayed self-loathing, and the world will only give that back. But, if your rise up, claim ownership to your life and personal responsibility for your happiness instead of putting that on other's, then other's will value you.
Man o' man...that is gold...

Chancer if you don't get encouraged after reading that, I don't know what else will provide encouragement...maybe you're gay...
 

Roscoe

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Guys, I've been reading Chancer's story for months already. Don't you see he does NOT need your advices? Don't you think it's enough already????

He does not want to change anything because he simply ENJOYS this type of living. It is very quiet, nice and comfy feeling - just to sit and do absolutely nothing. Just imagine - very few of us are actually capable of doing it - sitting and doing nothing. For days, for weeks, for months, for years. And he IS happy with his life!! Even despite all the whinning!!! And I'd bet on the fact that no matter how hard you try to convince him that "he has nothing to lose, nothing to fear, he has to do this and that" - he won't do a **** - he DOES NOT want to!!!

Forget about the brain chemistry, vitamin deficiency, mineral imbalance - this guy is having a life he enjoys the most and if by a miracle he'd decide tomorrow to lift his ass and start doing something (like, seeing a doctor, hanging out in a bar, weightlifting, whatever...) pretty soon he'd find it disappointing and he'd come back to the good ol' comfy self-pitying.

Weird? Strange?? May be even stupid??? So what?!?!? Just live the guy alone, let it be - he does not need nor want your help. He comes here only for one single thing - to get some emotional charge to keep living the life he's been living for years. But I am sure he'd do perfectly well (or, I'd say, same awfully bad) without your advice, too!
 

Jon E

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I think Roscoe hit the nail on the head.

I remember when my parents tried to help a homeless man that we knew. He begged and pleaded for help and they gave him full time work, clean clothes, good food and his own home to live in. He had everything he needed to straighten his life out.

Did he take advantage of it? Of course not.

He went right on being the same lazy drunk he always was because that's what he wanted to be. He didnt want to change, he was perfectly happy just the way he was.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink.
 
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chancer357

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Whatever.

I'm not even going to attempt to explain how making this seem like my *choice* is simply wrong. If I had a choice I would choose to live something closer to happy. Advice you might paraphrase as "Just-do-it", "Tough-love" or "You-just-like-to-be-miserable" is not only ignorant, its useless. In any scenario, not just mine. Trying to compare this to an addiction is just as stupid.

The only thing that would make a difference is some kind of drug but I'll never ask for it. I'm too embarrased and can't bring myself to do it for one. For another, to me, asking for it is finally admiting that I am everything awful that I pretty much believe I am now and the only thing I could do is take some pill to change. If I dont then there is at least some sliver of uncertainty exists, so maybe - *maybe* it is not as bad as I think; not that it actually matters, I'll never be able to do anything with that.

Either way, I don't have the emotional strength to be able to cope with admiting to myself that I am that awful, or with taking whatever doubt there might be that I am that worthles and trying to make something of it. Thats why I CAN'T do ANYTHING anymore. So I'll go on, stuck spiraling downwards until I kill myself or get myself killed. If I could do something to change I would have, but I'm stuck because I just don't have what it takes mentally or emotionally to deal with whatever makes me so different.

Maybe if people would have accepted me, ever, things would be different for me now. But instead they just help to destroy whatever was posative about me. But blaming other people doesn't help anything. I only think of this because half the time people talk about your self-esteem and self-worth somehow affecting the way the world treats you. Well I don't buy a word of that. When I was a kid I didn't hate myself, and the world treated me the same. I used to be happy when I didn't know any better and people went out of thier way to make me unhappy.

How can I relate to any advice thats based on a premise I can't accept - that for other people to think your worthwhile, you have think of yourself as worthwhile. Thats just not true. ALL human beings do is judge people, and rank them and put them in order from best to worst. It has NOTHING to do with what those people think of themselves.
Everyone of you do it everytime you rate how "hot" you think some girl is. Anytime you put one in front of the other that has nothing to do with how that person might feel; you probably never spoke to them. Thats just one example - but I just can't believe that if I think happy thoughts it'll all be OK. Try and spin that idea all different ways and dress it up with whatever words you want, I can't believe in it because all I've ever known is the exact opposite.

Its not just a matter of me being to afraid, or me not being willing to try, or any of the things you seem to want to write it off as.
No one wants to hate everything about themselves, hate everyday and be unhappy. Tell yourself I'm wrong if you want, that I really would rather not ever be happy. Think what you want, I don't care.
 
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Roscoe

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Advice you might paraphrase as "Just-do-it", "Tough-love" or "You-just-like-to-be-miserable" is not only ignorant, its useless
you are not an alien, you are as human as anyone else on this board (well, unless there are some other "guys" reading it too) and if a recipe worked for millions, it will work for you as well. But you concsiously CHOOSE to believe that it is useless and to put the recipe back on shelf - and it becomes useless.

In fact, there is a thing I truly envy you: your faith. Your faith is a great illustration to one of Bible's parables: if you have faith strong enough, you can use it to move mountains. :cool: And you did - you dumped that mountain on your own shoulders.
Enough said.
 

chancer357

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Originally posted by Roscoe
But you concsiously CHOOSE to believe that it is useless and to put the recipe back on shelf - and it becomes useless.
Are you literate? Have you even tried to comprehend what I tried to explain?

Originally posted by Roscoe
In fact, there is a thing I truly envy you
Go right on being envious then.
 

Roscoe

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Have you even tried to comprehend what I tried to explain?
Your numerous "explanations" is just another re-iteration of your "credo of faith". If you were born in a different time and/or environment, you could have become another Moses:D
 

chancer357

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I find it hard to believe you can really think that. Then again, ot really doesn't make a difference to me, think what you want.
 
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