"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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advice please

J

Jeremymichael

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My friend has split up from his girlfriend of about 10 years. She wants to settle down, he doesn't. They are still on good terms.

Last friday was my birthday. She said that she had joined a band and I mentioned a good venue in my town. Now she has said she wants to go to that bar with me. Do you think this is okay/appropriate after splitting up from my friend?. I'm not sure how to play it as just friends or could this be a date?. I think in reality she might be just looking for new venues, however she seems to like me (she kept touching my knee on friday)

Also I hope her druggy brother does not come along. She is a professional but occasionally takes drugs and it kind of scares me/ puts me off. On the hand she is very lovely and charming.

What do you think?.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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J

Jeremymichael

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yes I'm wondering whether I should invite him as well out of politeness?
 
J

Jeremymichael

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Unfortunately I have to reply to her email now about meeting up at the bar. Maybe I should go quiet and not reply?, or give her the details for her to decide whether to go on her own and just say I'll meet up for an hour or so for a chat?. I guess if she is just their to review the music (its open mic) then it can be less formal and it won't matter than I don't propose her staying over?. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything in the first place :-/
 
J

Jeremymichael

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hmmm...that could be good advice,but he may suggest coming along as well.
Could end up with a party of unwanted people?
 
M

Mavrick

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You need to talk to your friend about this. Don't go behind his back.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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J

Jeremymichael

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good advice, maybe I'll do that..but I don't have space to put a load of people up at my flat.. Its only small one bedroom!
 
J

jophil28

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Mavrick said:
You need to talk to your friend about this. Don't go behind his back.
Click to expand...
Look at it this way, how would you feel if you were him and he was in your position?

Would you be OK with him doing this with YOUR recent ex ?

"Do unto others ..." (especially if that 'other ' is your close friend )
 
K

ketostix

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There's a possibility that she might be trying to use you to make her BF jealous. I think you should tell him, and if he goes that's even better. He get to see with his own eyes if she's interested in you and won't ba as suspicious. I think since they broke up you could go to the event with her, but I'd take it slow with her and proceed with caution.
 
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