A girl (29, hot, African American) saw my pics on instagram and invited me out to lunch/dinner

[BornStunner]

I go mountain hiking on weekends and I share my pictures on instagram, every weekend.

She saw the pictures and chatted me up saying she wanted to come. I gave her the details and my phone number in case she wanted to contact me.

She sent me an SMS, I replied her on whatsapp.

We started chatting.

About an hour later, when I was going out to see a female friend, she called me...but I missed her call.

Some Context: I'm a Nigerian in Nigeria. She's from Houston. We were in Abuja, Nigeria where she had some business. Funny enough it was with the company I work with. I look good. Talll, big, not overly sex dripping. But good enough to make a lady stare for a few moments.

I'll continue.

I called her back as I drove out. This was when she told me she was heading out to eat. My friend's place was not far from the area, and I told her this. She then said let's meet up. I wanted to see my friend first, then see her. The times clashed and I told her we would not be able to meet up. She insisted that I should see her first before seeing my friend.

I thought...what the hell...OK.

I went and we met. We talked, but there was some tension towards the end, based on our different backgrounds. For example, in Nigeria we regularly tip security men,cleaners, artisans and bouncers, but rarely waiters. It's not just something you see.

This caused some tension 'cause she paid for the food and asked me to tip the waited. I had no issues tipping the waiter, but I have never tipped waiters before. We discussed about this and her mood fell, because she was once a waiter in the USA.

I tipped the waiter.

As we left she was back in better spirits.

Note that she's hot, but there wasn't much feminity in her behaviour. And I called bull**** on many things she said.

As we walked out of the spot, she complained about how far I parked my car...which was a 2-minute walk on a slow walk. I didn't know the place too well and I told her this, but didn't take her giving me **** about it.

I dropped her off nearby, where she was going to see her female friend. As she left, she told me to call her later.

I called her later that night, she didn't pick.
I sent her a whatsapp message, she didn't respond.

All this was on Sunday.

Today, being Wednesday, I sent her a whatsapp message, with just her name.

She replied that she was not interested in talking to me.

I asked why.

She replied we are completely different. Different lanes.

I replied that I was returning the courtesy of the date.

She replied that she was aggressive enough and would have replied earlier if she wanted to.

I replied her, ended the chat and deleted her contact details from my phone.



My question: The only thing I like about her is her looks. She's curvy and all. But her personality was a turn off for me. So, all I was interested in was sex...nothing else.

Is there anything I could have done better to change the outcome?

 

[Julian]

You completely fell into her frame. the fact that you blew off your friend to meet her was your fatal mistake. everything else after was just a symptom. black american women are used to black american guys who are typically pretty fukkin alpha here in the states and dont take sh1t from their women.

you also tipped the waiter as a form of appeasement to her. you should have said "look im Nigerian, we DONT tip waiters here its just not the culture, if you want to do it then go ahead and ill pay for my own part of the meal, i really dont give a fuk but im not gonna tip the guy because your pouting, comprende? "

you definitely should have just blown her off when the times clashed with meeting your friend etc. basically you came off as very beta and that she could just command you around.


And honestly if all you wanted was to smash, a day time meet like thatwas a horrible idea especially how you executed it. should have just been like "we can do drinks later at night".

it probably wouldnt have ended well either way because this female sounded like a kunt but at least u would have maintained frame and dignity.

 

[BornStunner]

You completely fell into her frame. the fact that you blew off your friend to meet her was your fatal mistake. everything else after was just a symptom. black american women are used to black american guys who are typically pretty fukkin alpha here in the states and dont take sh1t from their women.

you also tipped the waiter as a form of appeasement to her. you should have said "look im Nigerian, we DONT tip waiters here its just not the culture, if you want to do it then go ahead and ill pay for my own part of the meal, i really dont give a fuk but im not gonna tip the guy because your pouting, comprende? "

you definitely should have just blown her off when the times clashed with meeting your friend etc. basically you came off as very beta and that she could just command you around.


And honestly if all you wanted was to smash, a day time meet like thatwas a horrible idea especially how you executed it. should have just been like "we can do drinks later at night".

it probably wouldnt have ended well either way because this female sounded like a kunt but at least u would have maintained frame and dignity.

I read this twice. Thanks. I'll never make this mistake.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's a cultural thing. Not tipping a waiter in the US is a serious insult, and people who have worked for tips will always hate non-tippers for the rest of their life. Furthermore, as an American, I can assure you that we are very self-centered, ethnocentric, and have difficulty respecting cultural differences that run counter to our own ways, which is why she couldn't get over the tipping issue.

 

[BornStunner]

It's a cultural thing. Not tipping a waiter in the US is a serious insult, and people who have worked for tips will always hate non-tippers for the rest of their life. Furthermore, as an American, I can assure you that we are very self-centered, ethnocentric, and have difficulty respecting cultural differences that run counter to our own ways, which is why she couldn't get over the tipping issue.

Point taken. Thanks.

 

[BornStunner]

Hot........african.......does not compute.

Sorry, but completely true for me without exception.

No racist. I like nearly everything else.

Not sure I follow you

 

[BornStunner]

I don't find a single african ethnicity woman hot and never have, not Beyonce, not anyone. I have no issues with black people, I just cannot get hard for black chicks.

I feel you... Not sure I can understand

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She then said let's meet up. I wanted to see my friend first, then see her. The times clashed and I told her we would not be able to meet up. She insisted that I should see her first before seeing my friend.

I thought...what the hell...OK.

This is what killed you, as @Julian mentioned. You were being the eight ball before you even met.

Noting to do with ethnicity or culture to tipping waiters. You were dead before you arrived.

 

[BornStunner]

This is what killed you, as @Julian mentioned. You were being the eight ball before you even met.

Noting to do with ethnicity or culture to tipping waiters. You were dead before you arrived.

You're goddamned right

 

[lizardking82]

She tells you to call her and you call her? And then you send a Whatsappa message, too? And then you reach out again a couple of days later and ask her why this will not work out?

What are you, her slut? She tells you to do one thing and you have to do it? Work on your character, grow a spine. Do not even deal with women without growing a spine.

 

[BornStunner]

She tells you to call her and you call her? And then you send a Whatsappa message, too? And then you reach out again a couple of days later and ask her why this will not work out?

What are you, her slut? She tells you to do one thing and you have to do it? Work on your character, grow a spine. Do not even deal with women without growing a spine.

How do you recommend I work on this?

 

[marmel75]

I've always found it strange why black people refer to themselves as African American when it's been numerous generations since they can trace anyone to Africa.

My father is directly from Istanbul, Turkey born and raised there. Making me 50% Turkish and a Turkish citizen by way of birth. I am extremely proud of my heritage but do I refer to myself as Turkish American? No...I'm American, I was born here. I'm far more Turkish than most black people are African if we are being real here...I speak the language, am a citizen and am culturally aware of many things having been taught a lot about it by my father and aunt.

I've brought this up many times to my black friends and they have never given an answer that makes any sense.

 

[BornStunner]

I've always found it strange why black people refer to themselves as African American when it's been numerous generations since they can trace anyone to Africa.

My father is directly from Istanbul, Turkey born and raised there. Making me 50% Turkish and a Turkish citizen by way of birth. I am extremely proud of my heritage but do I refer to myself as Turkish American? No...I'm American, I was born here. I'm far more Turkish than most black people are African if we are being real here...I speak the language, am a citizen and am culturally aware of many things having been taught a lot about it by my father and aunt.

I've brought this up many times to my black friends and they have never given an answer that makes any sense.

I'm Nigerian in Nigeria. I used that for reference.

 

[Glassguy]

The date just didnt go well. No compatibility from what I just read. No big deal as you're out nearly nothing.

End of story. Find another one.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I go mountain hiking on weekends and I share my pictures on instagram, every weekend.

She saw the pictures and chatted me up saying she wanted to come. I gave her the details and my phone number in case she wanted to contact me.

She sent me an SMS, I replied her on whatsapp.

We started chatting.

About an hour later, when I was going out to see a female friend, she called me...but I missed her call.

Some Context: I'm a Nigerian in Nigeria. She's from Houston. We were in Abuja, Nigeria where she had some business. Funny enough it was with the company I work with. I look good. Talll, big, not overly sex dripping. But good enough to make a lady stare for a few moments.

I'll continue.

I called her back as I drove out. This was when she told me she was heading out to eat. My friend's place was not far from the area, and I told her this. She then said let's meet up. I wanted to see my friend first, then see her. The times clashed and I told her we would not be able to meet up. She insisted that I should see her first before seeing my friend.

I thought...what the hell...OK.

I went and we met. We talked, but there was some tension towards the end, based on our different backgrounds. For example, in Nigeria we regularly tip security men,cleaners, artisans and bouncers, but rarely waiters. It's not just something you see.

This caused some tension 'cause she paid for the food and asked me to tip the waited. I had no issues tipping the waiter, but I have never tipped waiters before. We discussed about this and her mood fell, because she was once a waiter in the USA.

I tipped the waiter.

As we left she was back in better spirits.

Note that she's hot, but there wasn't much feminity in her behaviour. And I called bull**** on many things she said.

As we walked out of the spot, she complained about how far I parked my car...which was a 2-minute walk on a slow walk. I didn't know the place too well and I told her this, but didn't take her giving me **** about it.

I dropped her off nearby, where she was going to see her female friend. As she left, she told me to call her later.

I called her later that night, she didn't pick.
I sent her a whatsapp message, she didn't respond.

All this was on Sunday.

Today, being Wednesday, I sent her a whatsapp message, with just her name.

She replied that she was not interested in talking to me.

I asked why.

She replied we are completely different. Different lanes.

I replied that I was returning the courtesy of the date.

She replied that she was aggressive enough and would have replied earlier if she wanted to.

I replied her, ended the chat and deleted her contact details from my phone.



My question: The only thing I like about her is her looks. She's curvy and all. But her personality was a turn off for me. So, all I was interested in was sex...nothing else.

Is there anything I could have done better to change the outcome?

Lol, pal this is what it's like dealing with American women.

 

[Solomon]

She tells you to call her and you call her? And then you send a Whatsappa message, too? And then you reach out again a couple of days later and ask her why this will not work out?

What are you, her slut? She tells you to do one thing and you have to do it? Work on your character, grow a spine. Do not even deal with women without growing a spine.

Is it a surprised? He's from Africa simping and supplication is worst there than in the states, as a guy whose been there most african men are simps. Whether in Uganda, Nigeria, Ghana etc. SIMPS. But than again African black women are not like the trashy African american black women in the states

OP the girl paid for the food, I get that you're in Nigerian and in nigeria you don't tip but next time STFU and tip, why argue with a woman if you just wanna get laid?

I know people won't agree with me but why lose a lay over a measly $5-$10 tip

 

[lizardking82]

How do you recommend I work on this?

The simplest of all things: do what you wanna do, not what some chick tells you to do. She wants you to tip the waiter? This slut better pay the whole ****in' thing if she wants to pay or she should have let you pay it anyways. I mean, what kinda woman ASKS you to tip the waiter? I always tip the waiter in my country anyways, but were I not to do that and were a woman to ask me to tip him/her...it is none of her business AND she's being arrogant. She made you submit to her will in more than one case. Never submit to women's will. Never. They see it as a sign of weakness and will lose appreciation for you. You did not give her the "shut the **** up you slut, things will be done my way" vibe which is exactly what this spoiled brat needs. If you ask her, she will tell you she needs a sweet and caring man, but women never know what they need, they just know what they want and that was put in their head by the crazy world we live in right now or her single mom.

Stand the **** up for yourself. You don't wanna tip the waiter? Don't tip the faker. You're not obliged anyways. Don't wanna call her? Fakin' don't. Do what you want. Never compromise your core character to get some washed up ***** of a "9". And start looking for women whose eyes glow when they're with you and they don't dare behave bitchy or arrogant.

 

[BornStunner]

Is it a surprised? He's from Africa simping and supplication is worst there than in the states, as a guy whose been there most african men are simps. Whether in Uganda, Nigeria, Ghana etc. SIMPS. But than again African black women are not like the trashy African american black women in the states

OP the girl paid for the food, I get that you're in Nigerian and in nigeria you don't tip but next time STFU and tip, why argue with a woman if you just wanna get laid?

I know people won't agree with me but why lose a lay over a measly $5-$10 tip

Your opinion. Doesn't make it the truth. But I hear you.

 

[BornStunner]

The simplest of all things: do what you wanna do, not what some chick tells you to do. She wants you to tip the waiter? This slut better pay the whole ****in' thing if she wants to pay or she should have let you pay it anyways. I mean, what kinda woman ASKS you to tip the waiter? I always tip the waiter in my country anyways, but were I not to do that and were a woman to ask me to tip him/her...it is none of her business AND she's being arrogant. She made you submit to her will in more than one case. Never submit to women's will. Never. They see it as a sign of weakness and will lose appreciation for you. You did not give her the "shut the **** up you slut, things will be done my way" vibe which is exactly what this spoiled brat needs. If you ask her, she will tell you she needs a sweet and caring man, but women never know what they need, they just know what they want and that was put in their head by the crazy world we live in right now or her single mom.

Stand the **** up for yourself. You don't wanna tip the waiter? Don't tip the faker. You're not obliged anyways. Don't wanna call her? Fakin' don't. Do what you want. Never compromise your core character to get some washed up ***** of a "9". And start looking for women whose eyes glow when they're with you and they don't dare behave bitchy or arrogant.

Thanks. I appreciate this

 

[marmel75]

I'm Nigerian in Nigeria. I used that for reference.

No I realize that, but there are many black people in America that identify that way.