65 Things I Learned From Dating

[Colossus]

Thanks for the props BB, Tyte, and Sam.

I agree with BB that this forum does kind of self-select for really basic problems and newbie concerns, and I dont think that will ever change. I think that if you HAVE reached a 'next level' with regards to your game and outlook, you should pass the torch to other guys somehow. It doesn't have to be SoSuave or even something online (although you reach the most people that way), but even helping out a friend or someone you know is still paying it forward.

And on the note of marriage and game, I think we just need to recognize a separation in our scope of practice. I wouldn't take pick-up advice from a guy who has been married for 5 or 10 years, and and I wouldn't take sage life advice from a 24 year old PUA. That's the reason I almost never give pick up advice, because it was never my specialty to begin with and I'm in an LTR.

It's kinda like if you want a 700 lb deadlift, you aren't going to ask the nerd who only pulls 405, no matter how much book knowledge he has. You ask the boss who already owns that weight.

 

[webplanet12345]

Whoa thanks for great share... 65 tips is not easy to write down..

 

[Pandora]

This post is great. It reminds me of the old days of so suave.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

"40. Do not cohabitate with a woman until you are married. Period."

Most of the lines I agree except this....regardless of the age group. Though Marriage seems much better to do at 30 or later.

Every person I know in my age group that has a lasting marriage ALL lived together a number of years before sealing the deal.

The ones that didn't live together are mostly divorced. I definitely will not be married to someone until living with
them at least several years to get to know their habits...and only after dating and not living together at least 1-2 years.

i think this is contextual. living with a woman you are not married with can make you hate her FAST. women like to take control, and by living with them you are giving it to them.
spinning plates will become mission impossible, chatting with female friends while she just sits there and watches is awkward, and when she tries to tell you stuff like "we should work on our relationship" or "we should make changes" and really meaning YOU should work on relationship and YOU should make changes, it sucks. at least if it is marriage, you know you are screwed, and makes it easier to comply.

and then, it comes the time when you decide you had enough. you really can't throw her out, if you have a heart. and so, hell begins.

ofc it can work for some people.

 

[Don_Dom]

Great list. Liked Chicago's, too.

I'm curious if you could elabrate on the obsession with pets being an indicator of crazy, though. I had a relationship with a woman who I decided was awaiting the arrival of the mother ship, but I never could decide if that had something to do with her career being in academia or her being an equestrian. And I'm not entirely sure what the actual reasons for those are, I've just noticed since then that women who are one or the other or both tend to be a tad nutty, at best. This one was completely nuts.

In fact, I would even go ahead and submit that one should date women who have PhDs and work in higher education with caution, depending on their area. Every single one I've met has been nuts yet simultaneously convinced they were the smartest most perfectly adjusted human being on the planet.

 

[zekko]

i think this is contextual. living with a woman you are not married with can make you hate her FAST. women like to take control, and by living with them you are giving it to them.

I think this assumes that the guy is a wuss. I don't see how living with a woman gives her the control. If you are a man, you should lead. There's where the "period" belongs. Anything else is unacceptable. Like John Cena said, my girlfriend is basically a guest in my house.

spinning plates will become mission impossible, chatting with female friends while she just sits there and watches is awkward, and when she tries to tell you stuff like "we should work on our relationship" or "we should make changes" and really meaning YOU should work on relationship and YOU should make changes, it sucks.

First off, if you want to be spinning plates, you shouldn't be in an exclusive relationship.
Secondly, if the woman is trying to change you, you're with the wrong woman.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

I think this assumes that the guy is a wuss. I don't see how living with a woman gives her the control. If you are a man, you should lead. There's where the "period" belongs. Anything else is unacceptable. Like John Cena said, my girlfriend is basically a guest in my house.


First off, if you want to be spinning plates, you shouldn't be in an exclusive relationship.
Secondly, if the woman is trying to change you, you're with the wrong woman.

yeah, you may be right. the last "living together" with a woman ended exactly because she said she feels like a guest in my house, and not at home. issues started developing, and finally i let her go. it is true that i don't feel the urge to control (this may be bad, but i simply don't care about keeping up an alpha image. i don't care weather she leaves or not, and i don't care how she is seeing me as long as i get the taco. the only thing i care about is my carrier, and hobbies like photography and freshwater fish), and some chicks pick up on that and start demanding things. and when they see i also don't feel the urge to comply(i listen to them, and i do what i want anyway), they start the emotional blackmail, which pisses me off, and then they must leave.
sad, actually. but since i don't care about marriage either, it's ok.
after these experiences, i never move in with a girl anymore. the moment she feels the "relationship is not going anywhere" unless we move in together, i break up.

 

[Colossus]

Great list. Liked Chicago's, too.

I'm curious if you could elabrate on the obsession with pets being an indicator of crazy, though. I had a relationship with a woman who I decided was awaiting the arrival of the mother ship, but I never could decide if that had something to do with her career being in academia or her being an equestrian. And I'm not entirely sure what the actual reasons for those are, I've just noticed since then that women who are one or the other or both tend to be a tad nutty, at best. This one was completely nuts.

In fact, I would even go ahead and submit that one should date women who have PhDs and work in higher education with caution, depending on their area. Every single one I've met has been nuts yet simultaneously convinced they were the smartest most perfectly adjusted human being on the planet.

Wise and true observations Dom Dom.

I think women who are obsessive with their pets (i.e., go over the top with affection, spoiling, and investment in them) have neurotic tendencies by nature and will transfer this to you at some point. Equestrians are the WORST!! I don't know what it is about horsey people but they are the most pretentious weirdos I have ever met.

My step mother is veterinary surgeon and she says the same thing about them. Odd bunch, best avoided.

As far as academics, you may be onto something there too. First of all, academia is always pandering to liberal and feminist interests and as such women find a haven for their crazy beliefs there. Second, high-achieving women just seem to have this need to tell the rest of the world how big their panties are. They cant just "be", they have to be constantly validated and acknowledged.

 

[1 Lucky FLIP]

Haven't visited this forum in years, but this post is like a fast track checklist to dating! And I'm sure this has taken YEARS to come up. I do agree with all your points and love seeing posts like these.

 

[Wilko]

Wise and true observations Dom Dom.

I think women who are obsessive with their pets (i.e., go over the top with affection, spoiling, and investment in them) have neurotic tendencies by nature and will transfer this to you at some point. Equestrians are the WORST!! I don't know what it is about horsey people but they are the most pretentious weirdos I have ever met.

My step mother is veterinary surgeon and she says the same thing about them. Odd bunch, best avoided.

I've been putting this conundrum to my mates lately - catlady or horseygirl. Everyone, including myself, picks the catlady. To be clear I'm talking about the urban/suburban girls who stable a horse outside the city somewhere. I've heard other guys say that the country chicks who ride day to day for whatever reason are relatively normal creatures.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Dom Dom,
You hit nail square on head.
2 Types that I avoid:
1. Girls with horses. See the ROK article on this one, its dead on. I agree that if a chick grew up with horses it may be different than someone that "discovers" them as a hobby.
2. PHD types that are pseudo brilliant. I dated one that was a psychologist. She was by far the nuttiest chick I have known. She had an alcoholic dad, and to "prove" to herself that she wasn't an alcoholic she would go no alcohol for a month each summer. Which proves absolutely nothing. But hey she's a shrink so I'm sure she was right in her mind. Granted, she was fun and flirty. It was like everything I had done she had to one up in discussion. Not directly mind you, but sort of a indirect attack on my achievments. I realized real fast she was not girlfriend material.

KC

 

[Wilko]

Dom Dom,

2. PHD types that are pseudo brilliant. I dated one that was a psychologist. She was by far the nuttiest chick I have known. She had an alcoholic dad, and to "prove" to herself that she wasn't an alcoholic she would go no alcohol for a month each summer. Which proves absolutely nothing. But hey she's a shrink so I'm sure she was right in her mind. Granted, she was fun and flirty. It was like everything I had done she had to one up in discussion. Not directly mind you, but sort of a indirect attack on my achievments. I realized real fast she was not girlfriend material.

KC

DING-DING-DING-DING!!!!!!

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/3072/are-shrinks-nuts

"But let’s get back to the point I made at the outset. Does the mental health field attract people with mental problems? Research is thin, but some studies have found mental health workers are more likely than average to have experienced early abuse and trauma. A much-cited 1963 study reported that 24 out of 25 psychiatrists had entered the field because of a wish to explore some personal conflict."

 

[Casanova99]

49. Better to be alone and single than attached and miserable.

My favorite advice. I have been heartbroken more years than I care to admit in my life. Plenty of other good advice on the list, thanks Colossus.

It is a joy to to read the posts at this place. I am from Sweden and the dating culture is different, here many people live together without being married. I understand many American men are very reluctant to marry because of laws and very expensive divorce settlements. The American dating culture is much more structured than in Sweden and if you are dating a woman she take it for granted that it is exclusive so do not tell her if you are seeing other women at the same time. I believe that is true for most European women. The big difference is that Americans in general are so open and easy to strike up a conversation with. In Sweden, especially Stockholm women are very reserved and a challenge to get to know and date, Gothenburg is much easier. For me America was like shooting fish in a barrel, it was so easy to get dates and sex, but I was in my late twenties then,

Times are challenging in the USA and the West, jobs outsourcing to Asia, Culture Marxism (feminism, multiculturalism, political correctness, climate change, etc), but America has a great optimistic and positive culture with plenty of can-do-people. I like your country a lot.

 

[justadude]

This is a list that I will share with my friends. It is too bad that I had to live and learn the hard way through most of the list. I had to laugh about the women being obsessed with their pets, SPOT ON THE MONEY!

 

[L B]

Fantastic list!

 

[BMX]

Thanks.

 

[jafyk]

Ever watch "Total Divas", which is about the female WWE wrestlers? John Cena had Nikki Bella move in with her, but hit her up with a cohabitation agreement almost as soon as she walked in the door. His wife had divorced him the year before, and he was adamant he wasn't going to make that mistake again. I can relate to him there. Anyway, the agreement basically said that she was (legally) just a guest in his house, which she wasn't thrilled with. I don't know how it will turn out, but I suspect she will accept it, at least for now.

Ha ha I've seen that episode. My friend and I watch that show. Glad to know I'm not the only one here. It's amazing how much things from Sosuave keep coming to me when I watch these shows and see the ridiculous things guys are doing. As I watch the show I have to point out some Sosuave advice to my friend. Never seen a guy spend so much time on the phone with so many girls talking to them about relationships, lol.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

This is a list that I will share with my friends. It is too bad that I had to live and learn the hard way through most of the list. I had to laugh about the women being obsessed with their pets, SPOT ON THE MONEY!

I've lived through most of this list as well. I hope at least one young man uses this list as a guide for the rest of his life.

 

[MaddXMan]

Great list, thanks. Wonder if you could elobroate on:

Dating “up” as a man is asking for heartbreak. Learn to honestly assess your sexual market value.

Does that mean dating up as in more money and resources - dating someone with more money than you, or in looks?

 

[Colossus]

^Both. Generally not a good idea unless you just want in and out. Women cant seem to abide by not dating someone who is better than them (in some area) for any length of time.

You may be more handsome than she is pretty, you may make more money, you may have some social appeal or higher status that makes you a prize in her eyes. But if not, she will eventually see this disparity and realize she can do better. This is the concept of hypergamy, in a nutshell.