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65 Things I Learned From Dating

Colossus

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This list was inspired by a similar list from CHICAGO27.
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1. Always start with high interest. It is possible to raise a woman’s interest level temporarily through game, but in the long run you will see better returns if she thinks you are a stud from day one.

2. Women come and go. Always, always, always put precedence on improving yourself intellectually, emotionally, and physically, and your “beta” problems will take care of themselves.

3. Don’t get too hung up on being “alpha” or “beta”. The less you worry about how alpha you look and the more time you spend on pursuits other than women, the more alpha you become. It’s counterintuitive, but trust me this is a fact of life.

4. You can only put on a façade for so long.

5. There are many ways to meet women. Find what works best for you, but don’t hamstring yourself by clutching one method over all others.

6. Being too aggressive sexually will scare good women away, and being sexually timid will land you in the friendzone or the no zone.

7. Girls who put out right away, with ease, are generally not good investments for LTRs. This is based on my experience laying around 40 women. “Right away” means the first or second time you hang out.

8. If sexuality is not progressing by the 4th date it is probably best to move on. The key word here is progressing. Different girls have different limits, but basically if she likes you she wants to be touched by you and will let you go as far as she is comfortable. But if she is putting up physical roadblocks early, there is either another guy in the picture or her interest is weak.

9. If there is something unsatisfying about her physically, save you and her some pain and move on. It will NOT improve with time. Don’t date a girl you wouldn't feel proud have around your arm at a party.

10. On that note, don’t get too hung up on perfect looks. Generally speaking TRUE HB9’s and above are risky investments. They constantly have new options and orbiters, and the stress costs to you are usually not worth it.

11. High value (young and gorgeous) women KNOW their value and have a low threshold for disqualification. There is little risk to them by dumping you.

12. Lower value women will treat you better, but it is not always the best course in life to take the low hanging fruit.

13. Beware the “foreign women” myth. They do have some refreshing attributes, but they are hard to relate to and often have higher expectations from you.

14. Latin women tend to be hot tempered and possessive.

15. Unless you are an older gent yourself, older women are poor LTR choices.

16. Starting at age 25, the younger she is, the less seriously you should take her.

17. If you do want a young girl (18-23), it is best to let them come to you. Once they do, do not take them too seriously and even treat them somewhat like a child. This will drive them INSANE.

18. A woman’s loyalty is directly related to her past with men, your current value, and her available options in comparison to you.

19. Never be friends with a girl you want to bang.

20. DO be friends with girls you don’t want to bang, but beware of ****blocking.

21. Never ignore your guy friends just because you have a girlfriend. It shows weakness and disrespect.

22. Never say “I love you” first.

23. Social proof is real. Don’t underestimate the power of being seen with a beautiful woman.

24. Hypergamy is real, but only in the sense that women need to be with someone better than them. Once you become equal to, you are effectively lesser than.

25. Dating “up” as a man is asking for heartbreak. Learn to honestly assess your sexual market value.

26. The hotter your girl, the more potential suitors she will attract. Be ready to deal with it or date a more modest girl.

27. Never screw around with another man’s woman. There is no honor in it, and you are asking for problems. Be a man and hunt your own game.

28. Never date a girl who is willing to betray her man for you.

29. Delay marriage until you are over 30.

30. Most guys have no idea how subversive and narcissistic modern women really are.

31. Don’t date coworkers or anyone who could jeopardize your job.

32. Don’t date a friend’s ex.

33. Most relationships are great for the first 3 months. It takes 6 months to a year of full time dating to really get an idea of a girl’s true colors.

34. Always let her be the more interested party, at least slightly. Once your interest exceeds hers, you are in trouble.

35. Never spend more than $30-40 on a first date. Totally unnecessary.

36. Be style aware, and invest in some good clothes. A tight style works wonders.

37. Don’t date women who: Don’t thank you for paying, don’t respect your house, and don’t respect your time.

38. Don’t date women who ask you little about yourself.

39. If you want a quality LTR, let the sex happen naturally.

40. Do not cohabitate with a woman until you are married. Period.

41. Beware of anything more than a monthly “girl’s night out”. High cheating risk.

42. In dating, mild disrespect (usually unintentional) should be tolerated no more than three times. Moderate disrespect maybe twice, and severe disrespect zero. The treatment is to dump and go NC forever.

43. Women are heavily influenced by their friends. They can poison her mind against you, or edify her love for you.

44. If a woman is around 35 or older, single, and has had no fulfilling relationships in the last few years it is a safe bet she has ridiculous expectations and will be impossible to please.

45. Undesirable women come in many flavors. In general, do not date divorced women, single mothers, addicts, women with ANY mental health issues, eating disorders, or abusive pasts.

46. A woman’s mother is not a perfect predictor of her physical future, but generally reliable.

47. Don’t date someone who is not ALREADY committed to at least moderate exercise and reasonable eating habits.

48. Reveal yourself very judiciously. Never tell a girl your life story. Even your wife.

49. Better to be alone and single than attached and miserable.

50. If you consistently work on improving yourself and your position in life, it is a mathematical certainty you will eclipse your female peers in dating value after age 30.

51. Learn about leadership, and don’t be afraid to make the decisions in a relationship. If your girl is constantly resisting you or questioning you, she does not respect you and you should strongly consider leaving her.

52. On that note, leaving a woman with no qualms or notice is your #1 trump card as a male. Women usually won’t leave until they have another option in their grasp, but a man can leave regardless.

53. Understand and accept that men are the drivers of civilization and almost everything women take pride in today was made possible by men.

54. Virginity is a priceless attribute. Anyone who shames virginity is just trying to justify their unlikelihood of getting one. Women will shame them too. You don’t need a virgin to be happy, but there is nothing quite like knowing there has been no other men before you. She is YOUR unspoiled territory, and it confers strong natural frame.

55. All women love to be manhandled in bed. Some more than others.

56. Muscularity attracts. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

57. For better or worse, women are nesting creatures and will judge you by your pad.

58. NEVER go back to an ex!!! Every guy does it at least once but it has never panned out for me and I was always MORE sorry than I would have been if I just took the post break up pain like a man.

59. On that note, do not break up with a girl unless you are 100% certain you can live with it and not look back.

60. Don’t ever apologize to a woman for your state in life. She is choosing to be with you and can choose to leave.

61. This should go without saying but don’t ever date a self-proclaimed feminist. Date women who like men and respect men. In my experience, feminists are engaged in a perpetual p!ssing match with men, and will only make your life worse.

62. Women are attracted to many different things, but chief among them are: Confidence, looks, resources (money and assets), and status. They respond to all of these regardless of what they say.

63. STDs are the snake in the grass that can bite any of us. Use protection, but accept this risk if you are going to sleep around.

64. Beware of women obsessed with their pets. Crazy ahead.

65. If a girl is not making your life BETTER in the big picture of things, leave her. Women exist to support men and the best women on earth embrace this. Reward a woman like this with generous love and leadership.


There are many, many more things I could add to the list, but these were the first that came to mind, and probably the most important. Learn from my experience! And more importantly, learn from your own!!
 
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Knight's Cross

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Thanks Colossus,
That's a good read on today's dating front. I can relate to several.
For me right now I'm in the happy alone vs. together and miserable camp. I've spent the last several months:
A) Totally getting back into biking, a pursuit that I used to be into in college.
B) Saving a buttload of $ not only in retirement investments, but cash as well.
C) Working on getting a better fitting career path for my skills. I feel that I've hit a ceiling in my current path financially and talent wise.

What I've found with women right now is I just keep them around for entertainment value. I'm not interested in gaming, funny thing is a couple of them wind up pursuing me with that kind of attitude. Mind you I could probably pull better quality if I put in more effort, but why?

Again, spot on observations.

KC
 

disgustipated

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Only on 32 right now, but had to pause. Total agreement. Shows the scarce mentality mindset so well. I always try to explain to guys....how many women are on this planet...out of ALL those women, you choose THIS one to go after??? Beware a guy who does this. One of my buddys buddy does this crap. After he's done with a girl this dude will say can I have a go at her? Buddy always says sure go ahead, he knows this guy has no chance though. It's so weak.

Great list so far.

Back to reading.
 

disgustipated

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Bookmarked. Excellent post! **** I may even print this out.

On 42, I've been recently reading up on Soft Nexting versus Hard Nexting...iirc YaReally linked a great post about it. What are your thoughts at soft nexting over something that offends you in an effort to try to train the girl? I can attest breaking up and then renegotiating does NOT work, eventually the threat that it will last will be non.existant. Soft nexting works a similar but different way. I'm going to be testing it out....well hopefully not lol.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Collosus,
This is being filed....I could take issue with nothing...Formidable!
 

Greasy Pig

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Most impressive!!
 

Colossus

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disgustipated said:
Bookmarked. Excellent post! **** I may even print this out.

On 42, I've been recently reading up on Soft Nexting versus Hard Nexting...iirc YaReally linked a great post about it. What are your thoughts at soft nexting over something that offends you in an effort to try to train the girl? I can attest breaking up and then renegotiating does NOT work, eventually the threat that it will last will be non.existant. Soft nexting works a similar but different way. I'm going to be testing it out....well hopefully not lol.
I think "soft nexting" is not the best solution because it can create a "cry wolf" conditioning in her. In other words, if you soft next without any real intention of leaving, she will learn it isn't that serious of an offense and this is just a game you play to punish her.

Every guy/girl is different. It just depends on the offense. I'm still learning the best way to handle some mild offenses, like forgetting to do things I asked, etc. OVER reacting is just as bad as under reacting.
 

zekko

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Scaramouche said:
I could take issue with nothing...Formidable!
I have to admit that although I am usually pretty cynical about a lot of the advice around here, there was almost nothing in this list I had an issue with. There were a few minor quibbles, and a few cases of being pretty general or being overly rigid, but nothing major that I could find to disagree with. Which is really very amazing. Nice list, Colossus!

My only real beef is with #40: "Do not cohabitate with a woman until you are married. Period." It's the period that gets me. I would certainly not advise anyone to rush into cohabitating with a girl. But I tried marriage once, and my wife ended up filing for divorce. Therefore, I won't be getting married again. "Fool me once, etc, etc..."

However, I have been living with my current girlfriend for 10 years, and I can't imagine anything smoother. I see cohabitating as an alternative to marriage, not as a precursor to it. Here's a nice quote about marriage that I like from Samspade's interview thread:

"I don't think it's necessary to pay tribute for the government's blessing of my personal decisions".

In other words, at this point if I want to live with a girl, I will do it without the official papers from the government.

I know most guys on this forum probably haven't had the experience of living with a woman, or not a respectful, compatible one, anyway. Either because they can't get one, or they don't want one, or they're too busy being a playboy, or they've been scared out of it, or had a bad experience, or whatever. I think that's too bad, really, because I've always found it a pleasant, comfortable, enjoyable, and practical experience, except for that last year of marriage when everything went to sh!t. Up until that point it was a blast though.
 

Knight's Cross

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Zekko,
I agree with you about the state "approval". Marriage or cohabitating has nothing to do with that, or shouldn't.
I tried living with a woman a couple years ago without being hitched. The issue I think a lot of people go wrong with is either they are still in the "early awe" phase when they decide to do it, or they haven't rooted out all the plus's and minus's. In my case even after a year of dating I had not done my homework to see where we stood with $, kids, and some other assorted areas. Big mistake on my part. Lived together for 5 months and done. I'm not saying no to cohabitating. I am saying that you better have a pretty damn defined relationship before going there. Otherwise it's a disaster waiting to happen.
Good on you for making a success of it. Examples like yours show me that it is possible.
KC
 

samspade

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I'm guessing the cohabitation rule is more for the under-40 set, and especially under-30. Correct me if I'm wrong but once you're a little older and wiser you can probably handle the "challenges" of living with a girlfriend. And probably women over 40 will put up less of a fuss over getting married, though I'm sure there are plenty who still want that. And I mean no offense to anyone here over 40, that's just my perception.

But for guys in their 20s and 30s, the temptation to "play house" can lead to disaster. Not moving in together is kind of a twin rule to not marrying unless you want children and have found the right woman to have them with. It's to get younger guys to think twice about what they're getting themselves into - they "fairy tale" they've been sold growing up. Experience can be a great teacher, but some lessons cost more than others.
 

zekko

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samspade said:
I'm guessing the cohabitation rule is more for the under-40 set, and especially under-30. Correct me if I'm wrong but once you're a little older and wiser you can probably handle the "challenges" of living with a girlfriend.
The rule said: "Do not cohabitate with a woman until you are married. Period." Like I said, I might not have even objected if it weren't for the period. That's implying there are no exceptions. The other thing is I see cohabitation as an alternative to marriage, which as we all know is legally biased toward the woman.

I do agree that being older does help you avoid the pitfalls. When I was married I made some mistakes that I would never make now. But that's the good thing about making mistakes - you learn from them.

samspade said:
And probably women over 40 will put up less of a fuss over getting married, though I'm sure there are plenty who still want that. And I mean no offense to anyone here over 40, that's just my perception.
My girlfriend was 28 when she moved in with me. She would like to be married to me even now, but she knows my position on it. She wants to be with me, so she accepts it.

The main thing about cohabitation is you have to be aware of the laws where you live. I'm fortunate to live in a state with no common law marriage. In some states, as soon as you move in, you might as well be married as far as the government is concerned.

Ever watch "Total Divas", which is about the female WWE wrestlers? John Cena had Nikki Bella move in with her, but hit her up with a cohabitation agreement almost as soon as she walked in the door. His wife had divorced him the year before, and he was adamant he wasn't going to make that mistake again. I can relate to him there. Anyway, the agreement basically said that she was (legally) just a guest in his house, which she wasn't thrilled with. I don't know how it will turn out, but I suspect she will accept it, at least for now.
 

Colossus

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You know zekko you bring up a good point that the cohabitation thing isn't really absolute. I'm speaking from the perspective of an early 30's guy who has never been married, and in my case I'm strongly against it because of the following:

-It has been demonstrated that premarital cohabitation has a significant negative association with both marital stability and marital quality. There are obviously many factors involved, but the research consensus is still leaning towards this negative association.

-I think it's kind of a half-assed commitment that can result in not taking marriage as seriously, if you do marry. There is ample evidence for this. If you dont marry then it is null.

-I want to be totally unattached in a legal sense until such time I decide to marry. Women almost universally WANT to live with their man, assuming their interest is high and they sense forward momentum in the relationship. Giving in to this gives them undue power, in my opinion. I think holding out is a good way to keep frame and remain the one making the important decisions.

Again, these are MY reasons and all are debatable depending on your perspective of things. My thread title said 65 things I have learned from dating. That doesn't make it absolute, or imply you are making a mistake. Hell you are in your 50's, a lot can change in 25 years.
 

zekko

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Colossus said:
You know zekko you bring up a good point that the cohabitation thing isn't really absolute. I'm speaking from the perspective of an early 30's guy who has never been married, and in my case I'm strongly against it because of the following:
That's true, I'm coming at it from a post-failed marriage perspective. I never lived with a woman prior to getting married. I gave the marriage thing a try, I did try that route first. I knew it was risky, but I thought I had some advantages, and I thought I had made a good choice of mates. Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that the way women and the culture are today, marriage simply isn't workable - for me. A shame, too, because I enjoyed my marriage.
 

pdx1138

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"40. Do not cohabitate with a woman until you are married. Period."

Most of the lines I agree except this....regardless of the age group. Though Marriage seems much better to do at 30 or later.

Every person I know in my age group that has a lasting marriage ALL lived together a number of years before sealing the deal.

The ones that didn't live together are mostly divorced. I definitely will not be married to someone until living with
them at least several years to get to know their habits...and only after dating and not living together at least 1-2 years.
 

backbreaker

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This is off topic but it's not, but reading the OP made me realize what i don't like about this form / the forums drawback

out of all the people on this forum, if i had to pick 2 wingmen go out with me on a forum, it would be him and probably samsade. I'd take zekko but we'd be out past his bedtime lol. There are a handful of posters on this entire forum I actually respect. He's one of them


See the OP is on next level game. I can read the OP's posts and tell, this dude is not dealing with, women 101 **** like 99% of the forum is. Like you got dudes that have been here for years and have not progressed pass "women like looks no women like game no women like cars" type **** that's like, the equivalent of a kid being 14 and in 3rd grade still lol.


You been here and doing what you are supposed to do after 2-3 years your posts are suppposed to be like "damn this girl will not stop sucking my c0ck what do I do guys i'm showing up late for work everyday" or " my best friend's girl has a bad crush on me and sent me nudes" or "i keep trying to friend girls and they keep confessing their undying love for me". that's the type of **** you should be posting about but you aren't.


The OP is progressing. The vast majority of the people here are stagnant.


I actually had a real problem.. ****, today, that i started a post about and deleted because the level i'm at right now, it would just seem like bragging to a group of people that are still at "um, do i go with ****y funny or do i go with no contact" will be starring up a hornets next. But it's not bragging, it's a forum full of guys who refuse to improve.
 

samspade

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backbreaker said:
out of all the people on this forum, if i had to pick 2 wingmen go out with me on a forum, it would be him and probably samsade.
Thanks for the compliment, bb. Right back at ya. My game is on injured reserve right now due to economic issues, but I could probably still wing for a free beer or two. And yeah Colossus' posts are great, I agree.
 
U

user43770

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backbreaker said:
Like you got dudes that have been here for years and have not progressed pass "women like looks no women like game no women like cars" type **** that's like, the equivalent of a kid being 14 and in 3rd grade still lol.


You been here and doing what you are supposed to do after 2-3 years your posts are suppposed to be like "damn this girl will not stop sucking my c0ck what do I do guys i'm showing up late for work everyday" or " my best friend's girl has a bad crush on me and sent me nudes" or "i keep trying to friend girls and they keep confessing their undying love for me". that's the type of **** you should be posting about but you aren't.


The OP is progressing. The vast majority of the people here are stagnant.


I actually had a real problem.. ****, today, that i started a post about and deleted because the level i'm at right now, it would just seem like bragging to a group of people that are still at "um, do i go with ****y funny or do i go with no contact" will be starring up a hornets next. But it's not bragging, it's a forum full of guys who refuse to improve.

I respect Colossus for a lot of reasons: his weightlifting prowess was second to none; his character - from what I've gathered over the years - is what you would hope for in a best friend. Not to mention, he has a plethora of experiences with women that he's been more than generous about sharing.

Having said that, I laugh at your mention of being stagnant. Aren't you married? What's more stagnant than marriage?

Please, oh please, I want to hear from a rich, married dude who isn't actually in the field. Oh, you talked to some client about what she likes in guys? Nice. Thanks.

Come down off that pedestal you've placed yourself on. Somehow, now married guys are the epitome of fvcking game. Need I remind you that you might be back here within a matter of months, talking about how you lost the wedding lottery? Oh, but I bet you would title it as a "revelation."

You fvck.

No man is immune to strife, no matter how much you think your sh1t doesn't stink.
 
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