35 and I've Finally Hit Rockbottom in Dating

AttackFormation

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Just by having a big social circle and being a decent human being towards people in that circle I legitimately have three attractive women I'm being set up with, then a date this week with someone I just told "you're hot let's go out" as my pickup line on Facebook lol. I have the pick of the litter at my church and there is one promising opportunity in my other social circle.

Join a rec sports league, join a fraternal order like the Masons, take a class in a foreign language, get involved in volunteering(you will see women expressing their feminine energy in an extremely positive way) , start doing martial arts, join a church, plenty of options there. Become a known commodity in your community.

Not wanting to date minorities is a death sentence in a lot of places by the way, not sure why that is a hang up.
You need to listen to this man.

The gender imbalance alone on online dating is so bad, if every single female profile (before you adjust for fake ones) paired up with a man, you'd still have the remaining 80-90% of men (depending on location and app) left with literally nothing. It can't work even if all the women there wanted it to, before you consider just how bad the medium is on top of that. And then you also only want "snow" white women, the pickiest group, on top of that! You have to get off those apps.

Like I said, OLD is not a charity. It's a for profit business that targets men. Paradoxically, the more it and antisocial media penetrate society the more important it is to meet women in real life instead.
 
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Mauser96

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My suggestion is to stay off the "on-line" stuff.
Go to where REAL LIVE PEOPLE ARE FACE TO FACE.

Church (if that is your thing)
Volunteer
Bowling
Pickleball
Meetup groups

The point is...………….stop focusing on DATING situation and go participate and have fun is SOCIAL situations.

There are LOTS of women who are sick of the swipe/hookup ****ttt too
 

Smartone84

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Thank you all very much to the last few posters. Though all things I've heard before, it's still good to get a bit under my a-- sometimes. Allow me to respond to a few things:

1 - My looks. I am night and day compared to when I was younger. I went from someone who in high school who was a semi pimple faced, clean shaven, got his haircut once every 2 months, ate like crap, not going to the gym, crouched down when he walked, wearing oversized shirts to someone who slowly but surely has now reached the peak of how good he can look IMHO. I have perfected a short stubble beard that allows me to look a TAD more masculine, walk upright, wear nice fitted designer shirts, I work out occasionally, eat better, and take care of myself to a point where I'd even say I'm a bit over the top. For example my skin tone is rather pale naturally and I visit the tanning salon on occasion. I also put hair fibers in my hair to help with the receding hairline. With regards to my weight I have tried all the protein shakes and I've gone through phases of eating 2x more, but I am just very thin by nature. By genetics. It is one thing I have just accepted about how I look. It's really never bothered me either even though I've tried to change it. Trust me when I say I have felt very confident about my looks when I've gone out the last few years.

2- Someone mentioned traveling. I have traveled the world in this last decade. Everywhere from London to Germany to Thailand to even Egypt, etc. It's a passion of mine. It's something that's typically a bit topic on my dates, too. If there was one thing I picked up very fast about international women it's that they too are "night and day" compared to American women. Funny thing though, even on my first Euro trip some 8 years ago, I wasn't surprised at all when I experienced this. I even had a date in Germany with a woman who was so into me that we ended up making out on a park bench for an hour at the end. Good times. It felt so easy. Would never happen in America. But as awful as some American women can be, we really have the awful American men to thank IMO for being creepers and ruining it for us "good guys".

3- Minorities - Allow me to again clarify this. I am NOT against dating them. I'm also not AGAINST marrying them. It's just that I'd prefer white women. No I'm not attracted to blacks but I have been on several dates with some beautiful Asian and Hispanic women. Good dates, too. So please don't get some idea that I've swiped left on every single minority I've ever come across because that is anything but the truth.

4 - "Building my social circle" - This is one area that as I said above, I just don't see how it can be viewed as easy at my age, at 35. I'm not joining a Church group or one of these crossfit gym classes and I'm certainly not going to be the that weird guy who suddenly starts reaching out to random "friends" on facebook asking to do things. While I do believe there is a certain possibility out there with regards to meeting some new people, I think again, the harsh reality is that once you're in your 30's your circle is pretty much your circle for the most part. Again, I'm very open to suggestions.

5- Lastly... Someone mentioned how I need to change this about my game since so many women are disqualifying me. Not sure where you got that idea, though I suppose I should have clarified in my original post that out of the endless women I've met over these 7 years (estimated 130 different women), the truth is I've probably only been LEGITIMATELY interested in about 10 of them I'd say. Out of those 10, I'd estimate, and this is pretty accurate I'd say, have been rejected by half of those, while the others just didn't go the distance. Yes I've been ghosted a couple of times that upset me and one of them was a very sudden harsh blowoff that rocked my world, but seeing as how I know what I bring to the table and I know all that I can offer a girl, I'm not losing any sleep over them at all while looking back. If anything seeing as how confident I am in myself I often look back now and truly believe it was 100%msli their loss for kicking me to the curb. So in conclusion, trust me again when I say I don't need to change much of anything about my "game", bc at the end of the day it's never really been about my game, it's been about the lack of the quality of these women in OLD.

ps to @Pandora . . . . Couldn't agree more about the college thing, though IMO it still doesn't change the fact that these people today can't help but think no degree = no good, even if that means $150,000 in debt that you won't be able to pay off til you’re 45.
 

El Zorro Plateador

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I can tell you are giving up hope in women. Remember: Hope in women mirrors hope in yourself. Your belief in yourself is fading and you must resolve this.

If there is a kiss of death, in the eyes of women, it is being too thin. Women dislike thin men for a variety of reasons, but the most powerful repulsive effect of thinness in men is that it makes women feel vulnerable. The Great Pook notice this, so please watch What Every Skinny Guy Should Know, here:

Take it upon yourself to increase your weight from, say 160 or 170, up to 190 and see what happens. Also, put down your phone. No more dating apps. They are completely against your advantage unless you can physically impress women. And only do day-game in gyms, grocery stores, and malls, places in suburban areas where women go. All the reasons you gave about your lack of religion having the effect of turning off women is simply an excuse. Stop that. The women are using that as a reason to disqualify you. If a woman likes you, she will not care about differences in religion. They don't like you enough.

Thanks for sharing your efforts.
 

AttackFormation

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1 - OK so you are mostly taking care of your looks to the point you can. But have you gotten cosmetic laser, microneedling, PRP etc for your face? have you checked your testosterone level? If not, you need to get those things done. I am still skeptical that you are "genetically" skinny if you don't know what the condition is and you work out "occasionally", but that's up to you and I'll take your word for it.

2 - Also I'm not american but I hardly think Europe is a promised land compared to America in terms of dating. It's the same sh!t.

4 - You are shooting down both the general idea and specific suggestions. You don't seem to be very open to suggestions. By not challenging your inhibitions, you are consigning yourself to keep doing what already doesn't work. Yes it's uncomfortable. Yes it's not easy. Results are not guaranteed. But there is nothing else than cold approaching and social circles. OLD is a fake solution and you already know that. If there was an easy, comfortable, guaranteed solution, every man would be doing it and there would be no massive sharings of mutual difficulties on the internet. No one is sitting on that solution because there is none and we just do what we can. But if you want to keep doing only what you're already doing, which you know what to expect from, then you shouldn't complain about it and just accept it.

@El Zorro Plateador brought up the point that blaming religion/"culture" for women disqualifying you is BS and I agree. Was gonna mention that in my first post. If they liked you they wouldn't disqualify you even if they cared, and I'm willing to bet they almost never care either even if they try to let you down easy by saying so.

So in conclusion, trust me again when I say I don't need to change much of anything about my "game", bc at the end of the day it's never really been about my game, it's been about the lack of the quality of these women in OLD.
With this attitude of absolving your agency on to something external (women on OLD), you'll never get anywhere for certain. You may not get anywhere anyhow, but with that attitude of changing and doing nothing and blaming it on something external, you guarantee you won't.

Feel like I'm pretty done here now, I've said what there is to say and so have all the other guys.
 
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Smartone84

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Why in the world would I need to do cosmetic lasers/PRP for my face? And in your last paragraph you’re implying that the problem is mostly me, and not them, yet didn’t you just get done saying how you agreed with me about how OLD and it’s women can be? Trust me when I say that most of the time I wasn’t going out with the best of the best these last 7 years.

ElZorro thanks. I will watch that later
 

Spaz

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Thank you all very much to the last few posters. Though all things I've heard before, it's still good to get a bit under my a-- sometimes. Allow me to respond to a few things:

1 - My looks. I am night and day compared to when I was younger. I went from someone who in high school who was a semi pimple faced, clean shaven, got his haircut once every 2 months, ate like crap, not going to the gym, crouched down when he walked, wearing oversized shirts to someone who slowly but surely has now reached the peak of how good he can look IMHO. I have perfected a short stubble beard that allows me to look a TAD more masculine, walk upright, wear nice fitted designer shirts, I work out occasionally, eat better, and take care of myself to a point where I'd even say I'm a bit over the top. For example my skin tone is rather pale naturally and I visit the tanning salon on occasion. I also put hair fibers in my hair to help with the receding hairline. With regards to my weight I have tried all the protein shakes and I've gone through phases of eating 2x more, but I am just very thin by nature. By genetics. It is one thing I have just accepted about how I look. It's really never bothered me either even though I've tried to change it. Trust me when I say I have felt very confident about my looks when I've gone out the last few years.

2- Someone mentioned traveling. I have traveled the world in this last decade. Everywhere from London to Germany to Thailand to even Egypt, etc. It's a passion of mine. It's something that's typically a bit topic on my dates, too. If there was one thing I picked up very fast about international women it's that they too are "night and day" compared to American women. Funny thing though, even on my first Euro trip some 8 years ago, I wasn't surprised at all when I experienced this. I even had a date in Germany with a woman who was so into me that we ended up making out on a park bench for an hour at the end. Good times. It felt so easy. Would never happen in America. But as awful as some American women can be, we really have the awful American men to thank IMO for being creepers and ruining it for us "good guys".

3- Minorities - Allow me to again clarify this. I am NOT against dating them. I'm also not AGAINST marrying them. It's just that I'd prefer white women. No I'm not attracted to blacks but I have been on several dates with some beautiful Asian and Hispanic women. Good dates, too. So please don't get some idea that I've swiped left on every single minority I've ever come across because that is anything but the truth.

4 - "Building my social circle" - This is one area that as I said above, I just don't see how it can be viewed as easy at my age, at 35. I'm not joining a Church group or one of these crossfit gym classes and I'm certainly not going to be the that weird guy who suddenly starts reaching out to random "friends" on facebook asking to do things. While I do believe there is a certain possibility out there with regards to meeting some new people, I think again, the harsh reality is that once you're in your 30's your circle is pretty much your circle for the most part. Again, I'm very open to suggestions.

5- Lastly... Someone mentioned how I need to change this about my game since so many women are disqualifying me. Not sure where you got that idea, though I suppose I should have clarified in my original post that out of the endless women I've met over these 7 years (estimated 130 different women), the truth is I've probably only been LEGITIMATELY interested in about 10 of them I'd say. Out of those 10, I'd estimate, and this is pretty accurate I'd say, have been rejected by half of those, while the others just didn't go the distance. Yes I've been ghosted a couple of times that upset me and one of them was a very sudden harsh blowoff that rocked my world, but seeing as how I know what I bring to the table and I know all that I can offer a girl, I'm not losing any sleep over them at all while looking back. If anything seeing as how confident I am in myself I often look back now and truly believe it was 100%msli their loss for kicking me to the curb. So in conclusion, trust me again when I say I don't need to change much of anything about my "game", bc at the end of the day it's never really been about my game, it's been about the lack of the quality of these women in OLD.

ps to @Pandora . . . . Couldn't agree more about the college thing, though IMO it still doesn't change the fact that these people today can't help but think no degree = no good, even if that means $150,000 in debt that you won't be able to pay off til you’re 45.
If you don't cultivate a social circle then you don't have a sphere of influence.

If you don't have influence then you don't have power.

If you don't have power that means you are basically powerless.

For example, if you don't have money you don't have the power to buy food, you end up powerless.

But if you have influence, even if you don't have money, you could borrow money from ur social circles, ask a 100 people to borrow you $5 bucks and you're got $500 - easily.

Work on the social circle, build up a power base via influence.

There's no alternative to that.
 

AttackFormation

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Why in the world would I need to do cosmetic lasers/PRP for my face?
Because it looksmaxes your face without any implants. Looks are what matters most in dating and your social life in general in of itself and the halo effect.

And in your last paragraph you’re implying that the problem is mostly me, and not them, yet didn’t you just get done saying how you agreed with me about how OLD and it’s women can be? Trust me when I say that most of the time I wasn’t going out with the best of the best these last 7 years.
There is a difference between a problem, or even a fault if you want to call it that, and an agency.
 
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RickTheToad

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Wow. Again the ignorant fools on this site never fail to amaze me. Just what makes you dare to call me "unintelligent" based on the fact that I don't have a degree? Do you realize that assumption by you is part of the reason people in this country are the way they are today? Judgmental and superficial. Oh, and by the way, it would be you're* unintelligent, not your. But I'm just an uneducated dumba-- , right?

Secondly, if you DID bother to read my entire "wall of emotional text", I'd be curious how you assumed that I'm a "racist". Is it because I simply used the word minorities? Just curious. Bc if you do need me to explain further, the idea behind that is that I'm much more attracted to and would rather end up marrying a white woman for all the obvious innocent reasons, though I have been on plenty of dates with hispanic women. I am anything BUT "racist". Now go ahead and try and turn that around the best you can. Also, for the record I vote Democratic.



Interesting because I'm everywhere I want to be except in this one particular area.

Moronic f-ck.



I was offered a great job at a young age, at 20. I took it and I made amazing money for the time. More than any of my friends. Today I am extremely happy with where I ended up professionally. But ok, you're right, a college degree is the problem. Me not being able to tell girls on dates all these years that I graduated from so and so with a Bachelor's is the exact and only reason, I'm sure.
As long as you are successful in your life and happy where you are in your career, what does it matter? You could always just fluff up your job creditials or just lie. I doubt they'd really care. As long as you are confident, in realtiively good shape and can rock the apparence, then you are fine. I asked which county you are in to give you some tips. I am in Fairfield, so for me it's usually Stamford, White Plains, Yonkers, New Rochelle or the city. The same would be for you. If you are in Rockland, well, you're fvcked. If you are in Bergen, you have some great options in For Lee, Paramus, Hackensack, or jump over to Jersey City or Hoboken.

Just make sure you do not let yourself down or feel bad about yourself. You need to not only act the part of being the sh!t, you need to actually believe it. Hence why we say to work on yourself for you and the ladies will follow.
 

LARaiders85

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Too picky, mild depression causing negative outlook, and not fun and social enough. My last piece of advice is to become a regular at a local bar where the local women go and kind of become a known commodity there and befriend people. Also, with your height you could probably pull in clubs in NYC.
 
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Smartone84

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Too picky, mild depression causing negative outlook, and not fun and social enough. My last piece of advice is to become a regular at a local bar where the local women go and kind of become a known commodity there and befriend people.
That’s it! Too picky!
 

LARaiders85

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out of the endless women I've met over these 7 years (estimated 130 different women), the truth is I've probably only been LEGITIMATELY interested in about 10 of them I'd say. Out of those 10, I'd estimate, and this is pretty accurate I'd say, have been rejected by half of those, while the others just didn't go the distance. Yes I've been ghosted a couple of times that upset me and one of them was a very sudden harsh blowoff that rocked my world, but seeing as how I know what I bring to the table and I know all that I can offer a girl, I'm not losing any sleep over them at all while looking back. If anything seeing as how confident I am in myself I often look back now and truly believe it was 100%msli their loss for kicking me to the curb. So in conclusion, trust me again when I say I don't need to change much of anything about my "game", bc at the end of the day it's never really been about my game, it's been about the lack of the quality of these women in OLD.
Yes, too picky. Do you have 70 lays at least of those 130+ dates?
 

Kotaix

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The problem with OLD is that it's full of people who go online. You need to find women in the real world who engage with reality, not some fantasy land inhabitant. Social media is nitro fuel for the ego, look for women without big egos.
 

Poonani Maker

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IRL today at the health food store, there was a pure-looking pale red or blondish (open checkout so I took her lane), young. It was her 3rd day on the job, and let me tell ya, Rude girl. I don't know her story, I mean at first she smiled and was friendly, but alls I did was ask about something in the store and she's like "Sir, I need you to sign here" I mean the prompt just barely popped up before she asked. I said, "No problem," but I should've said, "Whoah, touchy touchy...take it easy Toefield, you're wrinklin my good luck bandana!" but I'd been out n' about taking care of errands (uh deadlines, expiration of license etc) I just wanted to get out of there plus I was twice her age. She could be a college grad or currently enrolled in the local university and not wanting to be there doing this minimum wage checkout job. She obviously didn't want to be there this her 3rd day. I mean, suck it up buttercup, but ya know I had to bust my As5 and still do, to land my 5 times as high paid job. These young hot girls think that EVERYTHING should just be given to them. Oh well. I'm a long-time customer, she's 3 days in, and I brushed off her "looking down on me after I opened my mouth to speak" She was obviously from a rich family or well-cultured liberal well-traveled or Music playing chello violin band playing NPR-type stock. She was obviously all about status. She saw me as low status, uh, I don't care, heh. She's just startin out, I'm set. I wouldn't want to be a younger man right now with the current swath or stock of females you guys got to put up with. I sure as sh!t had that touchiness in my time as well. It started in My Time, but it's in full force now. So sad. My older brothers barely escaped this madness of outright snappy sorority judgemental b!tches who always think you're tryin to hit on them. I was just asking a question about the store and didn't know that she'd only been there 3 days.
 

BondJamesBond424

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Year after year after year has gone by. Millions of swipes. Thousands of messages. Thousands of dollars. Seemingly endless dates. Very few flings. Zero legitimate relationships. Oh, and quite a few rounds of being legitimately hurt/devastated. This has been my life of dating from the age of around 28. And now, seven years later I feel I've finally come to the end. A mental rockbottom. Match, Okcupid, Bumble, Tinder, Happn, even eHarmony. You name it, I've tried it. I've super liked, I've super swiped, I've had my friends awkwardly take new photos of me, and I've put myself out there in what is now the new normal of modern day dating to the point where being 'burnt out' would be the understatement of my entire 35 years on planet Earth. I've (not so simply) been chewed up, spit out, then chewed up again and thrown into the darkest back alleys of life

Let me just say that I do consider myself a relatively (average) attractive (prob SMV 5) white male, have a great job with great benefits, a pension, nice car,

I was never one of these clowns who puts up shirtless pics on their profiles and certainly not the guy who messages my matches talking dirty/asking if they want sex straight up. I've wanted a relationship. For many years now. Wanted someone to care for and to treat right. Someone to just connect with and build a life with. Yes there are "billions of women in this world", but in my world that doesn't f-cking matter. I've watched most of my entire friends circle and then some not only meet significant others, but get married and now have kids as well.

1) 97% of online dating is a cesspool of women.

I don't come off as the most masculine guy in the world.

Perhaps there is someone out there who can give me that golden piece of advice that will bring me up.
I want to help you. But just a few points here.

1. Your post comes off as total female complaining energy.

2. You want a loving, caring relationship with a decent looking woman.
This is almost 2020. The 1950's are long gone.
* Have you ever seen the show called "The Walking Dead"? In that show a zombie apocalypse happened and everyone is infected. Now, apply the premise to now in this world.
This world has been infected with the social media virus and females are the zombies. You, my friend are bucking against the way things are and see where it's gotten you? You want a loving, caring relationship 1950's style. The characters on "The Walking Dead" want their normal lives back. But it's not to be. Not for a long, long time.
* You see, relationships in 2019 are passe'. The idea is outdated. Relationships and marriage is for the benefit of the woman, never the man. Suppose you were to find your dream woman and marry her - do you think she'd leave you if you lost your good job with benefits and a pension? Think on that for a few moments.


Women get into relationships for one of two reasons or for both reasons 1. To receive the mans resources and/or 2. to control the man.


** A woman in 2019, may marry you. have a couple of your kids, control you into making a joint bank account with her so she can dip into your resources. And while you're at work working hard for the family she might meet up with me to give me some seks on the side before picking up the kids. Cuz frankly I don't care if she's married. I'd still do your wife. Is that the kind of "relationship" you want? That's women in 2019. They're zombies.

My friend, times have changed. Yes, the change was forced upon us. But you need to change your thinking to catch up with the times. You need to forfeit that Disney, love movie concept of love and relationships. Forfeit your hope of any relationship. You need to pump and dump these women. The "good girl" is a myth in 2019. Good girls don't exist any more.

3. Change your game. You are running BETA game on these women. You are allowing them to control the frame thus you get your feelings hurt by them.
On youtube look up Alpha Male Strategies channel
Also Darius M.
Times have changed, brother. You need to change too. If you don't you'll always be stuck in the sadness you described in your post.
 
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Spaz

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This and many other threads proves my point, that only social rejects trolls OLD for dates.

Spend at least 3 times per week going out to cultivate friendships/bonding, 2 to 3 hours per night is not much given the long term benefits.

Once you're got a good circle going and you're deemed a cool great guy to hang out with, you'd get more invites out by both men and women that you can handle.

And that's when you'll need to learn how to properly reject those invites.

You'll have more then enough women trying to butter up to you then you could possibly imagine.

Stop with OLD.

It's an antisocial tool to further make more men to supplicate towards women.
 

Medina

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1) 97% of online dating is a cesspool of women I would never in a million years want to legitimately date.
This is your problem

You are chasing the gold standard while ignoring 97% of women

Go out there and chill with everyone & you will start to see options

If you want a rainbow you have to put up with some rain
 

sexymanman

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lol at social circle. any guy can get laid with less work from cold approach. different girls will want to **** you at different times and its just up to you to notice it and make it happen.

If your not noticing girls who are interested in you out and about smartone then you need to work on that. I wouldn't change a thing about yourself to get women interested in you. change things to enable you to get into the club where the women are if needed. that means decent enough clothes for that club and perhaps other expenses they require (cover charge, drinks etc etc)

If you see a black women whos interested in you don't approach her. you like white women so approach them when they show interest and they will. It's just a matter of when and where. a club with 10 white girls in it will be enough for you to get interest.

Just go out and look for the interest. natural buddies told me that "shes looking at you bro". now I notice when girls are interested rather than just approaching girls who have no interest at all. its prolonged eye contact your looking for. Don't force smile or any of that ****. they might.
 

Solomon

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Your problem is glaringly obvious you only do online dating, a guy like you would do waaay better in social circle gaming or IRL
I recommend traveling a bit you will see in i.e. Thailand, Japan, Russia etc
Your options are different even if use the app's

Than i would hit get in shape and while doing so hit the field in your area
 

Bullbearpig

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You're good at making excuses. None of that **** you mentioned even matters, with maybe the exception of being to thin, but you can change that if you really want too. I'm 6'2" and was 165lbs my whole life. 6 years ago I decided I was tired of being skinny so I started eating and working out. Now I'm 240lbs, strong and muscular.
 
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