2 women, 2 families

[Murk]

I'm settled with a 17-month-old daughter now but I still want to impregnate one of the absolute goddesses of my dreams and run 2 parallel families. The only downside is the stigma, family members hating me, which I give not a single **** about. Yes, I knocked up a girl and yes we been together for a while now but I still dream of my happily ever after you guys clowned me for believing in many years ago.

I been working my absolute nuts off getting my business in a good position; I have two wife money now. I don't want to co-parent, as I love being a dad and waking up to my daughter and watching her grow. I don't think I could do 3 times a week, so I am not going anywhere.

However... I hate my girl. Hate is a strong word, I dislike her sometimes, but I don't think I should dislike her ever (in an ideal world), so she's not the one. At the same time, I want another family. Multiple kids with this new woman, looking at her and genuinely wanting and loving her.

I'm going to die unhappy aren't I, I lose either way. Money can solve a lot of problems, if I can provide for 2 women how do I get them on board? I don't know anyone that's done it so I'm just working and plotting right now.

My girl is trying to line our daughter up for private school, private pre-school in fact. £22k p/a off the bat for a ****ing 4 year olds education LOL. I'm already thinking if I do that I'll have to do the same for my new future kids too. I already calculated the cost of putting multiple kids through private education and I rather take my daughter to Colombia and start a new life and find her a new mum there.

I'm cooked.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You must be fvcking stupid to want this. I'm not sure what to even say about it...

Signing up for massive amounts of child support and a lengthy list of potential other issues willingly has to be one of the dumbest things I have come across on this forum and that is saying a lot.

Why not hand them a signed blank check while you are at it?

Get help.

 

[Plinco]

I'm settled with a 17-month-old daughter now but I still want to impregnate one of the absolute goddesses of my dreams and run 2 parallel families. The only downside is the stigma, family members hating me, which I give not a single **** about. Yes, I knocked up a girl and yes we been together for a while now but I still dream of my happily ever after you guys clowned me for believing in many years ago.

I been working my absolute nuts off getting my business in a good position; I have two wife money now. I don't want to co-parent, as I love being a dad and waking up to my daughter and watching her grow. I don't think I could do 3 times a week, so I am not going anywhere.

However... I hate my girl. Hate is a strong word, I dislike her sometimes, but I don't think I should dislike her ever (in an ideal world), so she's not the one. At the same time, I want another family. Multiple kids with this new woman, looking at her and genuinely wanting and loving her.

I'm going to die unhappy aren't I, I lose either way. Money can solve a lot of problems, if I can provide for 2 women how do I get them on board? I don't know anyone that's done it so I'm just working and plotting right now.

My girl is trying to line our daughter up for private school, private pre-school in fact. £22k p/a off the bat for a ****ing 4 year olds education LOL. I'm already thinking if I do that I'll have to do the same for my new future kids too. I already calculated the cost of putting multiple kids through private education and I rather take my daughter to Colombia and start a new life and find her a new mum there.

I'm cooked.

That's something you really need to take a step back from and think about it logically. Write down pros and cons and read it back to yourself.

Is your current woman open to polygamy? Can you handle that many dependents? Maybe you can move to Utah.

 

[Prepostereax]

Hm. I know ppl who have done this.
You need fk-u levels of money/status.
And ironclad frame.
And you may have to sacrifice much of it.

One example:
CEO level guy.
Legal wife has directorship in one company, conducted an independent audit.
Found that a secretary in another company was getting paid double the going rate, and her child's private tuition funded by the company. Lol.
Legal wife has turned a blind eye.
I think they still live together, although they own multiple properties.
Much of the time, they don't live in the same country, let alone under the same roof.

(I know of more extreme examples, but you need a mini-empire)

A more common, less grandiose example:
Again, CEO or top level management dude (actually several dudes fit this profile):
Basically just remain legally married for whatever reason, wife stays in the property, he has some private slush funds that are adequate for maintaining a reasonable standard of living with his mistress.

Or stay together with wifey and he has his mistress/es on the side.
Works if wife prepared to not see what everyone else does.

In all cases, divorce would seem a far better, cleaner resolution.

It's best to keep drama to a minimum, but.. sh!t can happen.

 

[plumber]

why do you dislike her or hate her sometimes. was it always that way with her and you did not care before ? your ideas actually make sense in that situation. the other obvious thing is to see if its possible to not hate her.

without knowing your specific reasons... one of the things that happens is disrespect. it pops out in all sorts of interesting ways. some are subtle and simply don't even register with us other than a general feeling of not liking the person. the mental damage cooks slow.

basically you live in your own mind. and your lens of the world is what it is.

nothing says you have to spend a lot of time with her. you don't need her permission for really anything... her opinions are hers and you can ignore them. you don't have to tell her your opinions on anything... resulting in her not having any ammunition to criticize you.

what is going on.... ??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

why do you dislike her or hate her sometimes. was it always that way with her and you did not care before ? your ideas actually make sense in that situation. the other obvious thing is to see if its possible to not hate her.

without knowing your specific reasons... one of the things that happens is disrespect. it pops out in all sorts of interesting ways. some are subtle and simply don't even register with us other than a general feeling of not liking the person. the mental damage cooks slow.

basically you live in your own mind. and your lens of the world is what it is.

nothing says you have to spend a lot of time with her. you don't need her permission for really anything... her opinions are hers and you can ignore them. you don't have to tell her your opinions on anything... resulting in her not having any ammunition to criticize you.

what is going on.... ??

We all told him not to do what he did, but he chose to do it anyway. Now he wants to essentially fvck himself over doubly, except really it's more like 5x when you look at what's at stake.

OP is chasing some fantasy that he will never find and will be destroying himself while trying, all the while still not getting that these decisions come with a lifetime of consequences you simply can't just walk away from when you get tired of "trying it out".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

why do you dislike her or hate her sometimes. was it always that way with her and you did not care before ? your ideas actually make sense in that situation. the other obvious thing is to see if its possible to not hate her.

without knowing your specific reasons... one of the things that happens is disrespect. it pops out in all sorts of interesting ways. some are subtle and simply don't even register with us other than a general feeling of not liking the person. the mental damage cooks slow.

basically you live in your own mind. and your lens of the world is what it is.

nothing says you have to spend a lot of time with her. you don't need her permission for really anything... her opinions are hers and you can ignore them. you don't have to tell her your opinions on anything... resulting in her not having any ammunition to criticize you.

what is going on.... ??

Sure he could do all this, but then why be in a relationship with her in the first place of that's what it gets reduced to? To save on child support? So he can then go do the same thing with someone else and have the same result in 2 years? And then go for kid number 3 with someone else?

And sure...you could say that "well at least he has kids", but what happens if this woman decides to make him pay by turning the kid against him and he becomes the enemy and the kid wants nothing to do with him? Happens every damn day and there is almost nothing you can do about it if a woman is set on that being the end result.

OP needs to get out of whatever Alice in Wonderland reality he is living in. The man is over here like BizMarkie...and nothing can save ya, cause this is the season of catching the vapors...

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I'm settled with a 17-month-old daughter now but I still want to impregnate one of the absolute goddesses of my dreams and run 2 parallel families.

Put your daughter first. Having a father running parallel families is probably not in her best interest long term.

but I still dream of my happily ever after you guys clowned me for believing in many years ago.

You are already in a happily ever after from where Im standing. My woman and I would love to have a kid, but you know what they say: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

Another baby is probably not going to give you the happy ending you are expecting, but it will certainly create another permanent contact between you and another person. You can potentially make your existing situation dramatically more complicated.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I’ll go against the grain here and say sure, why not? We have a fertility crisis in the West. Fewer and fewer people are forming families and having babies. You can rebrand your efforts as a kind of community service.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hey @Murk remind me....did you get married or are you simply LTR/cohabitating?

Grass is always greenest where you water it.

Do you realize that no matter how beautiful a woman happens to be, you will acclimate to her looks. Billy Joel was married to Christy Brinkley....and he was happy to let her go after awhile too....

Why do you have such strong dislike for the mother of your daughter? Because you still have an unfulfilled fantasy or because of her actual behavior or something she cannot control (like her appearance or shape or height etc.)?

Why do you think another woman will be easy to find & sign on when you are essentially a taken man?

There are men who have done as you propose, but it does require massive wealth as noted above.

And as also noted above there is the risk that you lose your paternal rights and never see your daughter again.....

I know 2 men personally this happened to. In both cases the daughter is now an adult, but has no contact because of a.) the man's behavior toward the mother involving other women, and b.) the mother indoctrinating the daughter about what a terrible man dad is for years.

Neither daughter wants anything to do with either of these men....and they are good men and were good fathers by all accounts, but the mothers scorched the earth after each man took up with another (or other) women.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Neither daughter wants anything to do with either of these men....and they are good men and were good fathers by all accounts, but the mothers scorched the earth after each man took up with another (or other) women.

Reading this^^, I have a very vivid memory of sitting with my mom on her bed while she angrily cut up all the pictures of my dad, sobbing and hating on him after he left her for another woman who he eventually married and had children with (my stepmom).

He had two families Murk just as you are considering doing.

Anyway...

I was VERY close with my dad and not very close with my mom, in fact we had quite a toxic relationship. With her abusing me terribly at times.

However despite that, she is gone now and I SO regret not being a better daughter at the time and comforting her, and instead took my dad's side. I feel A LOT of guilt about this to this day.

OTOH, two of my brothers became estranged from my dad after he left and refused to speak with or see him.

Anyway yes I agree with you BE, what you quoted above is quite possible.

What's that saying "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned"?

Good luck @Murk whatever you decide to do.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Murk "I'm settled with a 17-month-old daughter now but I still want to impregnate one of the absolute goddesses of my dreams and run 2 parallel families"

Masochistic urges such as these can be relieved far more economically, by applying a running blowtorch to your own anus, sticking your entire arm into a woodchipper then flipping the On switch, sitting through an entire episode of Fallon... The list could on for several pages


@BeExcellent "the mother indoctrinating the daughter about what a terrible man dad is for years"

And she likely didn't need to work especially hard to convince DD. One would have to be deeply troubled to seriously entertain the scheme OP is mulling over.

The venture he proposes makes resurrecting Kids Say The Darndest Things, then appointing Reverend Camden

the show's host, appear sane, by comparison

 

[plumber]

Sure he could do all this, but then why be in a relationship with her in the first place of that's what it gets reduced to? To save on child support? So he can then go do the same thing with someone else and have the same result in 2 years? And then go for kid number 3 with someone else?

And sure...you could say that "well at least he has kids", but what happens if this woman decides to make him pay by turning the kid against him and he becomes the enemy and the kid wants nothing to do with him? Happens every damn day and there is almost nothing you can do about it if a woman is set on that being the end result.

OP needs to get out of whatever Alice in Wonderland reality he is living in. The man is over here like BizMarkie...and nothing can save ya, cause this is the season of catching the vapors...

yes. how did a man get to that place is a different questions than what should he do after arriving. it fine to have multiple family if a man can really do it. its not easy, not many can do it. most make a mess out of it if they try.

i agree, starting a family with a woman you don't like is a bad idea. plenty of men have done that so we can see the proof all around us. after doing that, what is the best thing to do keeping in mind life is finite.

many relationships that survive have one of the member absent much of the time, traveling for work. very very often there is another relationship going on for one or even both of those persons. the one traveling has something going on in another place, while the one at home has something going on next door down the street. lots of men do it, not so many talk about it. same with the one that stays at home. the one that stays at home does the abortion thing.

we would tell the man not to do it. we know its leads to bad things for the kids and for there self.

i know many men that do this. its more accepted in other parts of the world. i don't do it.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Put your daughter first. Having a father running parallel families is probably not in her best interest long term.

^^100%. Speaking from experience.

My dad had nine kids, six from his first family (including me) and three from his second.

 

[zekko]

You must be fvcking stupid to want this. I'm not sure what to even say about it...

It's interesting when you constantly hear guys on here warning others not to get married, and here's a guy wanting to double up on it. I've always wondered why polygamy is illegal in the US, considering the "anything goes" type of attitude that is so rampant in the modern culture. Why the problem with this in particular? Of course, doing it behind someone's back is a different thing entirely.

Why do you think another woman will be easy to find & sign on when you are essentially a taken man?

There's a saying they push in the manosphere: "Women would rather share an alpha than have a beta to themselves". I don't buy into that so much myself, but clearly some women do. Not that I'm saying the OP is an alpha (whatever passes for that these days). I guess he could be.

 

[Bokanovsky]

^^100%. Speaking from experience.

My dad had nine kids, six from his first family (including me) and three from his second.

Look at it form a different perspective though. The latter three are probably not too upset by the fact that your dad decided to have a second family.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yeah I totally disagree with the notion of share an "alpha". No thanks, I'll be by myself and dispense with th drama instead of deal with a man who thinks he's that entitled.

Or, as I've said around here, if a man doesn't care to be fully committed? Ok, but neither then am I.....

And a beautiful woman will always have more options than a man (with rare exceptions)....for non celebrity men? You'll lose quality women with that cope entitlement attitude. And it will happen FAST.

And don't give me this business that women who have different dates with different men by definition not quality.

All sought after people go through a selection process when dating. Coffee with one today, dinner with someone else tomorrow, a concert with someone else another time. I was single for 2 hours when I met my now husband. Two hours.

This is a bad idea for many reasons OP. I'm curious about the answers to my questions OP that I asked before....

 

[Doctor Europeo]

And think about your daughter in all of this. If you start a second family, and eventually her mother has another child with another man, your daughter could very easily end up feeling like both of her parents “replaced” her and went on to build new families.

You might tell her that you love her just as much as ever, but from her perspective she's watching Dad have a new wife and new kids while Mom has a new husband and new kids. You can't assume that won't affect her.

You're thinking a lot about whether you can afford two families. I'd spend at least as much time thinking about what having two families would mean for your daughter.

 

[obelisk]

It's one thing for a divorced guy to want to start a new family with another woman. It's quite another to want to start a second one on the side. Ignoring the issues around intentionally screwing over your daughter for selfish reasons devoid of any accountability and bad karma from doing so. This takes way more money than you're calculating before the cost to you in stress and emotional stress gets factored in which isn't really quantifiable.

Any guy who has been through the meat grinder of divorce, family court and child support and potential alimony would dissuade you from intentionally seeking out this kind of pain and suffering. Divorces happen but you're going out of your way to seek it out.

Take the advice given and seriously take a step back. This won't lead where you think it will. Maybe divorce is in your cards but THIS is a road to ruin.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Doctor Europeo "And think about your daughter in all of this. If you start a second family, and eventually her mother has another child with another man, your daughter could very easily end up feeling like both of her parents “replaced” her and went on to build new families"

@BeExcellent "This is a bad idea for many reasons OP."

@Sega Genesis "My dad had nine kids, six from his first family (including me) and three from his second"

If recent events

Rest in peace hayden !

awesome actress had a couple of my black guy friends yup I would but that !

www.sosuave.net

Aren't enough to spur us all into being a smidge more conscientious about the manner in which we behave around the younguns, I'm at a loss as to what is