2 great dates then a flake

[Datinglife26]

Hey so I am a long time reader of these forums and hoping to get some solid advice.

Everything I post will be the truth as best as I can tell it so you can give me honest feed back. Thanks.

Messaged a girl I know on Instagram.. set up a date. Hung out and made out at the end as I dropped her home (back in my home town so no free house)

i waited a few days and then messaged her to set up a second date. She agreed. This time I had my house free. I had a games night set up with a mini bar and the fire going. Music on and she brought the snacks. She kept saying how cute it was and that she was impressed. We drank and talked for hours. She then asked to stay the night, so she cancelled her ride home..but her mom was her ride so her mother said she was coming to get her now. Bummer.. she is 26 and back home because of covid. A girl was killed near us recently so her mom was freaking out and came and got her even though she told her she was safe.

Anyway, while she waited for her ride we made out again and she was on to of me dry humping me. Reaching for my **** and ****..

She left and text me saying she had a really good time. I responded saying I did too and to text me if she wanted to do it again sometime.

Which she did. 3 days later she asked to hang out again. I invited her to my city 1hr away and she gladly accepted. We set the date up on the Wednesday for Saturday.
I told her I'd send her my address and I'll talk to her then. She said "sounds great!"

On Friday night after a busy week I realised I hadn't sent her the address. She has been to my area before so I sent a pin on Google maps of my address.

1hr later she responds "Hey sorry I though I text earlier, I can't make it up tomorrow "

I replied "hey, no worries"

That was 12 ish days ago and I haven't heard a peep since.

I am gonna be back in my home town this weekend coming. Should I try to hit her up or do I leave it until she eventually reaches out.

She asked for the 3rd date but also cancelled..where does this leave thing in terms of who should reach out ?

 

[EyeBRollin]

It’s over. Move on. Why would you tell her you will send the address instead of just sending the address right there? That’s a mistake, OP. Unfortunately, you two never had a date planned.

 

[Datinglife26]

It’s over. Move on. Why would you tell her you will send the address instead of just sending the address right there? That’s a mistake, OP. Unfortunately, you two never had a date planned.

We did have it planned. We had a time and place, she knows the town where I live she just didn't have the number of my house.
It's a small town.

I was at work when she had responded. I got into a meeting right as I said I'd send the address. Completely slipped my mind until the Friday. Is a girl with a good attitude really gonna get upset that I didn't say my house is number 123 on x street in a town that is tiny?

If that's a **** up my bad but usually that wouldn't cause a flake

 

[EyeBRollin]

It’s not upset guy. That is a huge detail. They assume in that time you didn’t send the address that you are playing games.

 

[Datinglife26]

It’s not upset guy. That is a huge detail. They assume in that time you didn’t send the address that you are playing games.

Okay , Your advise is this can't be turned around. ?

I don't play stupid games tbh. I'm human oh well.

 

[Barrister]

First, I call bullsh1t on the whole mom coming to get her thing. That is ridiculous for a chick who is 26 years old.

Second, why didn't you escalate further if you guys are dry humping? Get the clothes off and do the real thing.

Last, unfortunately you're done for now. I think you may be able to circle back eventually but you need to give it 2-3 weeks and see where things stand at that point with a feeler. Right now though put her out of your mind.

 

[Datinglife26]

First, I call bullsh1t on the whole mom coming to get her thing. That is ridiculous for a chick who is 26 years old.

Second, why didn't you escalate further if you guys are dry humping? Get the clothes off and do the real thing.

Last, unfortunately you're done for now. I think you may be able to circle back eventually but you need to give it 2-3 weeks and see where things stand at that point with a feeler. Right now though put her out of your mind.

You call bull****?
Dude we were in front of the fire and she looks me in the eye and says "so I had a ride for 11pm but I am having fun, how would you feel if I stayed?"

She then called her mom in front of me not to come get her and I could hear her mother freaking out over the phone.

She said she was gonna be 10 mins

That was the point at which we started making out. And unless you think I want to have my first time as a 5 minute little quickie with her then it was as far as it was gonna get. I'm not some virgin man I get women. I either ****ed up with this girl or she is seeing someone else.

Her mother is clearly freaked out by the recent murder of a woman and she is back home so has to follow her rules.


That's the truth.


I'm on holidays from work for the next 10 days afte tomorrow.. how should I put a feeler out ?

 

[Barrister]

You call bull****?
Dude we were in front of the fire and she looks me in the eye and says "so I had a ride for 11pm but I am having fun, how would you feel if I stayed?"

She then called her mom in front of me not to come get her and I could hear her mother freaking out over the phone.

She said she was gonna be 10 mins

That was the point at which we started making out. And unless you think I want to have my first time as a 5 minute little quickie with her then it was as far as it was gonna get. I'm not some virgin man I get women. I either ****ed up with this girl or she is seeing someone else.


That's the truth.


I'm on holidays from work for the next 10 days afte tomorrow.. how should I put a feeler out ?

You think that is normal for a 26 year old to get called back home by mommy for being out too late? If that really happened then you are better off not even messing with this woman. Probably was set up that way on purpose before she even met you.

If you want to circle back I would wait a full 14-21 days then just ask her to grab a drink somewhere. Gauge her interest then.

 

[Datinglife26]

Covid paranoia is a very real thing too...once she got the validation from the dates she doesnt necessary want to risk further exposure

Nah she thinks covid is a load of bull****.
We hung out twice I don't think she cares about covid...her mother on the other hand is a nurse.

 

[Datinglife26]

You think that is normal for a 26 year old to get called back home by mommy for being out too late? If that really happened then you are better off not even messing with this woman. Probably was set up that way on purpose before she even met you.

If you want to circle back I would wait a full 14-21 days then just ask her to grab a drink somewhere. Gauge her interest then.

Thanks man.

I legit think she didn't have that set up. She looked embarrassed as **** at having to go home. She was hanging out of me sucking my face for the last seconds before she walked out of my house.

Hence my confusion. She was so game.

Maybe she was waiting for me to reschedule and her mom freaked at her coming to another town an hour away?


Yeah it's bull****.. I'd like to smash though she is a solid 9 with a great sense of humour

 

[jimwho]

Maybe I'm Underthinking this. But I would actually "call" her to tell her you're making home made Cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, and since she's so close, go get her. Mom knows you're not an axe murderer, drop her back off whenever. Oh and have fun with telling her you lied about the whole home made food. This is too easy!

 

[Datinglife26]

Its less about what she thinks per se and more about getting others sick. My dating life has been marked by this stuff for the past year.

True. I mean it could explain the cancellation and she isn't gonna admit mommy won't let me haha

Maybe I'll just see if she wants to hang out when I'm down this weekend and if she doesn't say yes then I'll peace out.

Ask twice walk away. It's been 2 weeks since we talked

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard....

I wish that I had an encouraging response to your first posting.
Best thing to do is leave the ball in her court.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like this falls back on you.

At age 26, this isn't a child or naive teenager... but it sounds like she's okay with her mother treating her this way. At this age, if she's without a car and under her parent's roof... then there could be many reasons for her flaking (which you shouldn't take personally).

In fact, in view of her environment, you might consider yourself lucky. I doubt that she'd be able to enhance your surroundings, but she could be a potential liability to your surroundings.

 

[Datinglife26]

Welcome aboard....

I wish that I had an encouraging response to your first posting.
Best thing to do is leave the ball in her court.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like this falls back on you.

At age 26, this isn't a child or naive teenager... but it sounds like she's okay with her mother treating her this way. At this age, if she's without a car and under her parent's roof... then there could be many reasons for her flaking (which you shouldn't take personally).

In fact, in view of her environment, you might consider yourself lucky. I doubt that she'd be able to enhance your surroundings, but she could be a potential liability to your surroundings.

Maybe man.

She has a car. I picked her up and we went to my place for drinks.

But yeah being at home and a mother who she wouldn't tell to back off was a bit of a red flag.

I am flipping back and forth between I need to do something and continue to do nothing.

What's stopping me is that she didn't even mention organising something for another time. It just seemed odd that she would go from asking me to hang out to then cancelling with little notice and no reschedule.

Then other people saying I messed up with the whole address thing.

I don't want to fall into the illusion of action either way.. I'm talking to a few other girls but we definitely hit it off on those dates so maybe that's why I'm still thinking about this girl.

Lockdowns and covid have ****ed my progress haha

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It’s not upset guy. That is a huge detail. They assume in that time you didn’t send the address that you are playing games.

Yeah, or else you waited to see if something better came up and she was the backup plan.

Or maybe you were HER backup plan and she got with another dude in the meantime she is more into.

 

[Datinglife26]

Yeah, or else you waited to see if something better came up and she was the backup plan.

Or maybe you were HER backup plan and she got with another dude in the meantime she is more into.

How is this helpful at all?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How is this helpful at all?

As to why this happened, but the truth is, you will probably never know. All I know is that I would have probably moved quicker and not let it get to 11pm before trying something or thinking about trying something if that was your intent.

Back to my point I made in another thread that no matter how great the dates are or how interested they seem never assume you'll see them again and then act accordingly. If you wanted to try and bang her you should have started trying sooner.

 

[Datinglife26]

As to why this happened, but the truth is, you will probably never know. All I know is that I would have probably moved quicker and not let it get to 11pm before trying something or thinking about trying something if that was your intent.

Back to my point I made in another thread that no matter how great the dates are or how interested they seem never assume you'll see them again and then act accordingly. If you wanted to try and bang her you should have started trying sooner.

Honestly I'm not 18 anymore lol. It wasn't about getting my **** wet we were actually having a good time and it was inevitable that she would want to stay. Which she wanted to. She wanted to hang out again. She brought it up.

Have enough notches in my bed post I coudlnt give a **** about making that number bigger for my ego to be stroked.

My question is now, despite her cancelling for what ever reason (not my business) should I see if she is free to hang out when I'm back in our hometown this weekend?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly I'm not 18 anymore lol. It wasn't about getting my **** wet we were actually having a good time and it was inevitable that she would want to stay. Which she wanted to. She wanted to hang out again. She brought it up.

Have enough notches in my bed post I coudlnt give a **** about making that number bigger for my ego to be stroked.

My question is now, despite her cancelling for what ever reason (not my business) should I see if she is free to hang out when I'm back in our hometown this weekend?

That's great, but the bigger point is the person who fvcks her first often times is the one she ends up with. Which may or may not be the issue. Maybe she is genuinely embarrassed by the whole Mom situation and thinks you will judge her harshly for it. Who knows.

You have nothing to lose so I would shoot her a text and see what comes of it.

 

[Datinglife26]

That's great, but the bigger point is the person who fvcks her first often times is the one she ends up with. Which may or may not be the issue. Maybe she is genuinely embarrassed by the whole Mom situation and thinks you will judge her harshly for it. Who knows.

You have nothing to lose so I would shoot her a text and see what comes of it.

Thanks man. I'll ask her out and if she isn't down then I'll tell her to give me a call if she changers her mind and then move on. There is a South American girl I want to meet up with too. But yeah see what happens.