MDgood
Senior Don Juan
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- Jan 14, 2003
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I've known 6 women who have herpes, and this is a list of the things I've found that they have in common so you can screen a woman who has it, before you even get to that discussion where you have her clothes off, you're ready to go at it, and she tells you that her crotch is on fire. You know, before you vomit and run out the door.
This isn't intended to be 100% accurate, it's just intended to give a guy a heads up that your woman could possibly be infected with the Big H.
1. If she lost her virginity before the age of 16. Something like 2 out of 3 women who have had sex before the age of 16 now have open, painful sores on their tw@ts. Young people are stupid and think it's always the other guy who gets it.
2. The number of sex partners she's had. If she's had 10 partners, she has a 30% chance of having herpes. If she's had 20 partners, it goes up to about 70%. If she's had 30 partners, it's over 90%.
3. A warning if she is under the age of 30. Just be forewarned: beginning in the early 1990s there was a sexual revolution amongst teenagers, and now half of those who first had sex since 1992 have had an STD at one time or another, and of some kind. This includes all instances of all STDs, even the curable ones. Being under 30 is not necessarily an indictor that she's ever had herpes, but it does mean that she has had a 50% chance of having had an STD at some time in her life. Don't use this on its own, obviously, but look for an indiciation of the other warning signs, too.
4. Odd dating habits. She lives in a huge city, yet has found the love of her life 300 miles away in the next state over. A huge red flag if the woman is attractive or successful.
5. She can't shut up about how wonderful her new boyfriend is. Beware if she keeps saying stuff her boyfriend such as, "He's so wonderful!" and "He's so understanding!" Not once or twice, but constantly, and writes the same damn thing on her Myspace about him. This is because she's found somebody who didn't run when she told him that it burns when she pees. Chances are he has it, too.
6. If she doesn't truly laugh when you make a joke about herpes. Say something like, "They were about to have sex, and then the girl told him she had herpes!!! Oh my God, could you imagine that happening?!? How gross!!! He ran out the door!!! hahahaha!!!" If she's clean, she'll look you right in the eye and laugh. If she has puss dripping out her vagina, she'll avoid eye contact and deadpan something like, "That's too bad."
7. If she was wild once, and now has visibly calmed down and claims to have "reformed." Once a woman learns that she loves to fvck, she'll always love to fvck. Women who have fvcked to the point of getting their meat curtains looking like a nasty pepperoni pizza will suddenly change their habits. "I used to be wild, but I've grown up now." Seriously, she's fvcked 30 guys since high school, and she's 25 now: what's radically changing her behavior all of a sudden? The Big H, that's what. Once a sex fiend, always a sex fiend... unless she's on Valtrex.
8. If she's a stranger, yet comes right out and wants to fvck you. This is a HUGE warning sign. This is the sign of a woman who was fvcking, got herpes, and is angry as hell at the guy who gave it to her. Now she wants revenge and is looking to pass it on to some unsuspecting guy. She figures that the guy didn't give a fvck about her, so why should she give a fvck about anybody else? Avoid the chick like the plague (well, she does have the plague).
9. If she is in her 30s and is "unlucky at love" despite being attractive and kind. This isn't always a warning sign about having herpes, but it's an indicator that you may want to do some investigating before you get too serious about her. She could be a b!tch, and you just haven't seen that side of her. She could be a closet lesbian. Then again, she could be having a seriou case of infectious vaginal discharge, too.
10. If she's in her 30s, and she's still "really picky," or she turns down really good guys. She's at the age where her biological clock is ticking away like mad. Women in their 30s don't become "really picky" like they were when they were in college and shallow. None of us do as we get older, because we've matured and look past money and looks. This is a major sign. She knows uninfected guys won't go near her, and she's afraid of rejection again. In particular, she'll be asked out by nice, eligible guys, and she'll end up quickly dumping them.
11. If she tells you to cvm inside of her because she can't get pregnant. This is usually an indicator of another nasty little bug, HPV (genital warts), chlamydia, or gonorreah, and not herpes. However, having HPV makes getting herpes even easier. Look for any of the above warning signs in conjunction with this one.
This isn't intended to be 100% accurate, it's just intended to give a guy a heads up that your woman could possibly be infected with the Big H.
1. If she lost her virginity before the age of 16. Something like 2 out of 3 women who have had sex before the age of 16 now have open, painful sores on their tw@ts. Young people are stupid and think it's always the other guy who gets it.
2. The number of sex partners she's had. If she's had 10 partners, she has a 30% chance of having herpes. If she's had 20 partners, it goes up to about 70%. If she's had 30 partners, it's over 90%.
3. A warning if she is under the age of 30. Just be forewarned: beginning in the early 1990s there was a sexual revolution amongst teenagers, and now half of those who first had sex since 1992 have had an STD at one time or another, and of some kind. This includes all instances of all STDs, even the curable ones. Being under 30 is not necessarily an indictor that she's ever had herpes, but it does mean that she has had a 50% chance of having had an STD at some time in her life. Don't use this on its own, obviously, but look for an indiciation of the other warning signs, too.
4. Odd dating habits. She lives in a huge city, yet has found the love of her life 300 miles away in the next state over. A huge red flag if the woman is attractive or successful.
5. She can't shut up about how wonderful her new boyfriend is. Beware if she keeps saying stuff her boyfriend such as, "He's so wonderful!" and "He's so understanding!" Not once or twice, but constantly, and writes the same damn thing on her Myspace about him. This is because she's found somebody who didn't run when she told him that it burns when she pees. Chances are he has it, too.
6. If she doesn't truly laugh when you make a joke about herpes. Say something like, "They were about to have sex, and then the girl told him she had herpes!!! Oh my God, could you imagine that happening?!? How gross!!! He ran out the door!!! hahahaha!!!" If she's clean, she'll look you right in the eye and laugh. If she has puss dripping out her vagina, she'll avoid eye contact and deadpan something like, "That's too bad."
7. If she was wild once, and now has visibly calmed down and claims to have "reformed." Once a woman learns that she loves to fvck, she'll always love to fvck. Women who have fvcked to the point of getting their meat curtains looking like a nasty pepperoni pizza will suddenly change their habits. "I used to be wild, but I've grown up now." Seriously, she's fvcked 30 guys since high school, and she's 25 now: what's radically changing her behavior all of a sudden? The Big H, that's what. Once a sex fiend, always a sex fiend... unless she's on Valtrex.
8. If she's a stranger, yet comes right out and wants to fvck you. This is a HUGE warning sign. This is the sign of a woman who was fvcking, got herpes, and is angry as hell at the guy who gave it to her. Now she wants revenge and is looking to pass it on to some unsuspecting guy. She figures that the guy didn't give a fvck about her, so why should she give a fvck about anybody else? Avoid the chick like the plague (well, she does have the plague).
9. If she is in her 30s and is "unlucky at love" despite being attractive and kind. This isn't always a warning sign about having herpes, but it's an indicator that you may want to do some investigating before you get too serious about her. She could be a b!tch, and you just haven't seen that side of her. She could be a closet lesbian. Then again, she could be having a seriou case of infectious vaginal discharge, too.
10. If she's in her 30s, and she's still "really picky," or she turns down really good guys. She's at the age where her biological clock is ticking away like mad. Women in their 30s don't become "really picky" like they were when they were in college and shallow. None of us do as we get older, because we've matured and look past money and looks. This is a major sign. She knows uninfected guys won't go near her, and she's afraid of rejection again. In particular, she'll be asked out by nice, eligible guys, and she'll end up quickly dumping them.
11. If she tells you to cvm inside of her because she can't get pregnant. This is usually an indicator of another nasty little bug, HPV (genital warts), chlamydia, or gonorreah, and not herpes. However, having HPV makes getting herpes even easier. Look for any of the above warning signs in conjunction with this one.