I approached several girls this past spring semester (with no luck of course) and got the feeling that close friends viewed me as too desperate. It seemed like they thought I was just some horny nerd who wanted to get laid. I know one of the whole points of doing so many approaches is to get over your fear/awkwardness involving women, but after awhile it just felt like desperation.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
100 Approaches = Coming Off As Too Desperate?
- Thread starter Demystify
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
chinwaggler
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2008
- Messages
- 292
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maybe it felt like desperation because it wasn't working...?
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
It's all how you look at it...
I've stopped going for # and haven't followed up with many chicks, but I still go out and approach almost everyday...talking to an average of 20-50 people a day...
The mindset I'm coming from, as one of my wings coined the term, I'm a social butterfly who is just being social. At the sametime I know I'm out here learning social dynamics.
So when I walk into all girl clothing stores, makeup shops, etc. The reason I'm going there is because I'm learning social dynamics. I know I'm there to meet the girl, but the environment doesn't affect me at all.
Approaching and interacting with people is fun, you being social should be normal. It should never feel like desperation.
I've stopped going for # and haven't followed up with many chicks, but I still go out and approach almost everyday...talking to an average of 20-50 people a day...
The mindset I'm coming from, as one of my wings coined the term, I'm a social butterfly who is just being social. At the sametime I know I'm out here learning social dynamics.
So when I walk into all girl clothing stores, makeup shops, etc. The reason I'm going there is because I'm learning social dynamics. I know I'm there to meet the girl, but the environment doesn't affect me at all.
Approaching and interacting with people is fun, you being social should be normal. It should never feel like desperation.
Who cares what they think? The more approaches you do, the better.
Have you ever been on a cruise? If so, you'll be able to spot the "Jersey guys" instantly. They're the guidos that show up at the pool on the first day and just go chair to chair aggressively hitting on girls. They always get shot down like crazy, but they ALWAYS get hooked up before they make it around the perimeter of the pool.
The key to talking to and approaching to women is volume, volume, volume. Not only do you increase your chances of hooking up the more women you talk to, but the practice makes you better at talking to women!
Have you ever been on a cruise? If so, you'll be able to spot the "Jersey guys" instantly. They're the guidos that show up at the pool on the first day and just go chair to chair aggressively hitting on girls. They always get shot down like crazy, but they ALWAYS get hooked up before they make it around the perimeter of the pool.
The key to talking to and approaching to women is volume, volume, volume. Not only do you increase your chances of hooking up the more women you talk to, but the practice makes you better at talking to women!
oakraiderz2
Master Don Juan
You should probably be concerned about being 0 for 100. You must be f*ckin up if you cant be successful 1% of the time.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Love Ninja
Don Juan
F*cking UP
Please Delete
Please Delete
You gotta ask yourself, are you thinking "Does this girl like me?" or are you thinking "Should I like her?"
I only keep girls I would like to know, hence getting the #, or have chemistry, in which I will also go for the # and follow up. I certainly don't get every girl's # I see, there's no reason to. I only take what I'm interested in.
I only keep girls I would like to know, hence getting the #, or have chemistry, in which I will also go for the # and follow up. I certainly don't get every girl's # I see, there's no reason to. I only take what I'm interested in.
Microphone Fiend
Master Don Juan
As long as you learn from your approaches, you are successful. If you are just hitting your head against the same brick wall however...
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.