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1 hour on the phone. What next?

Tolstoi

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This is borderline, if not, negotiating her desire.
I understand your reasoning. However, by having said her

"Whether or not our date takes long to occur only depends on your degree of interest",

I only wanted to imply to her, in a polite way, that her interest was low and all her excuses were bull****.

Since the first moment I proposed a date, I validated her -- she would not be validated only if I had never proposed a date!
 

Black Widow Void

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She replied immediately agreeing with a date during her lunchtime, but warning that the duration of the date will be short, because she will have to return to her work.
I have not replied her yet. What would you advise me?
Is she recently divorced or widowed? Is this her very first time meeting someone on line? If so, maybe she actually does deserve some wiggle room.

Otherwise, I'd conclude that someone in her past has made this woman *very* smug. The last thing you want to do is agree to her 'egg-timer' date and reinforce her behavior.

On an evening date, we may have no guarantee that it's going to end up with a lay, but at least the potential setting is there. On this lunch date, it sounds like the highest potential is an after-lunch kiss with possible onion breath (and that's the best scenario).

After lunch, I think that you'd end up disliking yourself if you accept this date on her terms. In fact, based on what you've shared (unless this is her first time meeting someone on line) she seems too dominant and lacking flexibility.
.
 

Glassguy

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I liked EyeBRollin's advice, and, instead of ceasing communication, I sent her a text saying "Let's discuss that in our date".

She replied immediately agreeing with a date during her lunchtime, but warning that the duration of the date will be short, because she will have to return to her work.

She works close to where I live, but she lives far away (maybe 50km away).

I have not replied her yet. What would you advise me?
Attention wh0res- They are nice and sweet when you are feeding them attention. When you take it away (as you did because she wasnt giving anything in return) they become a bytch. This one sort of acted like a VICTIM.

Is that really a good start? No. Ditch her.

My response when she said "you're imposing" would have been simple:

I joined tinder to meet people I seem to connect with. You seem to want a pen pal. That's not what I'm interested in. If you change your mind, and I'm still free, maybe we can try this again another time".

That's it. Or I would have just responded with "OK" and unmatched her/stopped responding her texts/phone calls.

You did nothing wrong. You saw her intent earlier than the average SoSauve member would have. You pulled back. Her true colors came through. You probably dodged a bullet.

Go find 3 or 4 more put of the billions on this planet. Nothing lost here over her.

Remember- attention wh0res want attention. Not dates.

Kick their ass to the curb quickly and you've lost nothing. Keep letting her trick you into these long conversations and you've lost your most valuable commodity.....your time.
 

Glassguy

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Remember- you cannot negotiate attraction and you cant negotiate intent.

Your intent is to meet women. Her intent was a chat pal.

They just dont line up with each other. Keep moving forward and find more plates.
 

EyeBRollin

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I liked EyeBRollin's advice, and, instead of ceasing communication, I sent her a text saying "Let's discuss that in our date".

She replied immediately agreeing with a date during her lunchtime, but warning that the duration of the date will be short, because she will have to return to her work.

She works close to where I live, but she lives far away (maybe 50km away).

I have not replied her yet. What would you advise me?
Make the date for during her lunch time, like she offered. Forget all the frame bullshvt right now. You are of no value until you get in front of her on a date. Make it by any means necessary. The first date is your super bowl. Make it count.
 
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Tolstoi

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EyeBRollin argued that I have no value until I meet her and that I should therefore accept her lunchtime date. I replied her proposing a day for our date, and she has never replied.
 

flowtheory

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EyeBRollin argued that I have no value until I meet her and that I should therefore accept her lunchtime date. I replied her proposing a day for our date, and she has never replied.
Why are you still investing in her?

essentially you proposed a date. She didn’t accept or come up with an alternate time. She instead tried being a victim to you. She then saw you weren't fully biting anymore to play in to her attention game. She suggests a date.. you accept in a way with more validation and attention, and then she ghosts you or doesn’t respond. Ensuring SHE wins the interaction of leaving you on the hook, successfully validating herself knowing she can still have you even after all her bs.

delete her man
 

flowtheory

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imagine having this existence, id actually rather pick this brain than a serial killers
There wouldn’t be much to pick. And it would be super boring.

essentially: “I have low self esteem and self worth, so I try to foster a sense of my self through extrinsic means. But it’s all futile because it doesn’t work. Because whenever I get what I want,I always want more but I still reject myself”.

compound that by 10 years and you have someone who walks this earth in psychological misery who is probably a burden to those around them and society as they have no scope to see anything much beyond their own wants and needs. It’s a subset of being narcissistic.
 

derby1

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compound that by 10 years and you have someone who walks this earth in psychological misery who is probably a burden to those around them and society.
i hear ya, i dated one, you could have lived the dream relationship with her, and she would ditch it all for 10 blokes with Lepracy fawning over her...............kind of put me off women for a long time lol
 

flowtheory

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i hear ya, i dated one, you could have lived the dream relationship with her, and she would ditch it all for 10 blokes with Lepracy fawning over her...............kind of put me off women for a long time lol
And this is the difficulty for many people within society as a whole. We base our own vision and goals off of other people’s interest or disinterest.

the dream relationship doesn’t exist. It’s called that for a reason. The best relationships are seeing and then accepting that both individuals are extremely flawed in a multitude of various ways. And that this is essentially life. The imperfections and obstacles is what cultivates richness. Relationships are extremely complex and require deep patience and perseverance. No manifesto on a forum or creed via YouTube will garner us our own nirvana.

in life we are a business, and we develop rules known as standards which instruct others and ourselves how to treat us. And when people don’t comply with our guidelines, it’s up to the self to determine what action to proceed with subsequently. How we respond and react are tethered to our self beliefs and worth. That’s where our true doctrine can be sourced from. That’s where our current standards truly are. In a rational and logical mind it’s easy to set our own bar higher than it actually is.

no one else’s behaviour or weak internal compass should ever deter us from what we truly desire. The goal is to cultivate the self with deep integrity and through that process I do believe the right things show up. But many people fight against their true selfs and operate under a guise of something disengenious and expect a life and relationship that will envelop them in their wildest dreams.

I digress
 

MrWood

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Seattle women... im sorry for you.
(I lived in Bellingham for 20yr)
 

backseatjuan

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Welcome to the platonic relationship. No date has taken place and already there is brain sex.

Woman's reasoning -- I talked to him he seems borring.
Player's retionalization -- You talked to her and solidified yourself as girlfriend material.

It's time to go find another girl. Keep in mind, you can date up, she could be in her late 30s. Phone is a necessary thing, however limit your time on the phone to no more than 15 minutes, and 1 conversation before a date.
 

Blacksheep

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I matched on Tinder with a 48 years old woman one week ago, and we have texted each other every day. (I am 50.) She seems to be quite interested mainly due to the status gap between us.

Yesterday, we talked on the phone for the first time, and the conversation took 1 hour. During the conversation, I suggested her several times to go to sleep since she had to get up very early, but she kept on the conversation.

I also suggested her to meet her in person, and she replied that that is possible and that we should talk more times to get to know each other better.

My idea is to be now a few days without contacting her, to keep mystery and suspense on. However, I am not very sure whether that is best move to follow. What would you advise me?
It seems a lot that she want to check other options before going out with you. Like hipergamy.

Logically and by some experiences I had, when a woman wants to know you, she can go out with you in the first day, also, if she is really up to you... the chances are that you can fck her in the first date.

I'm only supposing, it may not be true.

What you can try is to stop giving attention to her... showing her that she's not your only option. If she have any desire and notice you're leaving... she will chase you.

It's kind of a test, the more you fall into this trap... the more she will play with you.

Have tons and tons of situations like that. When I was interested, the girl just played with me. Then, when I leave... some days or weeks, and in some cases like 1 year after... the girl came at me and then I fcked her. It's funny.

And then I figured out that she was going out with other guys the time we talk.

Don't know if that make any sense for you... but I hope it helps you!
 

Tolstoi

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I thank you all for the wisdom who you have shared with me.

Since my acceptance of her lunchtime date proposal, I have never contacted her and will go on with this non-investment policy. She has also kept her silence.

I am now working on other plates.
 

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bat soup

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I matched on Tinder with a 48 years old woman one week ago, and we have texted each other every day. (I am 50.) She seems to be quite interested mainly due to the status gap between us.

Yesterday, we talked on the phone for the first time, and the conversation took 1 hour. During the conversation, I suggested her several times to go to sleep since she had to get up very early, but she kept on the conversation.

I also suggested her to meet her in person, and she replied that that is possible and that we should talk more times to get to know each other better.

My idea is to be now a few days without contacting her, to keep mystery and suspense on. However, I am not very sure whether that is best move to follow. What would you advise me?
Tell her that you don't like talking on the phone and suggest meeting up in person. If she doesn't want to do that, then I'd suggest ditching her and finding a women under the age of 40 that actually wants to meet.
 
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