"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Vatoloco's Observation Log
- Thread starter vatoloco
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
JohnChops
Master Don Juan
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vatoloco said:
Yeah disregard what I said to you in the other thread started by Harry. Good find.man, I've always been curious of texting and.never really understood it. I thought this girl had low IL because she doesn't text me.often but when I set up a date she follows through and we have a blast . A+ post. I learned texting is trash, listening to all these dudes texting all the tike is a fail on their part. Thanks for the post man
Last week I was at a meeting with several IT heads here at work. At this particular meeting, there was a contractor who requested a few minutes of our time to pitch their services.
It was all fine and dandy, until an older gentleman from my organization (and who holds a very important office -- I can't say what it is as it would be identifying info) started yapping away... GIVING THEM CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION!
I was thinking "Old dude, wat r u doin'? Dude! STAHP!" and as I looked around the room, mine wasn't the only terrified face. This contractor now has key information that now gives them leverage when it comes to the price they set for their services, assuming my organization will be needing them.
The leader of the contractor said a beautiful phrase (I can't say it here as I am sure that it was ingrained into the minds of the people attending that meeting -- hence my post subject). It alluded to how they were the ones coming in to tell us about their services, but instead came out ahead knowing a whole lot more than they were expecting to learn.
Lesson to be learned:
- Law #4 from The 48 Laws of Power: "Always Say Less Than Necessary". This old man yapping away will [potentially] cost the organization tens of thousands of dollars. Don't be like this man. Keep your fuckin' trap shut and say only what is necessary to say.
To add my own story to this invaluable truth:vatoloco said:
When I was buying my house a few years ago, I was negotiating with the sellers (via the real estate agent) the terms of the deal; basically what they would fix on the house, who would pay closing costs, etc... Their agent let slip that the sellers had found a house they wanted to move into and thus wanted to get this deal over with so they could start the process on their new place.
Huge tactical error.
Long story short I stuck to my guns on all my points knowing they would either give in or risk losing their "dream house". I got what I wanted and their agent cost them probably $10k between improvements and concessions on the asking price. Oops!
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Yep. I would have fired that agent right then and there on the spot. Unless the sellers were idiots and signed an exclusivity agreement with their selling agent.Von_S said:
As a side note, when I was buying my house, I interviewed several people to be my Buyer's Agent. Some people wanted exclusivity contracts. I would stand up, shake their hand and tell them "Thanks for your time." and walk off.
The lady who ended up helping me buy my house told me "I won't ask you to sign any contract. I will look for properties with your requirements and show them to you. I will get paid if you buy a property I show you." (through her commission).
Guess who I bought my house through?
"Oops" indeed. +1 on the great example.
Saying more than you need to say can literally cost you THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. Don't do it. Keep your mouth shut unless you have something [intelligent] to say.
Here's a great example of a Wrong Woman™: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1969139#post1969139
What's a Wrong Woman™? I'm glad you asked!
Who they are: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1834720&postcount=95
Identification example: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1835128&postcount=96
How they affect you: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1902193&postcount=145
If you're not well-trained, AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS. If you know what you're doing (iow, you have VERY TIGHT GAME), Pump & Dump is all these women are good for.
Learning to identify and avoid Wrong Women™ is the path to Enlightenment.
JohnChops
Master Don Juan
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Spot on again, you ever fall for one of these girls? I have. And a year and a half later I'm still feeling it just not as hard. But the first couple of months ... ohmygawd I felt like complete ****. I still have to see the girl and that's why its so hard to go on sometimes . But she had daddy issues , obviously such a bad idea.vatoloco said:
Good observation
Willing is not enough; we must do."
Reading all this material is not enough. Go out there and apply it.
Learn from your experiences.
Thinking you are The Prize is not enough. Work towards becoming one.
Eventually be one.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Last week I was copied on an e-mail that was a conversation/request for some technology needs here at work. My boss copied me in case my input was needed but what I found interesting was the dynamics. Let me explain.
The original request was from a woman requesting a room with certain technology. (as an observation, no "pleases" or "thank yous" anywhere from her
). People in the e-mail are bending over backwards trying to accommodate her needs and at one point, one entity was already making changes to its schedule to accommodate her.The crux point came when the accommodating entity was beginning to make software installs when the original requester (the woman) dropped the following bomb (paraphrasing):
"Never mind. I found some other rooms in [alternate location] so [already-accommodating location] will not be needed after all. Thanks."
Days for e-mails back on forth, hours of coordination and work just down the toilet because she didn't have the decency of letting them know in time that she was already making plans somewhere else.
Gee, that sounds familiar...
Lesson to be learned:
- Don't bend over backwards for people, especially women. Go through Life doing no evil but, don't go out of your way to be nice to people. Remember, they (women especially) will try to take advantage of you.
Edit: Okay, now that I'm back, here is the post I had mentioned.
Today on one of my walks across campus I was minding my own business when all of sudden I hear "You gotta have balls" being said by a female voice.
I was heading in one direction on a sidewalk, while a pair of female students were walking the other direction, talking with each other. This is the conversation they were having, to best of my recollection, paraphrasing, of course:
- "You gotta have balls" I told him.
- You did!?
- Yeah, I mean, I like confident guys! "C'mon, I'm dating you. Have a little bit more faith in yourself."
- For reals!
Lesson to be learned:
- Have balls.
I was reading an e-mail from work that highlights events throughout campus. It's getting close to the end of the semester so there's a section that focuses on the upcoming graduation ceremony.
What I found interesting is that they only used images of females in their cap & gowns for a promo illustration. Absolutely no males in sight, not even in the background.
Just some food for thought...
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Today I stepped out to lunch. I am eating my meal and the couple conversing next to me (a guy and a a girl) is dishing out all sorts of dirt about their friends. Remember how I tell you to keep your "fuckin' trap shut"? Yeah, there's a good reason for that!
Anyway, among the many things they were criticizing their "friends" on, they were making fun of one of their mutual friends who is apparently leaving his woman (who he has a child with) to be with a woman living on the other side of the country (who happens to have three children). The girl says the above quote and I just chuckle inside. Apparently the people involved had been having a "Facebook relationship" for several months now and he decided to move to her city because she wasn't moving to his.
Leasons to be learned:
- KYFTS: Keep Your Fuckin' Trap Shut™!
- Don't have Facebook, Online, or Long-distance relationships.
- If you're gonna leave your partner/spouse/etc., at least have it be an upgrade!
Back in the day, peacocking was good. Nowadays, every Tom, Dick and Harry does it. It's no longer unique. Women know this. If you're using it as a trick to "pick up chicks" (as a PUA), its effectiveness has been greatly reduced. Everybody knows about peacocking now. And I mean EVERYBODY. I mean, Brian from Family Guy did it!
What I mean about being smart about it is that it should be more subtle, more elegant, but it should still set you apart. Let me tell you my story:
Back in the day, when I got tired of getting dumped (more than 10 years ago) I started learning. I picked up several teachings, peacocking included. I tried it. It failed. Why? Because it wasn't me. It was incongruent with who I was. Chicks picked up on it (they're more intuitive than us). As I kept improving, I decided to still keep it but tone it down. Incorporate it into my new, improving personality.
I am not required at work to wear a suit and tie. But I incorporated elements from that attire and molded them into a unique style that works for me for 1) my badboy looks and 2) my current management position. I know I look good. I like it. Women like it.
Being a sharp dresser, with my own unique style IS my way of peacocking. It sets me apart from everyone else I work with. Knowing I look good is a rush of endorphins. My self-esteem is through the roof. Not only am I the shit on the inside, I AM the shit on the outside too. And this translates into a positive attitude when interacting with others. By me feeling good, I make others feel good. It is a whole lot easier to get other people to do what you want when 1) you look good, 2) you have a good attitude and give off a positive vibe and 3) you are polite ("please" and "thank you" are words I seldom hear anymore...)
When it comes to women, it's even more important. Looking good commands attention. If you're good-looking (thanks Mom & Dad!) and dress well... shit! You add Tight Game and you're an unstoppable force! All eyes are on you! "Hey, who's that guy in the tie!?" I hear through the grapevine. "What's his name? Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend?"
An in-demand Good Man, a Prize is the Holy Grail of the Good Woman.
Our friend Warrior posted this link. It's very good. Head over, watch and read.
Like I've already told some of you, "if you're not a Great Man, how do you expect to get a Great Woman?"
At work, do you think they hold me in high regard because of my devilish good looks or wicked sense of style? Fuck no! They love me because I'm good at what I do. They have a need. I provide a solution to that need. Hence they pay me well to keep providing a solution to that need. The moment I can't provide for their need is the moment they drop me. Simple.
Hey, I know it ain't fair. But that's Life for ya. Tough titties!
P.S. Get good at something. That's how you get ahead in Life. Remember what the Joker said in The Dark Knight: "If you're good at something, never do it for free!"
P.P.S. Like I tell you guys: Always Be Closing. Interact with a chick? Close her. Always.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.