Women who say they want guys to show emotions

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Here’s the thing gentlemen. Vulnerability comes from a position of strength in a real man. Period.

Read that again.

Women want to see the human side of their big strong man. The right sort of woman will take whatever you reveal “to the vault” as @sazc notes. You as a man will not know what kind of woman you really have unless & until you have the courage to reveal yourself and then see how she responds. If she listens, supports and takes it to the vault? She’s a safe place for you to be fully human. She will facilitate intimacy by doing this for you.

If she reacts like @logicallefty experienced? She’s just revealed that she isn’t a safe place for you. Most women aren’t a safe place in that way. Most women are too bloody wrapped up their own BS and insecurities and needs that they aren’t mature enough to handle a man who takes the risk and exhibits the strength & courage to reveal himself fully, faults, insecurities and all.

It’s about the courage to allow yourself to be fully known. And yes, you need to be ultra discriminating in who you allow to know you, good, bad, and ugly.

Most people can’t handle that kind of disclosure. Many women who *think* they want to know really aren’t prepared to handle what gets revealed.

I also agree that this is not the sort of thing that a man ought to do early on in a relationship. There simply isn’t enough foundation between two people. I will say however that I’ve seen truly remarkable men who are utterly outcome independent reveal themselves to others in a transparent and authentic way. That is powerful and such men are rare to find.

For the majority of men who are struggling with their own insecurities and baggage it is no surprise at some of the jaded responses and attitudes in this thread. Never mind gender. Few people as a percentage of the population have the character and the guts to behave in such an authentic manner and acknowledge the weak, vulnerable or ugly places inside. But that is the only path to real intimacy between two human beings. It ain’t for sissies nor for the insecure.

My guy has serious faults & flaws. So do I. In sharing those things we each become a safe harbor for one another. He has told me things that are ghastly, heartbreaking, painful and he has had awful moments in proximity to me, and he has allowed me into his psyche and his pain. While at the same time putting on a brave face for the world. And that’s not to say he isn’t happy at times too...he is.

But it is my duty to listen and understand the things he reveals, however they may be...without judgement. In that way he has an outlet for things he’s never expressed...and no matter how we may fight sometimes, those revelations are out of bounds and off limits because they were shared in confidence and great emotional risk.

It creates a powerful bond between us. But it comes from courage & strength and the desire to be fully known. And it requires an emotionally stable/mature partner.

 

[bacchus]

Advice from the old lady:

Here’s the thing gentlemen. Vulnerability comes from a position of strength in a real man. Period.

Read that again.

Women want to see the human side of their big strong man. The right sort of woman will take whatever you reveal “to the vault” as @sazc notes.

This would have some accuracy if BeExcellent had instead written “POST-WALL women want to see the human side of their big strong man WHOSE SMV IS SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER THAN HERS.”

It comforts a less-than-optimal women when her higher SMV boyfriend/husband shows vulnerability. The weakness and insecurity he demonstrates assuages her anxieties that he will leave her for a higher value option, because

a) his weakness means he is probably too scared to leave the security she provides for the unknown, and

b) his vulnerability decreases his attractiveness to the younger and more desirable women out there, thereby decreasing the likelihood that she will lose her man to a younger/more attractive female competitor.

As other posters have commented in the past, follow the “advice” provided by women on this site at your own peril, and ask yourself what her underlying motivations are for joining and posting on a men’s site in the first place.

Attractive women with options want an alpha male who is masculine and keeps his emotions in check. 100% of the time. She may *like* Mr. Vulnerability more on a personal level, but ONLY as a friend, because he doesn’t give her the tingles.

Showing your emotional side puts any man on the fast track to either getting dumped, or becoming her gay best friend. Unless of course your goal is to get into/maintain a relationship with a woman whose SMV is significantly lower than yours, then being vulnerable may also work.

 

[samspade]

Since when are we paying attention to what women say they want?

 

[AJ84]

I believe it’s emotions as in... a man opening up in what challenges and successes he’s experiencing.
Women want to join a man on his ride in life. Vicariously indulging his experience; like a movie.
They look to men for exhilaration, joy, abundant love. If a man never talks about his ambitions, obstacles, and ideas about life, she feels like she is cut off from an intimate part of him. His emotions towards the world and self.
She wants to experience emotions through us.

They don’t want us to become wet blankets of emotions that she has to deal with. Crying at her feet saying how much she means to us. There’s a difference.
This is why women love men who are passionate about their life, who have zest.. they want to be around those emotions which are in a man.

You get it. So many guys here expect the girl to live in his frame, follow him on his journey, support his life goals.

Well, how the hell can she do that if he doesn’t let her in?

People follow people who inspire them, who make them feel special, who let them into who they are, where you feel privileged to know that side of him that he doesn’t share with everyone else.

A brick wall is not inspiring, nor is it interesting.

 

[sazc]

Oh you’ll be closer alright. “Friends only” close, if that’s what you want. You will no longer be a dating option to her but someone she can confide in and you’ve become the perfect candidate to be her friend. Trust me, I’ve been friendzoned, we are just friends, let’s be friends, so many times that I could write a book. I know the traps women use to get you in there and this is a huge one. Go ahead, fellas, show those feels and emotions. Come back and tell me how right I was when you start a thread “I thought I could be more close to her by showing my emotions, now she just wants to be friends and she has a date with Chad tonight. What do I do?”.

You're coming on too strong too quick or the girl had low IL too begin with. A woman who is interested in you isn't going to LJBF you because you get vulnerable BUT getting vulnerable with someone isn't something you do haphazzardly. It's something you wait to to, you contemplate letting her in, you watch for the signs that she wants to take care of you, then you do it.

 

[sazc]

It’s never been a good idea in my experience. I did it in my younger years, stop doing it as I got more red pill. I re-tested the waters with my girlfriend about a month ago and here is what happened. My house is for sale and it’s been on the market for a while. One morning I was kind of down about the house talking to her on the phone on the way to work. I didn’t get all sappy or anything but I told her that I was really bummed out about the house not selling, and question whether it would ever sell or if I would be stuck with it the rest of my life. Mostly just venting to her really. Nothing too sappy.

What did she do ?

She pretty much went off on me, told me I was a negative Nelly and needed to be more appreciative of the good things I have in my life. Told me my life is it all that bad and that I needed to handle my problems better. A long ass chewing basically. She had never done this quite like this before.

Translation: I expose myself to her at a vulnerable moment and she attacked me like a hyena attacking a wounded Buffalo. Never again brothers. Never again.

Whoa.... Assuming you're not a constant negative nelly....Is that the way you want to be treated by the women you spend the majority of your time with? Yikes! How does she treat you when you get hurt? If you get sick does she tell you to buck the fvck up? Or will she take care of you? Yeesh

 

[logicallefty]

Whoa.... Assuming you're not a constant negative nelly....Is that the way you want to be treated by the women you spend the majority of your time with? Yikes! How does she treat you when you get hurt? If you get sick does she tell you to buck the fvck up? Or will she take care of you? Yeesh

When I get sick I sleep it off and she leaves me alone. She’s always concerned about my health. I’m one of those guys who only goes to doctor when really necessary and she is always trying to get me to go more. In the conversation about my house I felt extra bummed that day cuz someone I know put their house on the market and sold their house in one day and mine has been on the market over a year. I was extra bummed and frustrated that particular day which became the wooded leg of the buffalo so to speak and she attacked it. But normally she doesn’t do this. The only reason I even mentioned this was because it was directly related to the thread topic . I’m not asking for advise or help on the issue. Don’t need any right now.

 

[RangerMIke]

@Spaz gets it right again. @BeExcellent also offers good insight.

The simple fact is that you have to show some vulnerability otherwise it will be impossible to build an emotional connection. If you are an emotionless toaster.... well you can not 'love' toaster. You can appreciate that the toaster makes toast, but only a crazy person would fall in love with a toaster.

The key is not to allow your emotions control your behavior. A man has to be able to navigate the subjective emotional soup which is life, and stay focused on finding objective solutions. This is very sexy to women.

It's okay to cry at funerals, but you can not let your emotions to prevent you from doing those things needed to plan and organize the funeral. It's okay to get mad at some idiot cutting you off on the road, and almost wreaking your car: it is not okay for you to allow your rage to start chasing this idiot and tail-gating him/her and behaving in such a way that makes a bad situation worst.

 

[AttackFormation]

You guys can talk about relationship dynamics all you want, but my response to these threads is always the same: please let me know when you or any man you've heard of got a pvssy wet by "showing emotions". I'll be waiting to hear about it.

 

[Robert28]

You're coming on too strong too quick or the girl had low IL too begin with. A woman who is interested in you isn't going to LJBF you because you get vulnerable BUT getting vulnerable with someone isn't something you do haphazzardly. It's something you wait to to, you contemplate letting her in, you watch for the signs that she wants to take care of you, then you do it.

Lol that’s the old friend zone. This new age friend zone can have 75 different meanings. Let me give you a few of the scenarios I’ve experienced in the new age friend zone and then tell me why guys run when they hear the “f” word.

- she didn’t want a relationship after dating for 3 months, so let’s be friends. That meant she still wanted to go on dates, ME pay, ACT like her boyfriend by calling and texting regularly, she’s get jealous when other girls looked at me or I looked at them in her presence. But we were “just friends” keep in mind.

- girl friendzoned me but yet wanted to hangout once a week, sometimes twice. Sorry but I don’t hangout with my actual friends that often. She basically didn’t want to give me time to meet anyone else is what it boiled down to.

- she friendzoned me and had hot friends so I say “hey set me up with one of them”. That flipped her out “what I’m not good enough for you all of a sudden?” ***** you just friend zoned me 2 seconds ago.lol

I’m basically being friend zoned but expected to act and spend time like a boyfriend. No thank you.

 

[sazc]

Lol that’s the old friend zone. This new age friend zone can have 75 different meanings. Let me give you a few of the scenarios I’ve experienced in the new age friend zone and then tell me why guys run when they hear the “f” word.

- she didn’t want a relationship after dating for 3 months, so let’s be friends. That meant she still wanted to go on dates, ME pay, ACT like her boyfriend by calling and texting regularly, she’s get jealous when other girls looked at me or I looked at them in her presence. But we were “just friends” keep in mind.

- girl friendzoned me but yet wanted to hangout once a week, sometimes twice. Sorry but I don’t hangout with my actual friends that often. She basically didn’t want to give me time to meet anyone else is what it boiled down to.

- she friendzoned me and had hot friends so I say “hey set me up with one of them”. That flipped her out “what I’m not good enough for you all of a sudden?” ***** you just friend zoned me 2 seconds ago.lol

I’m basically being friend zoned but expected to act and spend time like a boyfriend. No thank you.

Agreed! Low IL is low IL. Attention seekers shall seek. Thank goodness your smart enough to move on! Sh1t happens, for sure.

 

[Trump]

Part of masculinity is keeping reins of one's emotions.

Emotions cannot be purged or extinguished within you but it can and must be controlled to excel.

Which is why boys at a young age, in the presence of their masculine father, should they fall off their bicycle, scraped their knees, they would get up immediately ignoring the pain to press on learning and overcoming hardships/adversities, even smiling when doing so for they see pride in their fathers eyes.

But the opposite would happened in the presence of their mother, they would fall and then cry, in the process not learning to get up and tough it out, always weak.

If a man must cry or scream at the world, then do so when no one is around or go to a secluded hill/beach and do it there.

Then come back to society all refreshed and ready to face the world once more, overcoming harsh adventures life throws at him and smiling when he falls knowing he is learning, getting better each time he pick himself up.

@Spaz gets it right again. @BeExcellent also offers good insight.

The simple fact is that you have to show some vulnerability otherwise it will be impossible to build an emotional connection. If you are an emotionless toaster.... well you can not 'love' toaster. You can appreciate that the toaster makes toast, but only a crazy person would fall in love with a toaster.

The key is not to allow your emotions control your behavior. A man has to be able to navigate the subjective emotional soup which is life, and stay focused on finding objective solutions. This is very sexy to women.

It's okay to cry at funerals, but you can not let your emotions to prevent you from doing those things needed to plan and organize the funeral. It's okay to get mad at some idiot cutting you off on the road, and almost wreaking your car: it is not okay for you to allow your rage to start chasing this idiot and tail-gating him/her and behaving in such a way that makes a bad situation worst.

OK you guys have good points, Obviously you can show emotions or yell at the world if a family member dies or you get screwed in business or you injure yourself.

But the OPs main point was:

“Is it ok or recommended to show emotions or vulnerability or expose your feelings to WOMEN?”

In other words, if she says “what’s wrong?” Is she:

a) caring
b) trying to extract personal weaknesses from you to use as ammunition later / destroy you when the time is right

My money is on (b)

 

[Robert28]

Agreed! Low IL is low IL. Attention seekers shall seek. Thank goodness your smart enough to move on! Sh1t happens, for sure.

I’ve had initial low IL turn into raging gotta have me now while I was friend zoned. I’m an expert in how to play it. You never call or text them first, ever. When you hangout be fun and don’t act like a friend or act like you are all that interested in them at all, but be fun. I can master the **** out of the FZ but most times I just ghost.

 

[AttackFormation]

OK you guys have good points, Obviously you can show emotions or yell at the world if a family member dies or you get screwed in business or you injure yourself.

But the OPs main point was:

“Is it ok or recommended to show emotions or vulnerability or expose your feelings to WOMEN?”

In other words, if she says “what’s wrong?” Is she:

a) caring
b) trying to extract personal weaknesses from you to use as ammunition later / destroy you when the time is right

My money is on (b)

I don't think you need to assume either intentionality or malice about it. It's simply two conflicting desires of wanting you to be masculine because you're her man, while also wanting you to talk because we're social creatures. Only after the fact would she be turned off at a gut level.

 

[Spaz]

OK you guys have good points, Obviously you can show emotions or yell at the world if a family member dies or you get screwed in business or you injure yourself.

But the OPs main point was:

“Is it ok or recommended to show emotions or vulnerability or expose your feelings to WOMEN?”

In other words, if she says “what’s wrong?” Is she:

a) caring
b) trying to extract personal weaknesses from you to use as ammunition later / destroy you when the time is right

My money is on (b)

I've already answered it with an analogy, a story.

And the moral of the story is?

 

[RickTheToad]

This is EXACTLY what we discuss in our secret meetings "let's tell them we want them to show emotions because once he shows emotions we know he's beneath us"

Lololololol

And here I thought you were talking about how to lure dudes in with you t!ts, ass, pvssy and sucking skills. Who woulda thunk it was the emotions route............

 

[Spaz]

about a captain telling his sailors he don't know waht to do, the old sailor after told him, he is the captain, he always know what to do, and if he don't he better act like he do, everyone in this ship look up to you for guidance, you should never look weak.

The quote above is another example or reason why men must keep their emotions in check, even when in doubt he must seem to know what's he's doing and also seen to be taking action.

It's part of leadership.

Men must understand that once they are born male, they automatically assume the God given authority of leadership in a relationship by default.

He is born to be the Captain of the ship.

 

[flowtheory]

Next time a woman complains, remind her that you're not there to be her therapist or father. You are there only to make her stronger, not coddle her. See how well THAT goes for you.

Lol wouldn’t go well.
But men need to hear and understand a woman so she can feel safe. She looks for a safe haven in a man.

If you're a man who complains, you're regarded as weak. But if you're a woman who complains, you're regarded as strong and deserving of support.

There’s also many double standards that are in favour of males. Nothing in life is completely equitable.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I'll decide when I want them to be my therapist...or my wh0re...or my strength...or my coddler. I set my own expectations for my women. Not anybody else. Because I want and expect all of those things from women, at my time and choosing.

Then you expect too much. Being emotional and crying about your weaknesses to your woman will only lower her attraction.

Next time a woman complains, remind her that you're not there to be her therapist or father.

You must have misunderstood. The one complaining is the one losing frame. I'll hear her complaints but the act of complaining is playing against her in my mind and my attraction to her. I may mention if it becomes excessive but generally I'll empathize and capitalize on the opportunity to win over her soul more so.

You are there only to make her stronger, not coddle her. See how well THAT goes for you.

It's symbiotic. Both are there to make each other stronger via checking. It's the healthiest relationship you can ask for.

 

[flowtheory]

@Espi ”But in my mind women are not as weak as they want us to think, and I feel like to remind myself that I'm being tricked or deceived whenever they complain, lament, etc.”

I don’t think women want us to think their weak, at all. Feeling and seeking safety within the man and union doesn’t have to do with weakness. It has to do with freedom - a safe space to redeem themselves from what they have given up or lost in the world.

I'll empathize and capitalize on the opportunity to win over her soul more so.

This. If a woman is able to complain or vent (essentially open up), and feel understood within her turbulent state of emotions, she will feel received openly and be more willing to deepen the bond (if the man is grounded within his sovereignty and isn’t emotional himself).