Why did I hesitate?

[Xclemz]

I'm a recovering AFC and I decided to take a turn and start approaching girls and spin plates. Today I got out of my hostel (I'm a college student) and decided to walk around to see if I can approach girls. I saw a girl walking my direction and that's when I decided I'll talk to her, but my heart started pounding as she was getting closer, and the heart rate kept on increasing, until eventually she passed me. I looked back to see if the situation was still salvageable but I stopped in my tracks. Genuinely, how can get out of my shell?

 

[behimo]

mike tyson famously said, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. You just need to get punched in the face more

to get out of your shell requires some self-work but the quick answer, get out of your own negative thought process and stop the internal dialog, be present in the moment with the girl and the task at hand.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why? Because your body treated that as a "fight or flight" event.

You must retrain your body to see that as mon-threstening by doing it enough and convincing it that it isn't a big deal by conditioning it to be OK in those situations.

Until you do this, you will have the same issues every time.

 

[crowolf]

It's classical approach anxiety.

Some guys need years to overcome it. Others enroll with a daygame coach (beware, a lot of bull$hitters nowadays).

One of the easiest ways to get over the fear is to find a wingman. This might help you start approaching.

The other way (my favourite one, as well as one of the things that really allowed me to conquer my fear - stop mastrubating for a week, two, a month or even more - then you will have the real urge to meet a woman, instead of being satisfied with poяn).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's classical approach anxiety.

Some guys need years to overcome it. Others enroll with a daygame coach (beware, a lot of bull$hitters nowadays).

One of the easiest ways to get over the fear is to find a wingman. This might help you start approaching.

The other way (my favourite one, as well as one of the things that really allowed me to conquer my fear - stop masturbating for a week, two, a month or even more - then you will have the real urge to meet a woman, instead of being satisfied with poяn).

The easiest way is to just literally do it. That's the only way to return your brain

 

[Plinco]

I'm a recovering AFC and I decided to take a turn and start approaching girls and spin plates. Today I got out of my hostel (I'm a college student) and decided to walk around to see if I can approach girls. I saw a girl walking my direction and that's when I decided I'll talk to her, but my heart started pounding as she was getting closer, and the heart rate kept on increasing, until eventually she passed me. I looked back to see if the situation was still salvageable but I stopped in my tracks. Genuinely, how can get out of my shell?

To clarify, it wasn't her that you're afraid of; she's not stronger than you. You're afraid of what other people might do to you if you get a label, like a 'sexual harasser.' You've been conditioned that way thanks to feminism.

The solution is immersion. Just like going to a country to learn the language, you'll mess up at first, but interfacing with that stress and bombardment of that feedback information is the way to learn it in practice.

The best way to learn how to fight is to fight, the best way to learn how to dance is to dance, etc.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Genuinely, how can get out of my shell?

-Resist the urge to dwell on this one instance

-Continuing going out in the sunlight and fresh air on a daily basis, being sociable more generally. The jitters you describe will grow weaker

 

[BPH]

Genuinely, how can get out of my shell?

Use a canned line.

It might be a little corny, but at least you don't have to think about what you're going to say. Then improvise from there until you start learning where your problem areas are.

When I was first starting out, my line was "I'm with the FBI. I'm gonna need your name, number, and measurements." Even if I got rejected, it almost always got a laugh.

 

[obelisk]

Exposure therapy. Your conditioning currently views rejection as very painful. Thus the fight or flight reaction gets triggered by your ego as you get closer to actually having to speak to an attractive woman. It's biology trying to protect the organism from a potential threat even if it's imaginary or purely mental. Same effect. With time and practice, it will temper because the act of approaching a woman will have multiple recent examples of you approaching and not being "hurt" even if rejection will still have a sting and you might even have some successes as mental evidence to counter the negative self talk. This is part of why guys on here with far more wisdom and experience than I keep telling us over and over again to implement and practice what they all keep advising us. It's the only way to break down the mental limitations which are what are keeping most of us stuck. Theory has to transform into action.

 

[itouchyou]

in my opinion this comes down to self awareness.

you have to ask yourself what's the worst thing that can happen if you go up to her and say something.

then ask yourself why that undesirable outcome would hurt you. how would it make you feel?

why would you feel that way? what is that outcome doing to your ego?

how can you make it so you don't feel that way?

 

[MR ANDREW J BROWN]

Dude.. i feel you here. I try and do 3 or 4 warm up routines, even done the occasional phone call or send a voice note.. and then just ask anyone for directions..male..female... old lady.. guy with a dog etc.. just warm up the social muscle and that at very least helps a bit.. As its got you vocally in tune.

Im one of the 'unlucky' shorter guys, and often have that sickening confidence drain or last minute resistance and do nothing. Which is 100 times worse than a 'sorry dude I have a bf' but suppose its inevitable here n there.. but as I say above.. some warm up general chit chat or direction question etc will help slightly before hand.