Wanna stop talking to her

[AntoniousIV]

So there's a girl I've went out with a couple of times, over the course of 4 months. It's long distance. And it was all fine in the beginning, but I guess I've made some mistakes recently. Maybe me trying to double her my response time when her responses were unreasonable (2h+) was a mistake.
And recently she's been taking 5+ hours to respond to my messages. She used to respond quick.
And it's really annoying. She's probably lost interest and that's why she's doing it right?

She recently flaked on a date saying "I gotta go to my girlfriends birthday sorry, and it would really mean a lot to her if I was there."
-I said okay, have a good time.
And after 6 hours she said
-Thanks
-When are you coming again
-I don't wanna do this to you again
I asked her to come spend the weekend at my place (she'd done it once beforehand, 2months ago) , and after 4hours she said:
"wow... are you serious...." which prolly means she doesn't want to, and is maybe disguested for whatever reason

Idk what to do. Do I respond immediately? Do I wait 8hours to respond? What do I even say? With this recent message I'm like 90% sure she's not interested. I think I should just say "ofcourse I'm serious" and then "This looks like it isn't working, I think we should stop".

The only reason I'm entertaining something long distance is because I'm moving to her city for college in 1month, and I have 0 options in my city because of the demographic situation.

 

[Plinco]

It's all in your mentality. When you're sufficiently self-assured you won't feel the need to compromise with anyone unless there's some structural reason for it. I just recently rejected a 6/10 30 yo woman because she's not enough of my type.

Go outside and talk to a lot of people and give yourself plenty of options. You do that and you'll forget about this girl.

 

[AntoniousIV]

It's all in your mentality. When you're sufficiently self-assured you won't feel the need to compromise with anyone unless there's some structural reason for it. I just recently rejected a 6/10 30 yo woman because she's not enough of my type.

Go outside and talk to a lot of people and give yourself plenty of options. You do that and you'll forget about this girl.

I'm definetly gonna do this but not now, instead I will when I go to college in 1month. The city there is big and there's a lot of ppl my age. I can't in my city because my demographic is the native demographic but sadly the minority, and the majority is racist agaisnt my demographic. Most of my demographic have moved out of the city, so girls are kinda scarce. Not just a scarcity mentality, but real scarcity.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

You are game-playing and it is backfiring on you. This is the nonsense that used to get spouted on here off and on about the "three day rule" or "always double her response time with your own" or "never text her in between dates." A lot of these hard rules are in place for newbies who will overshare if they don't have any guardrails.

In your case, the rules change because you (presumably) have slept with her and are seeing her on a (semi) regular basis. At that point, the rules change and you should be mirroring her interest level. If she has high interest, taking days to respond to a text isn't going to give her a warm fuzzy feeling. She is going to feel like you are jerking her around - which is what you are doing essentially. If she is showing high interest and you like that high interest, you reward her with like-attention. Stop worrying about what it looks like. Be confident. You can text her back relatively quickly if things are going well without worrying that she suddenly wants nothing to do with you because you responded too fast.

That mindset only hurts you in the dating world.

 

[AntoniousIV]

OP,

You are game-playing and it is backfiring on you.

I play games because I want to keep her attracted, because I like her so I want her to like me. It's not like I'm jerking her for fun or smtn.
But I didn't realise that she might feel she was being jerked around. Thank you for this insight. I guess my next step is to respond normally and give her attention, and hopefully she'll go back to acting normal.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@AntoniousIV "It's long distance. And it was all fine in the beginning, but I guess I've made some mistakes recently"

Yeah, you mistook something "long distance" for something substantial and solid. If you want to cease speaking with this gal, do so

 

[AntoniousIV]

@AntoniousIV "It's long distance. And it was all fine in the beginning, but I guess I've made some mistakes recently"

Yeah, you mistook something "long distance" for something substantial and solid. If you want to cease speaking with this gal, do so

I'm moving to her city for college in 1 month. (my uni is there, not bcs of her)

 

[CornbreadFed]

To be frank, this situation is cringe.

1). Women aren't machines or cars. The KPI response-time metrics banter needs to stop today. You sound like an obsessed weirdo to me with this rhetoric, so end it. Get a hobby; go hang out with friends. GTA 6 is almost here. Do something other than obsess over the exact millisecond response rate from a female.

2). Tell this girl you need some time to focus on yourself and go prospect other women. This girl owns your nuts. You are the submissive in this relationship, so why continue it? You are so screwed in this situation that you have no idea how to respond to a basic text message. I know this sounds harsh, but this is the best path forward op. We have all been in this situation before, so do not act like it is the end of the world today. You will grow out of it and become a better man if you allow yourself.

 

[Gamisch]

The best response to low interest is withdrawal.

Soon as you feel a woman's interest has dropped, its time to move away from her. Yes, with relentless pressure you might even sleep with her once more, but the pain when she ghosts you will also be exponentially more. .

To be frank, this situation is cringe.

1). Women aren't machines or cars. The KPI response-time metrics banter needs to stop today. You sound like an obsessed weirdo to me with this rhetoric, so end it. Get a hobby; go hang out with friends. GTA 6 is almost here. Do something other than obsess over the exact millisecond response rate from a female.

2). Tell this girl you need some time to focus on yourself and go prospect other women. This girl owns your nuts. You are the submissive in this relationship, so why continue it? You are so screwed in this situation that you have no idea how to respond to a basic text message. I know this sounds harsh, but this is the best path forward op. We have all been in this situation before, so do not act like it is the end of the world today. You will grow out of it and become a better man if you allow yourself.

I somewhat agree.

These ' rules" might work ,but only during a small window , and I geuss it might help a man to maintain the aura of a solid frame but ONLY if a woman is highly interested.

Anything else is mental gymnastics. The first crack meant she already moved on. Over time a man will learn that a womam can and will string you along for weeks ,months or even years depending on how much of a bitchazz the man is.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Over time a man will learn that a womam can and will string you along gor weeks ,months or even years depending on how much of a bitchazz the man is.

thissss

 

[Clockwerk50]

It sounds like you have made, and continue making mistakes, and I’m not even sure you have taken any of the advice provided or whether you have read anything about dating, gender behavior, or anything similar to this. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I am already expecting another post about the same girl in the future.

Look, it is only natural that, after the initial tension of the courtship is gone, and after having sex, as familiarity sets in, the excitement that existed in the beginning will inevitably decline, and you cannot simply rely on what worked originally to work again. At this point, you are overanalyzing her response times because you are treating this girl as though she will be your only option when you move there for college, which is a scarcity mentality. Get busy, stop making her the center of your attention, and let the situation breathe. She literally asked you when you are coming again, yet you are already preparing yourself for rejection.

This is the literal description of being needy, and even though you are not showing it overtly, it is most likely being communicated subconsciously. To some extent, you are also in her frame because you are letting her response time determine your emotional state and your behaviour. Remember, women are often very perceptive when it comes to changes in a man's behaviour and can pick up on weaknesses even when he never explicitly says or does anything weak. In other words, you need her more than she needs you.

 

[AntoniousIV]

This is the literal description of being needy, and even though you are not showing it overtly, it is most likely being communicated subconsciously. To some extent, you are also in her frame because you are letting her response time determine your emotional state and your behaviour. Remember, women are often very perceptive when it comes to changes in a man's behaviour and can pick up on weaknesses even when he never explicitly says or does anything weak. In other words, you need her more than she needs you.

Turns out everything is fine, and she responded normally when I strated respodning normally.
Barrister was right, my responding late was idiotic.

How do I keep everything fine if we get familiar? How do I maintain frame?

 

[AntoniousIV]

In your case, the rules change because you (presumably) have slept with her and are seeing her on a (semi) regular basis. At that point, the rules change and you should be mirroring her interest level. If she has high interest, taking days to respond to a text isn't going to give her a warm fuzzy feeling. She is going to feel like you are jerking her around - which is what you are doing essentially. If she is showing high interest and you like that high interest, you reward her with like-attention. Stop worrying about what it looks like. Be confident. You can text her back relatively quickly if things are going well without worrying that she suddenly wants nothing to do with you because you responded too fast.

That mindset only hurts you in the dating world.

I have slept with her, and now that I started responding regularly it turns out everything is fine.
I'm gonna stop purposely delaying responses.

Also I had another rule that "Dont text her after 9pm". Is this also stupid? Or is it good to keep some mystery

 

[Clockwerk50]

Turns out everything is fine, and she responded normally when I strated respodning normally.
Barrister was right, my responding late was idiotic.

How do I keep everything fine if we get familiar? How do I maintain frame?

You need to confront your need for validation. Thinking you were going to stop talking to her was essentially a validation-seeking behavior: you were reacting to her slower responses because you needed her to start acting the way she did before in order to reassure you that everything was still fine.

If you need her to respond a certain way for you to feel secure, then she has too much influence over you. You need to be comfortable with yourself regardless of how she responds.

Good luck.

 

[Jor-El]

I have slept with her, and now that I started responding regularly it turns out everything is fine.
I'm gonna stop purposely delaying responses.

Also I had another rule that "Dont text her after 9pm". Is this also stupid? Or is it good to keep some mystery

These "rules" are nonsense and self defeating."dont text after 9pm" how is that gonna alter anything ? Even if she did notice that you "didnt text after 9" it likely makes you look a bit strange than being the winning formula that you think it is..not having a go but drop the silly "rules" text her when you want to,if you want to and when its convenient,not to some restrictive "schedule" Loosen up a bit

 

[BPH]

@AntoniousIV remember this? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...initiate-an-ltr-need-help.286510/post-3196273

As @Clockwerk50 stated above, it doesn't seem like you're taking the advice you're being given.

Here's what's going to happen...so you're not surprised...

This relationship will fail, almost certainly due to your insecurity and "rules" pushing her away. You will come back here asking what you did wrong, as if we haven't told you multiple times. You will likely try to get her back after some members give you constructive feedback, as opposed to moving on and trying to meet somebody else. She will not take you back, at which point you will take another break from the forum. You will then experience a tiny bit of success, which you will cling to, then come back, ask us for advice, then again not take it, and repeat this process.

If you want to break that cycle, you will need to learn to BE the type of guy that women would want, and not just the type of guy THIS woman wants.

There's a saying that "she was never yours, it was just your turn". Stop trying to do everything right, because the irony is that mentality is causing you to do everything wrong. You should not be afraid of this woman leaving you - there are literally billions of others.

 

[AntoniousIV]

@AntoniousIV remember this? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...initiate-an-ltr-need-help.286510/post-3196273

As @Clockwerk50 stated above, it doesn't seem like you're taking the advice you're being given.

Here's what's going to happen...so you're not surprised...

This relationship will fail, almost certainly due to your insecurity and "rules" pushing her away. You will come back here asking what you did wrong, as if we haven't told you multiple times. You will likely try to get her back after some members give you constructive feedback, as opposed to moving on and trying to meet somebody else. She will not take you back, at which point you will take another break from the forum. You will then experience a tiny bit of success, which you will cling to, then come back, ask us for advice, then again not take it, and repeat this process.

Hopefuly not. And I dont remember that but I definetly remember this

Regarding a last date/Wanna initiate an LTR (need help)

I've been feeling a bit down lately, so this post is just my heart speaking, no strings attached. I've been feeling down bcs of my performance on my previous date. (yesterday) So there's this girl I've been seeing since may 1st. She was at a restuarant, that I was working at. She was with her...

www.sosuave.net

And I'm definetly following the advice.

I'll try not to be too much a dj with everything. Although I'm inexperienced, and I gotta fail to learn.

Also I'm definetly not the type to both chase and beg, especially after I know it's over.