I think you're using the wrong terminology to describe what you're trying to elaborate on in the first post. What you're describing sounds more like self-sufficiency than independence, since being independent means not being controlled or dependent on others, whereas self-sufficiency is about being capable of taking care of yourself and handling your own responsibilities. A self-sufficient man can still have strong relationships, contribute to his community, and take on responsibilities beyond himself.
As for your second point, you should read King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, specifically the King archetype. The basic premise is that a mature man creates order, takes responsibility, protects his realm, and uses his position to benefit others. The King sits between two extremes, the Tyrant, who abuses power to control others, and the Weakling, who gives up his power and responsibility. A healthy King sits between these two: he has authority over his own life while understanding that authority comes with responsibilities such as providing, protecting, mentoring, etc.
You should read it. Don't let other people do the work for you.
