Girl ghosting me right now (need help)

[AntoniousIV]

(I texted with this girl 8 months ago, and it was going great, but apparently after I asked her to hangout she said had a boyfriend and he was on her highlights so we stopped texting)

So 2 weeks ago I was heading home after taking my mom to a bus station, and I see this girl waving at me (she was with a friend,). When I got home I followed her on ig , she followed back and we texted for some time. (she broke up with her bf)

And I forgot about her for a week straight,

then a week after on wednesday I texted her where have you been? And she said I won't text with someone who's not putting in effort. So we continued texting more.

Then friday I was at a cafe with a friend (9 pm) and was really feeling good about myself because she was showering me with attention, and sending me "romantic reels".

So I said some stupid stuff like "you can't live without me", and she said "no you can't live without me" but then she unsent it and left me on sent. I broke first and messaged her "hey", she said "so you really can't live without me" and I said "ofcourse not" (I was at the cafe with my friend and was really feeling it, so I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying).

Then saturday we went out at 7pm (me and the girl) , it was great she was doing most of the talking I was mostly listening and smiling (70%her talking/30%me talking). Then we sat at a bench and she layed on my right shoulder, so I put my arm around her. It was very cold so she said "let me heat you up" and put my hand on her chest. But beforehand I had told my friends that at 8pm I would go have drinks with them, so we stood up went to my car (I thought that it's alpha to be busy and have to leave first). Then I took her close to her house, she talked about her uncle dying and some trauma, we had a nice long hug, I had a chance to kiss her after the hug (pussied out), and she left.

Then when I went to have drinks with my friends, while I was out (she knew that I was out) she kept sending me pictures of herself. Saying how she had a heart shaped mouth (i just kept saying cute and complimenting her), she also sent me a pic of her in a swimsuit with her thighs fully showing, i just said wow and sent an eyes emoji, and told her I was heading home.

Then sunday came, and I asked her what she was doing later, and she said she can't go out and said some excuse (don't remember). I didn't really react, just continued to casually text.

The next day I had to wake up early, but my sleep schedule was ****ed so I was operating on 4hours of sleep, so I was a little bitchy. This is where my big blunder occurs. She sends me some football reel, I say cr7>. She says, no barca is better, then I said don't talk to me I don't like you . She says am I supposed to care? , then I said real madrid>. And she liked the message. At this point it was 7pm, and was feeling like a b1Tchh (cus sleep deprived). So I text her "I miss you", 20mins after the last text she just hearted(the real madrid> one). Then she said "and?". I've left her on sent ever since.

That was monday, now it's thursday (76hours later), and she unsent her "and?" message (like last time). So I don't know what to do. I used to respond to her "close friends" stories, but now I muted her stories since I was "ghosting her". (she still hasn't removed me from her close friends list) (and still follows me on her spam) (mby I can check her stories?)

What are your thoughts on this, and what should I do next? Is this saveable?

 

[BPH]

@AntoniousIV you need to stop texting and DMing girls. You're really not good at it.

Use the phone to set up plans, then have these conversations in person.

Beyond that, you said a whole bunch of sh**, but you never mentioned whether she had a boyfriend still. This is the same girl you were talking to 8 months ago, correct?

Why wouldn't that be the very first thing you find out? That way, you immediately know whether she just wants attention and is wasting your time, or if she's now single and wants to see where things go with you.

Also, let's talk about this "date"...you hung out with this girl for ONE HOUR and cut it short to appear "alpha" and busy? Despite that, you had a moment where you probably could've kissed her, and didn't...you know, for someone who uses Guts as their profile picture, you don't seem to have any...

You hop in and out of the forum every few months with the same type of problem, yet you never learn. Why don't you try something different? Why don't you go out into the world and meet NEW women - instead of being hung up on the same one you've been wasting your time thinking about for the past 8 months.

 

[AntoniousIV]

She broke up with him, had "philophobia" on her bio so I knew.

It's easier to do through ig. I've done some cold approaches too, all unsuccessful but worked with a fatty . Also when summer comes I can try stuff at the beach. But rn I live in a small city, it's pretty dead. Basically no nightlife.

I guess I still suck at texting. Im fine irl cus I let her do most of the talking.

I definetly didnt think about her for the last 8 months.

 

[BPH]

She broke up with him, had "philophobia" on her bio so I knew.

So you're pursuing a girl who you've already kinda pursued in the past, who is broadcasting that she has a fear of forming an emotional connection with someone.

Why are you bothering with this mess?

This is gonna be an uphill battle to prove yourself to someone who will constantly have one foot out the door.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Who cares about what method of approach you use. Clearly IG works for you. What DOESN'T work (I'm with BPH on this) is you choosing that platform to communicate with her once she's got a spot on your team. Using it to set up a date is fine. Conversation? No. Needs to be in person. Voice or facetime if you MUST talk about something and even then, keep it short. End the conversations with something along the lines of "I can't wait for ____ on __day. You're really gonna like it! See you then!"

 

[BaronOfHair]

@AntoniousIV "Is this saveable?"

Less so than Tara Reid's acting career, those Sharknado flicks aside. Move onto greener pastures

 

[plumber]

Then sunday came, and I asked her what she was doing later, and she said she can't go out and said some excuse (don't remember). I didn't really react, just continued to casually text.

When this happens. Politely disengage with her for the moment. Do not continue txt/communications. She does not want to see you at that time. Nothing to read into it other than she does not want to spend time with you at that moment. Discontinue the communications until she does. If its never, then its never. Do not be mean or rude, just be busy... Don't text her about what your doing or not doing.

Often, less is more.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This chick physically put your hand on her tit OP and you were afraid to even kiss her. Grow a pair, OP.

Follow up and say "I miss you and think we should see each other" or "I miss you and think we should maybe see each other" if you are feeling extra cowardly. Kiss this girl when you see her and then try to bang her.

That's it.

Either way regardless of what happens, move on after that because anyone who says "I won't text with someone who isn't putting in effort" is a pain in the ass.

 

[AntoniousIV]

"I miss you and think we should maybe see each other"

So the last message any1 has sent was me saying that I miss her, and then her cold "And?" reply (which she unsent). So you think I should tell her I miss her again?

Something like "I still miss you, and think we should see eachother?"
after fully ghosting her for 3 days? ( im willing to try with this msg)
Also she"s got philophobia on her bio, and said she was talking to a therapist. So maybe me saying I miss her could push her back even more?

Also if we see eachother again (which I'd love to, but doubt. I'll definetly kiss her and escalate as far as she lets me. Im definetly not a *****, It's just that I've never done so much on a first date, so I wasnt planning a kiss.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Sometimes, (Not most times.) you have a small window of opportunity to make your move. She gave you a huge green light by moving her hand to an area to touch. That right there was your window. Not upon parting. Although, had you made your move on the park bench, she most assuredly (if you didn't lack performance) would have wanted another kiss.

Therapy? meh... She could also have it listed that she has this... "philophobia" because she hasn't met anyone yet that she WANTS to get close to. For instance, she says "I don't want ____" means "I don't want to ____ with YOU."/"I'm not comfortable doing ____ with YOU." etc... This could be with people or men in a romantic sense in general, or it could be that whoever she was seeing before didn't give her the desire for closeness.

I am *NOT* a mental health professional. I've just seen more times than is coincidental of women who make weird and sudden changes for the "right" guy. I'm not going to sugarcoat it though, man. This ONE GIRL seems to have your laser focus; and though you likely don't understand how today, this will not serve you well.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

So the last message any1 has sent was me saying that I miss her, and then her cold "And?" reply (which she unsent). So you think I should tell her I miss her again?

Something like "I still miss you, and think we should see eachother?"
after fully ghosting her for 3 days? ( im willing to try )
Also she"s got philophobia on her bio, and said she was talking to a therapist. So maybe me saying I miss her could push her back even more?

Also if we see eachother again (which I'd love to, but doubt. I'll definetly kiss her and escalate as far as she lets me. Im definetly not a *****, It's just that I've never done so much on a first date, so I wasnt planning a kiss.

This girl sounds sensitive, so say you're sorry for being a d1ck that day, you were tired. Then say yes, I miss you and want to meet, and escalate properly. This chick might not be long term material, so don't get too attached to her.

 

[AntoniousIV]

This ONE GIRL seems to have your laser focus; and though you likely don't understand how today, this will not serve you well.

She deffinetly has my laser focus this week, because she's been my only source of intimacy for a long time.

 

[AntoniousIV]

This girl sounds sensitive, so say you're sorry for being a d1ck that day, you were tired. Then say yes, I miss you and want to meet, and escalate properly. This chick might not be long term material, so don't get too attached to her.

I got attached from a hug with this girl, with the last one I had no issues not getting too attached.
Any tips for not getting attached?

 

[AntoniousIV]

If it's never, then it's never.
Often, less is more.

I think since I've ghosted her since monday night, and now it's friday morning. The weekend has come up, and it should be harder for her to not say anything. So I ghost until monday. Maybe she's wondering what I'm up to. So she texts me something, during the week.

If not then on monday I can always say something. But I think saying I miss you again is kinda like giving her the leash to the relationship, and my sudden loss of all power. I don't want to be in a relationship in which she doesn't respect me and casually disappears, and if I say "I miss you" I kinda validate this version of her, whether that be the only version of her.

I kinda miss her, but I don't miss her, I just miss the oxytocin she gave me.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I got attached from a hug with this girl, with the last one I had no issues not getting too attached.
Any tips for not getting attached?

That's an important question. A question I should have asked someone long ago. haha.

This will sound calloused, but it has the ring of truth to it. You have enough experiences with enough women to know that ONE GIRL isn't more special than any other. Much like nothing about me or about you makes one of us more 'special' than the other. I could drop a barbell on my head. You could be mowing the yard and all the sudden feel "funny" and light headed.

Just because a woman has a nice set of tatas or the ability to bring you to nirvana with a hug (Don't feel bad man, I wrote literal POEMS about a woman's ability to touch me with her pinky and my whole life before meeting her was worth it.... OOOH I barf a bit about that one! UGH!) doesn't mean she is the one who will decide how you pay your bills, spend every minute of your time, determine your career, etc... If you think she DOES, are you really your own man? No.

THAT'S how you don't become "too attached." Nothing wrong with being lovey dovey, romantic, borderline sappy at times even. But when you aren't capable of showing her that even if she wasn't around you'd be able to survive, she won't be as trusting in your abilities to have a good relationship with her or to be the man she wishes you could be. You stay true to YOUR goals. And if one of those goals is to be with someone, great!

The biggest takeaway is you've got to BECOME that person that a woman would want if you hope to have a woman by your side. If you put three stripes on your collar and said "Follow me, I'm a Sergeant" I'd tell you to 'take that crap off, you're not ready.' As much as I'd be able to say that confidently, that's not even a fraction of how sharp women are in spotting a man they aren't willing to follow, respect, and love.

 

[AntoniousIV]

@AntoniousIV "Is this saveable?"

Less so than Tara Reid's acting career, those Sharknado flicks aside. Move onto greener pastures

What made my situation as bad as her career? What mistake?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP let this be a lesson to stop being afraid to act like a man when the women is giving you a green light to do so.

Women WANT to be desired by a man, not have one be so terrified of making a move that it turns them completely off when they are turned on.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What mistake?

Exactly what @BackInTheGame78 and others have noted... Your indecision led to her losing confidence in you

 

[Clockwerk50]

OP, you need to realize that you should be escalating, and that there is a progression, a ladder, a series of incremental steps. Failure to escalate when she is ready not only signals disinterest, but also fear, hesitation, and kills the momentum. That’s how you end up in the friend zone. You need to sense when she is being defensive and pull back, and also sense when she is opening up and move forward.

I’m not sure why you de-escalated when you were in person, you had a clear window and chose to leave. Your friends wouldn’t have cared if you stayed longer. The same thing happened over text: too much distance, inconsistent energy, and missed opportunities to lead and set up the next meet.

Right now, she’s likely exploring her options. If things don’t work out elsewhere, she might circle back.

Read into the DiCarlo escalation ladder for your future hang outs with women.