Dating vs hookup

[Clockwerk50]

Ok I'm starting to get the ****s. If I'm doing a FWB or LTR I need at least 3 hookups a week or I get cranky

So last week nothing (shes too busy). Get Sat-Sun so take her out for the weekend, lay down the red carpet have a great time. Message her Sunday night say she should come over - too busy (fair just saw her).

She phones last night, I say come over she says she has to do something and may be free later. Get a message saying shes done, I say grats waiting for her to offer me to hers or hers to mine....Nothing.

So what am I supposed to ask for the third time, hell no. I already asked Sunday, Monday, she knows I want to see her. I think this is bs. Feels like she playing games and Im inclined to get back on the dating apps and find someone else to fill my 3 day quota.

Have you tried asking for her schedule first before proposing a plan? Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. You’re twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available, for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make, thinking, “I want to see her, this time works for me,” and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Otherwise, if you have and she is still predominantly acting like this, and since most people think you are the **** buddy and she is cheating on someone else, you just have to be ready when she is available if you want to see her, which unfortunately is often improvised.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ok I'm starting to get the ****s. If I'm doing a FWB or LTR I need at least 3 hookups a week or I get cranky

So last week nothing (shes too busy). Get Sat-Sun so take her out for the weekend, lay down the red carpet have a great time. Message her Sunday night say she should come over - too busy (fair just saw her).

She phones last night, I say come over she says she has to do something and may be free later. Get a message saying shes done, I say grats waiting for her to offer me to hers or hers to mine....Nothing.

So what am I supposed to ask for the third time, hell no. I already asked Sunday, Monday, she knows I want to see her. I think this is bs. Feels like she playing games and Im inclined to get back on the dating apps and find someone else to fill my 3 day quota.

This is the classic mistake men make of not continuing to build a pipeline because they start seeing one woman.

YOU should be the one too busy to constantly be seeing her, because you have dates scheduled with other women, not the other way around.

Just from reading this you are coming across as desperate and needy and you just started seeing her. No bueno...this is the type of stuff that makes women run the other way with the quickness or just drop off once they realize if it's gotten to this point within a few weeks, what's it going to be in a few months, or a year?

Essentially...you are disqualifying yourself.

I mean, you JUST started seeing her and you are trying to see her 3+x a week? Are you serious right now? Let the girl take a damn breath.

I mean JFC, are you planning to ask her to move in within a month at this rate?

You cannot have a 5 year relationship in 3 months simply by trying to spend 5 years worth of time with someone in 3 months. That's not how it works, it's not natural and it just starts feeling more and more off the farther in it goes...

 

[Foe]

Have you tried asking for her schedule first before proposing a plan?

Yeah I should, the adhoc is not working. Ill try and get some forward planning happening at least then I can focus on other **** in the meantime.

YOU should be the one too busy to constantly be seeing her, because you have dates scheduled with other women, not the other way around.


Essentially...you are disqualifying yourself.

I mean, you JUST started seeing her and you are trying to see her 3+x a week? Are you serious right now? Let the girl take a damn breath.

I mean JFC, are you planning to ask her to move in within a month at this rate?

Very valid points. I think the reason why I'm leaning on this girl so much is first she fits the standard (looks, career, asset) which honestly is getting rarer as I get older. And secondly, I just came out of a series of "unavailable" semi relationships and I'm looking for a soft landing. The dating game is hectic, massive time/cost sink and having a steady situation (though in this case not so) is preferable.

I'm going to start stepping back, it would have happened anyway as I'm getting irritated with the current situation and the gloss is wearing off. She lives literally 5 min walk and just bought a second house she's renovating so no issue on the move in situation which im not interested in anyway.

honestly I fell in way harder then I was counting on, been doing really well with holding frame for the last few relationships and I think I just got tired. Holding frame is hard work to do on a consistant basis, at least for me.

 

[BadBoy89]

Now dont get me wrong there has been times in my life where this would be ideal but after smashing randos for the last few months Im kinda over it. Wouldnt mind something with a bit more substance.

She's giving you her body every time she sees you.

What more do you want from her?

 

[Foe]

Well I f'ed it lads.

Broke last night, went full blue pill and introduced the what are we conversation like a absolute pleb. She took it well and gave me what I know to be from my own experience of doing this with woman I don't really like a rambling lets just see what happens, I don't know what I want, etc.

Went back to mine and banged, she left at 1 as usual. Could have easily avoided that conversation and Id be in the same position. Should have had better control. Ahhh well.

Ill let you know what happens but yeah should be downhill from here if the red pill philosophy has any accounting to the outcome.

 

[Cheeky_James]

So just started seeing this girl, she's been pretty light on time availability and apart from some restaurants we haven't really done any "dating" per say. Each time I try and setup something decent she tends to counter with coming over later at night and banging.

Now dont get me wrong there has been times in my life where this would be ideal but after smashing randos for the last few months Im kinda over it. Wouldnt mind something with a bit more substance. Not really getting a reading off this girl though, not sure if she's keen or just in it for the sex.

I've removed myself from dating apps, cut off my black book ties and trying to focus on this girl but it seems like its having a reverse effect. The more interest I show the more she seems disinterested. Any tips.

that’s an interesting one.
you’ve done restaurants so that’s something.
She is time poor so that’s a big factor obvs.

need more information on the situation re you and her. Does she make more money than you, is she from a better class/ different world somehow …? What does she do for a living that she’s time poor? what’s the dynamic.

maybe she’s married and having an affair w you on the downlow and you’re unaware (?) …

do you happen to have a bigger than average sized shlong perhaps. Mr Bigg. And she just wants to get to it .
Could be many things going on.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Ok I'm starting to get the ****s. If I'm doing a FWB or LTR I need at least 3 hookups a week or I get cranky

So last week nothing (shes too busy). Get Sat-Sun so take her out for the weekend, lay down the red carpet have a great time. Message her Sunday night say she should come over - too busy (fair just saw her).

She phones last night, I say come over she says she has to do something and may be free later. Get a message saying shes done, I say grats waiting for her to offer me to hers or hers to mine....Nothing.

So what am I supposed to ask for the third time, hell no. I already asked Sunday, Monday, she knows I want to see her. I think this is bs. Feels like she playing games and Im inclined to get back on the dating apps and find someone else to fill my 3 day quota.

she’s banging someone else also i suspect .
Tell you what, pm me a picture of her naked ..
I’ll be able to get a good visual read on her and tell you what’s going on then. Haha. ;P

 

[Lotus Effect]

Well I f'ed it lads.

It was bound to happen

Ill let you know what happens but yeah should be downhill from here if the red pill philosophy has any accounting to the outcome.

It always has

 

[Foe]

that’s an interesting one.
you’ve done restaurants so that’s something.
She is time poor so that’s a big factor obvs.

need more information on the situation re you and her. Does she make more money than you, is she from a better class/ different world somehow …? What does she do for a living that she’s time poor? what’s the dynamic.

maybe she’s married and having an affair w you on the downlow and you’re unaware (?) …

do you happen to have a bigger than average sized shlong perhaps. Mr Bigg. And she just wants to get to it .
Could be many things going on.

No makes less, like half according to her but she's over leveraged her equity (guessing we both have about the equity) and bought a second house for renovation. she's also studying her MBA. 100% sure not affair as she has left her husband and Ive heard them on the phone, nothing there. Yeah probably on the schlong, though its not helping me on this one.

Yeah lets see how the house falls down after last nights chat.

 

[Cheeky_James]

No makes less, like half according to her but she's over leveraged her equity (guessing we both have about the equity) and bought a second house for renovation. she's also studying her MBA. 100% sure not affair as she has left her husband and Ive heard them on the phone, nothing there. Yeah probably on the schlong, though its not helping me on this one.

Yeah lets see how the house falls down after last nights chat.

I would txt her today some excuse like “ohhhh soz. I got drunk last night (facepalm) pls ignore. It’s all good . We cool ” or some such.

hmmm. Sounds like either she IS super busy (Probably) .
or has another D on the downlow.
But I wouldn’t sweat it
Be happy with 1 or 2 x sessions per week.

That’s the best you’ll get in this situ , until she has more time to go on nice dates and spend time etc.

don’t keep asking her when she’s free. Let her come when it’s suits her and pick up a secondary chick for another bang .

“keep it coolie baby” As Robert plant sang on Led Zeps song Whole Lotta Love.

 

[Foe]

Still going with this damn thing. About a couple of weeks after first meeting she has to go to a friends party on Saturday, phone goes off I hear from her around Monday saying it was a great party and she just got to charging her phone until now "sigh".

Ok no issue, too early into the thing to meet the crew. About 3 weeks ago she invites me to meet her kids (teens) and by all accounts they know me as a love interest, cool progress. Then she goes camping that weekend with the kids, no invite. Im like screw this so I book a ticket to Thailand and go there for a week. She messages, calls, says she misses me. Ok cool progress.

I come back, she invites me over to her house with her kids there, dinner meet some mates of hers who are all preparing for a party the next day at hers. What music do I like, puts it on. Dance. Everyone is having fun. I go home, she comes over. Smash. Next Morning, shes raving on about not wanting to get into a relationship, Im like cool, dont worry about it then. Then she says she wants to come over and smash. Ok cool. Comes over, smash, has breakfast and goes on her merry way. Ok cool progress.

No invite to the party, get a message around 4 o clock " the party probably wont happen". I call BS but let it go. No contact until Sunday night. "How was your weekend". Me "yeah great, how was the party". Her "It almost didnt happen, but it was weird, changes topic", I say "Look forward to hearing about it, want to come over?", her "I'd like to but sorry no Im busy".

No Contact since. I need to bail from this thing its doing my head in.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Yes, bail

 

[Clockwerk50]

Still going with this damn thing. About a couple of weeks after first meeting she has to go to a friends party on Saturday, phone goes off I hear from her around Monday saying it was a great party and she just got to charging her phone until now "sigh".

Ok no issue, too early into the thing to meet the crew. About 3 weeks ago she invites me to meet her kids (teens) and by all accounts they know me as a love interest, cool progress. Then she goes camping that weekend with the kids, no invite. Im like screw this so I book a ticket to Thailand and go there for a week. She messages, calls, says she misses me. Ok cool progress.

I come back, she invites me over to her house with her kids there, dinner meet some mates of hers who are all preparing for a party the next day at hers. What music do I like, puts it on. Dance. Everyone is having fun. I go home, she comes over. Smash. Next Morning, shes raving on about not wanting to get into a relationship, Im like cool, dont worry about it then. Then she says she wants to come over and smash. Ok cool. Comes over, smash, has breakfast and goes on her merry way. Ok cool progress.

No invite to the party, get a message around 4 o clock " the party probably wont happen". I call BS but let it go. No contact until Sunday night. "How was your weekend". Me "yeah great, how was the party". Her "It almost didnt happen, but it was weird, changes topic", I say "Look forward to hearing about it, want to come over?", her "I'd like to but sorry no Im busy".

No Contact since. I need to bail from this thing its doing my head in.

Just as I mentioned previously, women communicate covertly. However, if a woman gets tired of giving signals and a man doesn’t catch them, she will start speaking the man’s language, direct and straight to the point. In this case, after multiple attempts, she basically told you she doesn’t want a relationship right now.

In other news, you are her steady d*ck, her FWB, her plate. Let her take care of the relationship while you create opportunities for romance. You are the prime candidate to follow the advice of messaging her once per week and seeing what she is doing that week to hang out, and matching her energy if she initiates the conversation.

I’m not really understanding why you need a certain level of certainty and reassurance from her to continue something that’s already clearly defined as casual. You are getting sex without commitment, and as a man, that’s typically considered a favorable position.

 

[Foe]

Just as I mentioned previously, women communicate covertly. However, if a woman gets tired of giving signals and a man doesn’t catch them, she will start speaking the man’s language, direct and straight to the point. In this case, after multiple attempts, she basically told you she doesn’t want a relationship right now.

In other news, you are her steady d*ck, her FWB, her plate. Let her take care of the relationship while you create opportunities for romance. You are the prime candidate to follow the advice of messaging her once per week and seeing what she is doing that week to hang out, and matching her energy if she initiates the conversation.

I’m not really understanding why you need a certain level of certainty and reassurance from her to continue something that’s already clearly defined as casual. You are getting sex without commitment, and as a man, that’s typically considered a favorable position.

Very true dude. I dont know why Im such a pu$$y in this thing. I usually keep my cool but I think its the string of casuals I was looking to do something else. Anyway your totally right. As CCW would say hangout, hookup and have fun.

Need to get my **** together.

 

[Foe]

well its over. Just got the phone call and she started off by saying she's coming back from dinner with her mentor. I mean what. I ask when Im going to see her next and she's like I dont know, Im really busy and I feel like I just dont have time. She didnt actually pull the trigger and kept umming and arring, so I said look would you like me to make the decision for you. She said yes I said goodbye. What a head**** that thing was. Made allot of mistakes, I guess Ill just have to learn from it. Feel like ****.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

No contact. Go Monk-Mode for a while if you need to. I know you dont feel great now but you will bounce back from this.

 

[Lauel]

To summarize the more friendly OP became and more personally they understood each other, the more this went downhill, huh

 

[Clockwerk50]

well its over. Just got the phone call and she started off by saying she's coming back from dinner with her mentor. I mean what. I ask when Im going to see her next and she's like I dont know, Im really busy and I feel like I just dont have time. She didnt actually pull the trigger and kept umming and arring, so I said look would you like me to make the decision for you. She said yes I said goodbye. What a head**** that thing was. Made allot of mistakes, I guess Ill just have to learn from it. Feel like ****.

Let’s think about this logically:

1. Remember the concepts of AWALT and “she was never yours, it was just your turn.” AWALT refers to general patterns in dating behavior driven by things like hypergamy, emotional decision-making, and self-interest. “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” means relationships are conditional, based on mutual investment, and nothing is guaranteed or owned. This doesn’t mean all women behave the same way, but that these behavioral patterns show up in different degrees and frequencies across individuals. As an example, one may branch swing more, another less, but the pattern still exists.
   
   
2. As I mention in my posts, everyone possesses a psychological gap, and when you look to another person to fill it, you give them power over you. Re-read your posts. From my perspective, you were trying to escape the exhaustion of the dating market; you wanted stability, relief, and a high-standard partner so you could step out of the constant cycle of chasing and effort. She filled those gaps by presenting herself as high-value that matched your standards (MBA, assets, career), while also being inconsistent and unavailable, which made you project substance and long-term potential onto what was actually casual. By withholding commitment, she became both the solution and the challenge, keeping you invested as you tried to turn the situation into something real.

Red pill knowledge and game success are two very different things. Hopefully they help you move forward, or in the case she decides to come back, you have a better frame to operate with.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Still going with this damn thing. About a couple of weeks after first meeting she has to go to a friends party on Saturday, phone goes off I hear from her around Monday saying it was a great party and she just got to charging her phone until now "sigh".

Ok no issue, too early into the thing to meet the crew. About 3 weeks ago she invites me to meet her kids (teens) and by all accounts they know me as a love interest, cool progress. Then she goes camping that weekend with the kids, no invite. Im like screw this so I book a ticket to Thailand and go there for a week. She messages, calls, says she misses me. Ok cool progress.

I come back, she invites me over to her house with her kids there, dinner meet some mates of hers who are all preparing for a party the next day at hers. What music do I like, puts it on. Dance. Everyone is having fun. I go home, she comes over. Smash. Next Morning, shes raving on about not wanting to get into a relationship, Im like cool, dont worry about it then. Then she says she wants to come over and smash. Ok cool. Comes over, smash, has breakfast and goes on her merry way. Ok cool progress.

No invite to the party, get a message around 4 o clock " the party probably wont happen". I call BS but let it go. No contact until Sunday night. "How was your weekend". Me "yeah great, how was the party". Her "It almost didnt happen, but it was weird, changes topic", I say "Look forward to hearing about it, want to come over?", her "I'd like to but sorry no Im busy".

No Contact since. I need to bail from this thing its doing my head in.

You just need to accept the situation,
Sex is a bonding exercise by nature. So that’s the downside and the headfvck.

Just reframe your thoughts to think of her as a sex object and that’s it . And lay back and get into your hobbies and friends more. It’s all gravy if you reframe it and move towards acceptance of the acfual situation. Just be happy w the smash and get creative , see how much kinky sh1t she’s up for.

I’m in a similar situ atm.
Met a wicked sexy chick, had 3 mind blowing sex sessions and now … ghosted . Did my own head in over it for a week, but now .. have moved on and not chasing her or texting her again. (I still do scan my messages and wonder wtf happened but it’s fading by the day)

But if she pops up again at any stage … I’ll be over there in a heartbeat for some more top shelf sex.

just roll with it and stop making her your mental focus and deriving meaning from her behaviour towards you.
Maybe just take some pics and videos of the smash sessions for the memoirs.

 

[Foe]

Let’s think about this logically:

1. Remember the concepts of AWALT and “she was never yours, it was just your turn.” AWALT refers to general patterns in dating behavior driven by things like hypergamy, emotional decision-making, and self-interest. “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” means relationships are conditional, based on mutual investment, and nothing is guaranteed or owned. This doesn’t mean all women behave the same way, but that these behavioral patterns show up in different degrees and frequencies across individuals. As an example, one may branch swing more, another less, but the pattern still exists.
   
   
2. As I mention in my posts, everyone possesses a psychological gap, and when you look to another person to fill it, you give them power over you. Re-read your posts. From my perspective, you were trying to escape the exhaustion of the dating market; you wanted stability, relief, and a high-standard partner so you could step out of the constant cycle of chasing and effort. She filled those gaps by presenting herself as high-value that matched your standards (MBA, assets, career), while also being inconsistent and unavailable, which made you project substance and long-term potential onto what was actually casual. By withholding commitment, she became both the solution and the challenge, keeping you invested as you tried to turn the situation into something real.

Red pill knowledge and game success are two very different things. Hopefully they help you move forward, or in the case she decides to come back, you have a better frame to operate with.

Really appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post. It's so weird how I lost my cool in this. You are totally right though that wicked combo of unavailability and good sex drove me. If she was keen I'd probably have downgraded the entire thing and run my typical avoidant approach. I killed this opportunity and I need to fill that hole you speak of. I think the other issue is all my friends are in relationships so I dont have wingman, mates to hang with that dont include there partners. I need some single mates. Thats the real issue here.

You just need to accept the situation,
Sex is a bonding exercise by nature. So that’s the downside and the headfvck.

Just reframe your thoughts to think of her as a sex object and that’s it . And lay back and get into your hobbies and friends more. It’s all gravy if you reframe it and move towards acceptance of the acfual situation. Just be happy w the smash and get creative , see how much kinky sh1t she’s up for.

I’m in a similar situ atm.
Met a wicked sexy chick, had 3 mind blowing sex sessions and now … ghosted . Did my own head in over it for a week, but now .. have moved on and not chasing her or texting her again. (I still do scan my messages and wonder wtf happened but it’s fading by the day)

But if she pops up again at any stage … I’ll be over there in a heartbeat for some more top shelf sex.

just roll with it and stop making her your mental focus and deriving meaning from her behaviour towards you.
Maybe just take some pics and videos of the smash sessions for the memoirs.

You handled it well dude, I'll take a page out of your book. I think I will hear from her again, she seemed pretty happy with the sex, the over availability of myself downgraded my stock so now that I've taken the initiative to breakup with her (under duress mind you) I think she'll start to wonder. Even if she doesn't reach out I left on my terms which is my only real positive step I took in this relationship, not that it was a relationship.