Dating vs hookup

[Foe]

So just started seeing this girl, she's been pretty light on time availability and apart from some restaurants we haven't really done any "dating" per say. Each time I try and setup something decent she tends to counter with coming over later at night and banging.

Now dont get me wrong there has been times in my life where this would be ideal but after smashing randos for the last few months Im kinda over it. Wouldnt mind something with a bit more substance. Not really getting a reading off this girl though, not sure if she's keen or just in it for the sex.

I've removed myself from dating apps, cut off my black book ties and trying to focus on this girl but it seems like its having a reverse effect. The more interest I show the more she seems disinterested. Any tips.

 

[Gamisch]

Imo SHE gotta bring up the idea of you guys being whatever label is fashionable today. It's gotta be HER idea otherwise you'll be operating from a weak position ( what you already seem to do).

For now? Just count your blessings, feck her when you must and look for another woman in the mean time , get back on OLD if you must. Just enjoy these moment with her for now and let time do his thing.

 

[Velasco]

Any tips

get with a girl who is looking for something besides just coming over to smash. theyre out there and will make it apparent to you almost immediately. i know ive been ghosted not soon after by girls realizing that this was going to be a text-to-smash relationship vs bf gf thing

 

[Lotus Effect]

...Not really getting a reading off this girl though, not sure if she's keen or just in it for the sex.

I've removed myself from dating apps, cut off my black book ties and trying to focus on this girl but it seems like its having a reverse effect. The more interest I show the more she seems disinterested. Any tips.

You are actually getting a very good read of the situation.

The more you invest, the more uninterested she gets.

That's textbook female behaviour.
You should expect that from every chick.

Gamish is right. She has to pin you down, not the other way around.
If she is not doing it, then you got your answer.

As Velasco said, you will know quite early when you have the right prospect.

For the time being, pull back, and let her feel your abscence.
Let her initiate contact. Any other behavior will backfire

 

[Prepostereax]

Yeah, you put yourself at a disadvantage when you are the one initiating commitment, that's usually a woman's prerogative.

This chick sounds like a rando who's happy being smashed.
There's probably good reasons for this, ie she's possibly being smashed by other randos and she's enjoying her variety.
No, don't ask her. Keep her as a plate.

Look elsewhere for a girlfriend, there's lots of women who want this.

 

[zekko]

I've removed myself from dating apps, cut off my black book ties and trying to focus on this girl but it seems like its having a reverse effect. The more interest I show the more she seems disinterested. Any tips.

This was a mistake since it doesn't sound like she has any interest in a relationship. And honestly, she doesn't exactly sound like LTR matrial. You've got the cart before the horse.

 

[The Duke]

This isn't the girl for a solid relationship. I would spend my time looking for something I actually wanted and keep fuhking this one when I felt the need.

 

[Foe]

Yeah, I committed too early damn it. She messaged last night (paraphrasing here) "what are you doing", I said "come over" she said "Ok, coming". 30 mins later "Sorry I can't, I feel bad for leaving my dog" I say "ok np". Then 10 mins later "Im coming over". Smash. She goes home after she thinks I fall asleep.

I realise now she can't stay at my place, every time she comes over she leaves before sunrise. It's all very odd.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah, I committed too early damn it. She messaged last night (paraphrasing here) "what are you doing", I said "come over" she said "Ok, coming". 30 mins later "Sorry I can't, I feel bad for leaving my dog" I say "ok np". Then 10 mins later "Im coming over". Smash. She goes home after she thinks I fall asleep.

I realise now she can't stay at my place, every time she comes over she leaves before sunrise. It's all very odd.

She is married/has a boyfriend. Guaranteed.

 

[Lotus Effect]

She is married/has a boyfriend. Guaranteed.

I think that’s jumping to conclusions.

it’s a thought that you can entertain, don’t get me wrong. I would go even as far as saying that B78 might be right. It is quite possible if you think about it.

but that kind of line of thinking don’t add any objective value to the situation. If she is or if she is not committed it’s none of your business.

objectively you know the things you see and the behaviors she shows. Any other thing is speculation.

and with the objective information you have you can make a sound decision, as everyone here is suggesting you to do so

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think that’s jumping to conclusions.

it’s a thought that you can entertain, don’t get me wrong. I would go even as far as saying that B78 might be right. It is quite possible if you think about it.

but that kind of line of thinking don’t add any objective value to the situation. If she is or if she is not committed it’s none of your business.

objectively you know the things you see and the behaviors she shows. Any other thing is speculation.

and with the objective information you have you can make a sound decision, as everyone here is suggesting you to do so

Might not be, but that wouldn't stop a crazy dude who found up showing up at his house and putting a bullet thru his brain.

And as improbable as you might think that is it happens every day, especially with how crazy people are these days.

In other words "it might not be his concern" if she is or isn't taken, but if he values his life, he will make it his concern to find out.

 

[Lotus Effect]

That’s a very valid point!

 

[Foe]

Might not be, but that wouldn't stop a crazy dude who found up showing up at his house and putting a bullet thru his brain.

And as improbable as you might think that is it happens every day, especially with how crazy people are these days.

In other words "it might not be his concern" if she is or isn't taken, but if he values his life, he will make it his concern to find out.

High doubt on the married. I mean she was married but on the first night I stayed at her place her ex-husband rang and she put him on speaker in front of me. They could have a casual thing going on but that doesn't play with the speaker behavior.

If anything, I could be a plate for her, she has an alpha male she prefers and I'm her backup, or perhaps I'm the alpha and she's placating another plate. I don't think so though. I think it's just she's not sure if she wants to bang or do an LTR. I know I've left many beds early hours of the morning simply because I didn't feel comfortable. Rarely do I do it if I like the girl though which is why my Spidey sense is tingling.

Either way it's not what I'm used to.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I realise now she can't stay at my place, every time she comes over she leaves before sunrise. It's all very odd.
[/QUOTE]

Definitely textbook behavior for an FWB/FB situation. At least you didn't MARRY this one. Oof. Now why in the world would I mention that? lol

 

[Lotus Effect]

I mean she was married

but on the first night I stayed at her place her ex-husband rang and she put him on speaker in front of me.

Well, there you’ve got two really good red flags out there!

 

[The Duke]

High doubt on the married. I mean she was married but on the first night I stayed at her place her ex-husband rang and she put him on speaker in front of me. They could have a casual thing going on but that doesn't play with the speaker behavior.

I wouldnt be so sure about that. I once had my fingers inside of a married girl when her husband called and put him on speaker. He had no idea what she was up to.

 

[Glassguy]

This isn't the girl for a solid relationship. I would spend my time looking for something I actually wanted and keep fuhking this one when I felt the need.

This! There is no reason to throw away good p*ss, especially when its free. No dates. No money spent. She comes to you.....
Keep banging her while you actually date candidates that closer match what youre actually looking for.
She may start acting more "dateable" once she realizes youre not investing anything other that hooking up.
So you can kill 2 birds with one stone. Ive been in this position numerous times. Youre actually in the best position if you realize it and play your cards right. You'll be in a position of power with options.
Treat this one like your little wh0re and start a rotation to run in the process of higher quality women.
You'll come across much less needy to ALL the women you start dating because you always have this one to call when you need to get laid.

 

[BeExcellent]

She doesn't stay over because she doesn't want her dog peeing & pooping inside at her place bc she was away too long. Dogs are a huge responsibility.

Quit over analysing. Sheesh.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I realise now she can't stay at my place, every time she comes over she leaves before sunrise. It's all very odd.

She has to return to her coffin, BEFORE The UV rays reduce her to ashes. Consider yourself fortunate... You haven't needed a blood transfusion since encountering this broad

 

[Foe]

Ok I'm starting to get the ****s. If I'm doing a FWB or LTR I need at least 3 hookups a week or I get cranky

So last week nothing (shes too busy). Get Sat-Sun so take her out for the weekend, lay down the red carpet have a great time. Message her Sunday night say she should come over - too busy (fair just saw her).

She phones last night, I say come over she says she has to do something and may be free later. Get a message saying shes done, I say grats waiting for her to offer me to hers or hers to mine....Nothing.

So what am I supposed to ask for the third time, hell no. I already asked Sunday, Monday, she knows I want to see her. I think this is bs. Feels like she playing games and Im inclined to get back on the dating apps and find someone else to fill my 3 day quota.