Women Epecting Men To Get The Hint

[Vanderdonck]

If you're talking about hinting at sexual attraction then yeah, that's just how the two sexes interact.

If you mean women trying to make men feel bad or being quiet instead of saying what's bothering them, this is flat out bad communication and a borderline toxic trait. One thing I've learned and applied is that I am simply not responsible for anyone else's feelings. If I offended them and they tell me then I will apologize if that's in order and they can accept it and shut up or reject it.

 

[jhonny9546]

Women generally love plausible deniability becuase their egos and self confidences tend to be very fragile

This is precisely why these women will self-filter, and won't be on my list of candidates, for example.

Not all of them.

 

[BeExcellent]

Many, if not most women are conflict averse. Expecting direct communication from a woman is a double edged sword. On the one hand direct communication, eg. "I'm upset because...", "I'm angry because..." even "I'm turned on...." is more transparent, but it also exposes a woman to consequences for her directness.

A woman, if she is reasonably intelligent, must always consider how the man (and his precious ego) will react, and a woman must also consider her safety. Girls are raised from toddler age to pay careful attention to safety if they are being raised properly.

Lots of men react poorly to direct communication if the woman expresses disappointment, anger, contempt, sadness or hurt regarding his behavior. Its as though many men can only handle ego stroking and positive feedback.

But that's not reality now is it.

Further, some men react with anger or violence. Very few men are open to hearing criticism or feedback that is not positive, especially from a woman.

So women as a general rule, learn to communicate covertly.

The other reason for subtle communication is plausible deniability, but not to excuse her behavior so much as to evaluate his reaction (and assess her safety)

Men rarely, I mean RARELY grasp this. I worry, for example, about walking alone to my car at night; I worry about my daughters walking alone to their cars after work (and I have taught them, to the best of my ability, to be very aware of their surroundings and the people around them at ALL times).

Sound ridiculous? Y'all are men.

When is the last time a male hiker was abducted and later found raped & murdered? Little girls are snatched far more often than little boys. Should a woman fight a dangerous man or hide from him? All these things tie into communication style. Literally and figuratively.

It is subconsciously rooted in safety concerns and this is something men have a tough time understanding. It's like expecting a woman to understand what a hard on feels like. We cannot ever fully grasp that: we don't possess that anatomy.

I am unusually direct for a woman. And I catch both positive and negative consequences for it, both socially and in relationship. But if I don't know a particular man? I am very cautious. Even with men I know well, I try to be diplomatic. There is a reason for the saying "Don't shoot the messenger...."

Food for thought.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Many, if not most women are conflict averse. Expecting direct communication from a woman is a double edged sword. On the one hand direct communication, eg. "I'm upset because...", "I'm angry because..." even "I'm turned on...." is more transparent, but it also exposes a woman to consequences for her directness.

A woman, if she is reasonably intelligent, must always consider how the man (and his precious ego) will react, and a woman must also consider her safety. Girls are raised from toddler age to pay careful attention to safety if they are being raised properly.

Lots of men react poorly to direct communication if the woman expresses disappointment, anger, contempt, sadness or hurt regarding his behavior. Its as though many men can only handle ego stroking and positive feedback.

But that's not reality now is it.

Further, some men react with anger or violence. Very few men are open to hearing criticism or feedback that is not positive, especially from a woman.

So women as a general rule, learn to communicate covertly.

The other reason for subtle communication is plausible deniability, but not to excuse her behavior so much as to evaluate his reaction (and assess her safety)

Men rarely, I mean RARELY grasp this. I worry, for example, about walking alone to my car at night; I worry about my daughters walking alone to their cars after work (and I have taught them, to the best of my ability, to be very aware of their surroundings and the people around them at ALL times).

Sound ridiculous? Y'all are men.

When is the last time a male hiker was abducted and later found raped & murdered? Little girls are snatched far more often than little boys. Should a woman fight a dangerous man or hide from him? All these things tie into communication style. Literally and figuratively.

It is subconsciously rooted in safety concerns and this is something men have a tough time understanding. It's like expecting a woman to understand what a hard on feels like. We cannot ever fully grasp that: we don't possess that anatomy.

I am unusually direct for a woman. And I catch both positive and negative consequences for it, both socially and in relationship. But if I don't know a particular man? I am very cautious. Even with men I know well, I try to be diplomatic. There is a reason for the saying "Don't shoot the messenger...."

Food for thought.

That was the one thing growing up in the hood taught me...keep your head on a swivel at all times no matter where you are.

Where I grew up, it was a thing for bands of kids from other neighborhoods to come to our hood (and some kids from ours went to theirs too) to try and steal kids coats during the middle of winter. That sh!t wasn't happening to me...I was always on the lookout no matter what time of day it was.

But that's saved my ass more than once while out and about in various places over the years.

 

[tksniper]

Why is it women often expect men to get the hint? Its pretty rare men have that expectation of women.

Sure, sometimes men are oblivious and lack a little awareness, but I'm talking about the times when there were no signs to interpret. The woman flat assumes and gives no hint simply because she doesn't want to discuss the topic is what i see most of the time.

No where in the business world where men and women interact is this accepted, yet its accepted in male/female romantic relationships and women are notorious for assuming he should just get the hint.

Do women do this out of fear of retribution? Does it have something to do with traditional roles where men pursue, and women follow? Is it a lack of female social skills? Is it beause men are more literal/rational,logical and women are the opposite?

Expecting someone to get the hint all the time is poor communication. One can simply misinterpret a simple "hint". Next time you are in this situation, ask her what the magical "hint" actually was? Did she lick her finger and touch her nose? lol. And what in the hell does that mean.

It's energy. There is a natural underlying sexual tension between men and women. When women sense that sexual tension, their game becomes more subtle. When there is sexual/romantic tension in the air, all a woman needs to do is give a guy one glimpse and he would immediately pick up on it (if he was confident in his gut instincts).

This is proof women are more sexual than men. They can sense the hormones and feelings in the air. Meanwhile the guy is completely in his head and being logical like "why doesn't she give me obvious signs if she is attracted to me?"

It is contradictory to feel sexual and romantic tension and then having to be overt with your flirting. It's already there. All it should take is 1 hint/confirmation/acknowledgement of that tension.

The problem isn't women being too damn subtle. The problem is men being too insecure to believe that the woman he has sexual and romantic feelings for is feeling the same EXACT way.

So he waits for an overt and obvious sign that never comes.

Such is the tragedy of 2025 dating and romance.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Either
Because most are naturally b1tches.
They enjoy this, sometimes just flexing being a b1tch ..when there was no hint given at all. Maybe it’s just general practice for them, to keep their b1tch skills sharp.


Or else this
generally women communicate on more levels than men do. With body language and tone of voice and “energy” etc.etc
(Like when they say “ I’m fine / it’s fine” in that tone that signals all is definitely NOT fine.)
So there may have been a hint in BL or Tone that was missed, that she considered obvious (ie it’d be obvious if she were communicating to another woman). And she’s pissed it wasn’t picked up.

‘men miss a lot ‘ is most women’s opinion tbh.

my ex mother in law had a few classic remarks she’d throw around
“Was that a tone?” was one.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Either
Because most are naturally b1tches.
They enjoy this, sometimes just flexing being a b1tch ..when there was no hint given at all. Maybe it’s just general practice for them, to keep their b1tch skills sharp.


Or else this
generally women communicate on more levels than men do. With body language and tone of voice and “energy” etc.etc
(Like when they say “ I’m fine / it’s fine” in that tone that signals all is definitely NOT fine.)
So there may have been a hint in BL or Tone that was missed, that she considered obvious (ie it’d be obvious if she were communicating to another woman). And she’s pissed it wasn’t picked up.

‘men miss a lot ‘ is most women’s opinion tbh.

my ex mother in law had a few classic remarks she’d throw around
“Was that a tone?” was one.

Probably both tbh

What sucks is that if there is going to be a "rapture" there will be more men than women left over. We'd still have some of the same problems..

 

[Bingo-Player]

It has to do with what women like to call “lack of emotional intelligence”. Or, as I call it, lack of intelligence, period.

Good communication requires effective delivery. If the intended recipient is not getting the message, unless he or she is severely retarded, the problem lies with the messenger.

Women communicate a lot differently to men its all subtle and indirect

Instead of directly asking if a man is single on the market she may say something vague like " I bet X place is great to go if your single "

She is hoping he will say something like Oh yea I"M SINGLE and I go to X all the time " then she has her answer without having to reveal any of her cards

Men stumble into these little traps all the time , experienced women are expert at extracting information without even asking for it

For the male brain its all overly and unnecessarily complicated , but women are experts in linguistic warfare and actually kind of enjoy the stimulation this type of communication brings them

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Bla bla bla everyone here knows women communicate indirectly. Clearly OP, who is one of the most well-adjusted and socially astute members of the board, was referring to the ones who take it too far. It can be done for sh1ts and giggles, out of insecurity, and the woman coming from a guilt-based culture, but usually it's done for some combination of these 3 factors.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Women communicate a lot differently to men its all subtle and indirect

Instead of directly asking if a man is single on the market she may say something vague like " I bet X place is great to go if your single "

She is hoping he will say something like Oh yea I"M SINGLE and I go to X all the time " then she has her answer without having to reveal any of her cards

Men stumble into these little traps all the time , experienced women are expert at extracting information without even asking for it

For the male brain its all overly and unnecessarily complicated , but women are experts in linguistic warfare and actually kind of enjoy the stimulation this type of communication brings them

1000%
I recently saw a reel on FB of some supposed ex CIA agent teaching a technique re ‘How to extract information from a person without asking a single question ’..(by making statements) it was quite interesting.

Then hit me -it’s the same technique many female coworkers use on me reguarly…to extract ‘The Gossip’. About me, or other workers.

They are masters at that sh1t!
When I was young and dumb a previous female manager got me to confess heaps of **** about my relationship problems that way. That Scheming B1tch. She collected everyone’s Goss .lethal.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

1000%
I recently saw a reel on FB of some supposed ex CIA agent teaching a technique re ‘How to extract information from a person without asking a single question ’..(by making statements) it was quite interesting.

Then hit me -it’s the same technique many female coworkers use on me reguarly…to extract ‘The Gossip’. About me, or other workers.

They are masters at that sh1t!
When I was young and dumb a previous female manager got me to confess heaps of **** about my relationship problems that way. That Scheming B1tch. She collected everyone’s Goss .lethal.

"So you haven't said that you don't steal from convenience stores..."

 

[LTG71]

Women operate on feelings and this is a prime example. In that given moment, she might feel something. Then a moment later, the guy says something and her ”feelings” change. Plausible deniability is from a man’s perspective. Men have to be direct and are accountable for what they do. Women have the luxury of not being accountable because their feelings change on a whim. Accountability is a hard for them.

Hinting is an example of not having the balls to commit to the outcome. They are not certain that the decision is a correct one, they want to try a small sample to test and see how they “feel” about it.

Consider something like the beauty counters at the mall. Tons of places to try a sample to see what feelings develop. Men see a car and go, “it goes 0-60 in 5 seconds and has 500 horse power…”

Women are like, I want to sample this guy. “l smiled at him, that was a “hint“ for him to try to invoke feelings inside of me.”

Guys are lIke, “The car is for sale, I’ll buy it!”

Two completely different worlds.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

“l smiled at him, that was a “hint“ for him to try to invoke feelings inside of me.”

A high interest woman doesn't issue "invitations to chase", but you've made a good point here inadvertently. Making hard to read hints is something a lukewarm interest woman would do, so you could add having mild interest to the list too (as to why a woman would be deliberately opaque).

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Most women are naturally non-confrontational. Couple that with an exponentially decreasing level of social awareness that is coming from being glued to social media 24/7 and you have women who lack not only said awareness but who think just outright ignoring men and problems makes more sense than being direct in any fashion.

Functionally, they stay trapped around 15 years old when it comes to emotional maturity. When is the last time you had a meaningful, grown-up (in person) conversation with a woman? Even women who I would consider mentally intelligent are mostly completely self-absorbed with themselves and how events affect and people treat them. It is rare to find a woman who has true intuition with and empathy for others.

i figure another perfect example, is that, if a woman is an abusive relationship or unsatisying one, she is very likely gonna be reluctant to initiate the break-up, she is likely not gonna try to be the one to end things then

 

[Bokanovsky]

Many, if not most women are conflict averse. Expecting direct communication from a woman is a double edged sword. On the one hand direct communication, eg. "I'm upset because...", "I'm angry because..." even "I'm turned on...." is more transparent, but it also exposes a woman to consequences for her directness.

A woman, if she is reasonably intelligent, must always consider how the man (and his precious ego) will react, and a woman must also consider her safety. Girls are raised from toddler age to pay careful attention to safety if they are being raised properly.

I agree with the first part but not the second one. Yes, women are conflict-averse...at least when it comes you direct conflict. But it's got nothing to do with concerns about hurting the "fragile" male ego (as if the female ego was any less fragile) or women's safety. A woman will viciously destroy a man's ego when she senses weakness. And women frequently disregard safety concerns (and common sense) and willingly put themselves in situations where they can drugged, sexually assaulted, etc. Go downtown in a major city on any given weekend to see plenty of examples of such behavior.

Women usually avoid direct confrontation because they are more skilled at indirect conflict. Manipulation, gaslighting and psychological abuse is how they fight their battles.

 

[Cheeky_James]

The scenario is a bit of a conundrum and a catch 22.

Duke states “but I'm talking about the times when there were no signs to interpret”.

But … that’s exactly what a guy who didn’t get the hint would say…

.because he didn’t get the hint.

Duke you need to give more context and specific
Otherwise you are expecting us all to just get the hint about this hint situation.

it could be a set-up , and a frame game if it’s in a work context . And you got power-played. hard to say.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The scenario is a bit of a conundrum and a catch 22.

Duke states “but I'm talking about the times when there were no signs to interpret”.

But … that’s exactly what a guy who didn’t get the hint would say…

.because he didn’t get the hint.

Duke you need to give more context and specific
Otherwise you are expecting us all to just get the hint about this hint situation.

it could be a set-up , and a frame game if it’s in a work context . And you got power-played. hard to say.

Hints and signs are at different levels. Signs are more obvious than hints.

If you're savvy you can still detect subtle hints, and if subtle hints are all they're willing to offer then they're not willing or interested enough to put themselves in a vulnerable position, which means you have to chase. The goal of the board here is to save guys from having to chase.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Hints and signs are at different levels. Signs are more obvious than hints.

If you're savvy you can still detect subtle hints, and if subtle hints are all they're willing to offer then they're not willing or interested enough to put themselves in a vulnerable position, which means you have to chase. The goal of the board here is to save guys from having to chase.

it’s strange to me , from reading Dukes posts I gathered he was suave with women and gets with many.
I don’t get why he’d post this question.


There’s not enough context about the situation with this woman to figure out what’s going on.
-It’s in the context of a romantic relationship
-She flat assumed something.
-She didn’t want to discuss something.
-they argued perhaps(?)
-She blamed him for not getting the hint , which was not given in the first place.

He’s pissed after an argument and venting I’m guessing.

if that’s the scenario then ‘you didn’t get the hint’ is a great defence to hold her position of no wrongdoing on her part. It’s a sneaky move.

If it’s a general question then the answer is:
women are indirect and men are expected to get the hint . That’s life. That’s 101 stuff no?

 

[The Duke]

it’s strange to me , from reading Dukes posts I gathered he was suave with women and gets with many.
I don’t get why he’d post this question.


There’s not enough context about the situation with this woman to figure out what’s going on.
-It’s in the context of a romantic relationship
-She flat assumed something.
-She didn’t want to discuss something.
-they argued perhaps(?)
-She blamed him for not getting the hint , which was not given in the first place.

He’s pissed after an argument and venting I’m guessing.

if that’s the scenario then ‘you didn’t get the hint’ is a great defence to hold her position of no wrongdoing on her part. It’s a sneaky move.

If it’s a general question then the answer is:
women are indirect and men are expected to get the hint . That’s life. That’s 101 stuff no?

It's just a general question about human nature and how male and females communication styles can be vastly different. I thought it would be an interesting topic. It really doesn't have anything to do with me but I see it as a common issue. I know how this stuff works, I wanted to spur some thoughts and dialogue to help others.

My inspiration for the topic came from a first date story between a couple where the man asked to go out with the woman again and she didn't want to answer why she wasn't up for it Other than she thought "he should get the hint. " She got ugly when she was pushed to explain herself and eventually claimed his job wasn't good enough. She only dated executive level men.

She even admitted they had a good first date and the man never picked up on anything that was amiss.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It's just a general question about human nature and how male and females communication styles can be vastly different. I thought it would be an interesting topic. It really doesn't have anything to do with me but I see it as a common issue. I know how this stuff works, I wanted to spur some thoughts and dialogue to help others.

My inspiration for the topic came from a first date story between a couple where the man asked to go out with the woman again and she didn't want to answer why she wasn't up for it Other than she thought "he should get the hint. " She got ugly when she was pushed to explain herself and eventually claimed his job wasn't good enough. She only dated executive level men.

She even admitted they had a good first date and the man never picked up on anything that was amiss.

LMAO like the executive level men she desires have time for her "hints"