The definitive guide to status dynamics

[Bokanovsky]

One time I was at a New Years Eve party and I was in the cigar room with 3 guys and 3 women. Logistics was against me. One of the guys even had an after party. I had nothing. But I remembered the women in the cigar room getting hit on relentlessly by tons of dudes earlier. So I knew I was in a situation where I was in the open market.

One chick said to me “I like your tattoos, but you’re wearing a hat. How do I know your hairline isn’t fvcked up once you take off your hat?”

Why were you wearing a hat in the cigar lounge? Was there a problem with the HVAC system?

 

[The Duke]

@EyeOnThePrize, I can't help but notice you avoided my question and you have a very feminine mindset.

Even your response to @inquisitor is very telling. So stop with the chirades and please explain to the forum exactly how long
does a person delay sex? What does "don't delay sex forever" exactly mean? How many months? I know you don't want to say because you know the SS standard that sex should happen by around the 3rd date and you can't possibly know if you are 100% compatible by the 3rd date. It makes a man look like a desperate simp with a scarcity mindset when he waits for months not having sex because he is trying to figure out if the girl is worthy or not. If you are going to make a statement like you did, then back it up.

I'm guessing you have made a few mistakes of getting too close to the wrong crazy girl and you bond thru sex? Most men can separate sex from feelings. Women really struggle with that, beta simps with no options struggle with that.

Abundance has nothing to do with "ego fluffing". Take your posterity crap somewhere else.

 

[Bigpapa]

@EyeOnThePrize, I can't help but notice you avoided my question and you have a very feminine mindset.

Even your response to @inquisitor is very telling. So stop with the chirades and please explain to the forum exactly how long
does a person delay sex? What does "don't delay sex forever" exactly mean? How many months? I know you don't want to say because you know the SS standard that sex should happen by around the 3rd date and you can't possibly know if you are 100% compatible by the 3rd date. It makes a man look like a desperate simp with a scarcity mindset when he waits for months not having sex because he is trying to figure out if the girl is worthy or not. If you are going to make a statement like you did, then back it up.

I'm guessing you have made a few mistakes of getting too close to the wrong crazy girl and you bond thru sex? Most men can separate sex from feelings. Women really struggle with that, beta simps with no options struggle with that.

Abundance has nothing to do with "ego fluffing". Take your posterity crap somewhere else.

my only comment is that even by date 3 in these times you have a big chance of ****ing it up if you do not move as fast as you can

now, it can very well be the case you will not sleep with earlier than the 3rd or 4th date ( and in some cases a bit later ) … but this does not mean that you should not try to move as fast as possible ( as long as you make it in a calibrated way and know how to use logistics properly )

Sane women actually like that because it makes them feel wanted

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, not men

 

[Divorced w 3]

[

You're missing my point. Don't delay sex forever, simply don't prioritize it because it'll lead to missing red flags and a spark that fades fast. What good is sexual compatibility if there's nothing else?



If these women aren't worth committing to, why are they worth your time and intimacy? Using people as "fun only" while assessing others for commitment is still making your worth dependent on sexual access. The "fun only" women are either naive, damaged, or equally using you. That's not abundance, that's settling for low-quality interactions for sexual validation.

'Better than masturbating' is setting an incredibly low bar for how you spend your time and energy. From experience the 'fun only' approach seems like winning until you realize you're trading real fulfillment for ego maintenance. It's diminishing returns.

Abundance means not keeping women around for ego fluffing. I'm posting this response for posterity, I'm not trying to convince you of anything. Different strokes.

Your style reminds me of Ayn Rand, but even she was more masculine than this.

 

[inquisitor]

Making "getting laid" the primary goal means everything else becomes secondary, including whether you actually like her beyond physical attraction. You end up compromising on compatibility for short term validation.

This is binary thinking. You can prioritize sex and everything else simultaneously. Sex early on, in fact, and if done correctly, is a long-term validation on sexual compatibility. After all, sexual compatibility is compatibility. There's no compromise.

Sex happens naturally when you're pursuing something more fulfilling than just getting laid.

Might I remind you that for sex to happen,
you do have to pursue getting laid.

You're missing my point. Don't delay sex forever, simply don't prioritize it because it'll lead to missing red flags and a spark that fades fast. What good is sexual compatibility if there's nothing else?

You have to prioritize it still, and like I said, prioritize simultaneously. I think what you're trying to point out is that the problem with some men is once they do have sex, they become blind to everything else, and that does happen.

Although, it only leads to missing red flags and a spark that fades fast when the man fails to do his own homework - of developing himself enough socially to not fall for these traps.

Scarcity wiring: see hot woman > get attracted > pursue sex > assess compatibility after.

Abundance wiring: see hot woman > get attracted > assess compatibility first > IF compatible > sex happens naturally.

This just makes no sense. Screening for compatibility on everything else after having sex? That's not "scarcity wiring", that's just being careless, and there are careless men out there.

That's not "abundance wiring" either. Screening for compatibility on everything else before having sex, and arriving at compatibility, does not guarantee "sex to happen naturally", nor sexual compatibility, unless of course sexual topics have been crossed beforehand. Let me fix that simplistic wiring scheme.

Scarcity wiring:
> you have no idea who you are
> you have no idea what you want
> see hot woman
> get attracted
> forget other women exist
> pursue only her
> depend on being compatible with her
> get disappointed when actions fail
> repeat with every woman you meet

Abundance wiring:
> you have an idea who you are
> you have an idea what you want
> see hot woman
> get attracted
> still know you have other options
> assess compatibility on all aspects
> if not compatible, let go and move on
> if compatible, pursue what you want with her
> you both decide when and how compatibility ends
> regardless, you made the decision
> always grateful along the way, you feel fulfilled
> repeat with every woman you meet

 

[Bigpapa]

Abundance wiring:
> you have an idea who you are
> you have an idea what you want
> see hot woman
> get attracted
> still know you have other options
> assess compatibility on all aspects
> if not compatible, let go and move on
> if compatible, pursue what you want with her
> you both decide when and how compatibility ends
> regardless, you made the decision
> always grateful along the way, you feel fulfilled
> repeat with every woman you meet

Even here, you can not really know in what you are getting yourself into without having sex with her first

women are one way before sex happens and a totally different way after sex happens

you screen for compatibility after sex she the woman will be closer to her natural state and hopefully pursuing a relationship with you

sure, you can still check compatibility in some other aspects before sex happens, but you not get a good read on her till sex happens

the guy has only role in the courtship, pursue all leads that makes sense from an attraction point of view + filter out those who have easily spotted red flags ( if they want something meaningful ) + push for sex

After you have sex with her, you start filtering her properly for relationship material

women are the sex gatekeepers and men the relationship gatekeepers

anything else than the last paragraph is just bullsh1t

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is binary thinking. You can prioritize sex and everything else simultaneously. Sex early on, in fact, and if done correctly, is a long-term validation on sexual compatibility. After all, sexual compatibility is compatibility. There's no compromise.


Might I remind you that for sex to happen,
you do have to pursue getting laid.


You have to prioritize it still, and like I said, prioritize simultaneously. I think what you're trying to point out is that the problem with some men is once they do have sex, they become blind to everything else, and that does happen.

Although, it only leads to missing red flags and a spark that fades fast when the man fails to do his own homework - of developing himself enough socially to not fall for these traps.


This just makes no sense. Screening for compatibility on everything else after having sex? That's not "scarcity wiring", that's just being careless, and there are careless men out there.

That's not "abundance wiring" either. Screening for compatibility on everything else before having sex, and arriving at compatibility, does not guarantee "sex to happen naturally", nor sexual compatibility, unless of course sexual topics have been crossed beforehand. Let me fix that simplistic wiring scheme.

Scarcity wiring:
> you have no idea who you are
> you have no idea what you want
> see hot woman
> get attracted
> forget other women exist
> pursue only her
> depend on being compatible with her
> get disappointed when actions fail
> repeat with every woman you meet

Abundance wiring:
> you have an idea who you are
> you have an idea what you want
> see hot woman
> get attracted
> still know you have other options
> assess compatibility on all aspects
> if not compatible, let go and move on
> if compatible, pursue what you want with her
> you both decide when and how compatibility ends
> regardless, you made the decision
> always grateful along the way, you feel fulfilled
> repeat with every woman you meet

Well technically if you prioritize everything equally then you are prioritizing nothing.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@EyeOnThePrize, I can't help but notice you avoided my question and you have a very feminine mindset.


Even your response to @inquisitor is very telling. So stop with the chirades and please explain to the forum exactly how long

does a person delay sex? What does "don't delay sex forever" exactly mean? How many months? I know you don't want to say because you know the SS standard that sex should happen by around the 3rd date and you can't possibly know if you are 100% compatible by the 3rd date. It makes a man look like a desperate simp with a scarcity mindset when he waits for months not having sex because he is trying to figure out if the girl is worthy or not. If you are going to make a statement like you did, then back it up.


I'm guessing you have made a few mistakes of getting too close to the wrong crazy girl and you bond thru sex? Most men can separate sex from feelings. Women really struggle with that, beta simps with no options struggle with that.


Abundance has nothing to do with "ego fluffing". Take your posterity crap somewhere else.

I did answer it, there's no prescribed timeline. Asking how many dates until you fuuck is like asking how many conversations until you know someone is a good friend. It's not about 'how many dates until I should fuuck her' but 'does she show enough compatibility to be worth pursuing'. Some people reveal themselves in 3 dates, others in 8. You're asking for a formula when the whole point is there isn't one.

The shift is simple: stop prioritizing sex as the primary goal. When you prioritize finding genuine compatibility, sex happens as a natural outcome with women you're actually excited about, not as a prize for gaming them correctly. Chase quick lays and you're selecting for impulsive, low-standards women, regardless of how hot they are.


I used to filter primarily for looks and availability, if we didn't fuuck by date two, I'd move on. That approach was efficient for getting laid but terrible for finding compatible partners. The irony: women who were selective and wanted to build connection first got filtered out automatically, while I kept hooking up with impulsive women who weren't actually compatible long term.


"Most men can separate sex from feelings" - that's the problem, not a flex. Sex without feelings is just mutual masturbation. If you're proud of using people without connection, you're confusing emotional unavailability with strength and stunting yourself. And if sex is how you prove your worth to yourself, the 'fun box' is just an insecurity management system.


You can keep your 'fun box' rotation, I got rid of mine because it reinforces the wrong mindset for what I want. I'm sharing what I learned from experience. Take it or leave it.

This is binary thinking. You can prioritize sex and everything else simultaneously. Sex early on, in fact, and if done correctly, is a long-term validation on sexual compatibility. After all, sexual compatibility is compatibility. There's no compromise.

If you have great sex early on without knowing much about her, it's because you're assuming all those other things are awesome. Once you find out the rest of her life isn't perfect, you're forced to compromise or leave, and those things you find out can absolutely kill your boner for that girl for life.

Might I remind you that for sex to happen,

you do have to pursue getting laid.

For a quality relationship to happen sex has to happen doesn't it? I'm not saying to NOT pursue getting laid, I'm saying to pursue something greater that includes getting laid.

You have to prioritize it still, and like I said, prioritize simultaneously. I think what you're trying to point out is that the problem with some men is once they do have sex, they become blind to everything else, and that does happen.


Although, it only leads to missing red flags and a spark that fades fast when the man fails to do his own homework - of developing himself enough socially to not fall for these traps.

If you prioritize everything you are not prioritizing anything. By definition prioritizing means certain things are more important than others. Not only do men become blind after sex, lots become blind before, but you get it.

This just makes no sense. Screening for compatibility on everything else after having sex? That's not "scarcity wiring", that's just being careless, and there are careless men out there.

It's what happens when a man makes getting laid the goal, standards are lower than if he's focused on the bigger picture.

That's not "abundance wiring" either. Screening for compatibility on everything else before having sex, and arriving at compatibility, does not guarantee "sex to happen naturally", nor sexual compatibility, unless of course sexual topics have been crossed beforehand. Let me fix that simplistic wiring scheme.


Scarcity wiring:

> you have no idea who you are

> you have no idea what you want

> see hot woman

> get attracted

> forget other women exist

> pursue only her

> depend on being compatible with her

> get disappointed when actions fail

> repeat with every woman you meet


Abundance wiring:

> you have an idea who you are

> you have an idea what you want

> see hot woman

> get attracted

> still know you have other options

> assess compatibility on all aspects

> if not compatible, let go and move on

> if compatible, pursue what you want with her

> you both decide when and how compatibility ends

> regardless, you made the decision

> always grateful along the way, you feel fulfilled

> repeat with every woman you meet

There are no guarantees in life, but if you screen a woman for quality and compatibility outside the bedroom and have high standards then you have a great chance the sexual compatibility will be there too. In fact it would only be enhanced because of all the context you found attractive on your way there. By all means have it at the top of your list, but from experience for it to last there are so many things outside of sex that have to vibe.

I agree screening for compatibility should be simultaneous, not sequential, but you're always prioritizing something. My experience is that prioritizing sex early on filtered out selective women who were probably better long-term, while I made exceptions for dimes who were bedroom rockstars.

If you can genuinely assess all aspects simultaneously while pursuing sex early without filtering out selective women, that's pretty impressive. Like I said prioritizing everything seems to defeat the point of having priorities, but we might be splitting semantical hairs. Personally, focusing on sex early was distracting me from more important qualities that undermine everything, including sex, so I changed my approach.

 

[Bigpapa]

I

If you can genuinely assess all aspects simultaneously while pursuing sex early without filtering out selective women, that's pretty impressive. Like I said prioritizing everything seems to defeat the point of having priorities, but we might be splitting semantical hairs. Personally, focusing on sex early was distracting me from more important qualities that undermine everything, including sex, so I changed my approach.

That is what I proposed

it should not be an issue if you bang the girl you like in 1, 2 or 10 dates, what matters is to pursue girls you genuinely like + pushing towards sex in a calibrated and experienced way

women are gatekeepers for sex while men for relationship

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"Most men can separate sex from feelings" - that's the problem, not a flex. Sex without feelings is just mutual masturbation. If you're proud of using people without connection, you're confusing emotional unavailability with strength and stunting yourself. And if sex is how you prove your worth to yourself, the 'fun box' is just an insecurity management system.

No, that's neither a problem nor a flex that is simply how nature made us and what our biological instincts are.

A male's job in nature is to spread his seed to as many different female's as possible to procreate and carry on his lineage.

It's so strong that male lions who take over a pride after defeating the incumbent male leader will attempt to kill any cubs that aren't their own so the lionesses will go into heat again and they can then procreate with them to ensure their offspring are the ones that a survive.

Imagine a stepdad coming into the picture and killing the kids so that only his offspring would be raised by the wife?

Obviously humans are not going to take it that far but it's silly to try and disassociate us from our natural urges and instincts and pretend like they don't drive us. The very hormone that promotes ones "maleness", Testosterone, also increases promiscuity amongst men.

You can pretend nature doesn't matter, and that biological urges and instincts don't matter but they do...at our core we are still animals and are still driven by these hormones and instincts.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Ya it's a strong consensus for what it's worth that if you *don't* have sex relatively early, the chances of any kind of relationship happening go way down. Too many other dudes out there.

If you wait until some kind of holistic compatibility assessment is complete, she's gone with the wind the vast majority of the time.

 

[The Duke]

@EyeOnThePrize

"I agree screening for compatibility should be simultaneous, not sequential, but you're always prioritizing something. My experience is that prioritizing sex early on filtered out selective women who were probably better long-term, while I made exceptions for dimes who were bedroom rockstars."

So what is it, screen before you start having sex or during? You are changing your tune now. This violates what you shared about abundance mindset.

And you are crazy if you think you can get to know a woman in X amount of dates. She will pretty much show you who she really is by the 4-6mo mark. Evidently you haven't had enough relationships that lasted that long because all you wanted was sex? I've got a good sample size to come to that conclusion and it's been stated on here many times by others.

No one said make sex a priority. You need to rescind your statement about abundance and scarcity. It's way off base.

 

[jhonny9546]

So there you have it. In a small circle of friends environment, the most accessible guy wins. But in
a large circle environment, the most high priced guy wins.

Let's assume this is behavioral.
It means that a guy from a social circle must behave like a beta to be successful.
While a guy from the open market must behave like an alpha.

Alpha guys in the social circle context achieve nothing, are seen as dangerous, and are marginalized by the angry betas (even if they have a certain effect on the women in that group).
But it's as if the women were afraid.

Your reasoning reminds me a lot of what happens in the workplace too (/scenario 1)

Every stupid move you’ve ever made with girls in your entire lifetime since puberty came from neediness.

And every “cool” move you’ve ever made with girls that you scored with came from a state of non neediness.

Absolutely true.

Does @tksniper thinks that, when a woman seduces you, and you try to make it clear you're not interested, she resents you or sees you as a high-status, someone to be conquered?

People tend to desire what others already desire

When that thing is created, that others start to desire you because you have a high social status, in that group, you should be careful of crazy women, because, they are the first ones who will throw themselves at you, since they suffer from FOMO.

@Clockwerk50.. How would you create it?

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly I tend to generally agree with the assertions the OP is making about accessibility/logistics in closed social circle system and highest percieved value out in the wild (outside social circle)....

However I do not think this is a complete or formulaic thing. Remember, relationships are never algebra. They are more like an op ed, with all the applied bias carted around by each individual.

So reality is far more nuanced. Every individual approaches interactions with expectations rooted in whatever that individual values. Values can shift over time as greater life experience is gained. We are not the same person as 2 years ago or as 10 years ago, although greater adjustments typically happen earlier as opposed to later in life.

I recall as a very young woman I was taught sex was reserved for marriage, and thus I was not sexually active until my 20s. I entered every interaction as a potential for life partner selection, and disqualified men very very quickly on life partner selection criteria. Was he into drugs? Auto DQ. I don't want to be married to a drug habit. Was his intellect dim? Auto DQ. Not having children with a dummy. Did I have sexual desire for him (my #1 criteria then as now)? Promoted to willing to develop the interaction....Did he lack ambition/success? If lacking, auto DQ as I don't want a loser/lazy person.....

Ironically my first husband checked all the boxes, but after we were married his business fiasco happened, and I ended up with a shjt sandwhich for a while, but sometimes in life unforseen things occur, and you learn and drive on. Like @Duke I picked a guy based on sensible criteria including desire & life happened & shjt went sideways anyway (Shrugs).

You cannot control all variables. You cannot control the other person either.

What you can control is your criteria, your goals, and your screening, so long as you understand and realize what you are screening for and against.

Don't be a passive bystander in your own life.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

No, that's neither a problem nor a flex that is simply how nature made us and what our biological instincts are.

A male's job in nature is to spread his seed to as many different female's as possible to procreate and carry on his lineage.

It's so strong that male lions who take over a pride after defeating the incumbent male leader will attempt to kill any cubs that aren't their own so the lionesses will go into heat again and they can then procreate with them to ensure their offspring are the ones that a survive.

Imagine a stepdad coming into the picture and killing the kids so that only his offspring would be raised by the wife?

Obviously humans are not going to take it that far but it's silly to try and disassociate us from our natural urges and instincts and pretend like they don't drive us. The very hormone that promotes ones "maleness", Testosterone, also increases promiscuity amongst men.

You can pretend nature doesn't matter, and that biological urges and instincts don't matter but they do...at our core we are still animals and are still driven by these hormones and instincts.

Men also have urges toward violence, yet we don't justify assault by saying "testosterone made me do it". We aren't slaves to instinct. The entire point of civilization is choosing which urges to act on based on long-term goals, not just following every impulse.

Approaching relationships with emotional depth doesn't feel as though I'm denying natural urges, and that's not at all what I'm advocating here. If anything my interactions feel more fulfilling, not less. I haven't tested my T but I assume at this age it's lower than it was in my early 20's, and rather than feel as though there's something to compensate for, it feels as though my body is finally catching up to my mind. The stimulation I find attractive now encompasses more than just the physical and topical qualities, and that aligns well with qualifying for the long term.

If you're an advocate for the 'fun box' then please indulge the question I posed to @The Duke, if those women aren't worth committing to and you've decided they're not viable for a relationship, why are they worth your time and intimacy at all?

Ya it's a strong consensus for what it's worth that if you *don't* have sex relatively early, the chances of any kind of relationship happening go way down. Too many other dudes out there.

If you wait until some kind of holistic compatibility assessment is complete, she's gone with the wind the vast majority of the time.

I used to think along the same lines, but as I mentioned this filters for impulsive women. Why would a woman that holds out be a bad thing? If you're worried about losing her and using sex to keep her interested then again that's coming from scarcity and fear. It's true that sex changes the dynamic, and in my opinion that provides all the more reason to be picky about the timing, like waiting for a fruit to ripen.

@EyeOnThePrize

"I agree screening for compatibility should be simultaneous, not sequential, but you're always prioritizing something. My experience is that prioritizing sex early on filtered out selective women who were probably better long-term, while I made exceptions for dimes who were bedroom rockstars."

So what is it, screen before you start having sex or during? You are changing your tune now. This violates what you shared about abundance mindset.

And you are crazy if you think you can get to know a woman in X amount of dates. She will pretty much show you who she really is by the 4-6mo mark. Evidently you haven't had enough relationships that lasted that long because all you wanted was sex? I've got a good sample size to come to that conclusion and it's been stated on here many times by others.

No one said make sex a priority. You need to rescind your statement about abundance and scarcity. It's way off base.

I haven't changed my tune. Screen for compatibility signals before getting physical. The 'simultaneous' comment acknowledged that ideally you'd assess everything at once, but prioritizing sex early has its costs and we don't talk about them enough here. If it takes 4-6 months to really know someone (your number), that's an argument for slowing down, not rushing into sex early. You're not engaging with what I'm actually saying at this point so we're simply too far apart.

I'm flattered that you feel the need to straw man, attempt to undermine my character, and get combative, but you're under no obligation to follow my advice or engage with me at all. You have no idea who I am or what I've done. Showing a lack of decorum isn't an argument, it just reveals a lack of faith in any actual substance you've provided to stand on its own.

I recall as a very young woman I was taught sex was reserved for marriage, and thus I was not sexually active until my 20s. I entered every interaction as a potential for life partner selection, and disqualified men very very quickly on life partner selection criteria. Was he into drugs? Auto DQ. I don't want to be married to a drug habit. Was his intellect dim? Auto DQ. Not having children with a dummy. Did I have sexual desire for him (my #1 criteria then as now)? Promoted to willing to develop the interaction....Did he lack ambition/success? If lacking, auto DQ as I don't want a loser/lazy person.....

Ironically my first husband checked all the boxes, but after we were married his business fiasco happened, and I ended up with a shjt sandwhich for a while, but sometimes in life unforseen things occur, and you learn and drive on. Like @Duke I picked a guy based on sensible criteria including desire & life happened & shjt went sideways anyway (Shrugs).

Not to honk your horn too much but I see that mindset as absolutely ideal at this stage of my life. You're right that lots of variables are out of your control but the point was to give yourself the best chances, and from what I understand that was a long and fruitful marriage that gave you wonderful children. It's never too late to try again, I had a friend's uncle re-marry at the ripe age of 88



The pushback here is telling - suggesting men filter for characteristics outside the bedroom before getting physical is treated like taking something away, rather than aiming for something better.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Men also have urges toward violence, yet we don't justify assault by saying "testosterone made me do it". We aren't slaves to instinct. The entire point of civilization is choosing which urges to act on based on long-term goals, not just following every impulse.

Approaching relationships with emotional depth doesn't feel as though I'm denying natural urges, and that's not at all what I'm advocating here. If anything my interactions feel more fulfilling, not less. I haven't tested my T but I assume at this age it's lower than it was in my early 20's, and rather than feel as though there's something to compensate for, it feels as though my body is finally catching up to my mind. The stimulation I find attractive now encompasses more than just the physical and topical qualities, and that aligns well with qualifying for the long term.

If you're an advocate for the 'fun box' then please indulge the question I posed to @The Duke, if those women aren't worth committing to and you've decided they're not viable for a relationship, why are they worth your time and intimacy at all?




I used to think along the same lines, but as I mentioned this filters for impulsive women. Why would a woman that holds out be a bad thing? If you're worried about losing her and using sex to keep her interested then again that's coming from scarcity and fear. It's true that sex changes the dynamic, and in my opinion that provides all the more reason to be picky about the timing, like waiting for a fruit to ripen.



I haven't changed my tune. Screen for compatibility signals before getting physical. The 'simultaneous' comment acknowledged that ideally you'd assess everything at once, but prioritizing sex early has its costs and we don't talk about them enough here. If it takes 4-6 months to really know someone (your number), that's an argument for slowing down, not rushing into sex early. You're not engaging with what I'm actually saying at this point so we're simply too far apart.

I'm flattered that you feel the need to straw man, attempt to undermine my character, and get combative, but you're under no obligation to follow my advice or engage with me at all. You have no idea who I am or what I've done. Showing a lack of decorum isn't an argument, it just reveals a lack of faith in any actual substance you've provided to stand on its own.



Not to honk your horn too much but I see that mindset as absolutely ideal at this stage of my life. You're right that lots of variables are out of your control but the point was to give yourself the best chances, and from what I understand that was a long and fruitful marriage that gave you wonderful children. It's never too late to try again, I had a friend's uncle re-marry at the ripe age of 88



The pushback here is telling - suggesting men filter for characteristics outside the bedroom before getting physical is treated like taking something away, rather than aiming for something better.

Yes we are prone to violence, which is why war and violence has been the one constant throughout the history of the human race.

One of the earliest humans found frozen and intact was discovered to have been killed by a hatchet to the back. Clearly he did not do that to himself.

So yes...clearly we ARE very beholden to our urges regardless of how you'd like to explain it away and typically you can only fight who you are for so long.

There is a concept called the Shadow where eventually people who fight their instincts and urges for a long period of time are eventually consumed by their "Shadow" that then makes up for all that time they attempted to quell their urges, all at once, and usually to the detriment of the individual.

Failure to properly give an outlet and integrate this Shadow into your conscious being is where the issue typically lies if you override natural evolutionary instincts with conscious choice. Otherwise it will cause tension internally because you are going against what you are and are not properly resolving it.

 

[jhonny9546]

@BeExcellent

It's nice to see how a woman thinks. You've finally explained your perspective very well in finding the best solution "within your knowledge, your cultural background, and your scope of action."
Something women never stop doing, even if they're currently employed, have children, are married, etc.
I'm always looking for better men.

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent

It's nice to see how a woman thinks. You've finally explained your perspective very well in finding the best solution "within your knowledge, your cultural background, and your scope of action."
Something women never stop doing, even if they're currently employed, have children, are married, etc.
I'm always looking for better men.

Jesus. As a young unmarried woman that is how I was raised, and any quality young woman is going to do as I did even today. How do you think I raised my own daughters?

Once you are married you QUIT LOOKING. You are MARRIED. You took a vow before God and you COMMIT. That is what I did.

Yes I did divorce after years of marriage. But not to go have fun. I divorced because my first husband abdicated his role as man and leader, and became very lazy as a result of clinical depression. Therefore the marriage was enabling his laziness, and I thought that was a terrible example of marriage for the children.

I could get my first husband to act without a divorce. Most weighted decision of my life, and best decision for everyone too.

You cannot change someone else. Sometimes you must walk away out of your own self respect and to set the correct example for impressionable children, lest you teach them to disrespect themselves.

I was not planning to marry again. For what? My second husband wanted to marry me, and wanted that level of commitment. So here we are. COMMITTED.

And I am NOT LOOKING.

You are dead wrong about my thinking. Sheesh.

 

[The Duke]

Jesus. As a young unmarried woman that is how I was raised, and any quality young woman is going to do as I did even today. How do you think I raised my own daughters?

Once you are married you QUIT LOOKING. You are MARRIED. You took a vow before God and you COMMIT. That is what I did.

Yes I did divorce after years of marriage. But not to go have fun. I divorced because my first husband abdicated his role as man and leader, and became very lazy as a result of clinical depression. Therefore the marriage was enabling his laziness, and I thought that was a terrible example of marriage for the children.

I could get my first husband to act without a divorce. Most weighted decision of my life, and best decision for everyone too.

You cannot change someone else. Sometimes you must walk away out of your own self respect and to set the correct example for impressionable children, lest you teach them to disrespect themselves.

I was not planning to marry again. For what? My second husband wanted to marry me, and wanted that level of commitment. So here we are. COMMITTED.

And I am NOT LOOKING.

You are dead wrong about my thinking. Sheesh.

You will have to excuse @jhonny9546 I'm sure he means no harm, he just thinks too much quite often. Lol

 

[tksniper]

Just to clarify my original post, I would like to add in the caveat that I experience myself as at least. 7.5/10 guy in my social circles. So in a social circle environment, it’s pretty ridiculous to try and elevate your status even higher. There aren’t many hot guys to choose from in any given social circle. So it becomes a game of logistics.

In an open market, there’s plenty of options to choose from. And it’s not always black and white as in who has the highest status. It could also come down to logistics. It’s just that when it comes to my own personal experience, I’m not always as hot as I think I am. These women don’t know me from a can of paint. I might have to throw in some status signals in there.

It’s a confusing game for women as well in the open market, hence all the sh1t tests women throw at you that you wouldn’t normally get in your own tribe.

It’s like if Apple were to market itself on another planet, it can’t just say “We’re Apple. We invented the iPhone.” Apple would have to market itself all over again and throw out a bunch of status signals and point to all the social proof it has from Earth. Just a simple analogy. No need to overthink it.