The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Divorced w 3]

Yep, sounds like she's fishing for a way back in.

Told ya...

Now you have to decide what you're gonna do when those feelings are inevitably brought back to your doorstep again.

Here was the dialogue:

(Picture of tarp over packed items)
Packed tight, nobody home, grab it whenever
Side of house

Ok. That’s all clothes?

Your mothers China and crystal glasses, your dust buster, all your packages, your grandmothers ring in a ziplock in the clothes bag, every single item I could see is there

Ok I understand. Thank you.
I’ll get them tomorrow morning

 

[BPH]

Here was the dialogue:

(Picture of tarp over packed items)
Packed tight, nobody home, grab it whenever
Side of house

Ok. That’s all clothes?

Your mothers China and crystal glasses, your dust buster, all your packages, your grandmothers ring in a ziplock in the clothes bag, every single item I could see is there

Ok I understand. Thank you.
I’ll get them tomorrow morning

Guess you'll see what happens tomorrow morning then.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Guess you'll see what happens tomorrow morning then.

She reactivated her instagram and removed my account. She waited 10 days to do it. Maybe she thought I was going to call. The photos will come down, she just put herself back out on the market. She may really be done, which is my guess now, or you may have been right, the passive aggressive may be heating up. It used to drive her nuts that I could just turn off and walk away from everything early on if something went sideways. Then two years ago, when I was at peak neurosis without my treatment, I made her take anyone off her friends list that she had a history with and then we both deactivated our accounts. More likely than not she’s bored and wants her account back and I wonder if she’s trying to touch that nerve also. Also if it is toxic passive aggressive behavior, instead of going to her apartment or her parents and chilling out for a week she hired a full on moving crew and then she made a second public display of removing our social media presence and did a bat signal about the state of her personal life. If, under some circumstances she did want to reconnect she is making it uglier and worse for her by the minute. That’s why it’s not just toxic, she may be done.

Bottom line is I don’t know why she’d expect your boy to call after what she said. Okay, yes I put my hands on her and pushed her out of my room. That’s probably the straw that broke the camels back if she expected me to come crawling back over that, but the issue is the same old script; she does something that is out of line, I get triggered and it negates my validity. Not biting.

I have new tools now at my disposal like, journaling this out for instance plus some other pharmaceutical grade assistance and yes while it got an initial rise I feel better already by the end of this stream.

I will say, I have a stack of notecards on my desk that I will admit I don’t want to throw out yet. Each one is a different quote she wrote out for the year about love. I still flip them.

All i hear is the song Win by Jay Rock in my head….:get out the way yo, you either with me or against me hoe, win, win win win win, all I do is win, win win win win, I ain’t chasing no bytch, win win win win

You get the point. I’ll be prouder of myself for staying put and not saying anything else. There’s nothing else that need be said. She’s out and all ties are now cut.

I’m a confident 41 year old high value man I should not even be sweating this.

my new attempt at maturity is , do not get angry at anything, no matter what. Hold that in. Not something I have the luxury of displaying. Even if someone really wanted to exact some revenge down the line, anger only tips that person off anyway. I cannot under any circumstances display anger. It’s my Achilles heel.

This is growth

 

[Divorced w 3]

She took her stuff and then she texted me a photo of stuff she had of mine. I don’t even understand how that happens. She just went indiscriminately plucking crap out of the closet and had mostly my children’s stuff. I truly don’t understand how that’s even possible. Either way I simply said ‘Okay thanks!’

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I think you are doing great so far.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I think you are doing great so far.

I’m telling you bro the instagram got my mind going. I’ve been doing my best to deflect, I am doing pull-ups on the bar, focusing on my kids here this weekend, added some folks as well on insta, asked a former cute coworker out for drinks, did my hair good this morning, losing that belly already, fasting is going well I see it working.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Oh man this breaks my heart Dw3 and I second what @Dr.Suave said.

did my hair good this morning...

Haha this gave me a chuckle; I'm sure you always look great.

Anyway hang in and a cliche I know, but time does heal, don't I know!

Keep posting if it helps.

Hugs

 

[Divorced w 3]

Oh man this breaks my heart Dw3 and I second what @Dr.Suave said.



Haha this gave me a chuckle; I'm sure you always look great.

Anyway hang in and a cliche I know, but time does heal, don't I know!

Keep posting if it helps.

Hugs

Dude she had my Valentino tie! An almost entire bag of my kids stuff! How does that even happen

 

[BPH]

Also if it is toxic passive aggressive behavior, instead of going to her apartment or her parents and chilling out for a week she hired a full on moving crew and then she made a second public display of removing our social media presence and did a bat signal about the state of her personal life. If, under some circumstances she did want to reconnect she is making it uglier and worse for her by the minute. That’s why it’s not just toxic, she may be done.

She's putting herself back on the market in a way that she knew you would see, in the hopes that it would bother you enough to regret your decision. The fact that you haven't reacted to it is good.

Unless she puts your things out for you to collect when she's not there, she may end up holding your belongings hostage to force a face-to-face conversation with her.

 

[Divorced w 3]

She's putting herself back on the market in a way that she knew you would see, in the hopes that it would bother you enough to regret your decision. The fact that you haven't reacted to it is good.

Unless she puts your things out for you to collect when she's not there, she may end up holding your belongings hostage to force a face-to-face conversation with her.

Let her. She removed my friendship I can’t see anything.

She gave me my crap back and took hers, from my dad’s place.

 

[Divorced w 3]

She's putting herself back on the market in a way that she knew you would see, in the hopes that it would bother you enough to regret your decision. The fact that you haven't reacted to it is good.

Unless she puts your things out for you to collect when she's not there, she may end up holding your belongings hostage to force a face-to-face conversation with her.

A day removed you really nailed this. There was zero reason she should have taken a bag of my kids things, and I wouldn’t have known unless I spearheaded the process of returning her stuff. Zero doubt now with a clearer head that it was an intentional attempt at provocation - she didn’t mention having anything, let alone it was my kids stuff like it was some sort of thing to find later.

 

[BPH]

A day removed you really nailed this. There was zero reason she should have taken a bag of my kids things, and I wouldn’t have known unless I spearheaded the process of returning her stuff. Zero doubt now with a clearer head that it was an intentional attempt at provocation - she didn’t mention having anything, let alone it was my kids stuff like it was some sort of thing to find later.

Yep...unfortunately, the thing about crazy women is that they're predictably crazy...

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yep...unfortunately, the thing about crazy women is that they're predictably crazy...

With a clear head it’s actually irritating.

Did I mention she slept in her car the night I broke up with her instead of any of the local hotels / her parents/ her own apartment?

The manipulation over the last week is super clear

I’m nearly convinced I’ll hear something from her again.

 

[Foe]

I’m nearly convinced I’ll hear something from her again.

Ive been here, it gets easier. This is an incredible youtube channel for no contact, all the videos prime you for your new life.

Philosos - YouTube

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yep...unfortunately, the thing about crazy women is that they're predictably crazy...

Therapist is surprised that besides the absolute necessity of logistical communication that I haven’t actually heard from her yet

 

[BPH]

Therapist is surprised that besides the absolute necessity of logistical communication that I haven’t actually heard from her yet

Yet.

I wouldn't count it as done until you have all your stuff back and there is zero way for her to communicate with you, short of showing up at your doorstep.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yet.

I wouldn't count it as done until you have all your stuff back and there is zero way for her to communicate with you, short of showing up at your doorstep.

All my stuff has been back since Saturday morning. She removed me on instagram and there’s really no logistical reason to chat any further. I don’t think anything is open ended any more.

 

[BPH]

All my stuff has been back since Saturday morning. She removed me on instagram and there’s really no logistical reason to chat any further. I don’t think anything is open ended any more.

Good. Then hopefully you're able to move on with your life without further interference from her.

 

[Sega Genesis]

All my stuff has been back since Saturday morning. She removed me on instagram and there’s really no logistical reason to chat any further. I don’t think anything is open ended any more.

Perhaps not open-ended but it all just seemed so sudden! And there's no real closure.

Or is there? For you? Are you done? In your heart?

No need to answer here but simply a question to ask yourself.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Perhaps not open-ended but it all just seemed so sudden! And there's no real closure.

Or is there? For you? Are you done? In your heart?

No need to answer here but simply a question to ask yourself.

I agree, no closure whatsoever - I think she is super pissed that I pushed her out of the bedroom (although she just went to lay on the couch) and then I chased her off the couch with the blanket - and so I would guess for the first time ever, she’s holding firm on it being abusive and I think it would have to be an outreach from her right now, because I need to give her space to process this - and I need space too.