What Surprised You The Most About Dating Women in your 40s?

[Solomon]

So I'm about to turn 42 in a few months, in the last year and half. I've dated and hooked up with women as young as 21 and as old as 52. Here are some of my thoughts, feel free to add on​

Dating/Hooking up actually gets easier the older I get. You have post-divorce women who were in dead bedrooms with crazy libido and you have younger women who are liberated because of feminism into kinky stuff. I remember when I was in my 20s and women would say they have a"4 month rule" or "6 month rule" or you have to be her boyfriend before they were willing to hook up. The last time a woman made me wait was a girl I dated from my social circle back in 2023 and even then, she made me wait 1.5 week and half. If you do the work learn about game etc. It's just a natural progression.

Women Don't Change they double down-Women who are Late 30s and up don't change they double down, I have gone on dates with former party bops (you know the IG aehsetic, lot of make up, loud blond hair, big boobs etc) and they are just entitled and delusional as ever, however when a girl is a party girl at 22 it's cute but at 42 it's just cringe and kind of pathetic. I do not engage with those types anymore because why get a Chevy with 250K miles when you can get one with 50K miles. Some women will want to be in an LTR with you and try to leverage sex, I don't bother with those types and just laugh and be on my merry way.

Less is more-I use to read all these field reports, and gaming threads when I first got on Sosuave as a punk kid, the older I get the less I "Game" so to speak. A lot of stuff I do now is naturally me i.e.not being needy, not simping etc. When I do those things I recognize it and understand it's because I'm overinvested. I used to be super "Gamey" nowadays there tons of stuff I used to do in my 20s that I don't do because there is no need for it. I actually feel like a person instead of a court jester or dancing clown. If a woman wants me to do that she can find someone else. I love being a chill guy and there some women who like this as well. While I don't get as many dates or hooks ups as in my 20s my close rate is the best it's ever been. There are times I literally know within 5 minutes of talking to a woman If I can smash. There are women who after just some solid texting instead of taking them on drink dates came straight over to bang. Not trying to sound arrogant but the older you get you notice patterns that lead to closing. It's like being a great salesman you know when you have a customer on the hook and you know when you have to do more or when a customer ain't buying shyt

Unprotected Sex-The number of women that can't get pregnant or on birth control and want you to shoot the club up is insane I stay strapped unless we are exclusive. (Although shyt happens)

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Getting closer to your age and can relate.

I remember in the mid 2000s that *******s were very uncommon and only came after you were regularly having sex with a girl, now it's like they dont wanna have sex now but will gladly give bjs as a half measure.

Agree also on the noticing patterns that clearly signal what's the outcome as much as the ease with which you drop a woman when her demands are non reasonable.

Not sure if it's a age thing or just time have changed but personally I liked it more in the late 2000s or early 10s...sex wasnt as easy but was much more rewarding so was dealing with girls in my opinion.

 

[The Duke]

As a guy ages and becomes more experienced his "take it, or leave it" attitude becomes more abundant. That cool, calm, and collected attitude carries the day because his inner self is bigger and stronger than its ever been. It just so happens women eat that up.

I never knew it would be so easy. I'm glad I put the work in 20yrs ago.

 

[tksniper]

Probably the biggest realization is that there are women out there just like me. Women in my wavelength. Since my mid thirties I’ve grown sick and tired of going to bars and clubs or anywhere with drunk people that I don’t know. I prefer to do picnics at a park and have some drinks there instead. I like to hang out in coffee shops to do work. And I’m always dressed in sporty clothes because it gives me the flexibility to hit the gym, go on a hike, or go to the beach at a moments notice. Basically I like to be active and enjoy being in the sun. I’ve also grown more introverted as I’ve gotten older. My social battery can get depleted just by going to the gym and having people stare at me non stop so I try to hit the gym at the crack of dawn when possible.

In my forties I’ve realized that I can actually find women that are into the same things. I used to be a jack of all trades in my younger years but never really enjoyed myself with women outside the bedroom. Nowadays I can actually get women to do activities that I like like just hangout out at a park for dates, going on a hike, or hanging out in coffee shops. And as crazy as it sounds, I’ve also found women that enjoy day drinking and doing picnics instead of meeting at a bar. These women are also open for casual relationships and not serious. Most of these women are into the arts/yoga/spirituality, almost hippieish. They always seem to be in yoga pants and are either on their way to yoga after we hang out (if we’re not booking up) or just came from a yoga class.

I made the mistake of dating outside of my wavelength a few weeks ago and she spent an hour talking about how she hated trad wives, republicans, and kept talking about what her favorite social media influencers were posting about. Her entire personality was democrat/feminist/ keeping up with social media influencers. She was also 24. It turned out that we had nothing in common until we started drinking, lol. Although we vibed better after we started drinking wine, I didn’t hit her up for a second date. She ended up dating one of my friends and he looks like he can tolerate her personality better than me, so maybe it worked out for the best.

It’s funny because when I was in my 20’s it felt like I was always chasing. Now in my 40’s, it feels like the world is chasing me. And I find myself constantly leaving an area when too many people gather. Every now and then I’ll stumble into a bar that’s empty and I can catch a football game and put in some bets and enjoy myself. But for the most part I enjoy the stillness of nature and just life in general and it feels like the only thing that can ruin it is annoying people, lol.

Speaking of peace and stillness, probably my biggest realization is just how needy, desperate, and starving for attention and validation most people are. Especially young people. You can see them walking around downtown looking like heat seeking missiles. Always self seeking for something outside of themselves. And when they see that you are content, they suddenly want something from you! Lol.

One last thing I would say about getting older is that I enjoy the process of daily self improvement more than when I was younger. I love waking up at 5 am and working out. I love spending an hour a day learning about inner game and spending another hour listening to podcasts and audiobooks about sales/marketing/leadership. And I love meditating and working on my inner stillness.

When I was younger, I used to do think “When will I finally arrive?” Now at 41, I’ve realized that you never arrive. Life is an infinite game of evolution. It goes on forever. And I find this very exciting because everyday is an opportunity for greater evolution.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Finding sex and dating in your 40's is really easy as a guy.

Women will do the kinkiest things if you lead them there.

Most women are crazy.

Womens patterns are predictable.

My Disney dream is becoming shattered and women are now becoming replaceable. They idea of finding a good girl you grow old with is becoming a fantasy.

 

[jhonny9546]

Women Don't Change they double down

Everything about woman has one solution: it is called pregnancy. For the woman, the man is a means: the end is always the child.

I'd like to add: I've experienced complete authenticity and honesty with women.
There have been many cases where this has been used as a weapon against me; in other cases, there have been women who stayed in relationships precisely because they couldn't find other men as sincere and authentic as me. (These women were the wealthier ones.)

 

[Bokanovsky]

So I'm about to turn 42 in a few months, in the last year and half. I've dated and hooked up with women as young as 21 and as old as 52. Here are some of my thoughts, feel free to add on​

Dating/Hooking up actually gets easier the older I get. You have post-divorce women who were in dead bedrooms with crazy libido and you have younger women who are liberated because of feminism into kinky stuff. I remember when I was in my 20s and women would say they have a"4 month rule" or "6 month rule" or you have to be her boyfriend before they were willing to hook up. The last time a woman made me wait was a girl I dated from my social circle back in 2023 and even then, she made me wait 1.5 week and half. If you do the work learn about game etc. It's just a natural progression.

Women Don't Change they double down-Women who are Late 30s and up don't change they double down, I have gone on dates with former party bops (you know the IG aehsetic, lot of make up, loud blond hair, big boobs etc) and they are just entitled and delusional as ever, however when a girl is a party girl at 22 it's cute but at 42 it's just cringe and kind of pathetic. I do not engage with those types anymore because why get a Chevy with 250K miles when you can get one with 50K miles. Some women will want to be in an LTR with you and try to leverage sex, I don't bother with those types and just laugh and be on my merry way.

Less is more-I use to read all these field reports, and gaming threads when I first got on Sosuave as a punk kid, the older I get the less I "Game" so to speak. A lot of stuff I do now is naturally me i.e.not being needy, not simping etc. When I do those things I recognize it and understand it's because I'm overinvested. I used to be super "Gamey" nowadays there tons of stuff I used to do in my 20s that I don't do because there is no need for it. I actually feel like a person instead of a court jester or dancing clown. If a woman wants me to do that she can find someone else. I love being a chill guy and there some women who like this as well. While I don't get as many dates or hooks ups as in my 20s my close rate is the best it's ever been. There are times I literally know within 5 minutes of talking to a woman If I can smash. There are women who after just some solid texting instead of taking them on drink dates came straight over to bang. Not trying to sound arrogant but the older you get you notice patterns that lead to closing. It's like being a great salesman you know when you have a customer on the hook and you know when you have to do more or when a customer ain't buying shyt

Unprotected Sex-The number of women that can't get pregnant or on birth control and want you to shoot the club up is insane I stay strapped unless we are exclusive. (Although shyt happens)

I can't say that anything has particularly surprised me. One thing I've noticed is that as women get older, they transition from unreliable airheads that drive you nuts with their flakiness to damaged goods with major psychological issues who are in dire need of therapy. Frankly, I'm not sure which one is worse. There is no middle ground either. It's like they fall off a cliff rather than there being a gradual transition.

 

[Solomon]

I can't say that anything has particularly surprised me. One thing I've noticed is that as women get older, they transition from unreliable airheads that drive you nuts with their flakiness to damaged goods with major psychological issues who are in dire need of therapy. Frankly, I'm not sure which one is worse. There is no middle ground either. It's like they fall off a cliff rather than there being a gradual transition.

Totally spot on can't believe I forgot that one, but the amount of women 30+ trying to trauma bond or trauma dump right away, yikes
I had one older woman telling me how her ex-boyfriend stole her deceased former husband's motorcycle and how her ex used to whoop her ass etc.

Mind you had not even met the woman yet this was via text, it just blows my mind that women think guys who want to potentially date you want to hear about your trauma like that. Like what makes you think that's attractive?

When I hear stuff like that I eject or keep them in the smash only category

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How many women have never been fvcked properly in their life, or at least have had very few such instances and it's been a long time since they have.

It's a very high percentage.

And once they experience someone who can you are like catnip to a cat for them.

 

[BadBoy89]

Dating/Hooking up actually gets easier the older I get. You have post-divorce women who were in dead bedrooms with crazy libido and you have younger women who are liberated because of feminism into kinky stuff. I remember when I was in my 20s and women would say they have a"4 month rule" or "6 month rule" or you have to be her boyfriend before they were willing to hook up. The last time a woman made me wait was a girl I dated from my social circle back in 2023 and even then, she made me wait 1.5 week and half. If you do the work learn about game etc. It's just a natural progression.

For me it’s the exact opposite.

Dating/Hooking up actually gets much harder the older I get. When I was in my later 20s I had hot girls asking for sex, literally asking for It. I could hook up and get dates with hot girls so so easily. So many phone calls, so many dates with hot girls. It was like drinking water.

Now that I’m older, more experienced, much more assets, I find older women much much ruder, angry, giving me the 6 month rule, asking for engagement rings when we haven’t done anything, telling me off after nice dates, insulting me after nice dates, ghosting me, insulting me after buying them stuff, dating me while having boyfriends, not responding to my texts, not responding to my calls. It’s like WTF?

I would tell men ‘don’t believe when people tell you it’s gets easier when you get older. No matter how much money, game, or looks you have, it’s much much harder.”

 

[Solomon]

For me it’s the exact opposite.

Dating/Hooking up actually gets much harder the older I get. When I was in my later 20s I had hot girls asking for sex, literally asking for It. I could hook up and get dates with hot girls so so easily. So many phone calls, so many dates with hot girls. It was like drinking water.

Now that I’m older, more experienced, much more assets, I find older women much much ruder, angry, giving me the 6 month rule, asking for engagement rings when we haven’t done anything, telling me off after nice dates, insulting me after nice dates, ghosting me, insulting me after buying them stuff, dating me while having boyfriends, not responding to my texts, not responding to my calls. It’s like WTF?

I would tell men ‘don’t believe when people tell you it’s gets easier when you get older. No matter how much money, game, or looks you have, it’s much much harder.”

Is it much harder perhaps cause you going for the HOt OLDER girls? I don't disagree with your take, older women aren't my preference but I still deal with them if they come correct.

I can't speak for everyone but it's easier because 1. I internalized a lot of the concepts(mostly from here) and also I'm far more experienced, thus able to adapt when certain situations arise, I also now can lead interactions from opening to closing (or finishing) far more effectively then in my youth, where I would stumble into ***** here and there, or do to much and even talked girls out of it etc.

2. It's easier to convert dates into lay's for me you start to notice patterns with women who really are into you, and who are not, who are playing hard to get or who are just plain boring.

I would be lying if all the women are all hotter than my youth or even hot in general, although the 36-year-old RN whom I'm currently seeing has an amazing body, as does the 53 year old Grandma but she has a butterface lmfao

 

[Solomon]

Finding sex and dating in your 40's is really easy as a guy.

Women will do the kinkiest things if you lead them there.

Most women are crazy.

Womens patterns are predictable.

My Disney dream is becoming shattered and women are now becoming replaceable. They idea of finding a good girl you grow old with is becoming a fantasy.

15 years ago good luck having a woman send you a nude pic on the brand new Iphone1

Now women are disappointed if you don't record them giving you a blow job, what a crazy time we are in

 

[BillyPilgrim]

For me it’s the exact opposite.

Dating/Hooking up actually gets much harder the older I get. When I was in my later 20s I had hot girls asking for sex, literally asking for It. I could hook up and get dates with hot girls so so easily. So many phone calls, so many dates with hot girls. It was like drinking water.

Now that I’m older, more experienced, much more assets, I find older women much much ruder, angry, giving me the 6 month rule, asking for engagement rings when we haven’t done anything, telling me off after nice dates, insulting me after nice dates, ghosting me, insulting me after buying them stuff, dating me while having boyfriends, not responding to my texts, not responding to my calls. It’s like WTF?

I would tell men ‘don’t believe when people tell you it’s gets easier when you get older. No matter how much money, game, or looks you have, it’s much much harder.”

LOLZ 2-3 years ago you were sh1tting on guys for going through the SAME EXACT THING. LMAO.

 

[jhonny9546]

And once they experience someone who can you are like catnip to a cat for them.

Do you mean that a woman who has been in a relationship with an "unhealthy" man for more than 5 years is then beyond recovery because he will try to change you to be more aggressive, or an *******?

 

[Vanderdonck]

So I'm about to turn 42 in a few months, in the last year and half. I've dated and hooked up with women as young as 21 and as old as 52. Here are some of my thoughts, feel free to add on​

Dating/Hooking up actually gets easier the older I get. You have post-divorce women who were in dead bedrooms with crazy libido and you have younger women who are liberated because of feminism into kinky stuff. I remember when I was in my 20s and women would say they have a"4 month rule" or "6 month rule" or you have to be her boyfriend before they were willing to hook up. The last time a woman made me wait was a girl I dated from my social circle back in 2023 and even then, she made me wait 1.5 week and half. If you do the work learn about game etc. It's just a natural progression.

Women Don't Change they double down-Women who are Late 30s and up don't change they double down, I have gone on dates with former party bops (you know the IG aehsetic, lot of make up, loud blond hair, big boobs etc) and they are just entitled and delusional as ever, however when a girl is a party girl at 22 it's cute but at 42 it's just cringe and kind of pathetic. I do not engage with those types anymore because why get a Chevy with 250K miles when you can get one with 50K miles. Some women will want to be in an LTR with you and try to leverage sex, I don't bother with those types and just laugh and be on my merry way.

Less is more-I use to read all these field reports, and gaming threads when I first got on Sosuave as a punk kid, the older I get the less I "Game" so to speak. A lot of stuff I do now is naturally me i.e.not being needy, not simping etc. When I do those things I recognize it and understand it's because I'm overinvested. I used to be super "Gamey" nowadays there tons of stuff I used to do in my 20s that I don't do because there is no need for it. I actually feel like a person instead of a court jester or dancing clown. If a woman wants me to do that she can find someone else. I love being a chill guy and there some women who like this as well. While I don't get as many dates or hooks ups as in my 20s my close rate is the best it's ever been. There are times I literally know within 5 minutes of talking to a woman If I can smash. There are women who after just some solid texting instead of taking them on drink dates came straight over to bang. Not trying to sound arrogant but the older you get you notice patterns that lead to closing. It's like being a great salesman you know when you have a customer on the hook and you know when you have to do more or when a customer ain't buying shyt

Unprotected Sex-The number of women that can't get pregnant or on birth control and want you to shoot the club up is insane I stay strapped unless we are exclusive. (Although shyt happens)

1000% agree. I think a lot of this comes with experience and being happy to chill alone. Take it or leave it as @The Duke said, I don't mind staying in and reading a book or watching a movie by myself.

I've been in a relationship for a few years but I still attract young women when I'm out. I can tell they are "interested" even if it won't happen. But I'm very relaxed and direct and in great shape for my age. Two days ago a 26 year old told me she thought I was 35. Stay in shape and eat healthy, fellas, and take care of that soul too, don't let anyone put you down.

 

[Solomon]

The Spark--The older you get the more you will meet women who will say this if they are or are NOT feeling the spark with you. The spark is hard to define my definition is sexual attraction+Chemistry. It's the type of chemistry where you and the woman can communicate on the same wavelength when it comes to humor, bantering and the attraction is of the chain

The older one get the less it happens, especially for women, as their experiences and all types of **** over time ruin their ability to appreciate new relationships. In her 20s going on dates/realtionships were all exciting by the time she is in her 30s she is just going through the motion. People call it ALpha widowed if you have ever gone out with a woman in her 30s/40s you can see there is no life behind their eyes, a lot of these women also tend to be ran through thus their ability to pair bond lessens and thus it's harder for them to have that "spark" and thus a lot of women over 30 when they go on first dates try to do it interview style instead of the fun dates you went on in your 20s

https://x.com/i/status/1988352995826823471

 

[jhonny9546]

And once they experience someone who can you are like catnip to a cat for them.

It's a totally mental thing, rather than physical

 

[BeExcellent]

Its interesting the more mature perspectives articulated in this thread. Part of it is getting more comfortable in your own skin, part of it is (for men) not thinking exclusively with the trouser snake, part of it is enjoying the peace found in one's own solitude.

Carl Jung said something along the lines of the first half of your life being about ego and the second half of your life being about setting ego aside; about moving past your own ego. I find that to be true.

Independence -> Interdependence.

And where you are on the journey determines your perspective.

For me I've felt the heady chemistry several times, both in youth (20s) and in middle age (40s) and I've been hurt too....but really I think its up to each of us as individuals to comprehend that every interaction is different...and to leave whatever hurts some other situation caused behind.

Work on yourself of course (we all must take stock of what we can own, do differently and better), but then we must move forward as a clean slate. Walk away from old baggage; resolve old wounds, let them heal.

I resolved this while processing my divorce years ago. And I came to the conclusion that if I am going to love fully and love freely? There is risk of disappointment, risk of pain, risk of heartbreak and loss. That is part of the deal, right? Even the happily marrieds will lose a spouse one day. In time even the best relationships end.

And that's how life is. Accept it and know that's part of life's journey. When you accept the possibility of pain, you free yourself to live fully; to love in a deeper more meaningful way, you become (in the words of the Velveteen Rabbit) real. As in authentic. You get more attentuated to self care, self actualization, and you become more accepting of both yourself and others. You don't walk around in fear. You let go of the petty.

Perhaps you gain a little wisdom...

I no longer care too much what other people think, I no longer apologize for what I say or do, I try to exist in a graceful, still way at my core. I worry about pleasing me, and protecting my peace and that in turn allows me to be a stabilizing influence on others around me.

It was a process to get here, and I have not "arrived" either....but I have a joy and gratefulness that is in my energy that is very intriguing to people. And I am happy to just be.

Just today I had a weird little spot on the back of my shoulder scooped for biopsy. Maybe its something; maybe its not. It just is. The lab will come back & then whatever needs doing after that gets doing. I already forgot about it til now. I am not worried or freaked out at all. Its a good frame of mind to be in frankly, because we change as we age.

Its life. Embrace it and accept it and create positive energy.....

And seek others who do the same. They exist, yes even women like this exist.

Cheers.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Just today I had a weird little spot on the back of my shoulder scooped for biopsy. Maybe its something; maybe its not. It just is. The lab will come back & then whatever needs doing after that gets doing. I already forgot about it til now. I am not worried or freaked out at all. Its a good frame of mind to be in frankly, because we change as we age.

Praying for you and sending you good vibes. Let us know the results of the biopsy asap

 

[jhonny9546]

if I am going to love fully and love freely? There is risk of disappointment, risk of pain, risk of heartbreak and loss. That's part of the deal, right? Even the happily marrieds will lose a spouse one day. In time even the best relationships end.



And that's how life is. Accept it and know that's part of life's journey. When you accept the possibility of pain, you free yourself to live fully; to love in a deeper more meaningful way, you become (in the words of the Velveteen Rabbit) real. As in authentic. You get more attenuated to self care, self actualization, and you become more accepting of both yourself and others. You don't walk around in fear. You let go of the petty.

And that summed up my journey and what I'm trying to fight very well.
Although I see many married and committed couples maintaining their ego, control, at the expense of this authenticity, I suffer.

Simply by becoming an authentic person, in the same way, you become very vulnerable and give others the opportunity to hurt you: you are giving them the sword.


In fact, the biggest problem, especially for a man who must not show weakness, is to open up and become honest in this way, authentic you say, after all the times he has been pierced by the same sword he has given to others.

Pain. The problem is that you want to be an authentic person in a society made of ego and you will suffer so much, too much.
How to tell a man that he can and must love a person, and then that person hurts him, then, since he has respect for himself, he closes and will find another person.
That person will also hurt him, and then he will repeat the process.
In this case, there will be a tendency to choude, to lose authenticity, in favor of strategies to manipulate people, ego, and build a wall.

But it is only when you are authentic that you feel really good and in line with life, but when people hurt you you have to have the strength to do something, beyond the fact that you will feel pain and it will hurt.
I'm sure the greatest men have found a way to be authentic here and that can be summed up in a few words, authenticity and respect. If you don't respect me, I'm not cynical, but you take advantage of my authenticity, and you're out of my life.