Help me understand this girl's BS

[BPH]

I'm going to be going out soon, but I have a few minutes before I head out, and I wanted to provide some updates on this girl. I originally wanted to update when/if it became a lay, but I'm less confident about that now.

TL;DR up to this point:

Matched with this girl on Hinge almost exactly a year ago in early September. Went on two dates that went very well and ended with a BJ, but I couldn't go to her place because she's an au pair, and she couldn't come to mine because I live with my parents. Tried to set up a third date and planned for sex (get a room), but she didn't want anything more than that, so we never had sex. Invited me out on Halloween and reinvigorated that a little bit. She told me that she was moving into an apartment in Philly soon and that she could invite me over then. Don't hear anything from her after that. Randomly saw her at the bar in March, and she was happy to see m,e like she hadn't been ghosting me. Spent all night dancing and making out, but decided against having me come home with her because she was talking to a guy who she thought would ask her to be in a relationship soon, and didn't want to jeopardize that.

Fast forward to now, I noticed her constantly watching my Instagram stories, but never responded to my texts, so I messaged her on Instagram asking what's up with that. She told me that she's been dating the guy mentioned in this post and that he knows about me, so he would go into her phone and delete my messages before she read them, apologizing for seemingly ghosting me. I told her to let me know if that relationship doesn't work out.

Last week, that relationship didn't work out. Turns out he'd been cheating on her, so she broke up with him. I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink, and she told me she would love to, but wanted to see if she felt up for it by the weekend, since she was still quite upset about it.

Returning from my Miami weekend, I let her know I was back in town. Sunday night, she responds to my text and calls me, apologizing for not getting back to me earlier. She says she would love to see me whenever I'm free, so I suggest a bar close to where she lives tonight. She agrees.

The date itself went really well. She was super happy to see me, and noted that it was our "anniversary" since we had met a little more than one year ago. She knew the dates because she had several pictures and videos of us saved. She would brag about me to her friends because when she first met me, she was deciding between me and two other guys; one was "the blonde", another was "the model", and I was "the hot one" or "gustozo", which she kept telling me loosely translates to "handsome", or "tasty". There was zero friction with kissing, making out at the bar, etc, and we were having a great time.

She gave me the background on why I hadn't heard from her after her Philly move - turns out she met a French guy she fell in love with for a short time before he moved away. Then she met the cheating ex through her gym, and had been officially dating him since May. She told me about how she lamented why she didn't prioritize me when she says she always has a good time with me, thinks I'm super attractive, and never treated her poorly, to which one of her friends said, "We accept the love we think we deserve", which she agreed with.

The night progresses, and we're talking about leaving. She says she's on her period and doesn't want to have sex, and has to think about whether she's ready for that (other things). Eventually, we leave, and I follow her to her place. We go to bed and things start getting hot and heavy...I'm down to my boxers, she's topless, and we're making out when I notice her becoming less enthusiastic. I pull back to see her eyes start tearing up. She breaks down crying, apologizing to me over and over again, saying that "she's not ready", constantly saying how sorry she is for disappointing me. I just kind of hold her, reassure her that it's fine, and eventually she calms down, and we go to bed.

Neither of us can fall asleep, so after some time, we resume making out and she jerks me off until I finish. At that point, we really do go to sleep. I have work in the morning, so I set an early alarm. I wake up and she's still a little hungover, but she gets out of bed, walks with me to do the door, kisses me goodbye, and tells me she had a great time. I then drive to work and text her telling her I got back safe, and that I hope she "survives the hangover".

And that's the last I heard of her, Sunday night/Monday morning.

She has not read or responded to any text or message on Instagram since. She IS still watching my stories when I post them, however.

At the bar, she mentioned being really stressed out by the process to legally immigrate, and how she missed being home. Plus, she's on her period, and recently broke up with a cheating boyfriend. What I don't understand is why she's suddenly ghosting me after the night described above.

I didn't pressure her. I reassured her when she broke down and started apologizing to me. And she seemed happy to have seen me when she walked me out.

I don't get it. Maybe because she's not ready, she feels she needs to take a step back, but I also feel like she could've said that at some point between that morning and now.

Let me know what you think. I'll invoke @BeExcellent for the female perspective on this.

 

[BeExcellent]

I'm going to be going out soon, but I have a few minutes before I head out, and I wanted to provide some updates on this girl. I originally wanted to update when/if it became a lay, but I'm less confident about that now.

TL;DR up to this point:

Matched with this girl on Hinge almost exactly a year ago in early September. Went on two dates that went very well and ended with a BJ, but I couldn't go to her place because she's an au pair, and she couldn't come to mine because I live with my parents. Tried to set up a third date and planned for sex (get a room), but she didn't want anything more than that, so we never had sex. Invited me out on Halloween and reinvigorated that a little bit. She told me that she was moving into an apartment in Philly soon and that she could invite me over then. Don't hear anything from her after that. Randomly saw her at the bar in March, and she was happy to see m,e like she hadn't been ghosting me. Spent all night dancing and making out, but decided against having me come home with her because she was talking to a guy who she thought would ask her to be in a relationship soon, and didn't want to jeopardize that.

Fast forward to now, I noticed her constantly watching my Instagram stories, but never responded to my texts, so I messaged her on Instagram asking what's up with that. She told me that she's been dating the guy mentioned in this post and that he knows about me, so he would go into her phone and delete my messages before she read them, apologizing for seemingly ghosting me. I told her to let me know if that relationship doesn't work out.

Last week, that relationship didn't work out. Turns out he'd been cheating on her, so she broke up with him. I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink, and she told me she would love to, but wanted to see if she felt up for it by the weekend, since she was still quite upset about it.

Returning from my Miami weekend, I let her know I was back in town. Sunday night, she responds to my text and calls me, apologizing for not getting back to me earlier. She says she would love to see me whenever I'm free, so I suggest a bar close to where she lives tonight. She agrees.

The date itself went really well. She was super happy to see me, and noted that it was our "anniversary" since we had met a little more than one year ago. She knew the dates because she had several pictures and videos of us saved. She would brag about me to her friends because when she first met me, she was deciding between me and two other guys; one was "the blonde", another was "the model", and I was "the hot one" or "gustozo", which she kept telling me loosely translates to "handsome", or "tasty". There was zero friction with kissing, making out at the bar, etc, and we were having a great time.

She gave me the background on why I hadn't heard from her after her Philly move - turns out she met a French guy she fell in love with for a short time before he moved away. Then she met the cheating ex through her gym, and had been officially dating him since May. She told me about how she lamented why she didn't prioritize me when she says she always has a good time with me, thinks I'm super attractive, and never treated her poorly, to which one of her friends said, "We accept the love we think we deserve", which she agreed with.

The night progresses, and we're talking about leaving. She says she's on her period and doesn't want to have sex, and has to think about whether she's ready for that (other things). Eventually, we leave, and I follow her to her place. We go to bed and things start getting hot and heavy...I'm down to my boxers, she's topless, and we're making out when I notice her becoming less enthusiastic. I pull back to see her eyes start tearing up. She breaks down crying, apologizing to me over and over again, saying that "she's not ready", constantly saying how sorry she is for disappointing me. I just kind of hold her, reassure her that it's fine, and eventually she calms down, and we go to bed.

Neither of us can fall asleep, so after some time, we resume making out and she jerks me off until I finish. At that point, we really do go to sleep. I have work in the morning, so I set an early alarm. I wake up and she's still a little hungover, but she gets out of bed, walks with me to do the door, kisses me goodbye, and tells me she had a great time. I then drive to work and text her telling her I got back safe, and that I hope she "survives the hangover".

And that's the last I heard of her, Sunday night/Monday morning.

She has not read or responded to any text or message on Instagram since. She IS still watching my stories when I post them, however.

At the bar, she mentioned being really stressed out by the process to legally immigrate, and how she missed being home. Plus, she's on her period, and recently broke up with a cheating boyfriend. What I don't understand is why she's suddenly ghosting me after the night described above.

I didn't pressure her. I reassured her when she broke down and started apologizing to me. And she seemed happy to have seen me when she walked me out.

I don't get it. Maybe because she's not ready, she feels she needs to take a step back, but I also feel like she could've said that at some point between that morning and now.

Let me know what you think. I'll invoke @BeExcellent for the female perspective on this.

You need to do something besides "sit there". She feels she has gone out on a limb and been pretty vulnerable with you physically, and she likely feels somewhat used the more time passes without you making an effort.

Notice what happened here....

You took initiative & reached out, she responded and went out with you and had a good time with you and took a risk (in her mind) of being physically intimate with you, and now you have not communicated further.

If you want the interaction to continue, be the man, lead, and ask her out again. Simple really. But quit wasting time expecting her to suddenly start chasing you.

She won't.

This girl is attractive enough to have plenty of options, and she does not want the man's role (to lead) the interaction.

Your job is to lead (initiate), her job is to say yes & respond positively.

You keep asking, she keeps saying yes. It is that basic.

But if you don't lead she has nothing to follow.

Give that a shot & tell me what happens.

My $0.02

 

[BadBoy89]

And that's the last I heard of her, Sunday night/Monday morning.

She has not read or responded to any text or message on Instagram since. She IS still watching my stories when I post them, however.

You didn't give her relationship vibes and she is curious if you are posting with other girls.

At the bar, she mentioned being really stressed out by the process to legally immigrate, and how she missed being home. Plus, she's on her period, and recently broke up with a cheating boyfriend. What I don't understand is why she's suddenly ghosting me after the night described above.

I didn't pressure her. I reassured her when she broke down and started apologizing to me. And she seemed happy to have seen me when she walked me out.

She had a change of heart and thought you weren't relationship material.

I don't get it. Maybe because she's not ready, she feels she needs to take a step back, but I also feel like she could've said that at some point between that morning and now.

Let me know what you think. I'll invoke @BeExcellent for the female perspective on this.

Again I think she thinks you are not relationship material. Don't know if the moment has passed but you have to give her strong relationship words and vibes and feelings. Maybe stop posting on Instgram for a while.

 

[Vanderdonck]

You need to do something besides "sit there". She feels she has gone out on a limb and been pretty vulnerable with you physically, and she likely feels somewhat used the more time passes without you making an effort.

Notice what happened here....

You took initiative & reached out, she responded and went out with you and had a good time with you and took a risk (in her mind) of being physically intimate with you, and now you have not communicated further.

If you want the interaction to continue, be the man, lead, and ask her out again. Simple really. But quit wasting time expecting her to suddenly start chasing you.

She won't.

This girl is attractive enough to have plenty of options, and she does not want the man's role (to lead) the interaction.

Your job is to lead (initiate), her job is to say yes & respond positively.

You keep asking, she keeps saying yes. It is that basic.

But if you don't lead she has nothing to follow.

Give that a shot & tell me what happens.

My $0.02

This goes double since she is Brazilian. They are used to pump and dumps and cheating. So if you want to see her again, make a move. If she thinks you are gostoso then she thinks you're in high demand and playing around. Conventional wisdom is she will compete for you but that's not always the case, and coming off a breakup/betrayal she might not want to put herself out there.

That's IF you want to continue w/her.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You need to do something besides "sit there". She feels she has gone out on a limb and been pretty vulnerable with you physically, and she likely feels somewhat used the more time passes without you making an effort.

Notice what happened here....

You took initiative & reached out, she responded and went out with you and had a good time with you and took a risk (in her mind) of being physically intimate with you, and now you have not communicated further.

If you want the interaction to continue, be the man, lead, and ask her out again. Simple really. But quit wasting time expecting her to suddenly start chasing you.

She won't.

This girl is attractive enough to have plenty of options, and she does not want the man's role (to lead) the interaction.

Your job is to lead (initiate), her job is to say yes & respond positively.

You keep asking, she keeps saying yes. It is that basic.

But if you don't lead she has nothing to follow.

Give that a shot & tell me what happens.

My $0.02

Bingo. Give it 48 hours then stop p*ssy footing around and just ask her out

cmon life coach

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I do my best to judge people by what they DO, rather than what they SAY, but in the case of this girl, I genuinely don't understand the logic...

• Doesn't like that I just want sex...f***s different guy in under a month
• Doesn't want a boyfriend...says no to having me over because it complicates things if he asks her to be his girl
• Wants to wait for this guy to ask her out...perfectly fine spending the night making out with me in front of her roommate
• Wants to have me come over, sending me the address...changes her mind even though the guy isn't there and her roommate already saw everything

Anybody understand what's happening here?

Point one is simple in my mind: she f*cked the guy in that case because she sensed that he will actually be into her long term. She might have picked up on your player vibe heavily.

She's just conflicted about wanting D from a player (you) and hoping some guy who's into her on a deeper level will finally ask her out.

Next, her roommate knows the situation intimately and is on her side, chick-loyalty basically.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I'm going to be going out soon, but I have a few minutes before I head out, and I wanted to provide some updates on this girl. I originally wanted to update when/if it became a lay, but I'm less confident about that now.

TL;DR up to this point:

Matched with this girl on Hinge almost exactly a year ago in early September. Went on two dates that went very well and ended with a BJ, but I couldn't go to her place because she's an au pair, and she couldn't come to mine because I live with my parents. Tried to set up a third date and planned for sex (get a room), but she didn't want anything more than that, so we never had sex. Invited me out on Halloween and reinvigorated that a little bit. She told me that she was moving into an apartment in Philly soon and that she could invite me over then. Don't hear anything from her after that. Randomly saw her at the bar in March, and she was happy to see m,e like she hadn't been ghosting me. Spent all night dancing and making out, but decided against having me come home with her because she was talking to a guy who she thought would ask her to be in a relationship soon, and didn't want to jeopardize that.

Fast forward to now, I noticed her constantly watching my Instagram stories, but never responded to my texts, so I messaged her on Instagram asking what's up with that. She told me that she's been dating the guy mentioned in this post and that he knows about me, so he would go into her phone and delete my messages before she read them, apologizing for seemingly ghosting me. I told her to let me know if that relationship doesn't work out.

Last week, that relationship didn't work out. Turns out he'd been cheating on her, so she broke up with him. I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink, and she told me she would love to, but wanted to see if she felt up for it by the weekend, since she was still quite upset about it.

Returning from my Miami weekend, I let her know I was back in town. Sunday night, she responds to my text and calls me, apologizing for not getting back to me earlier. She says she would love to see me whenever I'm free, so I suggest a bar close to where she lives tonight. She agrees.

The date itself went really well. She was super happy to see me, and noted that it was our "anniversary" since we had met a little more than one year ago. She knew the dates because she had several pictures and videos of us saved. She would brag about me to her friends because when she first met me, she was deciding between me and two other guys; one was "the blonde", another was "the model", and I was "the hot one" or "gustozo", which she kept telling me loosely translates to "handsome", or "tasty". There was zero friction with kissing, making out at the bar, etc, and we were having a great time.

She gave me the background on why I hadn't heard from her after her Philly move - turns out she met a French guy she fell in love with for a short time before he moved away. Then she met the cheating ex through her gym, and had been officially dating him since May. She told me about how she lamented why she didn't prioritize me when she says she always has a good time with me, thinks I'm super attractive, and never treated her poorly, to which one of her friends said, "We accept the love we think we deserve", which she agreed with.

The night progresses, and we're talking about leaving. She says she's on her period and doesn't want to have sex, and has to think about whether she's ready for that (other things). Eventually, we leave, and I follow her to her place. We go to bed and things start getting hot and heavy...I'm down to my boxers, she's topless, and we're making out when I notice her becoming less enthusiastic. I pull back to see her eyes start tearing up. She breaks down crying, apologizing to me over and over again, saying that "she's not ready", constantly saying how sorry she is for disappointing me. I just kind of hold her, reassure her that it's fine, and eventually she calms down, and we go to bed.

Neither of us can fall asleep, so after some time, we resume making out and she jerks me off until I finish. At that point, we really do go to sleep. I have work in the morning, so I set an early alarm. I wake up and she's still a little hungover, but she gets out of bed, walks with me to do the door, kisses me goodbye, and tells me she had a great time. I then drive to work and text her telling her I got back safe, and that I hope she "survives the hangover".

And that's the last I heard of her, Sunday night/Monday morning.

She has not read or responded to any text or message on Instagram since. She IS still watching my stories when I post them, however.

At the bar, she mentioned being really stressed out by the process to legally immigrate, and how she missed being home. Plus, she's on her period, and recently broke up with a cheating boyfriend. What I don't understand is why she's suddenly ghosting me after the night described above.

I didn't pressure her. I reassured her when she broke down and started apologizing to me. And she seemed happy to have seen me when she walked me out.

I don't get it. Maybe because she's not ready, she feels she needs to take a step back, but I also feel like she could've said that at some point between that morning and now.

Let me know what you think. I'll invoke @BeExcellent for the female perspective on this.

I was thinking about making a new post about this but I think here is more appropriate.

I was seeing a girl for about 10 months, but over time I started losing interest, she wanted more from me than I was willing to give, and there were also some behavioral issues that started to wear me down. I started to become more inattentive and distant to signal I was done, and about a month ago, before she went on a trip, she kind of ended things even though we were never official. So when she called it off, I was honestly relieved. When she got back, she wanted to try again, but I told her I was only open to being friends.

Fast forward to yesterday, I ran into her. Things were civil, but she told me she was miserable, still missed me, felt pessimistic about life, and had been doing some impulsive stuff to cope, like getting her ears pierced and getting a new dog she referred to as the “new man” in her life. Even though she looked good, she wasn't emotionally well and there was something off putting about her demeanor.

Case in point: my first thought about your story was that maybe she’s still devastated about where her life is, what happened with her ex, and is just trying to cope by distracting herself and doing impulsive things. Sadly, it does seem like she liked the other guy more than you, and might just be using you as a release valve. Also, I can see why she’d be hesitant to get tangled up in something right now, even if it’s unofficial, when her life isn’t stable yet, and currently, she is looking anything, or anyone, to heal her.

 

[Bigpapa]

@BPH the biggest issue is that you had 3 opportunities to seal the deal, and you failed due to logistics. First time it can happen, 2nd time is not excusable

By the next day of the 2nd attempt she already started telling herself that you are not good enough for her, as otherwise sex would have happen but for some reason she likes to see her effect on you. Can be because she is scorned about being an “amateur” and feels thrilled by tormenting you ,or just because she might have some mental issues

either way, the only way to make her get to her senses is to radio silence her for a while as it will help to reset the dynamic + let you recover from her being in your head

for sure sleeping with a guy fast, while playing a different tune with you for sure is not normal behavior

in my opinion is a mix between Being attracted to you but having no respect your manliness because you failed multiple times to seal the deal

 

[Solomon]

I'm going to be going out soon, but I have a few minutes before I head out, and I wanted to provide some updates on this girl. I originally wanted to update when/if it became a lay, but I'm less confident about that now.

TL;DR up to this point:

Matched with this girl on Hinge almost exactly a year ago in early September. Went on two dates that went very well and ended with a BJ, but I couldn't go to her place because she's an au pair, and she couldn't come to mine because I live with my parents. Tried to set up a third date and planned for sex (get a room), but she didn't want anything more than that, so we never had sex. Invited me out on Halloween and reinvigorated that a little bit. She told me that she was moving into an apartment in Philly soon and that she could invite me over then. Don't hear anything from her after that. Randomly saw her at the bar in March, and she was happy to see m,e like she hadn't been ghosting me. Spent all night dancing and making out, but decided against having me come home with her because she was talking to a guy who she thought would ask her to be in a relationship soon, and didn't want to jeopardize that.

Fast forward to now, I noticed her constantly watching my Instagram stories, but never responded to my texts, so I messaged her on Instagram asking what's up with that. She told me that she's been dating the guy mentioned in this post and that he knows about me, so he would go into her phone and delete my messages before she read them, apologizing for seemingly ghosting me. I told her to let me know if that relationship doesn't work out.

Last week, that relationship didn't work out. Turns out he'd been cheating on her, so she broke up with him. I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink, and she told me she would love to, but wanted to see if she felt up for it by the weekend, since she was still quite upset about it.

Returning from my Miami weekend, I let her know I was back in town. Sunday night, she responds to my text and calls me, apologizing for not getting back to me earlier. She says she would love to see me whenever I'm free, so I suggest a bar close to where she lives tonight. She agrees.

The date itself went really well. She was super happy to see me, and noted that it was our "anniversary" since we had met a little more than one year ago. She knew the dates because she had several pictures and videos of us saved. She would brag about me to her friends because when she first met me, she was deciding between me and two other guys; one was "the blonde", another was "the model", and I was "the hot one" or "gustozo", which she kept telling me loosely translates to "handsome", or "tasty". There was zero friction with kissing, making out at the bar, etc, and we were having a great time.

She gave me the background on why I hadn't heard from her after her Philly move - turns out she met a French guy she fell in love with for a short time before he moved away. Then she met the cheating ex through her gym, and had been officially dating him since May. She told me about how she lamented why she didn't prioritize me when she says she always has a good time with me, thinks I'm super attractive, and never treated her poorly, to which one of her friends said, "We accept the love we think we deserve", which she agreed with.

The night progresses, and we're talking about leaving. She says she's on her period and doesn't want to have sex, and has to think about whether she's ready for that (other things). Eventually, we leave, and I follow her to her place. We go to bed and things start getting hot and heavy...I'm down to my boxers, she's topless, and we're making out when I notice her becoming less enthusiastic. I pull back to see her eyes start tearing up. She breaks down crying, apologizing to me over and over again, saying that "she's not ready", constantly saying how sorry she is for disappointing me. I just kind of hold her, reassure her that it's fine, and eventually she calms down, and we go to bed.

Neither of us can fall asleep, so after some time, we resume making out and she jerks me off until I finish. At that point, we really do go to sleep. I have work in the morning, so I set an early alarm. I wake up and she's still a little hungover, but she gets out of bed, walks with me to do the door, kisses me goodbye, and tells me she had a great time. I then drive to work and text her telling her I got back safe, and that I hope she "survives the hangover".

And that's the last I heard of her, Sunday night/Monday morning.

She has not read or responded to any text or message on Instagram since. She IS still watching my stories when I post them, however.

At the bar, she mentioned being really stressed out by the process to legally immigrate, and how she missed being home. Plus, she's on her period, and recently broke up with a cheating boyfriend. What I don't understand is why she's suddenly ghosting me after the night described above.

I didn't pressure her. I reassured her when she broke down and started apologizing to me. And she seemed happy to have seen me when she walked me out.

I don't get it. Maybe because she's not ready, she feels she needs to take a step back, but I also feel like she could've said that at some point between that morning and now.

Let me know what you think. I'll invoke @BeExcellent for the female perspective on this.

I look at this a bit differently than some here, she just got out of a relationship where she allegedly got done dirty, this girl needs a "reset" and emotional heal. I was in a similar situation as you nearly 2 years ago. Matched with a girl on Tinder around the holiday season, we never met, a month past, and I did the pua bull**** sosuave thing and she was down to hang out at my place. We had some drinks and laying in bed and she starts crying because she is not over the last guy that pumped and dumped her. I wasn't that upset because she wasn't as hot as her picture and the vibe just felt "OFF"

My point is never be a girl's "Rebound" guy this girl clearly is not over Chadadadmus. On top of that I would be a bit miff that I was the "2nd option" and wouldn't take her seriously. In other words I would let her go back into the wild, because even if she is down for more with you it's too soon to fast because she just got out of something with no proper work on herself

 

[BPH]

To avoid multi-quoting and creating a massive text wall, I just want to @BeExcellent @Divorced w 3 @Vanderdonck since you all suggest relatively the same thing: make a move.

I'm a little confused by this because A. I've been trying to, but she hasn't even been reading my messages and B. this would be the 3rd date we've had and the 5th time we've been out with each other since we first met. I'm surprised that you all agree that the best way forward is to essentially "keep chasing".

You didn't give her relationship vibes and she is curious if you are posting with other girls.



She had a change of heart and thought you weren't relationship material.



Again I think she thinks you are not relationship material. Don't know if the moment has passed but you have to give her strong relationship words and vibes and feelings. Maybe stop posting on Instgram for a while.

I'd considered this to be a strong possibility. The only thing that's throwing me off is how she was describing these other guys treating her like sh**, and always having a great time with me - but never ending up with me. Like how the friend said, "we accept the love we think we deserve". Is it possible that she thinks I'm too good for her?

@BPH the biggest issue is that you had 3 opportunities to seal the deal, and you failed due to logistics. First time it can happen, 2nd time is not excusable

By the next day of the 2nd attempt she already started telling herself that you are not good enough for her, as otherwise sex would have happen but for some reason she likes to see her effect on you. Can be because she is scorned about being an “amateur” and feels thrilled by tormenting you ,or just because she might have some mental issues

either way, the only way to make her get to her senses is to radio silence her for a while as it will help to reset the dynamic + let you recover from her being in your head

for sure sleeping with a guy fast, while playing a different tune with you for sure is not normal behavior

in my opinion is a mix between Being attracted to you but having no respect your manliness because you failed multiple times to seal the deal

I agree with your suggestion, but let me clear up the "failed multiple times to seal the deal" thing...

First date, we had just met, she had work in the morning as an au pair, and neither of us had a place to go, so that night ended in a BJ.

Second date, I picked a spot near her, we had a great time, ended up messing around in her car, tried to have sex, but she wanted to "have sex on a bed, not in her car", so that also ended in a BJ.

I then tried to plan a date logistically that could end in sex, but she claimed that she was turned off by the fact that she thought that's all I wanted. Now, that WOULD check out if not for the fact that she had sex with her now-ex something like 2 months before they started officially dating.

So either @BadBoy89 is right and she simply doesn't see me as relationship material, or there's something else I'm missing.

Point one is simple in my mind: she f*cked the guy in that case because she sensed that he will actually be into her long term. She might have picked up on your player vibe heavily.

She's just conflicted about wanting D from a player (you) and hoping some guy who's into her on a deeper level will finally ask her out.

Next, her roommate knows the situation intimately and is on her side, chick-loyalty basically.

I agree, but what would be your suggestion? For what it's worth, the roommate has met me and likes me, but is also going through her own drama with a guy, apparently. So both girls in that apartment are going through this sh**.

And it sounds like @Clockwerk50 and @Solomon, you both think she needs time to heal and emotionally move on from this guy, so I assume your suggestions would be to go radio silent as @Bigpapa suggested, and see when/if she bothers reading my messages and reaches back out, correct?

I did go out last night and went home with a girl, so that'll be a new LR to post here later, but I wanted to respond before I started running my errands, since there doesn't seem to be a definitive consensus on what led to this or how to proceed.

 

[Bigpapa]

Sounds very familiar with my experiences when i escalated sexually but had bad logistics, things do not happen then they started acting exactly like your girl

Right now she is scorned phase, and basically teases you the same you teased her when you escalated but did not properly lead to sex due to poor logistics. You also appeared like a guy that lacks leadership that is either inexperienced either lets himself to the whims of his emotions / penis

Also depends how you played her tests about “ you only want sex “, this would give you a better indication if it is also something about @BadBoy89 is saying

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think this sounds like one of those women who needs things to "flow" a certain way and if they don't it really puts her off in terms of dating a guy. The logistics issues on date 2 especially is probably what did it for her and she is having a hard time taking you seriously now, even tho she may still be open to a random bang at some point.

Could be wrong but based on how conflicted she seems(at least outwardly), that's been my experience...

She probably knows it doesn't make much sense but she can't help it.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

I wouldn't actively pursue this one any further. If/when she does come back around in the future, I would also be a little skeptical based on the track record. She probably does need some time to cool off right now. If she does end up hitting you up, I would make it clear exactly what you are looking for from her and she can choose to enter your frame or not.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ask. You lose nothing. You ask simply.

"I'm going to xyz on Sunday. Join me."

Thats it. You go from there.

 

[BPH]

I think this sounds like one of those women who needs things to "flow" a certain way and if they don't it really puts her off in terms of dating a guy. The logistics issues on date 2 especially is probably what did it for her and she is having a hard time taking you seriously now, even tho she may still be open to a random bang at some point.

Could be wrong but based on how conflicted she seems(at least outwardly), that's been my experience...

She probably knows it doesn't make much sense but she can't help it.

I agree.

Ask. You lose nothing. You ask simply.

"I'm going to xyz on Sunday. Join me."

Thats it. You go from there.

I'll do this.

I wouldn't actively pursue this one any further. If/when she does come back around in the future, I would also be a little skeptical based on the track record. She probably does need some time to cool off right now. If she does end up hitting you up, I would make it clear exactly what you are looking for from her and she can choose to enter your frame or not.

And then this.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Try to avoid Catholic women. @BPH Too much guilt around the subject of sex

Consider the idea the sect itself was designed for passionate people with below average impulse control, to subdue their desires using guilt.

 

[tksniper]

The term for what she is going through is called cognitive dissonance. This is when her body says yes, her mind says no, and her heart says "maybe".

Her whole entire body can't agree to fvck you. There's too much state friction.

For the guy that cheated on her, she probably didn't feel any cognitive dissonance, which is why she slept with him even before he asked her to be exclusive.

Usually when you have status, looks, money, game, and know how to connect with women, there's zero cognitive dissonance.

Let me repeat that again. The attraction hierarchy is as follows:

1. Status/dominance
2. Looks/sexual tension
3. Money/credibility
4. Game/social skills
5. Trust/connection.

Notice how connection is dead last yet it's the first thing guys try to establish with women, lol.

OP, you're probably missing money/credibility since you live with your parents. You might be chasing after a chick outside of your demographic.

If you spent your time gaming college chicks, you wouldn't experience any cognitive dissonance from females because these chicks only care about looks.

Remember guys, confusing signs = cognitive dissonance. Not only are you confused, the woman herself is confused. One minute her body is saying yes, the next minute, her mind is saying no.

When you find your demographic/tribe, there's almost zero confusion.

As a guy who is tatted up, women give me confusing looks all the time. Some of them I can tell are physically attracted to me. But their minds are giving them red flags.

But every now and then I run into a woman who is in my tribe/wavelength and even if shes with her BF, she would cuck him and flirt with me right in front of him with no cognitive dissonance and zero remorse for her BF.

That's how powerful demographics/tribes/wavelength is. I think more guys should find their niche rather than try to be Jack of all trades. If you try to be a universally attractive guy, you're going to run into a lot of cognitive dissonance/lukewarm attraction.

 

[crowolf]

I haven't read the whole thing but my gut tells me you are giving way too much attention and energy to a troublesome woman.

Focus on your growth and purpose instead.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The term for what she is going through is called cognitive dissonance. This is when her body says yes, her mind says no, and her heart says "maybe."

^^This is right. Experienced it myself! A few times.

I also think this is what confuses the male gender the most and why we're (female gender) often called fickle, confusing, crazy and at times exasperating!

It's cognitive dissonance.

Ask. You lose nothing. You ask simply.

"I'm going to xyz on Sunday. Join me."

Thats it. You go from there.

I'll do this.

Curious what the outcome of this was? Did you ask?
@BPH

 

[tksniper]

^^This is right. Experienced it myself! A few times.

I also think this is what confuses the male gender the most and why we're (female gender) often called fickle, confusing, crazy and at times exasperating!

It's cognitive dissonance.






Curious what the outcome of this was?
@BPH

This is why I encourage guys to specialize themselves and date how they want to date rather than to react to women and trying to be “Mr. Everything” to all women.

For every woman who tries to qualify a guy for a relationship there are tons of women that are just looking for a casual fling. There’s no need for a guy to pretend to be something he’s not. Especially if he is good looking. He can have it his way because there are plenty of willing women.

I have in my tinder profile that I am strictly looking for casual. 75% of my matches either unmatch me when they find out or tell me I am not what they are looking for. But the 25% that are looking for the same thing are sending nude videos to me on Snapchat.

And some of these “casual encounter” women are some of the coolest people I’ve ever met. Just because they are looking for casual doesn’t mean they are street walkers that are on drugs. In fact I would even say they are less demanding and more chill to hang out with than women that are desperate for relationships from online dating.

And there’s no confusion when it comes to sex. I don’t even have to bring it up. The plan is usually to chill and hang out and do fun things, and eventually end up in the bedroom. Just two consenting adults that are on the same wavelength.

Ironically it’s easier to tell whether or not you want to be in a relationship with a woman once you’ve already hung out with her and slept with her a few times with no strings attached. You get to see the real her without relationship expectations. A lot of women tend to put on a mask and hide their red flags when they try to lure you into a commitment.