Almost got busted by one of my girls by not being smart about clues

[ValiantMale]

Had a close call today.. Girl A came through and we had brunch out and spent most of the afternoon together.. I get a text from my other girl B and scramble to get the first one out.. I convinced her I had some work to do, because I actually did but didn't actually get to do it. I told GIrl A i would be back around at a certain time.

I get together with Girl B and clapped cheeks and hung out for about 2 1/2 hours max. I didn't think anything of this but it ended up being a bad clue: Girl B ends up washing all my dishes, I had a mess of dishes in the sink. She also ends up tidying my place up.

Girl A wanted to come over again as soon as it hit the time i said i'd be done with the "work".. I told her I was too tired and had just gotten home and had to take a nap. The nap part was true. I end up knocking out. She comes over before I even fully get up and says shes outside, we go out for a bit, come back, have our little fun.. Hang out for a bit but then she starts acting weird to the point the vibes were off and I jus called it a day. She leaves but seems off like shes super in her head or something..

I text her to see if she's cool..

 

[ValiantMale]

Almost forgot last part. could only attach 3 screenshots at a time apparently.



Tomorrow I'm going to try and do something nice to make her feel special.. I'm not even going to try to clean up the story or anything. I think what really threw her off was me telling her we'll hang out right when I get back then say I didn't want her to come over when she was eager to return, especially because she usually chills here despite whatever I'm doing..

I think the dishes getting cleaned and stacked def threw her off too but I think theres always a feasable explanation for that. I shouldn't have told her i came back to do it because I probably made it seem like while I waso ut i fcame back just to wash the dishes and went back out which she knows is very uncharacteristic of me lol

 

[BPH]

I feel bad for this girl...

She just wanted to spend more time with you, and is attentive enough to you that she noticed details. So you gaslit her into thinking she's crazy/overthinking/overreacting, and the way this reads, she definitely knows you're lying, and is still willing to overlook it.

The fact that she says you've only been dating a little while makes this sound like she's your girlfriend, which would mean you're cheating on her.

I found this a bit sad to read.

I know we just got done having a little spat and kinda squashed it, but I would say this to anybody who posted something like this.

Why do guys who are good with women seemingly lack integrity? Almost everybody I meet who has a similar body count to mine is a bit of a piece of sh**.

• One of my ex-best friends decided he would rather bang my ex in the bed next to me on one particular holiday weekend at the beach, rather than explore any other option.
• Another of my friends whom I go to the gym with sometimes, takes anything he can get, and regularly cheats on his current girlfriends.
• A guy I more recently befriended in the gym had the audacity to complain to me about how he and his girlfriend recently broke up because she cheated on him, before telling me a story about how HE cheated on HER with a girl he met on vacation prior to that. He now has a habit of going after women I'd already expressed interest in, and in one case, had already f*cked.

I get around a good bit, but I never lie to these women and pretend they're the only ones I'm seeing. I don't tell them everything I do and when I do it, but none of them thinks they're my girlfriend. I treat them well, avoid drama, and that's why they generally continue seeing me for a while - even without strings attached.

I was just disappointed by reading this, and it served as a reminder to me that men aren't always the victims of this dystopian dating landscape. Some of you are helping create it.

 

[ValiantMale]

I totally feel where you are coming from but I think you're feeling bad for the wrong reasons and projecting a bit. It's never my intention to hurt anyone or do bad.. I just have different women in my life and I try my best to maintain the peace.

She was theo ne who decided she didnt want anything serious becaues she just got out of a serious relationship. The serious relationship? She dated a guy for 2 years after she left his best friend for HIM. She ruined 2 dudes friendship by dating the other guys best friend and leaving him for his best friend. Sure we can blame the guy too but -- there's a real lack of character there. When I asked her questions, I got the vibe she totally cheated on the first guy too.. it just sounded awful.

BUt I dont judge her for that and got past that. The old me would have cut things off right then and there and sent her home.

Regardless i enjoy my time I spend with her but I rather not tell her about other girls because she admitted shes jealous and even if I were seeing other girls to just not talk about them.

Its definitely one thing to cheat and do wrong by someone--- Its way different when you are NOT cheating and you have no strings attached. Afterall, she wanted to just be friends. I was okay with that. I wasn't prodding for something serious.. I just told her in the beginning that since I'm getting to be a certain age, theres a chance I might find someone to settle down with beause that's what I'm ultimately looking for.. She was cool with that.

I gave you the beenfit of the doubt here.. because I Really just wanted to type out "DONT HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME".. but since you wrote some heartfelt and personal stuff, I couldnt do that to ya.

 

[BPH]

I gave you the beenfit of the doubt here.. because I Really just wanted to type out "DONT HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME".. but since you wrote some heartfelt and personal stuff, I couldnt do that to ya.

I think the background context is important here.

The text conversation on its own doesn't paint the full picture.

I wouldn't hold her previous decisions against her either, but after learning what she had done with her exes, I would mentally disqualify her from anything serious.

 

[ValiantMale]

I think the background context is important here.

The text conversation on its own doesn't paint the full picture.

I wouldn't hold her previous decisions against her either, but after learning what she had done with her exes, I would mentally disqualify her from anything serious.

Yeah context is hugely important. I almost had to furl my eyebrow at you for a second --but I understand where you're coming from and I can tell you're a Genuinelly good dude.

• One of my ex-best friends decided he would rather bang my ex in the bed next to me on one particular holiday weekend at the beach, rather than explore any other option.
• Another of my friends whom I go to the gym with sometimes, takes anything he can get, and regularly cheats on his current girlfriends.
• A guy I more recently befriended in the gym had the audacity to complain to me about how he and his girlfriend recently broke up because she cheated on him, before telling me a story about how HE cheated on HER with a girl he met on vacation prior to that. He now has a habit of going after women I'd already expressed interest in, and in one case, had already f*cked.

I empathize with you about these situations. I'm sorry you had some **** friends man. No one deserves that. and I also empathize with knowing dudes who go after girls you already been with.. That's been my case for alot of my younger years..

Regardless, casual dating and dating in general these days is a cold game.. Women are corrupted as heck these days... never be naive to that fact.. Any girl willing to sleep with men casually is not good.. Trust me, they're all broken in some ways or another. The good ones aim for marriage.. nothing else. and yet even those girls end up cheating or doing wrong. We're living in the Devils Paradise in America. Never be a white knight or have a white knight mentality.. The same girl you save will turn around and stab you right in the back. Infact historically the BEST of men are usually the targets of evil women. ie: Jezebel / Ahab concept.

I always tell this to my boys who think similar to you:
1) Good girls dont go to clubs often
2) good girls dont sleep around
3) good girls dont smoke weed or do drugs
4) good girls dont **** on other men or call people "ugly" (she does often. and its one of my biggest pet peeves with her)
5) good girls dont live for attention


Never feel bad fo ra woman or man who is doing wrong in the eyes of God. We are all sinners here. My goal is to one day very soon get married and settle down forever.. But since I worked so hard to get to this point, im going to enjoy it for as long as I can.

 

[DJ Novice]

The longer you spin plates, the higher the risk of being discovered spinning plates by one of your plates.

Things I have learned the hard way that will minimise but never eliminate the risk:

1. Put all phone and message notifications on silent or block numbers (can unblock later) while with one plate. Also applies to your car if you have Appleplay etc. Make sure your phone is always locked and never give access to a plate no matter how much they complain or ask.

2. Conduct a thorough inspection of your place after a plate has left. Get rid of any hairs, hair ties, underwear, clothes, makeup etc. Eliminate female perfume by spraying your own perfume or a deodoriser. Don’t leave out dishes etc. that make it look like you had a visitor. Put them in the dishwasher or clean up.

3. Develop a list of plausible excuses for being busy and commit them to memory. Remember which one you use. If you involve others in your excuse and your plate knows them (not recommended) make sure they are aware of your excuse and can back you up.

4. If you need to urgently message another plate or check a message from another plate (not recommendeddo it while in the toilet with your phone on silent.

5. Check your bedsheets. Change any that are stained or wet from your bedroom activities.

Writing these makes me realise that when it comes to being faithful in a relationship I’m not the best role model.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Busted for what? You didn't do anything wrong.

 

[Manure Spherian]

He now has a habit of going after women I'd already expressed interest in, and in one case, had already f*cked.

Fair game.

Not a wife, not a mother, not cohabitating with a man: fair game.

 

[Clockwerk50]

That's how relationships usually go. You go through a comfort test, a **** test, meet up, and then the cycle repeats. Sometimes in the same order, sometimes differently.

 

[The Duke]

@ValiantMale - if you are just "friends" as you claim and its nothing serious then why are you worried about leaving behind "clues".
Why are you worried about getting busted? What have you done wrong here? Do you have some agreement with her not to see others? What do her words, "don't make me feel like an option and lie to me" mean to you? She already called you "fake".

Why not be honest about it? Why do you feel the need to gaslight her? Do you normally gaslight your friends when they are onto you?

In every response you like to divert attention away from yourself and justify your behavior yet claim you aren't judging but you do. You did it to her, and you are doing it here as well.

Don't you see this girl cares more about you than you care about her? You can't even respect her sincerity enough to be honest with her. That's the sad part.

How about reminding her that you two are "just friends", this is nothing serious and you are free to see other people. Afraid she will leave when you put it like that? Who cares if she does leave.....PLAYER!

 

[Manure Spherian]

Another of my friends whom I go to the gym with sometimes, takes anything he can get, and regularly cheats on his current girlfriends.

There’s no such thing as cheating on non-cohabitating “girlfriends” or “boyfriends”.

And considering damn near every woman is an ex of other men or has a “bf,” men must steal girlfriends from others.

 

[BPH]

Fair game.

Not a wife, not a mother, not cohabitating with a man: fair game.

There’s no such thing as cheating on non-cohabitating “girlfriends” or “boyfriends”.

And considering damn near every woman is an ex of other men or has a “bf,” men must steal girlfriends from others.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Everybody has their own moral compass.

I don't cheat on women I take seriously enough to get into relationships with. If I weren't going to take them seriously, I wouldn't get into a relationship.

I also don't go after women my friends have slept with or are trying to sleep with. I generally value the friendship more than a lay. There are plenty of women out there, so I simply choose a different one.

I like sex with multiple women just as much as these "men", the difference is that I'm not willing to be such an a**hole to get it.

 

[The Duke]

There’s no such thing as cheating on non-cohabitating “girlfriends” or “boyfriends”.

And considering damn near every woman is an ex of other men or has a “bf,” men must steal girlfriends from others.

So what do you do when a girl asks if you and her are exclusive?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

It's never my intention to hurt anyone or do bad..

People who drink and drive and kill people all say that as well.

 

[Manure Spherian]

So what do you do when a girl asks if you and her are exclusive?

He can “commit”, knowing that in most cases, the “bf-gf” dynamic will sooner or later break down, and either one will end it by putting one foot in the sexual market with the other foot still in the “relationship”. Likely it will end in turmoil and heart break in one person, though there likely won’t be a practical reason. One got “boring” or “annoying” or “doesn’t want the same things”.

This is my cynical view. Of course no one has to adopt it.

 

[Manure Spherian]

more than a lay

They’re just lays. So how can they possibly come between a friendship?

 

[BPH]

They’re just lays. So how can they possibly come between a friendship?

You ever had a friend bang an ex?

If you cared about the girl, and you care about the friend, it's incredibly disrespectful to find that neither cares about you.

 

[The Duke]

He can “commit”, knowing that in most cases, the “bf-gf” dynamic will sooner or later break down, and either one will end it by putting one foot in the sexual market with the other foot still in the “relationship”. Likely it will end in turmoil and heart break in one person, though there likely won’t be a practical reason. One got “boring” or “annoying” or “doesn’t want the same things”.

This is my cynical view. Of course no one has to adopt it.

That doesn't answer my question. You said there is no such thing as cheating on non cohabitating relationships. I beg to differ. If a girl asks to be exclusive and you don't cohabitate and one of the members has sex with someone else, that is cheating is it not? Please explain.

 

[ValiantMale]

@ValiantMale - if you are just "friends" as you claim and its nothing serious then why are you worried about leaving behind "clues".
Why are you worried about getting busted? What have you done wrong here? Do you have some agreement with her not to see others? What do her words, "don't make me feel like an option and lie to me" mean to you? She already called you "fake".

Why not be honest about it? Why do you feel the need to gaslight her? Do you normally gaslight your friends when they are onto you?
are doing it here as well.

Read post #4 it might explain some context you missed-- because otherwise I'm baffled at people who are questioning any of this..on Sosuave of all forums.. I guess things have REALLY changed since I used to read this forum almost a decade+ ago.

As much as I don't even want to bother explaining myself to people who don't "get it", I like to mitigate risk as much as possible. I really , my decisions on how I move are strictly based on years of experience. The idea for me is to always maintain peace and harmony.. Same for any player. even though I'm looking to ultimately settle down in a few years tops.

At the end of the day, I don't expect people who are so far removed or cannot relate to this type of lifestyle to get it.. Only when you get to this point will you understand.. In an ideal world, a man should be able to sleep with different woman with no problems without his peace being disturbed.. But we dont live in an ideal world.. and woman are batshi.t -- They have crazy double standards and are spoiled as sh.t by their circumstances/years of dealing with simps.. DOn't feel bad for these hoes unless you're a simp/whiteknight...

Take the redpill my friends... quit procrastinating ..