single mommy: "The only men that are going up to women and approaching them ... are UGLY"

[BillyPilgrim]

it bears repeating - FOBC is fear of being creepy

To save whoever wants to avoid listening to that chick speak

It's usually the mixed raced ones to b1tch the loudest lmao

 

[zekko]

I personally do not think that's the reason at all. Especially when talking about girls who have been in the bar all night and are clearly with other girls. No guys. Doesn't mean they don't have boyfriends at home but there's nothing scaring the guys off. I can't imagine random guys getting violent because they saw you approach a girl. Never happened to me in about 18 years of cold approach/night game!

Well, I used to know this guy, pretty big dude, he and his brother used to go out specifically to get drunk and get into fights. I don't know how they avoided getting arrested, but somehow they managed it. Maybe because they knew not to take it too far. I knew another guy who had a similar attitude, and he did spend time in prison, after beating some guy from a bar pretty brutally - wasn't dead, but close to it.

 

[characternote]

Well, I used to know this guy, pretty big dude, he and his brother used to go out specifically to get drunk and get into fights. I don't know how they avoided getting arrested, but somehow they managed it. Maybe because they knew not to take it too far. I knew another guy who had a similar attitude, and he did spend time in prison, after beating some guy from a bar pretty brutally - wasn't dead, but close to it.

i've known a lot of psychos who go out just to get drunk and beat people up. No doubting that. I'm just saying i've never really heard of it in terms of people doing it for the reason of seeing someone approach a random girl as you said.

 

[zekko]

i've known a lot of psychos who go out just to get drunk and beat people up. No doubting that. I'm just saying i've never really heard of it in terms of people doing it for the reason of seeing someone approach a random girl as you said.

Not really about approaching a random girl. I was saying maybe some guy was hesitant about approaching someone because there might be some "psycho" in the bar who has his eyes on her, and feels like he has a claim on her, even if he doesn't. Or for all he knows, the girl's boyfriend might be in the bar.

 

[Mike32ct]

Not really about approaching a random girl. I was saying maybe some guy was hesitant about approaching someone because there might be some "psycho" in the bar who has his eyes on her, and feels like he has a claim on her, even if he doesn't. Or for all he knows, the girl's boyfriend might be in the bar.

Yeah there is some merit to this concern. That’s why I think Mystery’s 3 second rule is risky to employ in nightlife. The two times I had an aggressive bf start shyte with me back in the day was when I approached right away.

I then changed to “size up the venue” first and get a sense of who appears to be with whom. Then I never had a problem after that.

 

[Mike32ct]

Back on main topic, some guys genuinely do fear being perceived as creepy. I’m just talking about guilt (internal) here, not shame (external).

It tends to be the nice guy/people pleaser type who is very high on empathy. They legit don’t want to make her uncomfortable or inconvenience her in any way. They don’t want to feel like they are bothering her.

 

[SW15]

That’s why I think Mystery’s 3 second rule is risky to employ in nightlife.

Mystery's 3 second rule is done to prevent guys from getting too much in their heads. It's about taking action and not letting potential opportunities go away due to inaction.

That said, fast action taking can lead to some unpleasant approaches.

The two times I had an aggressive bf start shyte with me back in the day was when I approached right away.

I dislike when that happens. I have had that happen to me. One time, I was talking with a mediocre prospect and some Indian/Indian-American STEM worker guy went nuts on me claiming to be this woman's boyfriend. He caused a massive scene. I'm not sure if he actually was the boyfriend, but he seemed to want to start a fight with me.

I then changed to “size up the venue” first and get a sense of who appears to be with whom. Then I never had a problem after that.

That can be valuable. It's annoying to approach someone who is obviously there with a man and not there to meet new men.

Mixed sets are bad news too. Mystery thought women could be seduced off of mixed groups. @BPH and I think approaching women in mixed sets is generally a waste of time.

Back on main topic, some guys genuinely do fear being perceived as creepy. I’m just talking about guilt (internal) here, not shame (external).

It tends to be the nice guy/people pleaser type who is very high on empathy. They legit don’t want to make her uncomfortable or inconvenience her in any way. They don’t want to feel like they are bothering her.

This is part of why 'nice guys finish last'. The guys who are most fearful about being perceived as creepy are often beta male nice guys or weird spectrum guys.

I don't think a fear of being perceived as creepy is as significant of a factor as fear of rejection.

Women are now rejecting a larger percentage of men. Women have more abundance now. Women commonly perceive about 80% of men as below average looking.

 

[Mike32ct]

Mystery's 3 second rule is done to prevent guys from getting too much in their heads. It's about taking action and not letting potential opportunities go away due to inaction.

Agreed. The intention of the rule was good. There was also a risk of procrastinating too long and staring at the girl without approaching. Obviously that can creep her out.

That said, fast action taking can lead to some unpleasant approaches.

Yeah.

I dislike when that happens. I have had that happen to me. One time, I was talking with a mediocre prospect and some Indian/Indian-American STEM worker guy went nuts on me claiming to be this woman's boyfriend. He caused a massive scene. I'm not sure if he actually was the boyfriend, but he seemed to want to start a fight with me.

I can picture that. Happened to me twice. First time I just apologized and backed off. The guy let it go. Ok fine.

The second time I experienced this, the guy made a ridiculous scene and would NOT let it go no matter how hard I tried to de-escalate the situation. Finally my 6’4” ripped wingman came over and said to him “I don’t know what you’re talking about” in this deadpan Terminator like tone lol. He let it go after that.

That can be valuable. It's annoying to approach someone who is obviously there with a man and not there to meet new men.

Yeah, in nightlife, I would definitely say discretely size up the place first.

Mixed sets are bad news too. Mystery thought women could be seduced off of mixed groups. @BPH and I think approaching women in mixed sets is generally a waste of time.

Mixed sets are bad news.

This is part of why 'nice guys finish last'. The guys who are most fearful about being perceived as creepy are often beta male nice guys or weird spectrum guys.

Agreed.

I don't think a fear of being perceived as creepy is as significant of a factor as fear of rejection.

Women are now rejecting a larger percentage of men. Women have more abundance now. Women commonly perceive about 80% of men as below average looking.

Rejection is a big deal for sure, and women hold the cards on that one.

 

[SW15]

Rejection is a big deal for sure, and women hold the cards on that one.

Women are the gatekeepers to sex.

Women rarely experience early stage rejection but tend to experience some mid-stage rejection when they get rejected for committed relationships.

Women do the pre-sex, early stage date rejections and are also the ones to file for divorce, a late stage rejection.

 

[MatureDJ]

As for the thing about 'only ugly guys approach me' I'm not sure what to make about that. I guess one would argue that all the good looking guys don't need to cold approach! They have unlimited options on tinder, lots of hot girls they're speaking too, fvck buddies etc. They don't want to risk an awkward rejection! And the ugly guys have nothing going on and so are 'forced' to try their luck! (Not saying any of that is the 'reason' btw. Just trying to find an angle for her claim)

Yes, this is the obvious conclusion. "Hot" men don't approach anymore because they don't have to. Ugly men approach because they have to.

 

[MatureDJ]

Women are the gatekeepers to sex.

Briffault's law

Briffault's law holds that women only associate with men when they can personally benefit from doing so. In other words, that females exhibit non-altruism and are...

incels.wiki

 

[MatureDJ]

It's possible these men you've known had mild autism.

My case is mild. Yet even a mild case still makes us more socially inept than 99% of men.

You're right, a foreign woman is less likely to pick up on the fact there's something off about us.

I hadn't thought about that.

 

[SW15]

As for the thing about 'only ugly guys approach me' I'm not sure what to make about that. I guess one would argue that all the good looking guys don't need to cold approach! They have unlimited options on tinder, lots of hot girls they're speaking too, fvck buddies etc. They don't want to risk an awkward rejection! And the ugly guys have nothing going on and so are 'forced' to try their luck! (Not saying any of that is the 'reason' btw. Just trying to find an angle for her claim)

"Hot" men don't approach anymore because they don't have to. Ugly men approach because they have to.

If a man gets good looking enough, swipe apps will become more efficient for him than real life approaching. This starts to occur somewhere around the 80th-90th percentile of looks. If a man is 6'0"+ and fit/muscular, he can put some hot shirtless pics on a swipe and indicate on the profile that he's 6'0"+. He will be meeting some high interest women very quickly.

In real life, "hot" guys might still have to deal with women who aren't as interested for a variety of reasons. While a real life based strategy will be effective for a "hot" guy, it won't be as efficient in its effectiveness as compared to sitting at home and evaluating options behind an electronic screen.

The majority of men don't experience this hyper efficiency on swipe apps (and possibly Instagram too under the right circumstances). The men in the middle of the bell curve experience less efficiency on swipe apps. Because swipe apps and often Instagram are less efficient and less effective for them, they are forced to do real life approaching.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'd rather approach a pretty woman than an ugly woman. I think ugly women are the rudest to stranger interactions in general.

 

[MatureDJ]

The majority of men don't experience this hyper efficiency on swipe apps (and possibly Instagram too under the right circumstances). The men in the middle of the bell curve experience less efficiency on swipe apps. Because swipe apps and often Instagram are less efficient and less effective for them, they are forced to do real life approaching.

It's OVER for BellCurveMedianCels.

 

[MatureDJ]

I'd rather approach a pretty woman than an ugly woman. I think ugly women are the rudest to stranger interactions in general.

This is because they get so much attention because so many frustrated men figure it's their best shot.

Juggernaut law

Juggernaut law is the theory that the very most unattractive women receive a surprisingly large amount of attention from men, sometimes more attention than women...

incels.wiki

 

[MatureDJ]

Women are the gatekeepers to sex.

Women rarely experience early stage rejection but tend to experience some mid-stage rejection when they get rejected for committed relationships.

Women do the pre-sex, early stage date rejections and are also the ones to file for divorce, a late stage rejection.

I like the way you describe divorce as a late-stage rejection.