Lifespan of a modern relationship

[Foe]

Update: Its over.

She did the usual girl breakup, start making your life harder and harder until you pull the pin. To her credit she didnt cheat or do anything that bad just made it clear that unless I change she is done. 10 years ago I would have been pretty devo'd, this girl is a solid 7, no real red flags other then what I mentioned but I still dont really care.

Easiest, cleanest breakup Ive ever had. Feels good man. Looking forward to the next adventure and some quality time by myself.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Am I wrong here?

Sort of. You’re wasting the time of someone you don’t like that much.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Update: Its over.

She did the usual girl breakup, start making your life harder and harder until you pull the pin. To her credit she didnt cheat or do anything that bad just made it clear that unless I change she is done. 10 years ago I would have been pretty devo'd, this girl is a solid 7, no real red flags other then what I mentioned but I still dont really care.

Easiest, cleanest breakup Ive ever had. Feels good man. Looking forward to the next adventure and some quality time by myself.

OK, this is good. Sorry I responded with my previous post without reading entire thread first. However I’m amazing that men torture themselves being with women they don’t like.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Update: Its over.

She did the usual girl breakup, start making your life harder and harder until you pull the pin. To her credit she didnt cheat or do anything that bad just made it clear that unless I change she is done. 10 years ago I would have been pretty devo'd, this girl is a solid 7, no real red flags other then what I mentioned but I still dont really care.

Easiest, cleanest breakup Ive ever had. Feels good man. Looking forward to the next adventure and some quality time by myself.

You should have pulled the pin far earlier than you did. This chick was for recreational use only.

IMO, you need to stop going for the first chick that lets you stick your d!ck in her and start having some standards for the women you date.

 

[Solomon]

Why would you even want that?

Sounds like a woman that gives nothing but takes everything.

Do better OP.

Start having higher standards than just a pretty face for women you interact with and date. They should bring as much or more to the table as you do.

Trying to press the easy button never works out well in the long run.

I've seen it so many times on this forum, even in my own life (friends heck even myself) guys dealing with women who have nothing going on but because the woman is hot, men will deal with the extra b.s.

Men will gladly deal with the minimum when it comes to a hot woman, but an average one has to have all the things checked on the checklist ha ha

To answer OP's question in my experience if a woman really likes you, she will be cool with being casual up to a point but eventually, she will push for exclusivity, or moving in together and if it doesn't get that from you she will find another guy. Usually In my experience the longer you string a woman along like this is You are the best option she has eventually she will find another option just as good or better in her mind. Make no mistake women are always looking for another branch to swing on

 

[Foe]

Update: Its over.

Update its over, again...........

After no contact of about 4 weeks she wanted to talk. Came over and we made up. We have been going steady for about a year since and its been............nice. Shes a easy going girl with a good strong moral system. I kept the frame that I wont commit to any moving in, or even tell her I love her and shes worked through it until recently. The typical **** tests started to happen, nothing like my ex's who would ruthlessly project there trauma onto me, this girl was polite about it but it escelated to a couple of weeks ago.

I treated this relationship like a date, commited physically but emotionally kept my distance, at least I tried. I would say as long as I did that it kinda worked but then I started to compromise, listen and adjust my self. Slowly but steadidly. She lost attraction and I started to chase.

Boom, immediate complete discard emotionally, "needed space and time to think about it" "I love you but I need some time to myself" etc etc. I went into my typical childish tantrum mode and got blocked. God will I ever learn.

Still I think this breakup will be ok, its not as smooth as the last round as Im emotionally butt hurt but I dont think it will be as bad as the ones in the past. Its day 3 no contact and while Im still riding the rollercoaster of regret and doubt the sun is starting to shine. Or is that denial.....We'll see.

 

[Solomon]

Update its over, again...........

After no contact of about 4 weeks she wanted to talk. Came over and we made up. We have been going steady for about a year since and its been............nice. Shes a easy going girl with a good strong moral system. I kept the frame that I wont commit to any moving in, or even tell her I love her and shes worked through it until recently. The typical **** tests started to happen, nothing like my ex's who would ruthlessly project there trauma onto me, this girl was polite about it but it escelated to a couple of weeks ago.

I treated this relationship like a date, commited physically but emotionally kept my distance, at least I tried. I would say as long as I did that it kinda worked but then I started to compromise, listen and adjust my self. Slowly but steadidly. She lost attraction and I started to chase.

Boom, immediate complete discard emotionally, "needed space and time to think about it" "I love you but I need some time to myself" etc etc. I went into my typical childish tantrum mode and got blocked. God will I ever learn.

Still I think this breakup will be ok, its not as smooth as the last round as Im emotionally butt hurt but I dont think it will be as bad as the ones in the past. Its day 3 no contact and while Im still riding the rollercoaster of regret and doubt the sun is starting to shine. Or is that denial.....We'll see.

Damn you still dealing with this chick? one thing I'm noticing more is women wanting exclusivity, or to move in right way etc. Tend to have some redflags or are. Women who have options or truly like you won't "force" the issue but I digress IMO/IME these situations are always different hence there is nuance But sounds like you dodged a bullet, and keep it that way

 

[BaronOfHair]

Still I think this breakup will be ok, its not as smooth as the last round as Im emotionally butt hurt but I dont think it will be as bad as the ones in the past

Similar to ending up in the ER, when one mans a register at AM/PM, during the aptly named graveyard shift.... Receiving gunshot wounds ain't AS psychologically traumatic, once it's happened for about the 20th time

 

[jhonny9546]

This really sounds like the same kind of relationship my friend is in.


I don’t know her age or whether she can still have children, but it seems like she wants full control over the steps in the relationship. She wants to be the one to suggest having a child, and expects you to hold back a little, make her feel desired, then change your mind with some emotional reason like, “You’re the one I want to spend my life with.”
Later, it’ll be the same with marriage. She’ll want to bring it up, and expect you to react the same way, hesitant at first, then convinced. This is the only way she will feel like she have control on you, but that is just an illusion.


If you suggest these things first, she might respond with, “I need time to think,” or something similar. She seems like the type who likes to chase, which means you’d always have to play the avoidant role. That kind of dynamic doesn’t really allow for true intimacy.
Just to give an example, here’s what my friend does with his wife:
He knows he has to be home at 1 p.m. for lunch, but he waits.
I ask, “Why aren’t you going? You’re late.”
He replies, “I’m waiting for her to message or call and ask why I’m not home yet. I always make her wait and worry.”


In short, you can’t even be sincere about going to lunch, everything has to be calculated.
If that’s not the kind of relationship you want, better to move on.

 

[Foe]

it seems like she wants full control over the steps in the relationship.

Yeah she was very passive aggressive in this sense. I remember I went to a friends BBQ (female, no sexual desire whatsoever, infact shes dating a guy) and she attended but then cracked the ****s when I wasn't ready to go. Essentially, she broke up with me over it and it took 4 weeks for her to reach out and try and sort it out. This is her manipulation, her way to enforce control and get what she wants. I played that round really well and didn't give an inch. Though I did end up avoiding that friendship over time due to the trauma of the last round. That compromise was never appreciated. So, what's the point in the compromise? Answer nothing.

This is the only way she will feel like she have control on you, but that is just an illusion.

She was highly anxious person, she would catastrophise issues and then apologise without any real understanding or commitment to change the outcome. Constantly looking over my online status to see when I went to sleep, when I woke up etc. I always felt like she was a rat in a cage trying to find a way to gnaw her way out of the relationship. Her real issue was that I just didn't give her enough reason until recently. Womans "love" in my experience is extremely superficial and highly dependent on smooth sailing. There is really no substance to it.

If that’s not the kind of relationship you want, better to move on.

This was probably my most healthy relationship. Ive dated nutcases in the past and this girl was submissive and level headed (apart from the above). She had true intention to try and work on herself and the relationship, not just say so like in my past experiences. Its just that in this case she went to far and I lost control. I scuttled the ship due to frustration and a commitment to myself to never be compromised as I have. So while I can complain about the symantics of the breakup and reasons for it, its my fault this time.

 

[jhonny9546]

-

Fault or no fault, you've grown up!

 

[MatureDJ]

So little history, dated a crazy 10 for 3 years which almost broke me. Got out of it and found a really nice 7 which I've been seeing exclusively for 7 months. Ive naturally had frame and been pumping the breaks on any escalation of relationship terms other then exclusivity which I dont really see as a loss given the dating scene is just a pain in the ass.

This girl is poor, no career, no income and no ambition. Shes made it pretty clear shes looking for a guy to fund her life which to her credit is pretty minimum. That being said shes wanting to move in and integrate fully at some point, shes been quite clear on this. I basically got drunk and put her firmly in her place with statements like Im not your sugar daddy and not interested in moving in together and sharing (my) finances.

She's rocked, pulling away and to be honest I might have to let this fish go. Not overly fussed but its strange to think that this might just be the timeline on a modern relationship, unless of coarse you are willing to risk your assets with someone.

Im not, as I explained to her, if she wants to sit at the table she has to buy in with at least some % of my capital.

Am I wrong here?

I think women are becoming much more upfront about what they want in life. I actually don't have a problem with it. As for a chick without ambition, that to me signifies a genetic lack of intelligence, and thus is unattractive to me (my future male descendants will need to brainmog their competition since they will be get heightmogged just like their patriarch ).