How often to text with a woman? The debate for 2025

[Drmuscular]

Everywhere I go, acquaintances and friends support the idea that one should chat "daily" with a person while you are dating.

At the same time, advice on here and from countless gurus from various types of "seduction" have kept saying that you should "keep texting to a minimal, only for logistics".

I have field texted minimal texting, most women will find it weird (by their own words) but not all of them would be turned off by it, some do and will ghost you, very few will not care, **** buddies and sex only relationships will not care, my current main girl does not care but I'm not sure she sees herself as a fvck buddy we do lots of stuff other than that, although tbf she is in medical school so she barely has time for herself.

I have tried daily or every few days texting, it worked for a couple of them, in fact most women often say to me that they rather text a little before dating, out of those I have dated a few of them, most women who screen you with attention tend to want LTRs in my experience.

I have found too that some women specially on dating apps, might think you are a catfish if you are reasonably handsome.

I think this is the only thing that might get a high interest woman away from you, other than that while some might comment that you should text them more often, they wont care, it is very true that no matter what you do, its very hard to **** up with a high interest woman.

Another thing to note for text game, is that "pinging" women who might have fallen off after some time can work, I got first date sex from it, but you have to be at the right time, she was ovulating so seducing her was quite easy during the date, most usually fall off but I think its worth a try, because trust me these days with the amount of dms women get, they will 100% forget about you throwing the ball in her court.

In fact throwing the ball in her court its more often than not, useful for getting an LTR or screening for high interest, not for getting women in general.

What's the play here? What do you guys think? Personally I think that for LTR you need some form of communication in between dates more or less frequently. Also I don't know whether you should text mid interest women more often or leave them be and get them to invest.

 

[BPH]

Mirror.

Respond with similar energy and investment levels when she initiates, and otherwise keep communication to a minimum unless you're setting up plans/dates.

What women say they like, and what they actually respond to, are usually very different things.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You can text a chick daily but be succinct and avoid blabbing. Also ignore or respond minimally to her communications that annoy/don't add anything to the convo/show a lack of compliance.

When in doubt, leave it out. You don't want her to think you're ignoring or avoiding her, but you also want to be mysterious and minimize the interactions for you own sake. Unless she's sending nudes, then you can engage more freely (but again don't overdo it).

 

[BaronOfHair]

Everywhere I go, acquaintances and friends support the idea that one should chat "daily" with a person while you are dating.

Plinkett

2:52-3:16 showed us the way... You can make that work, provided that your technique is adroit

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Isn't really a debate. It's more how it fits your personal style and personality.

Bottom line. Don't do or act or say desperate/needy things and you wont appear that way regardless of how frequently you text.

Most men have a very hard time with this and don't know how to add value, sending lame/boring texts, double/triple texting or saying desperate things which is why they advocate for less...because it's a way to prevent themselves from doing dumb things.

I don't have those issues and don't have any problems with however much I decide to text.

Some guys make it work with less texting, some can't. Some guys make it work with more texting. Some can't.

The problem comes in when a person who is not able to make it work one way repeatedly tries to do that because of some "rules" they are trying to follow.

Rules are simply guidelines that should be fluid and used by newbies like training wheels on a bike. If you actually want to succeed you need to stop using rules as rigid lines that won't be crossed and use them as fluid containers that can be shaped as needed within a construct.

Text less, text more...it doesn't matter as long as you get the results you want from it.

However, I will say that If you are continuously getting flaked pre-date and you are setting up a date and then going "ghost" until the date, that's probably the biggest reason, and it should be common sense why.

My flake rate is almost non-existent. I excel at getting women from the message stage to in person meetup. And I never go ghost prior to the date once it's set up. Take it for what it's worth.

 

[SW15]

Respond with similar energy and investment levels when she initiates, and otherwise keep communication to a minimum unless you're setting up plans/dates.

What women say they like, and what they actually respond to, are usually very different things.

I think the idea of keeping communication to a minimum is a good idea until the relationship is defined.

Relationship definition tends to occur after sex and often after a few instances of sex.

I've disliked the effect of text messaging and social media in this. When I was first coming up in the mating environment, a lot of the early stages of mating involved telephone conversations. I think something has been lost with the elimination of telephone conversations in the early stages of dating.

There was a brief moment during the 2000s when people had cell phones but didn't have smartphones yet. It was easier to get a hold of people because people didn't have to be at home to have a phone conversation. However, text-based communication had not de-personalized things either. This brief moment was approximately 5 years.

Everywhere I go, acquaintances and friends support the idea that one should chat "daily" with a person while you are dating.

The word 'dating' is the most important word here.

'Dating' occurs after a defined relationship, not the early stages.

In the pre-sex phase, keep things minimal.

After a few instances of sex, interaction can be increased but mirror as @BPH says.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I usually let her take the lead when it comes to building the connection and maintaining the relationship while I focus on creating opportunities for romance to happen; scheduling meet-ups and giving her something to look forward to. Without anticipation, excitement, and anxiety the attraction will die.

Familiarity and overexposure quietly kill attraction. It’s always easier to come back from “You never texted me!” than from “Ugh, he’s so clingy.” If she ever feels even the slightest sense of relief when I’m not around, it’s already over. Stay too reliable, and you become a bore.

I guess a better question would be what to text them when you initiate or when they reach out to keep them coming back for more.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

I usually let her take the lead when it comes to building the connection and maintaining the relationship while I focus on creating opportunities for romance to happen; scheduling meet-ups and giving her something to look forward to. Without anticipation, excitement, and anxiety the attraction will die.

Familiarity and overexposure quietly kill attraction. It’s always easier to come back from “You never texted me!” than from “Ugh, he’s so clingy.” If she ever feels even the slightest sense of relief when I’m not around, it’s already over. Stay too reliable, and you become a bore.

I guess a better question would be what to text them when you initiate or when they reach out to keep them coming back for more.

I agree with all of this. In the beginning you're ideally only texting women when you're setting out to make plans with them.

In terms of "having" to text them everyday, the idea doesn't give the full picture. I don't think a man should be initiating texts to a woman everyday BUT if she is the one reaching out first then it's ok. If not, it's fine to go a few days without reaching out to her, which will usually happen in the beginning when she's trying to not look desperate and you're only reaching out to ask for dates. But once she starts to like you, she will generally be the one initiating texts to you each day, and all you have to do is respond to them and ask a question back until the convo naturally dies.

In terms of you initiating texts outside of "asking for date" texts? My general rule is doing so at a 3 to 1 ratio: for every 3 times she initiates, you initiate one time.

It's the concept that women only need men do to 1/3 of the work for it to feel balanced. Men think everything they do in a relationship has to be 50/50 (i.e. talking about feelings half the time, initiating text half the time, saying "I love you" have the time). But the reality is women read more into things than we do and feel things deeper than we do, which is why we can scale back our efforts. It's also why it feels like you're doing too much when you do things that the same rate as women.

So, with texting, if she initiates on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, you would initiate on Thursday. I find sending a funny video or interesting social media thread is usually enough initiation to get them to respond and start a conversation.l

 

[Bokanovsky]

Have you ever driven a car with a manual transmission? Give it too much gas while the clutch is engaged, the car will lurch. Give it not enough gas, the car will stall. Talking to women is kind of like that.

 

[Gamisch]

Have you ever driven a car with a manual transmission? Give it too much gas while the clutch is engaged, the car will lurch. Give it not enough gas, the car will stall. Talking to women is kind of like that.

Correction: talking to BROKEN women.

Ofcourse you are right but I do wanna point that out tho. Women from a higher class will still be women, but at least they will be somewhat more level headed.

Walking on eggshells and being afraid to do too much xyz is energy consuming by itself...the easiest thing to be for any man is to be himself...combined with indeed what you say and what @BPH said; mirror her energy. Just remember the song " when you move I move..just like that hell yeah now DJ bring it back".

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

Ive noticed letting her do like 80% of the initating works best

 

[BPH]

Just remember the song " when you move I move..just like that hell yeah now DJ bring it back".

 

[Seacoast Living]

Before you've banged a girl, keep texting to logistics only, anything more than that could give her an excuse to disqualify you. You're better in person. Her imagination to what you are doing is way more sexual that to you telling you what you're up to. Be busy and unavailable.

I dislike texting, so with girls who I've been banging, I will leave voice text messages with them once or twice a day. They like hearing your voice, make sure you speak from your core and not your nasal, this is very important with women. They like deep voices.

 

[Mertz09]

I think the idea of keeping communication to a minimum is a good idea until the relationship is defined.

Relationship definition tends to occur after sex and often after a few instances of sex.

I've disliked the effect of text messaging and social media in this. When I was first coming up in the mating environment, a lot of the early stages of mating involved telephone conversations. I think something has been lost with the elimination of telephone conversations in the early stages of dating.

There was a brief moment during the 2000s when people had cell phones but didn't have smartphones yet. It was easier to get a hold of people because people didn't have to be at home to have a phone conversation. However, text-based communication had not de-personalized things either. This brief moment was approximately 5 years.



The word 'dating' is the most important word here.

'Dating' occurs after a defined relationship, not the early stages.

In the pre-sex phase, keep things minimal.

After a few instances of sex, interaction can be increased but mirror as @BPH says.

I agree 100%

 

[Mertz09]

"I've disliked the effect of text messaging and social media in this. When I was first coming up in the mating environment, a lot of the early stages of mating involved telephone conversations. I think something has been lost with the elimination of telephone conversations in the early stages of dating.

There was a brief moment during the 2000s when people had cell phones but didn't have smartphones yet. It was easier to get a hold of people because people didn't have to be at home to have a phone conversation. However, text-based communication had not de-personalized things either. This brief moment was approximately 5 years."

Yes the good old days, In many ways things were less complicated and some ways they were more. Texting and social media have muddied the waters in the dating scene IMO.

 

[Solomon]

Mirror.

Respond with similar energy and investment levels when she initiates, and otherwise keep communication to a minimum unless you're setting up plans/dates.

What women say they like, and what they actually respond to, are usually very different things.

^^^^This

I love texting I have no issues talking via text, women sending fun pics if you know what I mean, the thing with texting is what is the outcome? that's how I think now the goal is to meet/hang out with a woman asap but sometimes schedules get in the way if she wants to send pics of her in her panties oh well

 

[SW15]

Yes the good old days, In many ways things were less complicated and some ways they were more. Texting and social media have muddied the waters in the dating scene IMO.

At age 42, I've experienced numerous eras in communication technology.

In my junior and senior years of high school (1999-2000 and 2000-2001 school years), I had to call women on landline telephones and risk having to speak to a girl's parents. In my freshman year of college (2001-2002), cell phone adoption rates were still low. There were times I still had to make phone calls to a dorm landline for a fellow freshman. I might have had to talk to a roommate on the dorm landline phone or an apartment landline for those fellow freshman who went straight to apartment living. Around my dorm, I was noticing more and more people were using AOL Instant Messenger or similar messaging services that were precursors to text messaging on cell phones.

In the landline era, my female target also had to be at home when I called for efficiency. There were answering machines/voicemail. Leaving phone messages wasn't that reliable.

2002 and 2003 were years where a lot of people I knew on campus started getting cell phones. These were basic cell phones that were flip or candy bar style phones. The big advantage was mobile calling and private voicemails that a parent or roommate could not intercept.

Phones got more advanced by the late 2000s. I started noticing around 2009-2010 that texting started to replace calling. This is when I noticed women in their 20s (I was in my mid-20s then) started adopting smartphones in good numbers and were expecting men that they interacted with to have smartphones. Having a more basic cell phone in the 2009-2012 era would have been detrimental to seducing women. This is around the time that most men who were pursuing women under 30 started to get cell phones.

The trends that started in the late 2000s/early 2010s have gotten more ingrained and carried on to this day.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

It's entirely circumstantial on the individual and the woman in question.

Text just enough to maintain any momentum, but don't overdo it.

I don't think you can get away with minimal, logistics-only texting, especially with gen Z women. But, obviously over texting is bad too. I think it's far better to under text rather than over text though, especially after the first month or so.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's entirely circumstantial on the individual and the woman in question.

Text just enough to maintain any momentum, but don't overdo it.

I don't think you can get away with minimal, logistics-only texting, especially with gen Z women. But, obviously over texting is bad too. I think it's far better to under text rather than over text though, especially after the first month or so.

Essentially it boils down to "Are you sending texts that add value or not?"

If you are sending texts that add value it doesn't matter how often you text. If you aren't, it doesn't matter either, because you are going to eventually have issues, but a lot of people try to hide the fact their texts have no value by refraining from sending them.

Don't worry about texting frequency, worry about value frequency.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Essentially it boils down to "Are you sending texts that add value or not?"

If you are sending texts that add value it doesn't matter how often you text. If you aren't, it doesn't matter either, because you are going to eventually have issues, but a lot of people try to hide the fact their texts have no value by refraining from sending them.

Don't worry about texting frequency, worry about value frequency.

Which is exactly why I rhetorically asked earlier in the thread, "I guess a better question would be what to text them when you initiate or when they reach out just to keep them coming back for more."

"Value" is extremely ambiguous since what’s valuable to one person might be meaningless to another. So the real challenge isn’t just about providing value, but understanding what kind of value actually resonates with that person, especially in the context of seduction. After all, a synonym for seduction is pleasure, so the real question becomes: what can you send that is genuinely pleasurable?