How often do you find yourself crossing her boundaries?

[jhonny9546]

Like when she tells you not to kiss her on the face when she's wearing makeup, or not to grab her butt when you get home and see her cooking.


Of course, she doesn’t always say it in the moment—she might just get annoyed and go, “Stop doing that!” or “You’re so annoying!” That’s just her reaction. But later, maybe in a quieter, more intimate moment, she pulls you aside and says, “Please don’t do that anymore, it really bothers me.”

At that point would you still consider crossing that boundary, or at least try to soften it?

 

[Scaramouche]

Well Jhonnie,
You should think at times like this,what would Clint Eastwood do.

 

[Serenity]

By default, if she's serious then I will respect that.

If her boundaries are too restrictive or too numerous for my liking and it starts affecting my enjoyment of the relationship, then I have to consider ending it. If it suddenly arises far into the relationship standing out from the established way we interact then I'll start looking for underlying issues, if none are found or it can't be reasonably resolved then I will have to consider ending it.

Demanding someone else to put their boundaries aside would put them in the same situation as if I accept their boundaries without feeling good about it. Lack of such compatibility is not a sustainable situation, it can be tolerated for a while, but will become an issue brewing beneath the surface that will eventually surface again. How much later it resurfaces determines how dramatic it's going to be when it does. So to spare myself the waste of time and the headache of making the issue grow, I would rather nip it in the bud and end it sooner if the issue can't be resolved in a manner that both are genuinely pleased with.

Nothing really comes to mind about such issues regarding my wife though. I think we were just really compatible from the start and she doesn't have any boundaries I feel the need to challenge. The boundaries she does have I have no issues with, it doesn't restrict my natural expression.

 

[The Duke]

If she gets upset over you touching her butt or kissing her, she isn't as into you as much as you think she is.

I dated a girl that told me not to touch her butt in public. I was just being affectionate but she didn't see it that way, there was nothing sexual about it. Later on in our relationship, I discovered this girl had intimacy problems. She only wanted me to kiss her a certain way, and lick her c!it a certain way. I've never been with a woman that rarely had an orgasm. So either she wasn't into me enough or she had some issues. Either way, we weren't going to work.

I see these things as warning flags. Where there is smoke, there will be fire.

Be yourself, there will be another one come along that thinks what you do is amazing and makes her feel special. No girl of mine is going to have these types of issues, because I'm not staying with one that exhibits this type of behavior.

Its kind of like the toilet seat up or down debate. For Fuksakes, it goes both ways. Its pointless to worry about. Just do your thing. If they don't like it, then they aren't for you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I agree with both, I will just add to be mindful of her potential in having internal issues, which then you need to assess your ability to handle, and given the basis of the thread, may not be there yet.

With the above in mind, provided that you’re not being an abusive creep, she should not be giving you resistance. It means she’s uncomfortable around you, or worse, and I would take space. It is a bad sign.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Like when she tells you not to kiss her on the face when she's wearing makeup, or not to grab her butt when you get home and see her cooking.


Of course, she doesn’t always say it in the moment—she might just get annoyed and go, “Stop doing that!” or “You’re so annoying!” That’s just her reaction. But later, maybe in a quieter, more intimate moment, she pulls you aside and says, “Please don’t do that anymore, it really bothers me.”

At that point would you still consider crossing that boundary, or at least try to soften it?

If you got a woman who tells you not to grab her butt in the kitchen it's a much bigger problem than you think...

Most women love it when their guy does that

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well Jhonnie,
You should think at times like this,what would Clint Eastwood do.

Clint Eastwood would move the F out of Italy lol

If you got a woman who tells you not to grab her butt in the kitchen it's a much bigger problem than you think...

Most women love it when their guy does that

It's a problem 116, 631 square miles big

 

[zekko]

You should think at times like this,what would Clint Eastwood do.

I don't think forum rules allow me to say. But see High Plains Drifter. I don't think that would be advisable, although it worked out for him.

 

[jhonny9546]

The boundaries she does have I have no issues with

Most women love it when their guy does that

Yes and they will react like "Come on idiot let me finish" or they will chase you with the frying pan to hit you on the head.
They get excited by anger

 

[Serenity]

Yes and they will react like "Come on idiot let me finish" or they will chase you with the frying pan to hit you on the head.
They get excited by anger

If they get excited by anger they are broken, that's not healthy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes and they will react like "Come on idiot let me finish" or they will chase you with the frying pan to hit you on the head.
They get excited by anger

If your woman acts like that I would suggest you have a woman that isn't very into you.

 

[devilkingx2]

Yes and they will react like "Come on idiot let me finish" or they will chase you with the frying pan to hit you on the head.
They get excited by anger

that sounds like a sitcom character rather than a healthy relationship

 

[devilkingx2]

Push her boundaries in your benefit a little bit but try not to go too far. (Sex fetishes)

Respect the reasonable boundaries. (It’s okay if she asks you not to fvck other girls lmao)

Get rid of her if her boundaries are crazy and you can’t negotiate. (If she asks you not to even look at another woman)

 

[jhonny9546]

@BackInTheGame78 @Serenity

She would say it in a humorous and joking way.
"Come on, come on don't do it, watch out I'll take off my shoe and hit you on the head if you don't stop"
It is said in a very joking tone and from there a playful fight can start.

I do think tone it's definitive thing of course

 

[Serenity]

@BackInTheGame78 @Serenity

She would say it in a humorous and joking way.
"Come on, come on don't do it, watch out I'll take off my shoe and hit you on the head if you don't stop"
It is said in a very joking tone and from there a playful fight can start.

I do think tone it's definitive thing of course

Then it's not a serious boundary, but this is not the situation you initially illustrated. You had this in your first post.

But later, maybe in a quieter, more intimate moment, she pulls you aside and says, “Please don’t do that anymore, it really bothers me.”

If this is the case then she's serious, even if she played it off jokingly/playfully in public as that's just to save face.