Lost girl after sex on 1st date. Buyer's Remorse, Auto Rejection, or Something Else?

[justaroundthecorner]

My guess would be:
- she has high sexual needs that she tends to repress/feels some guilt about it
- sex was ok for her but she had it better with her former LTR partner(s), she "O"-ed mostly because she was thirsty for sex and went no condom because she gets off on feelings of shame and guilt mixed with lust the most (which indicates she is looking for dominant man, but not necessarily in physical aspect of lovemaking only);
- going no condom in ONS screams "issues"
- she does not look for a relationship with OP (her former partner was probably more dominant and animalistic with women on various levels which would match the mormon part of the story)
- she wants to f*** around until she will find an appropriate replacement while OP has indicated "LTR needs" already (btw.multiply 6 at least by 1.67, she is already on c*ck carousel)
- she was probably not overly impressed by your status and money (otherwise, perhaps she would qualify you for STR);
- in overall, she qualified OP as ok enough for ONS with slight chance for STR and minimal for LTR before going to bed with OP, the result was ONS
- the result is actually optimal for OP, however I would suggest getting tested for STD's as her low body count part of the story is dubious

Granted, there were things I could have done better: post-sex aftercare, cuddling after, disqualifying myself too soon about not wanting a relationship after she sent her text a few days after, insisting on wearing the condom despite her initiating.

I think it would not change the overall result. I think you pulled off everything you reastically could with this female. As men, we like to think that if we would do this or that differently in particular situation, then a success would come around and IT was achievable. It is our biological and social conditioning to struggle and despite this seek success. In this case it was not achievable for you but its good for you that it wasn't. The fact that it wasn't is also your success because you need other type of female (more interested in your fortes) than her, so effect of her screening is positive for you.

 

[ruins]

My guess would be:
- she has high sexual needs that she tends to repress/feels some guilt about it
- sex was ok for her but she had it better with her former LTR partner(s), she "O"-ed mostly because she was thirsty for sex and went no condom because she gets off on feelings of shame and guilt mixed with lust the most (which indicates she is looking for dominant man, but not necessarily in physical aspect of lovemaking only);
- going no condom in ONS screams "issues"
- she does not look for a relationship with OP (her former partner was probably more dominant and animalistic with women on various levels which would match the mormon part of the story)
- she wants to f*** around until she will find an appropriate replacement while OP has indicated "LTR needs" already (btw.multiply 6 at least by 1.67, she is already on c*ck carousel)
- she was probably not overly impressed by your status and money (otherwise, perhaps she would qualify you for STR);
- in overall, she qualified OP as ok enough for ONS with slight chance for STR and minimal for LTR before going to bed with OP, the result was ONS
- the result is actually optimal for OP, however I would suggest getting tested for STD's as her low body count part of the story is dubious



I think it would not change the overall result. I think you pulled off everything you reastically could with this female. As men, we like to think that if we would do this or that differently in particular situation, then a success would come around and IT was achievable. It is our biological and social conditioning to struggle and despite this seek success. In this case it was not achievable for you but its good for you that it wasn't. The fact that it wasn't is also your success because you need other type of female (more interested in your fortes) than her, so effect of her screening is positive for you.

Thank you for the great write-up. It's reassuring that I at least probably got an "A" on the report card, and that I didn't really fumble as badly as I was beating myself up over. Yeah, I could be better on the money and status part.

Her high sexual needs and the shame and guilt aspect of it is so ****ing hot, though. I kind of believe her about the number of partners, since she only divorced less than three years ago. And she gave me details on each of them. But you're right, I'll never really know.

I just wish we could have stayed friends after that whole thing. Maybe after a few months when this whole thing has blown over?

 

[ruins]

Anddddd... she's back.

I went strict no contact for two months. Minimized time on social media. Didn't watch or read or engage with any of her posts. It got to a point where I rarely thought about her anymore, and if/when I did, there'd be little emotional impact on that thought and could brush it away.

I think she started to sense that, because she just sent me a breadcrumb post on social media. We've had a few exchanges since then about our own respective lives. But I'm just going to try to keep it friendly.

Whew, women really do have a sixth sense about when a guy is starting to seriously detach, no? It's diabolical how that works.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Anddddd... she's back.

I went strict no contact for two months. Minimized time on social media. Didn't watch or read or engage with any of her posts. It got to a point where I rarely thought about her anymore, and if/when I did, there'd be little emotional impact on that thought and could brush it away.

I think she started to sense that, because she just sent me a breadcrumb post on social media. We've had a few exchanges since then about our own respective lives. But I'm just going to try to keep it friendly.

Whew, women really do have a sixth sense about when a guy is starting to seriously detach, no? It's diabolical how that works.

Oh young grasshopper, you have a lot to learn.

No contact isn't so you they come back. No contact is so you can move on with your life and not still be caught up in this nonsense 6 months later

 

[ruins]

Haha. Don't worry @BackInTheGame78, I'm not hopeful about this at all. My mission comes first, and am going to keep assuming that this ship has sailed.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Haha. Don't worry @BackInTheGame78, I'm not hopeful about this at all. My mission comes first, and am going to keep assuming that this ship has sailed.

As I always say, it's hard to travel forward while constantly looking in the rearview mirror. Leave her where she belongs...in the past.

 

[ruins]

I appreciate it! That was my mentality to begin with, but always help to hear reinforcement.

 

[Aristippus]

Ruins:

I read many but not all of the responses. It's possible I may accidentally repeat something someone else said. First off, you said she texted you a few days later which means you didn't contact her the morning after. She contacted you after you had gone days without reaching out to her.

What I mean is you typically want to contact a woman later in the day of the same day you had sex. Just briefly. A short, very short phone call. A quick hello and tell her you really enjoyed last night. You can also ask how her day was and completely ignore that she left early the morning.

She would have probably stuck around if you fell asleep with your arms around her and not left early. If she mentioned feeling guilty or something you brush it off lightly and say something like "Yeah. You're a bad girl. I think you're trying to corrupt me.". Just an example. Dont take that kind of thing seriously. "You just want me for sex." " I know. And you love it". Followed by a smack on the a$$ or a kiss.

Women are so predictable on a sexual level. Women LOVE sex. They just sometimes try to do mental gymnastics to absolve themselves of feeling guilty over their desires.Or they parrot what other women say..... You are to never try to make excuses for your desires. You can tell her verbally on rare occasions that you're only interested in sex with your words but you can show her that yes you're mostly interested in sex but also other things with your actions. Use that verbal play sparingly or it will lose it's effectiveness.

Dirty talk during, after or before sex is good. Don't excuse your desires. She has sexual desires also and if you don't make excuses for yours she will be mofe comfortable with living out her desires with you.

 

[The_Sea_Wolf]

It sounds to me like not using a condom the 2nd time is what made her get weird about it, she probably wasn't on birth control.

If she asks you for a condom the 1st time around, it shows it was important to her, the 2nd time around she went for it because of horny brain without one, then post nut clarity set in for her and she realized she could be knocked up and doesn't even really know you.

 

[viking22]

A lot of women cannot handle one night stands but have them anyway. If you don't have the comfort level established and you haven't got the emotional connection then you may be able to make out with her and sleep with her but it will often be a one time thing.

 

[ruins]

Update:

Hooked up two more times in the middle of the year. And then it crashed and burned again.

After reading up on attachment theory, she lines up perfectly with a fearful avoidant attachment style.

Bat**** crazy in the best way. Addicting.

But I've gotta move on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi ruins,
You need to rightsize your relationship with this Girl....In life one never knows when you are going to strike a dry patch...Handy to have the number of a Lady like this in your little Black Book LOL.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Hi ruins,
You need to rightsize your relationship with this Girl....In life one never knows when you are going to strike a dry patch...Handy to have the number of a Lady like this in your little Black Book LOL.

Always right to keep a croc in the closet for a dry spell.

 

[intricate design]

I read your report

my first thought was she’s got another guy

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

As convo ended, we looked at each other for a few seconds, and I said to myself outloud, "I want to kiss you... I'm going to do it", and made a move to her. She met me halfway. It was beautiful.

Jesus Christ dude. She wanted to get banged and you're imagining you're in a 1950's romance movie.

Ladies go on dating apps to get attention and maybe bang some random dudes for fun.

Filter girls based on how they behave after sex, not based on your fantasies about them before you even meet.

 

[intricate design]

Yeah I noticed the thing about telling her before kissing the first time

that’s an amateur sounding move

 

[ruins]

Jesus Christ dude. She wanted to get banged and you're imagining you're in a 1950's romance movie.

Ladies go on dating apps to get attention and maybe bang some random dudes for fun.

Filter girls based on how they behave after sex, not based on your fantasies about them before you even meet.

Nah. I've done it several more times with other women since then. The line works.

Congruence is everything.