Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Monogamy is the way forward

Reincarnated

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We obviously have very different perceptions of the dating market, but I don’t understand the need to ridicule. As I stated in my original post, I am happy and keen to have my stance / perception challenged, but this is my experience of being on the apps. Did all hot women that I took on dates fall for me after the first date? Obviously not; with some there wasn’t even a second date, but with the vast majority there was.

To provide some perspective: I spent ~12 years on and off this forum, mostly as a lurker. I was lucky enough to find the old posts by Pook, Adonis, Jariel and Anti-dump at an early age and I truly internalized their advise (focus was on developing oneself, as opposed to learning techniques). The self development mantra and the notion of “investing” rather than “spending” your time always stuck with me, and made me realize that an bit of suffering today could pay a lot of dividend in the future. As a result, I accelerated academically back in high school and university, and continued to apply the ideas in my career thereafter. Sure, I have had my set-backs and weak moments during the years - and I would usually come to this forum to seek out advice / read - but it made for a solid foundation.

I still think that I am ‘average’ overall: sure, in some aspects I am in the top bucket (top 1% of earners in London, but <35Y), but I also work 60-80 hour weeks and I am <6 feet (and admitted to this on my OLD while I had it) and following the general consensus of this forum it should be game over on the apps for me on that factor alone. However, I had an absolute amazing experience on there. @Dr.Suave would probably remember that I sought out advice early on, as I was somewhat self conscious about joining OLD for the first time since its release, as everyone was complaining about it on here. The advice was solid and I had a great time on all of my dates as I did whatever I wanted to do anyway.

@corrector keeps calling me a chad-lite after I posted my dating profile on here some time ago, but I disagree. I honestly just think that the competition on apps is seriously sub-par, and that the vast majority of guys on there have lost touch with their masculinity. They reek of laziness, are poorly groomed and out of shape (and don’t give me the spiel about how girls have it easier and could get away with this. It defeats the point).
If you doubt me, borrower the phone of any one of your single female friends and swipe for 5-10 min. It’ll change your perspective completely on the competition out there. Don’t focus on the amount of matches she attracts, but focus on the poor selection.

I would like to challenge anyone who complains about OLD to take 12 months off dating and during that time truly commit and focus on developing yourself, your health, your workout, your social skills and your career. Don’t slack, but commit to the cause. At the end of it, get some good photos taken and rejoin the apps. If your success rate doesn’t triple (which it will if you have put in the effort), at least you’ll be in a much better place than 12 months ago.
I think this whole post is probably the most rational opinion on this thread, but the last paragraph is particularly key.

I echo the one year moratorium on OLD to REALLY focus on self improvement. I'd highlight the fitness potential being the most critical. People are surprised with how much of a positive spillover effect that getting into a great and highly disciplined fitness routine can have on the other aspects of life. It forces accountability, something that many lack.

I myself am actually on an intentional long term hiatus from OLD (partially because this is the busiest time of the year at work/partially because I wanted to elevate physical appearance). It's only been about 3 months so far, but I do plan on going a full year before throwing my hat back into the ring.

OLD will never be a fair fight...good, then become the guy who it's unfairly stacked in favor of. There's more to it than height and natural genetics, there's a lot you can do to get yourself into that 10-20% the gals flock to. I'd even go as far as saying as guys who are well-versed in this community have an advantage in OLD after they've expressed interest because the early stages are so text-centric, and if you're smart you can apply the same concepts as you would in the real world... But you have the added advantage of additional response time.

Build good habits. Choose one specific thing today that you can make an effort towards improving, then do it tomorrow, do it for a week, do it for a month, a year, and then do it for life. Jordan Peterson (I don't care what you're opinion is on him personally, he has great psychological advice) has some very good points in this realm.
 

HaleyBaron

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And no man truely supports you either.
Men support more than women ever will. There are droves of men who pay for women trips, children, food, and rent than there will ever be of women doing vice versa.
 

parabellum

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There are other options than pure monogamy and 'chasing tail'. All of them have their own problems.

I tried to make some discussion about self-aware serial monogamy and the importance of always having an exit plan no matter what you do here:

 

We_ArE_VeNOM

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Having gone back “into the game” after a breakup about a year ago, which saw me out of the game for quite some time, I have realized how pointless and distracting it is to “chase” tail. Why the quotation marks around ‘chase’ and not ‘tail’? Because there’s no chasing involved, it’s gotten so easy these days to attract high quality women on dating apps… it’s a bundle of women desperate for an average guy (I’ve seen the dating apps from the POV of a female, and man the quality of men is low)…

I saw focus on one women who gives you enough sex and availability (has to be high quality) and then spend the balance of your time on career, friends and family.

it’s absolutely pointless.. once your notch count hits triple digits you’ll look back and realize how much time you’ve wasted on people you barely remember and how you could have invested all that time in yourself instead..

… keen to hear the opposite view and be convinced otherwise!
Pray for the Lord to put the right woman in your life, and you will undoubtedly get her.
 

zekko

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Wheat Waffles posted results of decently groomed ambitious guys getting lackluster results on tinder vs other chad like guys.
What's considered lackluster results, I wonder? PUAs consider being rejected 1,000 times a huge success, remember. I don't know anything about OLD, and I don't think I want to find out...
 

corrector

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What's considered lackluster results, I wonder? PUAs consider being rejected 1,000 times a huge success, remember. I don't know anything about OLD, and I don't think I want to find out...
You never tried OLD when they were websites in the 00s / early 00s? I think most gen Xers have had at least that exposure and curiosity although dating apps would probably be more mixed territory for the Gen-Xers (ie depending on the experience of using the websites) and would be popular for younger Milllennials/Gen-Z territory by the looks of it, who are digital natives rather than digital migrants. If the websites did not work for you, then perhas you never gave the dating apps a go either right?

A PUA getting rejected in person is different than being left-swiped on tinder and being buried under algorithm to total invisiblity where even a paid plan can't even save you. Also remember that's all game-pep talk (1000s rejection is a success) that belongs in the 00s. Totally different climate today. Just look at how popular black-pill youtube sites are. 1000s of rejection is not seen as a success anymore in these days. It means you are a sub-5. In fact, people who are smart, know how to put make money by monestizing their backpill youtube content as more people get their dopamine hit by playing the blackpill youtube content to feel better about themselves. Stats show about over 40-50% guys are addicted to this stuff, compared to say 3% Netflix or even 5% video games. It's where the money is now. (This is according to stats from Wheat Waffles recent video on the subject).
 
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zekko

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You never tried OLD when they were websites in the 00s / early 00s? I think most gen Xers have had at least that exposure and curiosity although dating apps would probably be more mixed territory for the Gen-Xers (ie depending on the experience of using the websites) and would be popular for younger Milllennials/Gen-Z territory by the looks of it, who are digital natives rather than digital migrants. If the websites did not work for you, then perhas you never gave the dating apps a go either right?

A PUA getting rejected in person is different than being left-swiped on tinder and being buried under algorithm to total invisiblity where even a paid plan can't even save you. Also remember that's all game-pep talk (1000s rejection is a success) that belongs in the 00s. Totally different climate today. Just look at how popular black-pill youtube sites are. 1000s of rejection is not seen as a success anymore in these days. It means you are a sub-5. In fact, people who are smart, know how to put make money by monestizing their backpill youtube content as more people get their dopamine hit by playing the blackpill youtube content to feel better about themselves. Stats show about over 40-50% guys are addicted to this stuff, compared to say 3% Netflix or even 5% video games. It's where the money is now. (This is according to stats from Wheat Waffles recent video on the subject).
Nope, I've never tried OLD at all, not even once. I've been in LTRs most of my post 30 life. Haven't really had a hard time finding girls to go out with during that time. Not sure what would happen now though if I needed to find a girl, I'm getting pretty set in my ways, and I'm an old bastard...

I'm not sure why people would get a dopamine hit off of blackpill videos, they come off as pretty negative to me. Seems like they would be depressing. Intentionally racking up thousands of rejections sounds to me like something that a guy in high school or in his early 20s might do to improve his technique, or to just play the numbers game. Which makes sense, if you ask enough women, eventually one of them will go out with you. If the rejections don't crush your soul first lol.
 

zekko

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I just found this. It's not quite on topic, but I'm going to leave it here.

 

corrector

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Nope, I've never tried OLD at all, not even once. I've been in LTRs most of my post 30 life. Haven't really had a hard time finding girls to go out with during that time. Not sure what would happen now though if I needed to find a girl, I'm getting pretty set in my ways, and I'm an old bastard...
You've remembered the stigma behind it in the early 00s (ie only used for people who have a hard time finding anyone, etc...). It's long been de-stigmed. I'm surprized you have no experience with it, including it's de-stigmatization and becoming mainstream. It would be a curiosity to have at least tried it once for fun. So you are out of the action of all of this drama then. I've been in the middle of it all but didn't try out the dating apps because I already had a horrible enough (as a net, with one short-lived lucky break) experience with OLD.

zekko said:
I'm not sure why people would get a dopamine hit off of blackpill videos, they come off as pretty negative to me.
Honestly, negatives are big dopamine hits. Why do you think people like watching horror movies, hard documentary films, or whatever? First of all, it shows you are not alone if you are not successful with women. Secondly, it devalues modern women so you don't feel bad about it. In the end, it confirms people's views about why they are not successful, gives them an out, makes them feel good so they feel justified in playing video games and fapping to porn without feeling they are wasting their life away because they don't have a chance in the first place. Otherwise, you always have that nagging voice that you are wasting your life away, that you could self-improve yourself and make yourself into a man that women could like and be successful by forgoing some of the things you like doing for a while.

Who wouldn't want a dopamine-justification like that?

zekko said:
Seems like they would be depressing.
Opportunity cost is depressing. No opportunity in the first place means nothing to be depressed about.

zekko said:
Intentionally racking up thousands of rejections sounds to me like something that a guy in high school or in his early 20s might do to improve his technique, or to just play the numbers game. Which makes sense, if you ask enough women, eventually one of them will go out with you. If the rejections don't crush your soul first lol.
You mentioned high school and early 20s. Interestingly, at that age, I was in an all boys Catholic high school. In my early 20s, I was in University and I crushed over some girls but never had any mission like that. Again, as a gen-X, the mid-00 rush on PUA content came too late for me as I was already out of the target rich environments that you'd get at that age and past that time. Not too old to still try, but even that was a bit late in the day. (ie I was in my early 20s in the 90s).

What decade were you in your early 20s or High School? The 80s? early 90s?
 

zekko

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You've remembered the stigma behind it in the early 00s (ie only used for people who have a hard time finding anyone, etc...). It's long been de-stigmed. I'm surprized you have no experience with it, including it's de-stigmatization and becoming mainstream.
You're right, there was a stigma to it, I would have been embarrassed to have my name be seen on there, there was a feeling at the time that OLD was for losers. Now it's the primary way to get a date, from what I understand. But I've missed all that, I've been in a LTR for a long time.

Honestly, negatives are big dopamine hits. Why do you think people like watching horror movies, hard documentary films, or whatever? First of all, it shows you are not alone if you are not successful with women. Secondly, it devalues modern women so you don't feel bad about it. In the end, it confirms people's views about why they are not successful, gives them an out, makes them feel good so they feel justified in playing video games and fapping to porn without feeling they are wasting their life away because they don't have a chance in the first place.
Someone once told me that it feels good to feel sorry for yourself. Doesn't sound particularly healthy though.

Opportunity cost is depressing. No opportunity in the first place means nothing to be depressed about.
Yeah but if the opportunity is there for the next guy (maybe even effortless), but not for you, that could be depressing.

What decade were you in your early 20s or High School? The 80s? early 90s?
Lol. 70s. Catholic schools are top notch, but being in a boys only high school probably cost you a lot of practice socializing with females. Those are formative years.
 
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You're right, there was a stigma to it, I would have been embarrassed to have my name be seen on there, there was a feeling at the time that OLD was for losers. Now it's the primary way to get a date, from what I understand. But I've missed all that, I've been in a LTR for a long time.


Someone once told me that it feels good to feel sorry for yourself. Doesn't sound particularly healthy though.


Yeah but if the opportunity is there for the next guy (maybe even effortless), but not for you, that could be depressing.


Lol. 70s. Catholic schools are top notch, but being in a boys only high school probably cost you a lot of practice socializing with females. Those are formative years.
Save your breath zekko

 

corrector

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You're right, there was a stigma to it, I would have been embarrassed to have my name be seen on there, there was a feeling at the time that OLD was for losers. Now it's the primary way to get a date, from what I understand. But I've missed all that, I've been in a LTR for a long time.
You've been in an LTR since the 00s or earlier? Same women?

zekko said:
Someone once told me that it feels good to feel sorry for yourself. Doesn't sound particularly healthy though.
What about today's society is healthy? The high cost of living? Growing sexless guys that will turn America into Japan? It's not about healthy or unhealthy it's just the trend things are going. High numbers of blackpilled guys tuning into blackpill content in youtube is a symptom of a trend and unhealthy situations lead there.

zekko said:
Yeah but if the opportunity is there for the next guy (maybe even effortless), but not for you, that could be depressing.
Not necessarily. Part of your brain checks off. It's like you don't feel bad that there are millionaries out there that own a private plane or yacht because you'll never own one in your life? How did you feel about all of the opportunity costs with women while you were in a LTR?
You have an opportunity cost being in a relationship from meeting other potentially hotter or nicer women. Is that depressing to you or causing you to resent your SO? It doesn't because it's checked off. Same thing with blackpillers, if you have developed a comfortable rut that doesn't involve women, then you are not going to care if someone other guy effortlessly gets women as long as it doesn't interfare with your own little world. With modern tech, it's easier for guys, and people in general, to build little worlds for themselves and echo chambers.

zekko said:
Lol. 70s. Catholic schools are top notch, but being in a boys only high school probably cost you a lot of practice socializing with females. Those are formative years.
I like retro-70s portrayals in modern movies (ie Licorice Pizza, X, Joker), and even music videos (Lavender Haze, Taylor Swift) - has that green and wooden and pastel colours....not sure how the modern retro-portrayals compare with your lived-in experience.
 

corrector

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Save your breath zekko

Zekko knows who I am. That post was when, 2006? You are going to dig up a thread from 2006 and bring that up here? Do you have a life? I mean how do you find the time to go through early to mid 00s posts to find something like that to dig up and pop it into a convo that has nothing to do with you? You sound miserable.
 

CollegeMan22

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Zekko knows who I am. That post was when, 2006? You are going to dig up a thread from 2006 and bring that up here? Do you have a life? I mean how do you find the time to go through early to mid 00s posts to find something like that to dig up and pop it into a convo that has nothing to do with you? You sound miserable.
It’s a funny thread, man. Don’t know what you are so upset about. No one’s words can hurt you unless you let them. Do you let a three year old’s insults make you mad? Hopefully not. Then don’t let regular people’s words hurt you. You have control of your mind and you should use it wisely. Don’t become a slave of others, but instead become a master of yourself. Read Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus, and perhaps even the Buddha — this should put your mind at peace.
 

corrector

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It’s a funny thread, man. Don’t know what you are so upset about. No one’s words can hurt you unless you let them. Do you let a three year old’s insults make you mad? Hopefully not. Then don’t let regular people’s words hurt you. You have control of your mind and you should use it wisely. Don’t become a slave of others, but instead become a master of yourself. Read Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus, and perhaps even the Buddha — this should put your mind at peace.
Did I sound upset? I didn't know you can read emotions in posts. I don't use emojis. What I wrote was a perfectly logical argument.

First of all, I have to go back in time to 2006, ignore all of the experiences I've had with women AFTER 2006 like nothing happened, and then take all of the frustated feelings I may have had in 2006, on or prior to that year, and bring some anti-nostalgic youthful experience back to life in 2023. That's a 17 year time-jump.

Secondly, don't you find it a bit weird if you had a fan club and people were interested in reading about your own posts and other threads written about you with a different alias over 17 years ago? Someone that obsessed with you on that level should get therapy.
 
M

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Zekko knows who I am. That post was when, 2006? You are going to dig up a thread from 2006 and bring that up here? Do you have a life? I mean how do you find the time to go through early to mid 00s posts to find something like that to dig up and pop it into a convo that has nothing to do with you? You sound miserable.
I’ve been here since before then, bud. Like those before me, I sniff trolls…figuratively and literally
 

corrector

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I’ve been here since before then, bud. Like those before me, I sniff trolls…figuratively and literally
You try that with some other guy face to face then I would say you are not a coward. You are literally trying to pick a fight here so who is the troll?
 
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