I fvcked up

[darksprezzatura]

So after a breakup this week, I shared some very personal details about my ex to 2-3 people in my family/friends. I shared it to them as those details could be a risk for me as my ex had some traumatic/abusive events with her ex in the past; and she’d sort of tried to replicate them with me but I never agreed.

I was just hurting, and didn’t think before sharing it because I never thought they would ever be in touch with her or anything. I obviously have strong attachment for her and feel really bad about sharing all of this.

I was kind and polite and ended things on a good note with her.

Now she reached out to me saying it’s too tough for her to stay apart. Now even if I want to reconcile, I can’t take her back because I betrayed her secrets to a few people. And even if I do take her back, how do I have her around them anymore, without feeling like they would be judging them/altering their actions around her or judging me.

Part of me already knows it’s better to move on and learn from this mistake. My attachment to her is making things difficult. I never share secrets about anyone to anyone but tend to blurt stuff about previous exes to some very close people. Now this makes me rethink that I should never share any one’s secrets who are either in my life or not.

 

[Plinco]

So after a breakup this week, I shared some very personal details about my ex to 2-3 people in my family/friends. I shared it to them as those details could be a risk for me as my ex had some traumatic/abusive events with her ex in the past; and she’d sort of tried to replicate them with me but I never agreed.

I was just hurting, and didn’t think before sharing it because I never thought they would ever be in touch with her or anything. I obviously have strong attachment for her and feel really bad about sharing all of this.

I was kind and polite and ended things on a good note with her.

Now she reached out to me saying it’s too tough for her to stay apart. Now even if I want to reconcile, I can’t take her back because I betrayed her secrets to a few people. And even if I do take her back, how do I have her around them anymore, without feeling like they would be judging them/altering their actions around her or judging me.

Part of me already knows it’s better to move on and learn from this mistake. My attachment to her is making things difficult. I never share secrets about anyone to anyone but tend to blurt stuff about previous exes to some very close people. Now this makes me rethink that I should never share any one’s secrets who are either in my life or not.

You are obviously emotional about her.

If an airplane is spiraling out of control and you are at the helm, the first thing you need to do is level its decent. You have to do that before pulling up.

You have to be in control of yourself and the situation, and you can't do that by being blinded by your feelings. It takes a bit of discipline to channel your focus, and perhaps use those emotions to better the situation. Before you do that, you have to learn how to control your mind. It's not easy.

 

[darksprezzatura]

You are obviously emotional about her.

If an airplane is spiraling out of control and you are at the helm, the first thing you need to do is level its decent. You have to do that before pulling up.

You have to be in control of yourself and the situation, and you can't do that by being blinded by your feelings. It takes a bit of discipline to channel your focus, and perhaps use those emotions to better the situation. Before you do that, you have to learn how to control your mind. It's not easy.

Thanks for the heads up. I plan to take things slow and clear my mind first. Make rational steps there on.

 

[Plinco]

Thanks for the heads up. I plan to take things slow and clear my mind first. Make rational steps there on.

I've read your posts before and you seem like a pretty smart guy. You probably know to do this already, but do some writing, that always helps me clear my thoughts up. The other thing that I think is good to do also is to work right through it, and I mean doing something like growing a business, training to fight, etc. through difficult times; you'll come out way ahead that way when it is all said and done.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I've read your posts before and you seem like a pretty smart guy. You probably know to do this already, but do some writing, that always helps me clear my thoughts up. The other thing that I think is good to do also is to work right through it, and I mean doing something like growing a business, training to fight, etc. through difficult times; you'll come out way ahead that way when it is all said and done.

You’re correct. I see loss/grief and the emotional pain that they cause as great stepping stones to achieving new goals and trying new things. I’m going to therapy, eating a cleaner diet, working out heavy, talking to new women and expanding my social circle. The smoking needs to lessen tho.

I often use sosuave as a journal itself to track my progress and see how far I’ve come. I’ve come really really far. From being a nice boy to a faux macho alpha to a caring, kind and honest man. From struggling to get an average woman in bed to having a rotation of cute women to actually connecting to women as humans and enjoying the feminine energy.

It would indeed help to organize my thoughts as well. Thanks

 

[darksprezzatura]

The most incredible thing about an exclusive relationship is when the red flags pop up; a guy accustomed to spinning plates would notice them; but I still choose to accept them as they come, and work around them, as long as the positives of the relationship outweigh the negatives.