"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Getting Employment with Low-ish College GPA?

RickTheToad

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Post leaving my old band: I also want to add the point that sadly, I don’t think it’s possible to pursue a very high level with a band gig(like I was trying to do at the time) and be an engineer concurrently. Even with remote work, I just don’t think it’s possible.

This is Due to Several Reasons:
Having two demanding jobs like that is extremely exhausting. You’re working engineering during the week and then band gigs on the weekend. You end up burning out because you really have no time to relax at all.

Getting off work late, not to mention if you need to stay over, makes it difficult to arrange practices at a reasonable time. Not to mention, you’re usually toasted after engineering work anyways.

It isn’t feasible to go on a two week music tour with a full time job, even with remote work. It can be done as a student(barely) but not with a full time job.

They say that you work 40 hours a week, but when
you factor in the after work activities/commutes and any extra time that you need to stay caught up on work, I think it’s actually closer to 50-60 hours a week. This makes it extremely difficult to practice and arrange music like you need to do when you’re in a band. The only time that you could realistically do it is the weekend: but you have shows then, so at that point it’s too late for practice or arranging.

You’re making all this money from these two jobs: but you never get a chance to use it, run game, or anything because you’re just so impossibly busy.

——————————
That being said, I think I made the right choice and engineering is definitely the way to get the lifestyle I’m aiming for. I’m likely going to play with a symphony orchestra that only meets on Sundays for practices in the future. I’m even content with just playing and practicing for fun while doing the engineering.
Can't usually have your cake and eat it too.. Life is about decisions and choices. Always best to secure the money first, then go for your dreams.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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nicksaiz65

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@SW15 @f(x) @BackInTheGame78

What’s you alls experience or opinion on the after work activities when you’re building yourself up to be really successful in the corporate world? (I’m at a smaller company as well so the people actually know each other.)

I genuinely enjoy my job. However, my biggest gripe so far about it is the amount of effort it takes me to make it to the after work activities. I know it’s good to make them.

For my workplace, we have karate twice a week. (I know, interesting activity right:lol:)

The issue is: after working a 10 hour day, I am DEAD. Like stick a fork in me, I’m done lol. I know it’s probably not good to skip the after work activities all the time but…

I’ve also accepted that when you work a corporate job, you’re not going to have much time to chillax.

I end up missing a lot of sessions because I’m just so dead after work. Like after work, the last thing I want to do is get dressed, jump in my car, and have to use my brainpower to memorize and remember different forms. Hell, I even do all of my workouts in the morning because I just know that I’ll be too tired to do anything after work. I just don’t have the mental energy.

It’s not that I don’t want to go lrit’s just that I’m so toasted after work. Either that or I’m out gaming in a bigger city that same night haha.

My boss is really insistent about people going. He’s even jokingly been like: “Ok, let’s see if Nick is gonna flake on us today!” I know he’s joking, but that’s still probably not good lol.

Have you all had experiences with the after work activities in your professional lives? How do you handle it? What do you do with it?

I’m starting to think that I may need to take a very quick nap after work, and force myself to go. Just consider it the second part of my job. I know he’s (halfway) joking, but I don’t think it’s good for my boss to be making comments about how I’m flaky or how he has to beg me to come out lol.
 
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nicksaiz65

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Can't usually have your cake and eat it too.. Life is about decisions and choices. Always best to secure the money first, then go for your dreams.
I agree, I have no regrets! And I’ve had so much fun on the weekends gaming since I left. And I’ll get another music job that works better with my schedule. One that only meets on Sundays.

I literally don’t see how it could’ve worked, me being a full time musician. So you were bang on on that one. Being totally transparent, I was making say, $1000-1200 a month from band gigs?

That’s excellent for a side gig. But it falls apart as a primary source of income.

Like, the rent in my studio apt is $850 a month. Sallie Mae wants $400 a month minimum. That’s already over my income. I’m not sure I could slash my expenses low enough to live on that salary.

I never called them out on this, but all of my band mates had alternative sources of income. Either using food stamps, having a girlfriend who works as a nurse for another source of income, selling drugs on the side, subsidized by their parents/family, or teaching lessons/having another side job.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Other than applying myself at my job obviously, what can I do to be one of the engineers who knows their sh!t instead of one of the ones flying by their pants?

And I’ll ask the same question, what can I do to be mega prepared for these coding interviews? When I move to a big city(maybe in 3 years time?) I’ll have to take one.

I actually have a friend(I’ll keep him anonymous of course) who worked at Amazon doing software. For him, he said it wasn’t even worth all the money he was making. He felt like he was in hell because the culture was so bad and cutthroat. One of the main things he mentioned was that how everyone was working from home in secret, and acting like they weren’t to get that promotion. Toxic af. And, there was like no documentation and people weren’t willing to help you is what he said.

He actually switched to another FAANG company. He’s a lot happier now.

I mean, I have to bring my work home sometimes too. But that’s because programming doesn’t come effortlessly to me, and I do that to keep working at a good clip.

Stories like that make me wonder if I should set my ambition to working at a FAANG company or not…
Not my style, I wouldn't want to work there. They pay well but you also live in super expensive areas and have to deal with commuting hell. You are also working long hours. I am super happy at the places I have been the past 4 or 5 years...laid back, get your work done, no ody is constantly checking up on you...I probably work 30 hours a week...some weeks less, some more, but I get a lot of sh!t done and am seen as very valuable to anywhere I work because I understand things at a high level and typically don't force them to redo any of my work later on. I usually get a lot of the architectural design type stuff that has to be planned out carefully ahead of time before actually doing the work.

Your goal initially should be to switch jobs every year to two years until you are making over 100K by either making lateral moves that pay more or making upward moves that pay more. If you are at a company more than 2 years you are leaving money on the table, sometimes a LOT of it.

I actually made a lower move from senior to mid level developer once that came with a 20K raise... I didn't care if they called me a janitor.

Get in good with all the IT recruiters in your area, they will constantly be sending you jobs they have...the last 3 moves I made were all directly from IT recruiters reaching out to me with open positions. I am well known in a few of those place since I have worked through them before and go to their networking events. Pretty much any top tier job that comes in they send to me at this point to see if I am interested.

Just be prepared to be bombarded tho...after a while you'll be getting 4,5,6,7 jobs sent to you a day, sometimes more. Emails, texts, LinkedIn, phone calls, etc...Most of them I ignore unless I am actively interested in a change.
 
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nicksaiz65

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Not my style, I wouldn't want to work there. They pay well but you also live in super expensive areas and have to deal with commuting hell. You are also working long hours. I am super happy at the places I have been the past 4 or 5 years...laid back, get your work done, no ody is constantly checking up on you...I probably work 30 hours a week...some weeks less, some more, but I get a lot of sh!t done and am seen as very valuable to anywhere I work because I understand things at a high level and typically don't force them to redo any of my work later on. I usually get a lot of the architectural design type stuff that has to be planned out carefully ahead of time before actually doing the work.

Your goal initially should be to switch jobs every year to two years until you are making over 100K by either making lateral moves that pay more or making upward moves that pay more. If you are at a company more than 2 years you are leaving money on the table, sometimes a LOT of it.

I actually made a lower move from senior to mid level developer once that came with a 20K raise... I didn't care if they called me a janitor.

Get in good with all the IT recruiters in your area, they will constantly be sending you jobs they have...the last 3 moves I made were all directly from IT recruiters reaching out to me with open positions. I am well known in a few of those place since I have worked through them before and go to their networking events. Pretty much any top tier job that comes in they send to me at this point to see if I am interested.

Just be prepared to be bombarded tho...after a while you'll be getting 4,5,6,7 jobs sent to you a day, sometimes more. Emails, texts, LinkedIn, phone calls, etc...Most of them I ignore unless I am actively interested in a change.
Yeah, if the culture is that rough working there, is it even worth it?

That’s something to ponder for sure.

Like you said, my first goals are eliminating debt and getting my salary to or above 6 figures.

I didn’t realize you wanted to jump that frequently. I guess it’s a fine line between jumping enough and not looking like a “job jumper” lol.

Can you define moving laterally? You mean just moving to another company? Even if the salary is potentially the same?

I’m molding myself to be the “guy who gets shyt done” as well. My strength is more in coding and backend.

That sounds like a good problem to have lol. We want abundance in both dating and career:rofl:
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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BackInTheGame78

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Yeah, if the culture is that rough working there, is it even worth it?

That’s something to ponder for sure.

Like you said, my first goals are eliminating debt and getting my salary to or above 6 figures.

I didn’t realize you wanted to jump that frequently. I guess it’s a fine line between jumping enough and not looking like a “job jumper” lol.

Can you define moving laterally? You mean just moving to another company? Even if the salary is potentially the same?

I’m molding myself to be the “guy who gets shyt done” as well. My strength is more in coding and backend.

That sounds like a good problem to have lol. We want abundance in both dating and career:rofl:
Lateral move is going to a different company for the same position(ie, mid level to mid level), but usually for a big raise. I wouldn't switch jobs for anything under a 10K raise at first and then not under 20K once you get up high enough.
 

nicksaiz65

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Lateral move is going to a different company for the same position(ie, mid level to mid level), but usually for a big raise. I wouldn't switch jobs for anything under a 10K raise at first and then not under 20K once you get up high enough.
Ah ok, that makes sense. Thanks!
 

nicksaiz65

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One reason I’d like to stay with my current company for a bit as well: you hear about a lot of companies downsizing. We are upsizing.

I would be a bit devastated if I got fired haha. Idk.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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@SW15 @f(x) @BackInTheGame78

What’s you alls experience or opinion on the after work activities when you’re building yourself up to be really successful in the corporate world? (I’m at a smaller company as well so the people actually know each other.)

I genuinely enjoy my job. However, my biggest gripe so far about it is the amount of effort it takes me to make it to the after work activities. I know it’s good to make them.

For my workplace, we have karate twice a week. (I know, interesting activity right:lol:)

The issue is: after working a 10 hour day, I am DEAD. Like stick a fork in me, I’m done lol. I know it’s probably not good to skip the after work activities all the time but…

I’ve also accepted that when you work a corporate job, you’re not going to have much time to chillax.

I end up missing a lot of sessions because I’m just so dead after work. Like after work, the last thing I want to do is get dressed, jump in my car, and have to use my brainpower to memorize and remember different forms. Hell, I even do all of my workouts in the morning because I just know that I’ll be too tired to do anything after work. I just don’t have the mental energy.

It’s not that I don’t want to go lrit’s just that I’m so toasted after work. Either that or I’m out gaming in a bigger city that same night haha.

My boss is really insistent about people going. He’s even jokingly been like: “Ok, let’s see if Nick is gonna flake on us today!” I know he’s joking, but that’s still probably not good lol.

Have you all had experiences with the after work activities in your professional lives? How do you handle it? What do you do with it?

I’m starting to think that I may need to take a very quick nap after work, and force myself to go. Just consider it the second part of my job. I know he’s (halfway) joking, but I don’t think it’s good for my boss to be making comments about how I’m flaky or how he has to beg me to come out lol.
Ehh...they are overrated to be honest. Unless you are trying to be a 'lifer" and stay and move up the ladder but as a software engineer you'd be crazy to do that. The money comes from getting massive raises by switching jobs every year or two.
 

nicksaiz65

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Ehh...they are overrated to be honest. Unless you are trying to be a 'lifer" and stay and move up the ladder but as a software engineer you'd be crazy to do that. The money comes from getting massive raises by switching jobs every year or two.
You’re blowing my mind bro. I had no way that this was the way to do things. People always told me that you should stick with one company for a while

I’ll probably try to get some more certs in the background while I prepare to jump. Buff up the old resume, while preparing for interviews.

This is also why I log everything that I do at my job in a notebook, extensively. So that the next onboarding doesn’t take frigging forever and I can already be in the swing of things.

Logging what I’m working on can also give me more to talk about in these interviews.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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BackInTheGame78

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You’re blowing my mind bro. I had no way that this was the way to do things. People always told me that you should stick with one company for a while

I’ll probably try to get some more certs in the background while I prepare to jump. Buff up the old resume, while preparing for interviews.

This is also why I log everything that I do at my job in a notebook, extensively. So that the next onboarding doesn’t take frigging forever and I can already be in the swing of things.

Logging what I’m working on can also give me more to talk about in these interviews.
Yeah, that isn't the way it works in IT. Unless you want to screw yourself out of money. It's expected you'll switch jobs often, nobody bats an eye at it.

Since starting my initial job in IT 7ish years ago, I have switched jobs 4 times.

1st job I stayed at 6 months, then a little under 3 years, then 8 months, then 2 years and have been at my current employer a little over 2 months now.

In that time I have tripled my salary. Not including my bonus every year. Impossible if you just stay at the same job
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Ehh...they are overrated to be honest. Unless you are trying to be a 'lifer" and stay and move up the ladder but as a software engineer you'd be crazy to do that. The money comes from getting massive raises by switching jobs every year or two.
+1

And typically switching to the competition.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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You’re blowing my mind bro. I had no way that this was the way to do things. People always told me that you should stick with one company for a while

I’ll probably try to get some more certs in the background while I prepare to jump. Buff up the old resume, while preparing for interviews.

This is also why I log everything that I do at my job in a notebook, extensively. So that the next onboarding doesn’t take frigging forever and I can already be in the swing of things.

Logging what I’m working on can also give me more to talk about in these interviews.
It's boomers that's preaching rubbish. FU pay me.

My mates in the biz district line up multiple offers. The demand a raise from the employer. Anything but they put in their resignation effective immediately. Make yourself irreplaceable.
 

MatureDJ

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This year, I told myself that I would fix everything that I've done wrong in my life. One major thing that I need to do is graduate college, have that degree with my name on it. I want to show the world that Computer Science is indeed for me, and I CAN have a career in that field. I was struggling with college a lot, but I'm getting things turned around and getting my life together. My GPA by the time I graduate college will be around a 2.8. No lower than that for sure. Pretty decent GPA, nothing amazing though.

I was wondering, will this GPA screw me out of getting work? I do have internship experience as well. And I'm aware that you just need to get one job: after that you can erase your GPA off your resume forever.

I found this quote on College Confidential while I was doing some research:

"
I posted this a long time ago, I'll post it again:

To the extent that finding a job is a function of GPA (and it is a function of much, much more), for schools ranked roughly in the 10-50 range:

3.50+: Can work anywhere, and will be actively pursued for the best jobs out there
3.20-3.49: Can work anywhere, but will need to work to get the best jobs
3.00-3.19: Can work anywhere, but will generally be shut out of the best jobs
2.80-2.99: Will struggle to find work at large companies, can generally find work at smaller employers
2.50-2.79: Will struggle to find professional work, and such work will generally be low-paying and/or unpleasant, with limited prospects for advancement
2.00-2.49: Probably will not find professional employment in engineering
"

So the ideal strat for me would to be to work at a smaller programming company, erase my GPA, become a wizard programmer, keep paying off my debts, and then work my way into whatever companies I desire from there.

Have any of you all found this to be true? Just wanted to get some more opinions from the guys around here.
I had a 3.86 in engineering, and I didn't find there to be a welcome mat "anywhere". :mad: That said, there were a few major employers like Exxon that sent me letter encouraging me to sign-up for an on-campus interview. And I think that moving to a new job after getting experience at my first job was easier. In any case, I sailed into a research-fellowship master's at a certain highly regarded, sausage-fest institute in the Peach State, and I think that name helped me as well.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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nicksaiz65

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It's boomers that's preaching rubbish. FU pay me.

My mates in the biz district line up multiple offers. The demand a raise from the employer. Anything but they put in their resignation effective immediately. Make yourself irreplaceable.
Making yourself irreplaceable is absolutely the way to do it.
 

SW15

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@SW15 @f(x) @BackInTheGame78

What’s you alls experience or opinion on the after work activities when you’re building yourself up to be really successful in the corporate world? (I’m at a smaller company as well so the people actually know each other.)

I know it’s probably not good to skip the after work activities all the time but…

Have you all had experiences with the after work activities in your professional lives? How do you handle it? What do you do with it?
The jobs I've had over the years haven't been too demanding about after work events.

Most companies have a holiday party after working hours in December. I've been to those. I would prefer not to go to those. One company where I work for a while had their holiday party as a party during working hours so that you were free to go by 5 PM. I appreciated that.

Sometimes companies will have after works drinks events. I would go to those. They'd usually end by 7 PM so they weren't a big deal. They were also rare. I haven't had one of those since the pandemic started.

I remember at one company randomly going out to dinner with a few co-workers after work one night. That was unusual.
 

BackInTheGame78

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It's boomers that's preaching rubbish. FU pay me.

My mates in the biz district line up multiple offers. The demand a raise from the employer. Anything but they put in their resignation effective immediately. Make yourself irreplaceable.
That's actually not a good idea...almost universally advised that you never accept an offer that is matched because they are likely going to start looking for a cheaper replacement as soon as they give you that money and now they know you have shown your hand.

If you ever start looking for a job and accept an offer, never agree to accept your current employees counter-offer. Lots of research shows that people who do that typically are there under 6 months before they are either fired, replaced or end up getting a different job.
 

BackInTheGame78

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The jobs I've had over the years haven't been too demanding about after work events.

Most companies have a holiday party after working hours in December. I've been to those. I would prefer not to go to those. One company where I work for a while had their holiday party as a party during working hours so that you were free to go by 5 PM. I appreciated that.

Sometimes companies will have after works drinks events. I would go to those. They'd usually end by 7 PM so they weren't a big deal. They were also rare. I haven't had one of those since the pandemic started.

I remember at one company randomly going out to dinner with a few co-workers after work one night. That was unusual.
The one place I was at had a happy hour every Friday after work hosted at a nearby bar where the CEO would pay for everyone's first drink who joined them there.

I went to maybe 2-3 in the 8 months I was there. Literally had 0 effect on anything.

This is way overrated, to be honest. Unless people from other companies are going to be there for networking opportunities, then it might be wise to attend for those.
 

nicksaiz65

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The jobs I've had over the years haven't been too demanding about after work events.

Most companies have a holiday party after working hours in December. I've been to those. I would prefer not to go to those. One company where I work for a while had their holiday party as a party during working hours so that you were free to go by 5 PM. I appreciated that.

Sometimes companies will have after works drinks events. I would go to those. They'd usually end by 7 PM so they weren't a big deal. They were also rare. I haven't had one of those since the pandemic started.

I remember at one company randomly going out to dinner with a few co-workers after work one night. That was unusual.
Sounds like your company had more of a dinners and drinks culture.

I try to go to the events whenever I can, at my company. Oftentimes I have schedule conflicts tho
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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