"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Leadership: predictability of a leader

anonymous12345

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I’ve reported to some leaders that are unpredictable, and some others that give a predictable, safe, trustworthy impression. One obviously wants to be the latter kind, but on the other hand in order to lead one needs to introduce new elements or take unpopular decisions — and that costs predictability.

I’ve realised I’ve become more unpredictable and see the toll in terms of how trustworthy/safe people find me.

How do you approach this?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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I'd say it depends on context.
Military?
Civil work?
Office?
Large or small number of subordinates?
I go with professionalism.
Pragmatism, without emotion or favouritism.
Quickest way to sabotage yourself, is by playing favourites.
If you're the supervisor, if a mistake is made, regardless of consequences, never toss your guys under the bus.
They'll never trust you again, nor will anyone else who is a witness.
Always give credit to someone who provides you with timely information.
If you take credit for a subordinate, no one will trust you, and they'll actively sabotage you at a later date.
Good luck.
 

anonymous12345

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After some thinking and exchanges, here's my own answer:

I think it's about trust. In order to do your job as a leader, that is to in effect be unpredictable, you need trust. If you're trusted you got clearance/buy-in for doing those moves that are demanding for the receivers.

So, how do you get trust? I think it is by demonstrating competence and all those related aspects, and doing that can initially involve turbulence and mistrust. But once one has demonstrated that one is worthy of trust, one gets it.

So, you have to "make your mark", do a value demonstration, before things become easier.
 

Vantagepoint34

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After some thinking and exchanges, here's my own answer:

I think it's about trust. In order to do your job as a leader, that is to in effect be unpredictable, you need trust. If you're trusted you got clearance/buy-in for doing those moves that are demanding for the receivers.

So, how do you get trust? I think it is by demonstrating competence and all those related aspects, and doing that can initially involve turbulence and mistrust. But once one has demonstrated that one is worthy of trust, one gets it.

So, you have to "make your mark", do a value demonstration, before things become easier.
You can't trust a leader. Check notes or past movies like death of stalin. Or let alone look up wikipedia of Leon Trotsky and see his brushes with the red Army. We're not out of the woods
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

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