Should I drop my main plate?(UPDATE: Dropped)

[Barrister]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."
I assume no reply to this is best

Definitely time for No Contact.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sorry to read this. Having been there, I know that this isn't the reply you'd hoped to receive. There may be this urge to respond back with something jovial or to project a certain unaffected image (speaking from personal experience) but it's really best to not reply.

Yeah I mean it doesn't get much more disinterested than that. F her. Hahaha

 

[Black Widow Void]

Yeah I mean it doesn't get much more disinterested than that. F her. Hahaha

Damn dude. You may have set the record for bouncing back after a setback.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Damn dude. You may have set the record for bouncing back after a setback.

I mean if you date someone for almost 5 months and they only see you as worth giving scraps from the table instead of a seat at the table in their life then honestly it's insulting.

I'm not a dog that is going to accept laying under the table to wait for food to be thrown down.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I mean if you date someone for almost 5 months and they only see as worth giving scraps from the table instead of a seat at the table in their life then honestly it's insulting. I'm not a dog.

She wasn’t your girlfriend. You are taking this personally when you don’t have the right to. If you wanted more from this girl you should have made her your lady.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She wasn’t your girlfriend. You are taking this personally when you don’t have the right to. If you wanted more from this girl you should have made her your lady.

That's her job to pursue a relationship. I was the one making the effort to set dates, do things, have fun and have sex. If I have to do everything then why bother?

Clearly she didn't see me as that so I disagree with her assessment.

 

[EyeBRollin]

That's her job to pursue a relationship. I was the one making the effort to set dates, do things, have fun and have sex. If I have to do everything then why bother?

Correct. If she didn’t ask for exclusivity in 5 months her interest level simply wasn’t high enough. That means something in your game was off. Likely too available and she felt no competition anxiety.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There you go. Now we know, she was already out. You just forced her hand and eliminated weeks or months of anxiety wresting with this thing. Of course it hurts, and of course you might second-guess yourself, but that pales in comparison to being strung along. You said it best... Why should you accept table scraps?

Well done.

 

[Barrister]

There you go. Now we know, she was already out. You just forced her hand and eliminated weeks or months of anxiety wresting with this thing. Of course it hurts, and of course you might second-guess yourself, but that pales in comparison to being strung along. You said it best... Why should you accept table scraps?

Well done.

As I’ve learned very recently - I think second guessing will be inevitable as well as beating around what you “could have done differently.” It’s just in our nature as men to want to fix things. But things happen for a reason and at the end of the day you should always trust your gut. To echo something you said to me a couple of months ago - always trust your detached rational self over your emotional self. His rational self did not consider her LTR material. He needs to stick to that mind frame now even though his emotional self is stung by her sudden apathy and is feeling like maybe she was LTR material only after she began to lose interest.

Just be ready for the inevitable “hey” text or some other variation to come within the next 2-5 months after NC for a time period.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As I’ve learned very recently - I think second guessing will be inevitable as well as beating around what you “could have done differently.” It’s just in our nature as men to want to fix things. But things happen for a reason and at the end of the day you should always trust your gut. To echo something you said to me a couple of months ago - always trust your detached rational self over your emotional self. His rational self did not consider her LTR material. He needs to stick to that mind frame now even though his emotional self is stung by her sudden apathy and is feeling like maybe she was LTR material only after she began to lose interest.

Just be ready for the inevitable “hey” text or some other variation to come within the next 2-5 months after NC for a time period.

I don't think that's right. I very much viewed her as LTR material. I think it was the other way around. I think she viewed me as someone to spend time with until her life got too busy and then she'd go back to being busy. I was a welcome relief during COVID times but that is all she saw me as.

I got the sense she only wanted to let me into her life up to a certain point and then if I crossed that line she would back away. Maybe it's something she is scared of, maybe it's her acknowledgement that she knew once she got too busy there would be no real place for me and she didn't want to become too attached or maybe it's a reflection of her thoughts on me in general.

Women seem to always think that "timing" is as important as anything whereas guys seem to think more that if someone is the right person you'd make it work.

Clearly I put more effort into things working at the end of the day then she did and that is a lesson to learn for the next time.

 

[Barrister]

I don't think that's right. I very much viewed her as LTR material. I think it was the other way around. I think she viewed me as someone to spend time with until her life got too busy and then she'd go back to being busy. I was a welcome relief during COVID times but that is all she saw me as.

I got the sense she only wanted to let me into her life up to a certain point and then if I crossed that line she would back away. Maybe it's something she is scared of, maybe it's her acknowledgement that she knew once she got too busy there would be no real place for me and she didn't want to become too attached or maybe it's a reflection of her thoughts on me.

Clearly I put more effort into things working at the end of the day then she did.

You’re putting too much thought into all of this. I think if you had really considered her LTR material it would have happened after 5 months. Your actions sounded like someone who was fairly detached and not looking at her as an LTR. Valentines Day being a recent example.

I get it brother. I am going through a sh1tty breakup right now from a 2.5 year LTR and I’m just recently beginning to feel better again after almost 2 months of NC. I do the same thing with her actions (or inaction) and over-analyze them. At the end of the day it’s an empty exercise and gets us nowhere. As hard as it is you just need to stop thinking about this woman and move on with your life. Like I said - I bet she reaches out again in a matter of weeks or months. What you do at that point will be up to you - but if you’re this emotionally invested you should probably just ignore her completely and stay NC.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’re putting too much thought into all of this. I think if you had really considered her LTR material it would have happened after 5 months. Your actions sounded like someone who was fairly detached and not looking at her as an LTR. Valentines Day being a recent example.

I get it brother. I am going through a sh1tty breakup right now from a 2.5 year LTR and I’m just recently beginning to feel better again after almost 2 months of NC. I do the same thing with her actions (or inaction) and over-analyze them. At the end of the day it’s an empty exercise and gets us nowhere. As hard as it is you just need to stop thinking about this woman and move on with your life. Like I said - I bet she reaches out again in a matter of weeks or months. What you do at that point will be up to you - but if you’re this emotionally invested you should probably just ignore her completely and stay NC.

It's not my job to make it happen. I did all of things that should have caused her to want that and clearly she didn't.

 

[Igetit!]

It's not my job to make it happen. I did all of things that should have caused her to want that and clearly she didn't.

Yep. This is what I meant from one of my earlier replies when I said that this was a woman,and not a math problem.

This was a PERSON,with her own personal thoughts and feelings,motivations and goals. And unless she shares those thoughts,we're just all guessing and speculating as to what she wants. Only SHE knows what's truly in her heart and mind. Op said he did the things he believed that would make her interested,and they didn't work. Hence,why I said it's not math.....

In math,everything is predictable. You may not know the answer to something,but you can use a certain formula with a certain set of numbers and reach a predictable outcome. In math,if you get the wrong answer,it's cause YOU made a mistake. If you do everything "right",you'll get the correct outcome......EVERYTIME.

It's not like that with a woman. With a woman,you can do everything technically right......and STILL lose out with her. You may get 5 women in a row doing one specific thing,but lose out with a 6th doing the same thing that got you the other 5. That's just how it is.


The chick just lost interest....for WHATEVER reason. Maybe OP did something wrong. Maybe he did nothing wrong. No way to know without knowing her side of things and what it was she wanted.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yep. This is what I meant from one of my earlier replies when I said that this was a woman,and not a math problem.

This was a PERSON,with her own personal thoughts and feelings,motivations and goals. And unless she shares those thoughts,we're just all guessing and speculating as to what she wants. Only SHE knows what's truly in her heart and mind. Op said he did the things he believed that would make her interested,and they didn't work. Hence,why I said it's not math.....

In math,everything is predictable. You may not know the answer to something,but you can use a certain formula with a certain set of numbers and reach a predictable outcome. In math,if you get the wrong answer,it's cause YOU made a mistake. If you do everything "right",you'll get the correct outcome......EVERYTIME.

It's not like that with a woman. With a woman,you can do everything technically right......and STILL lose out with her. You may get 5 women in a row doing one specific thing,but lose out with a 6th doing the same thing that got you the other 5. That's just how it is.


The chick just lost interest....for WHATEVER reason. Maybe OP did something wrong. Maybe he did nothing wrong. No way to know without knowing her side of things and what it was she wanted.

Yeah I mean looking back on the last time I saw her I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall....we drove somewhere to go do something fun which was a 20 or 25 minute drive and she mentioned how her son's hockey started up and how much time that would be taking out of her schedule. Then on the ride home she was unusually silent for a long part of the ride but grabbed my hand and held it.

We got back watched a show and then went to bed and when we were kissing and making out she said she just felt like chilling and didn't want to fvck...it was the first time she ever did that. We did fvck in the morning when we woke up and cooked breakfast and things seemed OK but when I left she gave me an extra long hug as if she was saying more than just a normal goodbye.

I didn't put all that together as it happened but I guess it was clear she intended that to be the last time we saw each other.

 

[Barrister]

Yeah I mean looking back on the last time I saw her I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall....we drove somewhere to go do something fun which was a 20 or 25 minute drive and she mentioned how her son's hockey started up and how much time that would be taking out of her schedule. Then on the ride home she was unusually silent for a long part of the ride but grabbed my hand and held it.

We got back watched a show and then went to bed and when we were kissing and making out she said she just felt like chilling and didn't want to fvck...it was the first time she ever did that. We did fvck in the morning when we woke up and cooked breakfast and things seemed OK but when I left she gave me an extra long hug as if she was saying more than just a normal goodbye.

I didn't put all that together as it happened but I guess it was clear she intended that to be the last time we saw each other.

Women....