Should I drop my main plate?(UPDATE: Dropped)

[Igetit!]

There's also a 100% chance she is seeing other men

I disagree. In fact,if everything BackInTheGame said is correct,I'd say there a Zero percent chance she's seeing someone else. I don't see how she could,given everything he said......

" We never really talked about it but on the first date she did say she only dates one man at a time."

She is 100% extra busy right now. That isn't in question. Her work just dumped a bunch of extra stuff on her plate where she is pretty high up and her job was already demanding and now her son is back to playing hockey and he has games 2 times a week and usually on weekends. Those are both new things that just popped up over the last month.

So,if she only dates one guy at a time....
she's 100% extra busy,on a job that was already demanding
she works out....
and has a son who recently started playing hockey games,twice a week.....

If that's all true,how would there be time to see other men? OP said she only dates one guy at a time anyway. Unless.......

 

[BadBoy89]

So,if she only dates one guy at a time....
she's 100% extra busy,on a job that was already demanding
she works out....
and has a son who recently started playing hockey games,twice a week.....

If that's all true,how would there be time to see other men? OP said she only dates one guy at a time anyway. Unless.......

Thats what she TELLS the OP. She is not going to say “I date other men to see which one fits my needs”. She is not going to say anything to incriminate herself.

Last year I went out with a woman who was working, going to school, and seeing me. After several months I found out she had a boyfriend the whole time. The second she told me to go to hell, she posted a picture a fairly intimate picture of her and her boyfriend on Instagram. Granted I never took her seriously because I knew something was off, but having a boyfriend while dating me? These girls are crafty...

As for the OPs case, any women with KIDS is only good for sex, f*ck and chuck. Cant believe after everything this site stands for, men still want to *connect* with women who have KIDS.

Brutal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thats what she TELLS the OP. She is not going to say “I date other men to see which one fits my needs”. She is not going to say anything to incriminate herself.

Last year I went out with a woman who was working, going to school, and seeing me. After several months I found out she had a boyfriend the whole time. The second she told me to go to hell, she posted a picture a fairly intimate picture of her and her boyfriend on Instagram. Granted I never took her seriously because I knew something was off, but having a boyfriend while dating me? These girls are crafty...

As for the OPs case, any women with KIDS is only good for sex, f*ck and chuck. Cant believe after everything this site stands for, men still want to *connect* with women who have KIDS.

Brutal.

I have kids too, I prefer it honestly.

 

[Toddz]

Every plate has a shelf life. It can range from a few weeks, a few months, a year or two, even longer...

I recently had a plate fall off that was going on for over 2 years. Arrangement was simple in that every other month she would come down to mine for the weekend. No texting or calling in between. I simply reached out to set it up and that was it. I recently reached out and she was courteous but did not accept and made no counter offer. It was done. No figuring things out or telling her to get in touch when she's free. If she wants to see me again she has my number.

In the OP's case it sounds like he caught feelings and may have communicated too much. It's okay and it can happen to all of us. His situation sounds like it was drifting towards a relationship versus just being a plate. There's a whole grey area in these situations when it comes to this.

If I were the OP, I would just pull back and let things be. Get busy with your life and let her reinitiate and reengage you, if she chooses to. She will probably ping you with small talk to check in on you for some validation, but you have to see it for what it is. If she makes no real effort to see you again, then there's your answer.

 

[MoMoses]

Why is there an angle for every situation on this forum, withdraw, spin plates, drop plates, get professional pics for OLD.. i mean what about just expressing your feelings, that's the whole reason we have them. Honesty. This is not chess.

Somebody is a bit blue pilled.. No offense, but this mindset will not get you anywhere. You seem like a nice guy and that's good for you. Most people on this forum are nice people. However, we have learned - some more than others - to see the matrix for what it really is. When you start seeing patterns you start seeing how things will roll out

 

[Black Widow Void]

Just a reminder to some of you guy's.

It's a rare day when I defend Backinthegame78 (previous postings serve as an example where he and I have duked it out - several times.) However, when a man's been bitten (and we've all experienced this with women) you offer a hand to help a fellow-man up - rather than a hand to dunk.

 

[derby1]

She seems like she has her act together and is mostly low maintenance and drama free. I definitely consider her to have long term potential.

This is what i felt with the recent thread about the high interest chic who vanished on me,(she apologised later)

Theres another man, its always another man

 

[Atom Smasher]

Just a reminder to some of you guy's.

It's a rare day when I defend Backinthegame78 (previous postings serve as an example where he and I have duked it out - several times.) However, when a man's been bitten (and we've all experienced this with women) you offer a hand to help a fellow-man up - rather than a hand to dunk.

We’re trying to help him by getting him out of this uncertainty and force all the cards of both parties on the table. Right now it’s the uncertainty and speculation and fear of finality that he is suffering from. I believe he needs to take control of this situation, which currently has control of him.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@BackInTheGame78
Here is what you wrote to someone a couple of weeks ago:
“Bingo. It seems OP's self worth is determined by who he is banging, how hot they are, what they think of him, etc etc.
Gotta break this cycle or OP is really screwing himself over in the long run.“

It seems you are in a similar situation yourself. This woman’s display of low IL should not be acceptable to you. If you tell her that the way things are doesn’t work for you, the feeling of loss will be vastly offset by the fact that you took control and got out of emotional limbo. That pain of the unknown is far worse than the pain of knowing it’s over.

If she responds negatively, you are only finalizing what is certain to be a long, excruciating process of her drifting away over time. If she responds positively, then it’s all good.

Either way you are trading that ambient, excruciating pain of not knowing, for much less pain or even a complete loss of pain.

No man should accept living in Limbo when it comes to women. You both need to sh!t or get off the pot.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Atom Smasher

Just texted her what you wrote verbatim. Will update when I hear back from her.

 

[MatureDJ]

Don't drop this plate, but spin a few more.

 

[Juanto]

OP, here’s the real deal: She’s out. She’s gone. She’s just prolonging the inevitable breakup to make it as soft and buffered by time as she can.

There is one thing only you need to do, and that’s a preemptive strike. This is the ONLY way to get control of this situation that is obviously eroding your peace of mind. Your ego is bruised, and you need to get control of this. I always preach here that a man should never, EVER remain in limbo regarding a woman’s interest level. It is eating at you because you are laying yourself prostrate on the floor, hoping she will re-accept you.

You can end this pitiful situation right now.

“Hey babe, I can see you’re very distracted and can’t maintain a relationship right now. No worries, I totally get it. This scenario doesn’t work for me, so I’m going to wish you the very best in life and move on.”

In so doing you will force the situation and within a day you will know where you stand with her. You will also regain most of the respect she has already lost for you.

In the unlikely event she is still interested in you, she will blow up your phone and cry and beg (which you should prolong as a means of correction and punishment and a demonstration of your own self-respect).

In the more likely scenario, she will get furious (because you beat her at her own game), or will actually be relieved that you ended it.

Either way, you win. Most importantly, you will no longer be writing this diary of uncertainty here but will instead be writing that you handled your business with your head held high.

Good piece of advice here.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@Atom Smasher

Just texted her what you wrote verbatim. Will update when I hear back from her.

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

 

[Black Widow Void]

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

Having tried different methods. I concur.
My loses come from impulses and my victories come from reading psychology books.

Before cellphones (and while in limbo) I can recall leaving a message on an answering machine. I didn't get a call back until the next day ... and that one day seemed like a week. After a lot of defeat on this one, I started studying more psychology and three months later, she was chasing me. When I realized that I could have her again, it hit me. I wasn't suffering a broken heart. I was suffering a bruised ego.

Fast forward ten years. Over coffee, a girlfriend of three years said that she wanted to break up because the "relationship wasn't working." I paused (with little or no facial expression) and said... "if you think the relationship isn't working, then you're right. It won't work." Her facial expression was this look of confusion. Before her cup was finished, she said that maybe it's her fault and we shouldn't break up so fast.

Atom Smasher is on the money when he says to remain silent, distant and to never display anxiousness. You might wish to rid your anxiousness by sending another text or calling, but I can almost guarantee that this will amplify any anxiousness.

I've gone through your situation before and it's no fun place to be. Good luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Having tried different methods. I concur.
My loses come from impulses and my victories come from reading psychology books.

Before cellphones (and while in limbo) I can recall leaving a message on an answering machine. I didn't get a call back until the next day ... and that one day seemed like a week. After a lot of defeat on this one, I started studying more psychology and three months later, she was chasing me. When I realized that I could have her again, it hit me. I wasn't suffering a broken heart. I was suffering a bruised ego.

Fast forward ten years. Over coffee, a girlfriend of three years said that she wanted to break up because the "relationship wasn't working." I paused (with little or no facial expression) and said... "if you think the relationship isn't working, then you're right. It won't work." Her facial expression was this look of confusion. Before her cup was finished, she said that maybe it's her fault and we shouldn't break up so fast.

Atom Smasher is on the money when he says to remain silent, distant and to never display anxiousness. You might wish to rid your anxiousness by sending another text or calling, but I can almost guarantee that this will amplify any anxiousness.

I've gone through your situation before and it's no fun place to be. Good luck.

Thanks!

I know we tend to disagree on most things but I appreciate your insights in this thread.

I went out on another date last night with a new woman who appears to be super interested based on follow up texts she sent so I guess when one door closes another one opens.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The next step is critically important: Try not to, under any circumstances, engage in a deep conversation with her. If you do, will lose.

Right now you need to appear detached, unruffled and pragmatic. Convey that you don’t need her - at all. Don’t say that verbally, just convey that in your friendly detachment. No hard feelings, no drama. You need to be the ice man, but cordial.

This will be shocking to her, but her reaction is unknown. As I said before, she may be relieved, or she may try to “fix” things. One thing is for sure, though. She will respect you as a man.

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

 

[Juanto]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

I would say so , just let it be and move on with other options.

 

[Black Widow Void]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

Sorry to read this. Having been there, I know that this isn't the reply you'd hoped to receive. There may be this urge to respond back with something jovial or to project a certain unaffected image (speaking from personal experience) but it's really best to not reply.

There's a 50/50 chance that she'll send you a happy birthday text. If she does, I'd suggest responding here before texting her back.

My advice isn't to imply that you don't know what you're doing. I just happen to know from experience... that when a woman infects us with their 'venom' ... our clarity can become clouded for a while (again, speaking from experience) .

 

[EyeBRollin]

UPDATE:

Just received this reply:

"I'm sorry... I understand.
You have a good outlook on life and way of approaching things.
I hope you have a very very happy birthday coming up."

I assume no reply to this is best

Correct. Never contact this woman again.

 

[Juanto]

Its your way, or the highway