Current A.W pushing for commitment

[derby1]

one of my plates wants commitment, shes quite good company, however very good at hiding the fact she likes to know shes desired by strangers.(which to me is unattractive)

shes also Hot & childless(im a dad)

Trouble is she has about 2500 men on her social media, 170 likes on her pics, posts thirst trap meme's for beta males. "hot chocolate and elf movie are my kind of date night" that sort of BS.

Shes manager of a top local jewellery company, aswell you'd think shed be past this...

shes been nothing but kind to me, so i dont want to purposely hurt her.

Im not happy going official with an AW. i did it before and she ended up insufferable and creepy tbh, needing blokes under rocks to tell her shes pretty,

I've got some ideas how to proceed.Anyone chuck some other ideas? leading statements ?

 

[derby1]

Seems fairly self explanatory. All attractive women exhibit this trait to a degree.
You have to decide what you want.
Tell her you dont want the exclusivity. Tell her that her AWing is turning you off. Let her bounce she will spin back.

A part of Masculinity is telling them were your boundries are and whats unattractive to you.
But here we are Derby you are telling us she treats you good but yet is unattractive in behavior and you are putting up with it and now she is demanding a lockdown.

Do the math here. You want secs from her? Why? If she is unattractive as you said.
If you want that secs Tell her FWB? she will say no then she will hit you up in a couple of months. Then you have that frame.
You have to find out how strong your gut is. And hold out. Good luck

well put. Its what i was internally feeling. I was ofcourse going to tell her my boundaries, but sometimes i word things a little OTT

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You aren't going to change her so you'll have to decide whether you can accept this or not. Setting boundaries with someone like that is a waste of time, it will be constant excuses as to how this behavior/action you bring up doesn't break the boundary or her doing stuff on the down low but saying she isn't.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I had a three month relationship with a woman like this before. Like yourself, I was hesitant, but she was a psychology professor and I figured that she'd recognize her behavior and change. Although she improved, she was still damaged.

It's not about putting your foot down and being "alpha." It goes much deeper. When a woman has been in this attention seeking habit, this provides them with dopamine spikes. It's like a psychological addiction. Think of this like a gambler in a casino and hearing all the bells and whistles. It's like a "High" to them. It's no different than having a boner all day and wanting to get some relief.

Unfortunately, women like this have become conditioned. Because they don't view this as "cheating" they don't see the importance of 'unweaving' their bad habit. I had to fire my psychology girlfriend because she wasn't providing the role of "girlfriend" as I wanted. I suspect that you'd end up in the same sort of situation.

 

[Kotaix]

Sounds like trouble to me, this is the kind of woman is more likely to eventually cheat on you because of her desire for attention. If you can, find a woman who doesn't have social media.

Having been in the situation where my ex was basically on her phone using social media all day, I can say that it's one of the least attractive things to me at this point. I deserved it because I did it to her first, but she was fat and would not lift a finger to lose the weight so I had already lost attraction for her.

Social media is a blight on this world.

 

[derby1]

yeah an LTR from 4 years ago was an A.W i actually sat there whilst she unfriended men, called them "creeps"(they looked it)

2 months later the same weird guys would be liking all her stuff.

she had gone and allowed them to re-add on the sly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

yeah an LTR from 4 years ago was an A.W i actually sat there whilst she unfriended men, called them "creeps"(they looked it)

2 months later the same weird guys would be liking all her stuff.

she had gone and allowed them to re-add on the sly.

Yep....expect more of the same. It also makes you appear insecure by doing that type of stuff and is not a good look.

 

[darksprezzatura]

You aren't going to change her so you'll have to decide whether you can accept this or not. Setting boundaries with someone like that is a waste of time, it will be constant excuses as to how this behavior/action you bring up doesn't break the boundary or her doing stuff on the down low but saying she isn't.

Bump.

Nutshell: Don't change the girl, change the girl

 

[cola]

You are insecure. Face it. It’s totally your issue that she is desired by other men. The caption you used as an example, is a typical caption any girl would make. You only take issue with it because she is nice looking.

Is this the most attractive girl you’ve ever had? You have to come to the realization that any woman with even slightly above average looks gets flirted with by men constantly. On social media, and in person. You as a man are suppose to be strong and secure.

This is your issue, not hers. If you can’t handle the fact that dozens of men a month with attempt to shoot there shot with your bombshell plate, you aren’t worthy of the trophy.
I’ve dated plenty girls with 5,000, 6,000 social media followers. At that rate there’s probably 50 dms a day from guys shooting their shot.

You can’t worry about that stuff.

 

[cola]

It's on him, I agree, but I don't think it makes him insecure. He's got to decide what he's okay with. Of course men will flirt with her, but 2500 IG friends? She's not a trophy, she's a brand. To me, women who are constantly posting on social media are fukking annoying.

Idk how old you are but 2500 social media followers isn’t even a lot. I have 5,000 friends on face book.
Social media is here to stay. Anyone who is active in their community party scene or is good looking is going to have a lot of followers.

it’s soon 2021, people post on social media, it’s what they do. You got to worry about you, and realize that she chose you and a bunch of creeps on social media aren’t going to steal your girl unless she is a hoe, in which case social media followers or not she’s gonna cheat.
If you guys had hot girls sending you friend requests and sending you dms maybe you wouldn’t be so worried about the guys in your girls, but since you don’t it seems unfair and brings out insecurities.

**** those guys man, if she has been good to you don’t hold stupid social media against her.

 

[Alvafe]

Idk how old you are but 2500 social media followers isn’t even a lot. I have 5,000 friends on face book.
Social media is here to stay. Anyone who is active in their community party scene or is good looking is going to have a lot of followers.

it’s soon 2021, people post on social media, it’s what they do. You got to worry about you, and realize that she chose you and a bunch of creeps on social media aren’t going to steal your girl unless she is a hoe, in which case social media followers or not she’s gonna cheat.
If you guys had hot girls sending you friend requests and sending you dms maybe you wouldn’t be so worried about the guys in your girls, but since you don’t it seems unfair and brings out insecurities.

**** those guys man, if she has been good to you don’t hold stupid social media against her.

sure if you add everyone and they mom you can have over 5k, but really tell me how many you really know?

I use more to read news if anything and I have around60 people as friends, all people I know, and there is some there I know but don't feel like adding.

also if you don't feel ok with woman fishing for atencion online don't date then, have fun and nothing more

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I get that. I use social media too. But I choose not to use it as a substitute for real connections, if that makes sense. I think it's a fun diversion and a good way to stay in touch long-distance.

As far as women go, I've been around beautiful women who each use it differently. Some I know constantly have their phones out and post stories, and their pics are pseudo-model shots. Just one pic after another of her. That's cool if that's her thing. Other girls (again, attractive) hardly post at all and put the phone away when it's not needed. They don't need to document every single detail of their life online. One girl I know posts maybe four IG pics per year and none are skin or "body" shots. That's more my speed. Another one posts nothing but nature/scenery/photography pics.

So it has nothing to do with insecurities, just what the OP's personal preference is. That shyt can get annoying. Just because she chose him doesn't mean she's right for him.

But many times personal preferences can be due to insecurities.

If a person is afraid of flying, their insecurity makes them prefer other modes of transportation even when logic would dictate flying is the best option.

So is that really a preference or is it only a preference due to being insecure about something and not wanting to get hurt/taken advantage of by it?

Fear can really drive behavior far more than we consider many times.

Just food for thought.

 

[Epimanes]

I only add people to my FB unless i would speak to them in real life... otherwise.... i just dont care. Personally ... if some woman had an addiction to her social media and was on it constantly.. id next her... id rather live life in the real world and not my phone.

 

[derby1]

You are insecure. Face it. It’s totally your issue that she is desired by other men. The caption you used as an example, is a typical caption any girl would make. You only take issue with it because she is nice looking.

Is this the most attractive girl you’ve ever had? You have to come to the realization that any woman with even slightly above average looks gets flirted with by men constantly. On social media, and in person. You as a man are suppose to be strong and secure.

you sound like you only do OLD

social media is the future so what, I'm not complying. Women cant cherry pick as far as im concerned, they want traditional dating, but also there technological crack cocaine. its a NO DEAL

I dont agree with you one bit , i have boundaries and i require a certain quality women, you may not. Other men have instance access to her 24/7 and thats unenjoyable to me, when i am the one investing, she literally has a dating app in her phone after the commitment LOL...

 

[bcude]

shes been nothing but kind to me, so i dont want to purposely hurt her.

You're never doing anything wrong staying true to yourself by being honest and expressing your standards. She might not like it, but she'll respect you and that my friend, is everything. She wants something from you - commitment - this is your strongest negotiating position but most men don't use it to their advantage.
Black Widow Void explained the situation perfectly. As an addict she needs to detox, which means she needs to stay away from SM alltogether (if she seriously wants to be with you). That's the price she has to pay for you to give up your options.

Her: "soo.. are we like a couple now?"
Derby: "I love to hang out with you but i'm not the bf for you."
Her: "Why do you say that?"
Derby: "Well, my view on a functioning healthy relationship is no social media usage, so if you want to be with me you've to ditch IG."
Her: "You can't be serious?!"
Derby: "You see, i told you i'm not the bf for you, so let's keep hanging out like this and have fun, no worries."

Show me one serious successful long-term relationship that's beyond 10 years where the girl is an AW with 2500+ followers, just a single one. Would have a higher chance of seeing the Loch Ness monster in the themes than finding that.
I wouldn't call you insecure, i'd call you a smart man.
Expressing standards/boundaries fearlessly from self-respect is a sign of strength, not insecurity.

 

[derby1]

You're never doing anything wrong staying true to yourself by being honest and expressing your standards. She might not like it, but she'll respect you and that my friend, is everything. She wants something from you - commitment - this is your strongest negotiating position but most men don't use it to their advantage.
Black Widow Void explained the situation perfectly. As an addict she needs to detox, which means she needs to stay away from SM alltogether (if she seriously wants to be with you). That's the price she has to pay for you to give up your options.

Her: "soo.. are we like a couple now?"
Derby: "I love to hang out with you but i'm not the bf for you."
Her: "Why do you say that?"
Derby: "Well, my view on a functioning healthy relationship is no social media usage, so if you want to be with me you've to ditch IG."
Her: "You can't be serious?!"
Derby: "You see, i told you i'm not the bf for you, so let's keep hanging out like this and have fun, no worries."

Show me one serious successful long-term relationship that's beyond 10 years where the girl is an AW with 2500+ followers, just a single one. Would have a higher chance of seeing the Loch Ness monster in the themes than finding that.
I wouldn't call you insecure, i'd call you a smart man.
Expressing standards/boundaries fearlessly from self-respect is a sign of strength, not insecurity.

well wrote i like it.

Also to add i understand why shes an A.W now, she was a little obese 8 years back. now shes slim

 

[Epimanes]

Honestly... i wish the internet was never created.... would sure put a wrench into some of these bytches hypergamous attemtion whoring ways.. i could totally do without all social media... its too easy for women to get their attention fix and think the grass is greener and create a contrast effect.. but that's just me... what a time to be living in... where everything and everyone is disposable....

 

[TheKid]

Idk how old you are but 2500 social media followers isn’t even a lot. I have 5,000 friends on face book.
Social media is here to stay. Anyone who is active in their community party scene or is good looking is going to have a lot of followers.

it’s soon 2021, people post on social media, it’s what they do. You got to worry about you, and realize that she chose you and a bunch of creeps on social media aren’t going to steal your girl unless she is a hoe, in which case social media followers or not she’s gonna cheat.
If you guys had hot girls sending you friend requests and sending you dms maybe you wouldn’t be so worried about the guys in your girls, but since you don’t it seems unfair and brings out insecurities.

**** those guys man, if she has been good to you don’t hold stupid social media against her.

You sound like you are trying to shame op for being smart enough to bring his questions and concerns here.
Op is 100% right to have mixed feelings about this, AW's slowley but surely do your pych health in everybody knows this here. I would be up front about my expectations and always have one foot out the door first.

 

[cola]

If you are worried about your girls social media followers you are exhibiting small d*ck energy.

Never been afraid to go against the grain. I feel strongly about this.

 

[Asseater]

I've been extremely confident with my girls only to be blindsided when finding out they were screwing a scrawny nerd behind my back. You can have all of the big **** energy you want, but at the end of the day women will be women. I'd say plate the women who are attention wh0res for sex only. Be selective about who you upgrade to girlfriend status. Just because the internet try-hards are shaming you for having standards doesn't make them right.