Advice on dating a cheater

[sid77]

I need some advice! Ive been dating a woman 'exclusively' for 6 months. Turns out she's been playing around with other men the entire time. Shes a great F and doesnt demand too much of my time and drives 3.5 hours every other week to spend a week at my place. She helps out with cleaning and laundry etc. Crazy I know. Should I confront her about what I found out or just let her keep doing her thing and I start dating other women on the side? Seems like an obvious answer but Im pissed and hurt by the betrayal and want to tell her to go F herself.

 

[Kotaix]

Was there a declaration of exclusivity on either of your parts? If so then she's a liar. If not then you don't really have a case, at best you can just tell her you want exclusivity.

Why are you dating a woman 3.5 hours away? Long distance is a waste of time

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is why you don't get into LDRs. They never work and you end up in situations like this.

OP, what is your end goal? You plan on being with someone who lives 3.5 hours away long term? That is extremely unrealistic.

Why would you agree to any exclusivity with someone this far away? Do you have that few options?? This woman should be a plate at best. She is doing what YOU should be doing.

I mean be mad if you want at her but your ridiculous and unrealistic expectations are more to blame in my opinion.

 

[sid77]

Good points.
About a month into dating we agreed to make it exclusive. Funny, shes the one who pushed for it. Its nuts how effortless the lies flow without batting an eye. I called her on some glaring red flags and she teases out the most slender of plausible denials.
Id never be in a LDR if I was driving. Ive been to her place twice. She makes the drives the rest of the time. Thats part of the hesitation to cut it off. Theres really not much effort on my part. Just the betrayal is the only dig thats driving me to feel ****ty. Otherwise just have her around every other week and get my kicks?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Clearly she didn’t get the exclusivity memo. Did she ask you to be her boyfriend? If not, you’re living a delusion my friend.

 

[sid77]

Clearly she didn’t get the exclusivity memo. Did she ask you to be her boyfriend? If not, you’re living a delusion my friend.

naw it was and is clear. We've talked about the flags and why I was thinking shes Fing around. She emphatically says nothing is happening and makes lame excuses or explanations.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

naw it was and is clear. We've talked about the flags and why I was thinking shes Fing around. She emphatically says nothing is happening and makes lame excuses or explanations.

How did you find out the "facts" of her laying with other men?

 

[sid77]

a bunch of flags.
1. We met online and before we met in person would sext thru whatsapp. She pretty much just used the chatting function there to sext with me. Well fast forward til after we decide to get exclusive. Her online personal profile would light up as active....then her whatsapp would light up as online. Odd. This would happen only when she was back at her place. I asked her if she was seeing other people and of course the answer "no baby, Im not that type of person..blah blah blah." I never revealed why I suspected, just that there were red flags. Well her profile and whatsapp would go dark for a few weeks, then gradually light back up again.

2. This is a good one. I was working when she was at my place and she said she was gonna run some errands and be back later in the day. I was home when she got back and she wasnt wearing a bra or panties under her leggings and tanktop. I initially asked if she was wearing any before she left sarcastically. She said its just so comfortable sometimes to not wear any...ok whatever. I then noticed some little vials of lube in her purse. I asked what those were and why in her purse. Apparently she orders the empty vials on amazon and filled them with lube for 'on the go'??? Well we had never used lube from them or had any in her purse before. She said just in case we needed any later. Later that night when having sex I noticed she was pretty raw and complaining how sore she was. Crazy. Well this past weekend I noticed an empty little vial in her cup holder in her car. Its pretty clear id say.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

a bunch of flags.
1. We met online and before we met in person would sext thru whatsapp. She pretty much just used the chatting function there to sext with me. Well fast forward til after we decide to get exclusive. Her online personal profile would light up as active....then her whatsapp would light up as online. Odd. This would happen only when she was back at her place. I asked her if she was seeing other people and of course the answer "no baby, Im not that type of person..blah blah blah." I never revealed why I suspected, just that there were red flags. Well her profile and whatsapp would go dark for a few weeks, then gradually light back up again.

2. This is a good one. I was working when she was at my place and she said she was gonna run some errands and be back later in the day. I was home when she got back and she wasnt wearing a bra or panties under her leggings and tanktop. I initially asked if she was wearing any before she left sarcastically. She said its just so comfortable sometimes to not wear any...ok whatever. I then noticed some little vials of lube in her purse. I asked what those were and why in her purse. Apparently she orders the empty vials on amazon and filled them with lube for 'on the go'??? Well we had never used lube from them or had any in her purse before. She said just in case we needed any later. Later that night when having sex I noticed she was pretty raw and complaining how sore she was. Crazy. Well this past weekend I noticed an empty little vial in her cup holder in her car. Its pretty clear id say.

You kinda sound insecure with your questions...I would bet she senses it too and that might be part of the reason.

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP,
If you honestly have to ask what to do here, you have absolutely no self-respect or dignity.

 

[sid77]

You kinda sound insecure with your questions...I would bet she senses it too and that might be part of the reason.

I dont understand this. Its seems obvious to me. The questions Im asking myself is do I give a F or just use her for whatever she brings and move on when its over.

 

[sid77]

OP,
If you honestly have to ask what to do here, you have absolutely no self-respect or dignity.

Question is...do I end it with fireworks and confrontation or play it out...Fing her for however long I chose to draw it out.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I dont understand this. Its seems obvious to me. The questions Im asking myself is do I give a F or just use her for whatever she brings and move on when its over.

I meant your insecurity might be part of the reason she may be seeing other guys...

If you don't have other options I would actively be working on getting some.

Personally I would just be way less invested and keep banging her and let her know you aren't going to be exclusive anymore.

There is no way in the world you should be going exclusive with a woman who lives 3.5 hours away after 1 month. That basically screams to her "I am desperate and have no other options".

Note that it isn't whether you ARE desperate or not, but what your ACTIONS tell her...the perception of that by her is what counts. She acts based on her perceptions and emotions.

This woman should have always been nothing more than a plate and I would simply demote her to what ahe always should have been.

 

[sid77]

I meant your insecurity might be part of the reason she may be seeing other guys...

If you don't have other options I would actively be working on getting some.

Personally I would just be way less invested and keep banging her and let her know you aren't going to be exclusive anymore.

There is no way in the world you should be going exclusive with a woman who lives 3.5 hours away after 1 month. That basically screams to her "I am desperate and have no other options".

Note that it isn't whether you ARE desperate or not, but what your ACTIONS tell her...the perception of that by her is what counts. She acts based on her perceptions and emotions.

This woman should have always been nothing more than a plate and I would simply demote her to what ahe always should have been.

Exactly what Im thinking. Only question is do I even let her know Im not going to be exclusive??? She didnt. What hilarious (not really) is how bent outta shape she got when she found a receipt when I went out for drinks when she wasnt here. I was actively seeking other options after my initial suspicions. Lesson for others on womens typical double standards.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Exactly what Im thinking. Only question is do I even let her know Im not going to be exclusive??? She didnt. What hilarious (not really) is how bent outta shape she got when she found a receipt when I went out for drinks when she wasnt here. I was actively seeking other options after my initial suspicions. Lesson for others on womens typical double standards.

That is a classic sign of a person projecting their guilt onto you. They are doing that type of stuff so they project that onto you.

That is up to you if you want to tell her. I would just to make things clear and unambiguous from your side to avoid headaches with her later.

 

[Asseater]

It's up to you at this point. Me personally, I don't even need proof of cheating to ghost a girlfriend. If I sense it or think it's happening for any reason, I just ghost the girl. It's up to YOU if you want to tolerate this and use her as a piece of ****meat or if you want to find a better prospect. I think you will be able to actually respect yourself if you dump her, though.

 

[Lookatu]

OP, just plate her and go along with it if it benefits you.

1. She drives over most of the time
2. She cooks/cleans your place
3. She has sex with you

As long is there is no drama, just go with it and look for someone else in the mean time that's close by to seek a relationship with.
Don't invest your emotions in her but think of her like a fvck toy and nothing more.

Realize LDR's only work for casual and not serious.

 

[sid77]

Don't invest your emotions in her but think of her like a fvck toy and nothing more.

This is key.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is key.

If you have a bad vibe during the thing or it makes you feel worse, your' going to have to let her azz go. If the thing makes you happier then keep doing it. I doubt she's doing all the housework for whoever else she is seeing. So you must be a priority in her mind. Think about that.

 

[sid77]

If you have a bad vibe during the thing or it makes you feel worse, your' going to have to let her azz go. If the thing makes you happier then keep doing it. I doubt she's doing all the housework for whoever else she is seeing. So you must be a priority in her mind. Think about that.

I agree 100%. Its what Im wrangling with...how its making me feel. It stings emotionally, but being rational about it there are a lot of benefits.