The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

Truth right here. The dumper needs to put in ALL the effort, but apparently when it comes to women they all give me this look of "what do you mean? yeah she broke up BUT it's up to both now to keep contact" somehow they neclect the disrespectful obvious sign of the breaking up part and pretend it's up to both now. Have had countless women argue with me on that point.

Just proves the point to never listen to advice from women regarding women.

Never listen to relationship advice from women. (A select couple here on sosuave are ok but they have no agenda )They are programmed to sabotage their own relationships and follow emotions not truth or logic. They enjoy the emotional roller coster. men do not.
When a woman offers relationship advice it is.99% without a doubt advice that will give you more heart ache.

She broke up with you. Next. Her fault. Up to her to fix the mess if you are willing to risk it again (i wont give a second chance though.) But her responsibility to try. You do not lift a finger.

It is up the both of you to fix it. Nope. No it is not. You do not eat their sh!t sandwich then ask for more. You do not lift a finger.

Remind them it only takes one to end the relationship. It doesnt take both of you to stay in touch and fix it. It takes her to fix it but only if you allow it.

 

[dude99]

It's not really about who's the dumper / the dumped, more about who disrespected and cheated or lied to who. I am the 'dumper' in my situation but I don't feel like having to put any more effort in it.

If she cheated and lied and disrespected you, why would you welcome such poor quality back?
There are better women out there.

 

[goodbyehorses]

If she cheated and lied and disrespected you, why would you welcome such poor quality back?
There are better women out there.

I am replying also to @Mauser96.

I know that 'quality' is a very subjective concept, and I have a strong belief in the possibility for people to change and grow (it's rare though, but it happens, just like s*** happens ).
This is even more possible in the case of young people, for obvious reasons.

So in fact, I don't want her back. I would like to meet a different version of this person, one who has learned the lesson and is willing to cope with her past mistakes. I bet this won't happen but, just in case, I would give to this 'new version' a chance because I truly care for her (I already did before falling in love, when we were just friends and I didn't want to be nothing more).

I know there are a lot of better girls out there, but I'm demisexual, it's not easy for me to find someone both sexually and emotionally attractive (it happened just twice in my life), the sparkle comes from a lot of combined reasons, not necessarily linked to 'quality' or 'virtues' or so; reasons not objectively measurable, and definitely out of my control.

 

[Don De Grey]

Day 6.

Got a work email from her today about a non critical problem on another business unit that I occasionally work on.
Funny thing is she cc'ed the Engineer of that project and directed the email to me. I should have not been on the email at all.

Did not reply, I threw the ball in his court as he is fully aware of everything going on between us.

Day 7

The guy I’m training couldn’t get in my building yesterday because of the holiday, ended up working with that other business unit with her yesterday. He came in this morning and said dude I don’t think that chick is over you. She talked about you several times yesterday. She even said out loud to everyone that you hated her before sending that email.

I am eventually going to have to do some work over there in the coming weeks, hopefully I can schedule my time on the weekends or after hours so I don’t have to come in contact with her.

 

[the_cog]

The dumper needs to put in ALL the effort,

She has made ZERO effort. I'm glad she hasn't. I'm about at the point where I don't care anymore.

 

[Don De Grey]

She has made ZERO effort. I'm glad she hasn't. I'm about at the point where I don't care anymore.

When you get past that point is usually when they come around. My problem is when I like a girl as much as my ex, I usually self sabotage (consciously or sub consciously) any plates that I’m spinning when that happens.

Back in my 20’s I purposely threw a 1 year relationship down the toilet for an ex I had strong feelings for.

Now I would be upfront and say I’m dating someone else, but open to also dating you again; and may the best girl win.

 

[dude99]

When you get past that point is usually when they come around. My problem is when I like a girl as much as my ex, I usually self sabotage (consciously or sub consciously) any plates that I’m spinning when that happens.

Back in my 20’s I purposely threw a 1 year relationship down the toilet for an ex I had strong feelings for.

Now I would be upfront and say I’m dating someone else, but open to also dating you again; and may the best girl win.

Best way to put it is "I'm dating a new girl now. You take care."
Give her the sense she can't have you. This will trigger her panic/chase mode. She has to know she blew her chance and you do not care.

Telling her you will date her too will tell her you are still hung up on her and feed here ego. That is how she will see it.

 

[narcissist]

Day 25... not going to lie, since Thanksgiving I've been slacking on my daily goals and habits. Im going to start putting in the work again today.

 

[HenBogan]

So day 18...

Just finished at the gym, chatted with a few girls after the class... Fck me some of them are so fit, walked away from a seriously attractive one who wanted to chat whilst talking to another... She can wait..

Played in my first golf competition at the weekend, last one was over 3 years ago.... My goal is to get below 10 by next April...

Took a great gal out Saturday night for drinks and hide the sausage...

But I still miss her hard, I think about her and here I have to admit that I still want her.... Even though she had me on a plate and she has walked away victorious...

But... I am learning more about myself each day, I am now working on accepting into my life that what is positive...

So here's to day 19 and all those others that are yet to pass... Because being alive is a blessing and I am truly blessed to be the man that I am, I hope you are all proud of who you are...

And here's to your day# may each one bring you closer to that what you seek...

 

[bcude]

So day 18...

Just finished at the gym, chatted with a few girls after the class... Fck me some of them are so fit, walked away from a seriously attractive one who wanted to chat whilst talking to another... She can wait..

Played in my first golf competition at the weekend, last one was over 3 years ago.... My goal is to get below 10 by next April...

Took a great gal out Saturday night for drinks and hide the sausage...

But I still miss her hard, I think about her and here I have to admit that I still want her.... Even though she had me on a plate and she has walked away victorious...

But... I am learning more about myself each day, I am now working on accepting into my life that what is positive...

So here's to day 19 and all those others that are yet to pass... Because being alive is a blessing and I am truly blessed to be the man that I am, I hope you are all proud of who you are...

And here's to your day# may each one bring you closer to that what you seek...

You're on the right track and doing well sir. 18 days is still fresh, let it take the time it takes. You will fully heal sooner or later.

 

[bcude]

If you see your ex is badly hurting and willing to change, yet she has been chasing some other guy since?

Think I know the answer lads lol

It's really f.ucking stupid this stuff. Stupid situation that we are all in and dealing with.

Life is a comedy to those that think, and a tragedy to those that feel.

Very simple. You look for actions and not words and see her true intentions right there. Does she also show you the willingness to change by actions or not? It doesn't sound very genuine if she's chasing another guy.
My guess, she's probably badly hurting because she lost her validation, attention and looks for it desperately.

 

[MachinePT]

Sup dudes seeing a pattern here , in wich most cases an ex ends up hooking with your best friend or buddys. How many here had this happening to them?

 

[xplt]

Sup dudes seeing a pattern here , in wich most cases an ex ends up hooking with your best friend or buddys. How many here had this happening to them?

I broke up with an ex gf of 6 1/2 years five years ago. We came together very young, developed different. She wanted family, I wasn't ready for it.

A common buddy of us started courting her already when we still were together - other friends warned me, I laughed it off. Never saw competition in him.

It was three weeks over, I hadn't moved out completely, yet. I came over to pick up some stuff and found both naked on the couch. On MY couch

I gave them the couch as a come together gift. She was pregnant a half year later. Meanwhile they're married, two kids.

I never spoke a word to him. She still reaches out to me every 3-6 months.

When I think about it, there were three ex gf's of buddies who tried to start sth with me...

 

[MachinePT]

I broke up with an ex gf of 6 1/2 years five years ago. We came together very young, developed different. She wanted family, I wasn't ready for it.

A common buddy of us started courting her already when we still were together - other friends warned me, I laughed it off. Never saw competition in him.

It was three weeks over, I hadn't moved out completely, yet. I came over to pick up some stuff and found both naked on the couch. On MY couch

I gave them the couch as a come together gift. She was pregnant a half year later. Meanwhile they're married, two kids.

I never spoke a word to him. She still reaches out to me every 3-6 months.

Yeah we all laugh, but it seem there's is always a friend ready to cross you, over some broad.
So many girls out there, there is no need to bang your friend's ex.

 

[xplt]

Yeah we all laugh, but it seem there's is always a friend ready to cross you, over some broad.
So many girls out there, there is no need to bang your friend's ex.

Sad but true. There are rats who don't know the word loyality. Even when you spend years together.
There's a saying in germany "A c.unt pulls more than ten plough horses".

 

[xplt]

Do you respond to her?

I did reply with a thank you when she sent me birthday wishes. I stopped responding three years ago.
She still tries to initiate. Last one month ago.

I didn't know better back then

 

[dude99]

Do you respond to her?

I had a ex do something similar, and an ex friend who took her side, and turned on me get together with her, I walked away on both of them, her for being poor quality and him for betraying our friendship. Their relationship turned into a complete disaster after about 5 or 6 months, i guess that isnt too much of a surprise when neither of them were loyal, and they both kept reaching out to me for years to come after they split. Her i just ignored and didnt give her any time. Him i tried to be his friend again it took me 2 years to try to give it a chance again but but after the betrayal things were never the same.

I eventually just said that things cant go back to the way they were 'pre-betrayal' it is just a constant reminder of you turning on me and siding with her just because you wanted to get laid.

The fact she stabbed me in the back was bad. She was poor quality. But girlfriends are a dime a dozen. They do that. You dump them with the rest of the trash then you move on to the next one.

But he was a friend since childhood. That betrayal was way harder to swallow. you may be able to forgive but you can never forget. And you keep asking yourself, when will he do it again.

 

[dude99]

Sad but true. There are rats who don't know the word loyality. Even when you spend years together.
There's a saying in germany "A c.unt pulls more than ten plough horses".

Ach scheiße das stimmt.

 

[bcude]

Bros before hoes, the betrayal of a friend stings way worse since we atleast expect a man to know the true meaning of the words honour, loyalty and respect. I cut out a longtime friend from my life who tried to steal the women i was trying to pickup along with other things, just pathetic.

 

[bcude]

You're only human and attractive women can certainly screw with our heads and validate our ego. Thing is, in your head you describe her as the most attractive woman you've been with, which then pedestalizes her in your mind, she's 'different' from the rest and the scarcity mindset kicks in which makes you behave less rational and more emotional. A place where men don't take the best decisions generally. If you're still checking up on her, you haven't cut the bond to her fully yet. Maybe even some hope left? How are your options when it comes to women?

It's genuine when words and actions align, over an extended period of time. You will notice that. Otherwise it's just for herself, the breakup is a sense of loss for her as it is for every healthy human being.
When she's chasing another guy at the same time as she's pining over you, what does that tell you? Does it sound like she realised she made the biggest mistake of her life and want to have your babies and noone else's in the future?

The same thing that led to the breakup will repeat itself over again, if not one or both of you really work on yourselves solving the potential issue during the time apart. Problem is, working on yourself is hard and takes motivation. A motivation only the dumpee usually experiences since pain and trauma are the best motivators for change to happen. It's never advisable to go back, sometimes it can work when external factors have been the issue but it's more the exception then the rule and not a good investment of your precious time.