This is what makes me feel incredibly hopeless in dating

[bigdave17]

Dave, you mentioned previously that you go on 12 vacations per year? Where do you go to? Doesn't that at least give you something to talk to and make you seem interesting?

Do you have hundreds of cool vacation pictures to show them?

I go to NYC, Toronto, Miami/Florida/, etc... I have family in NYC and Toronto and friends in Florida that I visit quite often. I really do have an awesome lifestyle - between the frequent vocations, going out to awesome restaurants, bars, clubs, concerts, sports events, festivals, etc... I've been very blessed. My best friend is buying a 6,000 square foot mansion in Destin, Florida for a vacation spot (he will rent it out when we are not there) so that will be fantastic.

There's nothing wrong with me on anything that's objective level in all seriousness. I have good social instincts, I can make people feel very comfortable around me, I have a great lifestyle, I have a great attitude for life - I'm very driven for success, I'm easy to get along with, I treat people extraordinarily well. I have a good balance of all the important traits

My guess is, if i had a normal dating life from the age of say 13, I would be married to a beautiful Latina/Middle Eastern/Armenian/Italian girl by now and have 2 kids and be extremely happy.

My trauma from my younger years of convincing myself that women and dating are totally impossible has made me a complete wreck. I feel so much incredibly intense anxiety when I want to approach a woman at a gym or a store. The only thoughts in my brain are - she has a boyfriend, she won't like me, she will be very annoyed that I'm talking to her, she will be a complete *****. I've convinced myself that all quality women are impossible, never want to meet a man, have impossible standards, are always extremely annoyed to be approached, etc...

How do I get rid of this inner voice telling me I don't deserve to be loved?

 

[bigdave17]

Take it off the pedestal you have it on, inside your head. Stop giving it any authority over you, your life, your actions. It's background noise. Nothing more. Nothing less. Background noise. Just like traffic sound, weather sounds, people chatting in the distance. Background noise.

Contemplate this:

You did it with being fat. You transformed yourself. You did! Only after you decided to and then transformed your thinking and actions accordingly.
You did it with selling cars. You transformed yourself. You did! Only after you decided to and then transformed your thinking and actions accordingly.
You can do it with women. Remind yourself of this ---> Dave's Recipe For Success

when you get this inner voice, you feel so hopeless and so much like a victim

it's a powerful thing when you start to realize you're in control of your destiny

 

[sosousage]

when you get this inner voice, you feel so hopeless and so much like a victim

it's a powerful thing when you start to realize you're in control of your destiny

Women dont like men who are bad in bed

 

[zekko]

How do I get rid of this inner voice telling me I don't deserve to be loved?

First off, you have to realize this inner voice is coming from YOU, and that it's a habit.

I used to struggle with negative thoughts, and I had to unlearn that way of thinking. I did this by being vigilant - keeping close watch over my thinking. When I caught myself thinking a negative thought, I stopped myself, and replaced it with a positive thought. I kept this up until positive thinking became a new ingrained habit.

Because you will almost always accomplish more with positive thinking than you will with negative thinking, and you will almost always be happier with a positive attitude than with a negative attitude.

 

[sazc]

so much good advice and wisdom being given, will he listen this time?

 

[bigdave17]

There was a time in your life when you were fat and bullied. You felt like a victim. At some point you had enough of that experience. You choose to live a different experience. You changed your thinking. You acted in alignment with what you desired and over time you transformed. You made that happen through YOUR choices. It wasn't a random occurrence. You did it. From the inside-out bit by bit. You did it!!!

There was a time when you felt desperate to sell cars and sucked at it. You felt like a victim. It felt hopeless. At some point you decided you had enough of that experience. You choose to live a different experience. You changed your thinking. You acted in alignment with what you desired and over time you transformed. Selling cars is easy now!!! You changed your thinking! You changed how you interacted and how you approached people! You changed you from the inside-out and acted accordingly. You made it happen. Lots of rejections. Lots of sales. Now almost only sales. You did that. You are amongst the top of the top in car sales. You did it!!!

You choose to give up the victim mentality of where you were. You decided you had enough of that experience!!! You choose to change your thinking!!! You choose to act in congruence with what you desired. Was it always easy??? Fck No!! Was it 1,00,000 times better than how you felt when you were fat and bullied and sucked as a car salesman???? Absolutely!!! Without question!!!!

Was it worth it the struggle and discomfort that you had to go through???? Absolutely!!!! Without question!!!!

Would you ever want to go back and be that fat bullied kid??? Would you want to go back and be that man desperate to sell cars with no sales??? No!!! You choose to leave behind YOUR victim mentality!!!!! (on those issues) You transformed your experience into feeling like a winner in those area now. You do!!! You put in the needed steps!!! You did!!!! Was it easy??? Nope!!!! Did you want eat or give up or make excuses??? Maybe??? You had ALREADY DECIDED that you wanted something more!!!! YOU DECIDED!!!

You decided you want what you are living now. Fit and proud of it!!! Top salesman or so at what you do!!! Lots to be proud of!!!

You @bigdave17 Are at choice about your experience with women!!! Just as you were once at choice about being fat and bullied or sucking at selling cars!!! Do you need to hang out and play victim and wallow in it, like a pig rolling in mud???? Poor me...Poor me...Poor me...Poor me...

Did Poor me get you from fat to fit???? Did poor me get you from sucking at selling cars to being the best???? It was the bottom rung on the ladder. You had to step off it in order to move up. Can't stand on the bottom rung and also stand at the top!!! Not possible!!!
You choose to give up being a victim, to being fat and bullied, and thenyou moved up the ladder one step at a time!! You gave up being victim, to your desperation to sell cars!! You moved up the ladder one step at a time!! You LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the results of those choices!!!!

You LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, being fit and the top salesman!!!! You LOVE IT!!!!

The ball is in your court Dave. You have 3060 posts playing VICTIM about women. Your feet are on the bottom rung of the ladder. Are you going to stay there??? Are you going to play victim and justify more???? The fat bullied you could have justified and still be there!!! The sucking salesman could still be playing victim and broke beyond words!!! That's where you would be!!!! YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BE!!!!

YOU CHOOSE!!! YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES!!! YOU CHOOSE TO CHANGE YOUR MINDSET AND YOUR THINKING!!! YOU CHOOSE TO ****TAKE ACTION IN ALIGNMENT**** WITH WHAT YOU WANTED TO BECOME!!!!! YOU DID IT!!!! YOU TRANSFORMED!!!!

Every moment you are at choice!!!! Are you going to live another minute in YOUR VICTIM STORY, IN YOUR VICTIM EXCUSES?????
You can't be on the bottom rung and the top at the same time!!! You have to give one up to get to the other!!!!

You have EVERYTHING TO GAIN BY STEPPING OFF THAT RUNG!!!! Is it scary??? Sure!!! Was it scary when you were fat and bullied??? Yep!! Was it scary when you sucked as a car salesman??? Yep!!

Why was it scary??? Because you didn't know how the fvck it was going to work!!! Because you had to give up HOW YOU HAD KNOWN YOURSELF, to become who you wanted to be!!! Scary???? For a while!!! Sure can be! Worth it???? You tell me!!!!! Would you go back to being fat and bullied and sucking at selling cars as you did??? Or was the discomfort worth it????

You are proud of who you are in those facets of your life!!!!! You deserve to be!!!! You choose differently!!!!

Will it be hard to not post all the reasons it seems hard/impossible/unlikely for you to meet the woman you want???? Sure!!!
You can change the channel!!!!!! Is that the voice you want dominant in your head???? Dave is a VICTIM!!! VICTIM!!! VICTIM!!! Is that what you want your claim to fame to be???? Right now...that is how you are known here!!!! Truly!!!! You've filled pages and pages of your victim mentality!!! It FEEEEEEEEELs soooooooo REAL!!!! I get it!!!! It felt like you had no option when you were fat and bullied and when you sucked t selling cars!!!! It feeeeeeelt like there was no way out!!!! It was a Feeeeeeeeling!!!! Was it the truth????? Not what you are living Now!!!!!

Honestly, right now you are 3060 posts and currently the BIGGEST FVCKING VICTIM WHINER ON THIS SITE!!!!!! (with all due respect)
Is that REALLY what you aspire to???? You know the HABIT....YES HABIT....HABIT....is to justify and defend why you are victim, in your experience with women!!! HABIT!!! FVCKING HABIT!!! You smoke??? Every time you try to sell another VICTIM POST HERE imagine yourself blowing stinky smoke in a beautiful woman's face. VICTIM...VICTIM...VICTIM!!!!

I think your time has come to step off that last rung and leave that VICTIM DAVE behind!!!! Do you know what is ahead??? Nope. Do you know you want to be successful with women and standing at the top of the ladder???? You sure do!!!!

It is your journey!!!! You can wallow or you can declare enough is enough!!! You have to step off and start MOVING to get there!!!

I tell you this Dave!!! You have ZERO...ZERO....ZERO regrets about moving on from being a fat bullied kid and a sucky car salesman!!!! Life is a million times better in each of those areas!!!!!!!!!!!

Bottom rung??? Top rung??? Where are you going to live your life with women???????? CHOICE IS YOURS!!!!!!

You'll NEVER get a different result until you leave the bottom rung and move yourself up!!!

When you get to the top, how do you think you are going to feel??????

Top rung is waiting for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You did it with fat to fit!
You did it with svcky to top salesman!
You - You - You - YOU DID IT!!!!!

YOU CAN DO IT WITH TOO!!!!

Gotta leave the bottom rung to do it!!!! All those victim posts happen on the bottom rung!!!! Check yourself!!!! When you hear that voice inside, change the channel and move on up!!!!!!

You can do it!!!!

Maybe even retire @bigdave17 and leave him behind like you let go of your fat self. Start a new name as your journey up....tracking your actions....your actions....your changes...your wins.....your successes.

YOU ARE THE ONE AT CHOICE!!!! TRANSFORMATION IS ALL YOURS FOR THE HAVING!!!! ONLY YOU CAN CHOOSE AND TAKE THE STEPS TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING AND ALIGN YOUR ACTIONS!!! RESULTS ARE WAITING FOR YOU!!!!

I was bullied and mocked for my lack of dating life in 8th and 9th grade

but the ironic thing is that I encountered those guys again when I was 22/23 (when I was already good looking and successful) and those guys had nothing but positive things to say about me. The issue was I internalized the damage so badly that I couldn't get it out of my head

 

[17 shots]

so much good advice and wisdom being given, will he listen this time?

He'll listen... and then he'll jerk off 6 times, and come back even stupider then before

 

[spinich]

Dave, lose the fricken ego, admit your gay and go away. Thank you.

 

[sazc]

ironically, a LOT of the issues he calls out about women are issues that everyone on these boards agree with. In a sense, y'all created this monster. However, this particular monster isnt willing to become 'unstuck'

 

[Atom Smasher]

We created this "monster"?

First and foremost, he's not a monster. He's confused, yeah; he's not grasping the concepts, but to call him a monster is a little much.

Increasingly, @sazc, you are revealing yourself to be someone who very much reviles the men of this community. It is slipping out more and more with your increasingly caustic and condescending comments against men.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

We created this "monster"?

First and foremost, he's not a monster. He's confused, yeah; he's not grasping the concepts, but to call him a monster is a little much.

Increasingly, @sazc, you are revealing yourself to be someone who very much reviles the men of this community. It is slipping out more and more with your increasingly caustic and condescending comments against men.

Some of them get upset when men play the dating game as its meant to be played.

 

[lamath]

We created this "monster"?

First and foremost, he's not a monster. He's confused, yeah; he's not grasping the concepts, but to call him a monster is a little much.

Increasingly, @sazc, you are revealing yourself to be someone who very much reviles the men of this community. It is slipping out more and more with your increasingly caustic and condescending comments against men.

Dave just meed a little confidence and things will change, but he need to stop finding excuse and just act on his shortcoming.

Monster is indeed going a bit too far, but to be fair not sure it was meant literally.

Too much bitterness and whining from ppl lately

 

[sazc]

We created this "monster"?

First and foremost, he's not a monster. He's confused, yeah; he's not grasping the concepts, but to call him a monster is a little much.

Increasingly, @sazc, you are revealing yourself to be someone who very much reviles the men of this community. It is slipping out more and more with your increasingly caustic and condescending comments against men.

it's a figure of speech, not a direct accusation

"revile" huh? That was an angry criticism? I think not. It's erroneous to attempt to assign an emotional motivation to my posts. Being a complete spectator allows me to see the many dimensions that play out here. I'm more 'interested' and 'fascinated'. Fascinated at the double standards that play out. Fascinated that Dave is complaining about the same stuff that normally gets posted, yet, instead of the high fives, posters are annoyed. But I understand why. However, I am extremely far from 'reviled'.

I disagree, I dont think he's confused. I think he's struggling with some deep rooted demons. I dont even think the demons are particularly detrimental per se, but I do think he needs to talk this thru with a qualified therapist in order to get beyond it. Honestly, it appears that, the only thing the content of this board has done is reaffirm his belief that dating is hopeless, for him. Again, its not the posters, it's the content, and the content isn't necessarily wrong - it's the way Dave has chosen to integrate the new knowledge into his psyche. It's a shame but nothing that anyone here did directly. It's really weird tho because this board is supposed to be 'self help', but all it's done is reinforced his already negative viewpoints.

anyways, yea, I dont revile anyone. y'all are who you are, no worries here

 

[sazc]

Some of them get upset when men play the dating game as its meant to be played.

au contraire, this board, and all the members and posts on it, has benefited me immensely, in many many ways that also benefit anyone who enters my personal space, with the intention of getting to know me. Zero bitterness or being upset here. Truth be told, it's really all good in my world as far as dating goes. And I have the content on this board to thank

 

[sazc]

I mean, let's get real. Dave has read the content of this site and that has served to reinforce his (pre conceived) notions that dating is impossible. It's absolutely reflected in what he posts. If that fact makes you uncomfortable, that's not on me.

 

[17 shots]

lol Dave IS a monster... come get me

 

[Atom Smasher]

You’ve also talked in the past about “correcting” us and yes, reviling some of the precepts held here. You don’t use the word, “revile”, but it shows in your occasional general posts about us poor, mislead souls.

What I see is you occasionally pouncing on the weaker members, taking great interest in everything they say, and leading the general tone toward increased ridicule over time.

The person in question certainly has his issues, but his issues were not created, nor reinforced here. SoSuave is a place of EXPOSURE.

I was a complete confused nut with women when I arrived here, and the excellent principles here exposed me and corrected me, and turned me from a seemingly hopeless case, to a man who can honestly say he has no troubles or worries when it comes to attracting women.

I don’t mean to be overly harsh, but I do see this tendency to pick out the weak ones and pursue them.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Dave just meed a little confidence and things will change, but he need to stop finding excuse and just act on his shortcoming.

Monster is indeed going a bit too far, but to be fair not sure it was meant literally.

Too much bitterness and whining from ppl lately

You have to understand he joined SS a year before you did.

In that time, he has essentially posted, re-posted, and re-hashed the same topic and content over and over and over again. Each post gets 100 responses from well-intentioned SS members trying to help him. he then does nothing and argues against the advice he's given and disappears for awhile. 2-3 weeks later, he'll pop up again with the same exact rant and BS. Again, mostly newbies will chime in with advice, another 100 posts, he argues again, and goes away. 2-3 weeks later he pops up again...and on and on.

THAT's why some people here give him so much s*hit.

I have ZERO sympathy for a man, any man, who asks for all this help and then refuses to even try to change and argues against most of it from some very seasoned SS members.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Totally agreed on all points. We mods are currently discussing the best way to handle it.

 

[sazc]

You’ve also talked in the past about “correcting” us and yes, reviling some of the precepts held here. You don’t use the word, “revile”, but it shows in your occasional general posts about us poor, mislead souls.

What I see is you occasionally pouncing on the weaker members, taking great interest in everything they say, and leading the general tone toward increased ridicule over time.

The person in question certainly has his issues, but his issues were not created, nor reinforced here. SoSuave is a place of EXPOSURE.

I was a complete confused nut with women when I arrived here, and the excellent principles here exposed me and corrected me, and turned me from a seemingly hopeless case, to a man who can honestly say he has no troubles or worries when it comes to attracting women.

I don’t mean to be overly harsh, but I do see this tendency to pick out the weak ones and pursue them.

I dont think you are harsh, you are well intended in expressing your opinion. I dont recall suggesting that I am here to correct anyone, per se but I wont deny that I've used that phrase before - I just cant recall what you are referring to.

Again tho, I think you are projecting past female interactions, that were negative, when you read my posts and assign my emotional state behind them to this 'revile' category. Y'all are going to do whatever you want to do and believe whatever you want to believe - and that does not impact me. Believe what you want. I have no dog in your fight with females, fight as you see fit. I also dont experience anything you guys talk about, as far as how you lead with women. Part of this is because I wont deal with game players and part of this is because I shoot respectfully straight, so there is no confusion. I learned all of this from you guys

As far as me pouncing on weaker members, yes, I am imperfect. Believe it or not, I AM well intended hanging out here, however I do reach my limit with people. That's never my 'opener' tho, I always try to be helpful. I certainly do not pursue anyone on these boards. That would suggest that I am invested emotionally in someone, to a degree. That's not true.