Are my standards too high/unrealistic?

[sangheilios]

I hardly ever go on dates, only two in the past year, and it just honestly seems impossible to find anything out there. I've already posted this about myself on here, but I'm tall, I workout regularly/fit, take care of myself, no smoking, drinking or drugs, college educated and just a good guy all around.

I'm honestly just looking for a woman who is attractive, single, has no children, not covered in tattoos, no unnatural colored hair (pink, blue, green, etc.) doesn't have odd piercings, takes care of herself and is active, doesn't have any issues with drugs, doesn't smoke, does not drink beyond a social level and is just a decent person who is enjoyable to be around. Seriously, is that too much to ask for because I see these as very basic and reasonable standards for someone like myself and yet I just can't find it. The women that do meet this basic criteria are obviously never going to be single, and if they are they won't be that way for very long. I actually do see women that I'm attracted to but they aren't available to me, so there really isn't much I can do about any of that.

 

[marmel75]

What are you doing to find this woman? My bet is the answer you will give is nothing.

If you want to leave it to chance then you get what comes your way. If you actively go look for it then you control your destiny.

Don't be a passenger in your own life. Drive.
I always believe that if you are not happy with some aspect of your life then it is your responsiblity to do.something to change it.

If you dont like you job, get a new one.

If you dont make enough money at your job then find one that pays more.

If you can't find one that pays more because you lack in demand job skills then go acquire some by going back to school or learning a trade.

If you are unhappy with where you live then move.

If you don't like your friends then go get new ones.

If you don't like your lack of options with women then go get find more options

The key to all of these is that it requires ACTION on your part. Saying you aren't happy but then doing nothing to actively change what you are unhappy about is pointless. You have to DO SOMETHING to cause it to change.

So my question is what are you doing RIGHT NOW that will cause this to change in the next week? Month? Two months? Six months?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You admit in your post that what you seek is unavailable.

Which answers your own question. Yes, given your current objectives/behavior, your standards are unrealistic.

Either lower your standards, alter your behavior/SMV or a mix of both.

 

[sangheilios]

You admit in your post that what you seek is unavailable.

Which answers your own question. Yes, given your current objectives/behavior, your standards are unrealistic.

Either lower your standards, alter your behavior/SMV or a mix of both.

I meant that they are just not single, which means they just aren't available to me in any shape or form.

 

[sangheilios]

What are you doing to find this woman? My bet is the answer you will give is nothing.

If you want to leave it to chance then you get what comes your way. If you actively go look for it then you control your destiny.

Don't be a passenger in your own life. Drive.
I always believe that if you are not happy with some aspect of your life then it is your responsiblity to do.something to change it.

If you dont like you job, get a new one.

If you dont make enough money at your job then find one that pays more.

If you can't find one that pays more because you lack in demand job skills then go acquire some by going back to school or learning a trade.

If you are unhappy with where you live then move.

If you don't like your friends then go get new ones.

If you don't like your lack of options with women then go get find more options

The key to all of these is that it requires ACTION on your part. Saying you aren't happy but then doing nothing to actively change what you are unhappy about is pointless. You have to DO SOMETHING to cause it to change.

So my question is what are you doing RIGHT NOW that will cause this to change in the next week? Month? Two months? Six months?

I've tried OLD and tinder in the past, never worked at all but I decided to give it a try once more today.....but I'd be insane to think it will magically work now when it never did in the past.

I've approached women when I was out in public, normal day to day approaches, and I'd get numbers.....only to get ghosted or flaked on.

Tried going out on a regular basis, would approach women, get numbers and then never hear from them again, which I know is common when meeting women in that environment.

I'm not just posting about this online and doing nothing about it, I'm just getting really burnt out with a complete lack of results.

 

[backseatjuan]

I hardly ever go on dates

Good women are taken, man. There are only left overs. Lower dating standards and stop looking for a relationship.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You cant try to have a relationship. It doesn't work. It comes across as needy. Have sex with the hottest babes who desire you. They are supposed to try to manipulate you into a relationship.

 

[sangheilios]

You cant try to have a relationship. It doesn't work. It comes across as needy. Have sex with the hottest babes who desire you. They are supposed to try to manipulate you into a relationship.

I'm just trying to get numbers and dates, and I can't even get that lol.

 

[Trump]

I hardly ever go on dates, only two in the past year, and it just honestly seems impossible to find anything out there. I've already posted this about myself on here, but I'm tall, I workout regularly/fit, take care of myself, no smoking, drinking or drugs, college educated and just a good guy all around.

I'm honestly just looking for a woman who is attractive, single, has no children, not covered in tattoos, no unnatural colored hair (pink, blue, green, etc.) doesn't have odd piercings, takes care of herself and is active, doesn't have any issues with drugs, doesn't smoke, does not drink beyond a social level and is just a decent person who is enjoyable to be around. Seriously, is that too much to ask for because I see these as very basic and reasonable standards for someone like myself and yet I just can't find it. The women that do meet this basic criteria are obviously never going to be single, and if they are they won't be that way for very long. I actually do see women that I'm attracted to but they aren't available to me, so there really isn't much I can do about any of that.

Going to be tough at your age. If you want a relationship got to snatch them up while you are 21-25. After 25 it’s tough for a man to get a decent woman. They are also damaged goods, used up by the top 20% of men, all of them on Sosuave.

That’s why I never understand people say “30s is the best time for a man, his SMV goes through the roof while the woman’s crashes.”

In my 20s I once dated a Maxim model and a 8.5/10 on the same day. In my 30s I had trouble getting divorced women to call me back. 20s is where the woman are available and your SMV is high. 30s it gets really really tough.

 

[Serenity]

I've approached women when I was out in public, normal day to day approaches, and I'd get numbers.....only to get ghosted or flaked on.

Nobody goes on a date with a stranger they randomly got approached by and talked to for a few minutes, unless you're exceptionally good at seducing them. They'll give their number to not make it awkward, not because they're interested.

The only way I could see daygame being successful is if you manage to build attraction on the spot, maybe even trying to get an instant date. Getting a number means nothing.

Your standards aren't unrealistic, it's just as you've discovered so common that it's hard to find one who's single and want to date. Most guys want that, women like that are common, but they're in high demand and as such you'll see them everywhere, but they're taken.

 

[sangheilios]

Going to be tough at your age. If you want a relationship got to snatch them up while you are 21-25. After 25 it’s tough for a man to get a decent woman. They are also damaged goods, used up by the top 20% of men, all of them on Sosuave.

That’s why I never understand people say “30s is the best time for a man, his SMV goes through the roof while the woman’s crashes.”

In my 20s I once dated a Maxim model and a 8.5/10 on the same day. In my 30s I had trouble getting divorced women to call me back. 20s is where the woman are available and your SMV is high. 30s it gets really really tough.

I'm aware of that, all the good ones are "wifed up" by the time they are in their mid 20s.

I actually had a conversation about this with my friend, he's almost 24 and has one more year left in college. Anyway, I told him that when he leaves there that his access to attractive women like that will go way down and that it is almost impossible to find anything decent past a certain age.

Seriously, I've checked out dating sites and when I look at women past around the age of 25 the quality on there drops tremendously, it's almost scary lol. Thankfully I take really good care of myself, am fit and all that so I'm not the average guy going on 30 but it doesn't look good at all.

 

[allancc3]

I meant that they are just not single, which means they just aren't available to me in any shape or form.

Quick, semi-obvious redpill. Yes, they are. If you are attractive enough, they'll make it happen one way or the other.

Just the other day, was hanging out with a friend. He brought a date or a girlfriend, doesn't matter. I play it cool. I'm relieved that she is as well (playing it cool that is). But once she starts getting comfortable, it starts all over again. She starts teasing, flirting, smiling, deep eye contact, yada yada yada. My friend is now getting handsy with her, becoming a bit more protective, it's just an instinctual thing. It doesn't stop her. She just pushes the issue all night.

I hate to say it, but the vast majority of women have zero loyalty and will drop a man at the drop of a hat if they can find a better deal. It's unfortunate, it's immoral, it's annoying at times (she was fat), it's predictable, but I get this. Every. Single. Time.

 

[Fruitbat]

Going to be tough at your age. If you want a relationship got to snatch them up while you are 21-25. After 25 it’s tough for a man to get a decent woman. They are also damaged goods, used up by the top 20% of men, all of them on Sosuave.

That’s why I never understand people say “30s is the best time for a man, his SMV goes through the roof while the woman’s crashes.”

In my 20s I once dated a Maxim model and a 8.5/10 on the same day. In my 30s I had trouble getting divorced women to call me back. 20s is where the woman are available and your SMV is high. 30s it gets really really tough.

Complete opposite for me. Unless they are professional atheletes, dudes in their 20s, esp early 20s, seem like children in comparison.

If you’re broke in your 30s, correct. All the hottest women I knew in my 20s were dating 30 something guys who owned their own businesses or had serious jobs.

I was mainly screwing 30 something divorcees wanting a fling in my 20s. I was a DJ (as in a disk jockey) at nightclubs for most of my 20s, which helped, but still, found it easier dating mid 30s than mid 20s. Getting laid was prob easier though as I was always out in bars and clubs, I physically could not do that in 30s without getting ill.

Another point is I was not in control in my 20s and was more interested in the party scene than meeting women. They were just an attractive diversion to getting wasted

 

[sangheilios]

Nobody goes on a date with a stranger they randomly got approached by and talked to for a few minutes, unless you're exceptionally good at seducing them. They'll give their number to not make it awkward, not because they're interested.

The only way I could see daygame being successful is if you manage to build attraction on the spot, maybe even trying to get an instant date. Getting a number means nothing.

Your standards aren't unrealistic, it's just as you've discovered so common that it's hard to find one who's single and want to date. Most guys want that, women like that are common, but they're in high demand and as such you'll see them everywhere, but they're taken.

I'm not creepy about it but yes I do agree in that a woman is going to have her guard up around a stranger she met at the bank, grocery store, etc.

I'm trying to make a habit of going for women who are in the 21-25 age range, but again my access to women of that age range is kind of limited because I'm not in hundreds of situations to meet them every single day.

 

[allancc3]

But to answer your question, yes, there is a possibility you are "too selective" compared to the average guy. I was talking to a bud who was interested in a woman who had been gaming me. The gal has a pretty face, is tall, but is a bit heavy. Not "fat" per se, but a bit curvy. He was going on and on about how hot she is. Meanwhile I rejected her for being too heavy. I wouldn't say that of course, but it goes to show you the difference in standards.

Most guys will overlook a few flaws here and there if a woman has some attractive traits. It's the normal, typical male bias, which is to look for attractive features in a woman (sex inclusive), rather than traits that might be considered unattractive (female mindset: sex exclusive).

 

[sangheilios]

Quick, semi-obvious redpill. Yes, they are. If you are attractive enough, they'll make it happen one way or the other.

Just the other day, was hanging out with a friend. He brought a date or a girlfriend, doesn't matter. I play it cool. I'm relieved that she is as well (playing it cool that is). But once she starts getting comfortable, it starts all over again. She starts teasing, flirting, smiling, deep eye contact, yada yada yada. My friend is now getting handsy with her, becoming a bit more protective, it's just an instinctual thing. It doesn't stop her. She just pushes the issue all night.

I hate to say it, but the vast majority of women have zero loyalty and will drop a man at the drop of a hat if they can find a better deal. It's unfortunate, it's immoral, it's annoying at times (she was fat), it's predictable, but I get this. Every. Single. Time.

Trust me, I'm aware of all of this. I have met several women over the past couple years that were in relationships that would go out of their way to talk to me, even ask me and all that. It was kind of hard not to do anything with them, as they were very attractive and highly interested in me, but I just didn't need that kind of drama in my life. A lot of the women I know of in my area are never single, they might break up with their bf and within a few months they are already in a serious relationship with another guy, almost like they just can't be single out of fear.

 

[sangheilios]

But to answer your question, yes, there is a possibility you are "too selective" compared to the average guy. I was talking to a bud who was interested in a woman who had been gaming me. The gal has a pretty face, is tall, but is a bit heavy. Not "fat" per se, but a bit curvy. He was going on and on about how hot she is. Meanwhile I rejected her for being too heavy. I wouldn't say that of course, but it goes to show you the difference in standards.

Most guys will overlook a few flaws here and there if a woman has some attractive traits. It's the normal, typical male bias, which is to look for attractive features in a woman (sex inclusive), rather than traits that might be considered unattractive (female mindset: sex exclusive).

Honestly, I feel as an attractive guy who takes care of himself, exercises, etc. it is acceptable for me to not want to date women that are unattractive and overweight. I'm not saying I only go for Victoria's Secret models, as I do find a very large range of women attractive, but I do in fact need to be attracted to her. I could show you pictures of women that I've actually gone on dates with to see what type of women do indeed find me attractive.

 

[allancc3]

That same night, I saw a couple of women who had made the interest known. I didn't follow up on it with these two. If I go out to any social setting or event where there are women in their 20's and 30's I'm going to have many women flirting with me in any given night.

They settled. After about 25 or so, the smart ones stop chasing "chads" or whatever term you want to use. Yes, they will give it a go, they will reach for the stars so to speak (yes, women have used that exact language with me) within normal feminine guidelines. They will make their interest known. If that doesn't work out, they'll go to plan b, c, d, etc. This is where the average guys can get a really good deal and date up.

Once they get used and/or ignored by "chad," they'll come to their senses, limit their losses and settle down with a nice guy.

It's possible to move up, but the key is to steer clear of the attention *****s who have lots of orbiters. Ignore any female with orbiters.

 

[sangheilios]

Complete opposite for me. Unless they are professional atheletes, dudes in their 20s, esp early 20s, seem like children in comparison.

If you’re broke in your 30s, correct. All the hottest women I knew in my 20s were dating 30 something guys who owned their own businesses or had serious jobs.

I was mainly screwing 30 something divorcees wanting a fling in my 20s. I was a DJ (as in a disk jockey) at nightclubs for most of my 20s, which helped, but still, found it easier dating mid 30s than mid 20s. Getting laid was prob easier though as I was always out in bars and clubs, I physically could not do that in 30s without getting ill.

Another point is I was not in control in my 20s and was more interested in the party scene than meeting women. They were just an attractive diversion to getting wasted

Most guys are overweight and over the hill by the time they are in their 30s, so naturally a woman in her mid 20s is most likely not going to find him all that attractive. I personally feel as a guy it is important to take care of yourself, exercise and dress well but also as a man in your 30s to be more established financially. A 25 year old woman will go for a 32 year old man who is doing well financially, especially since most men around her age are still up and coming. I also feel that as a man gets older his confidence and sense of self is far more developed compared to when he was in his early to mid 20s, which again is an attractive trait.

 

[allancc3]

Honestly, I feel as an attractive guy who takes care of himself, exercises, etc. it is acceptable for me to not want to date women that are unattractive and overweight. I'm not saying I only go for Victoria's Secret models, as I do find a very large range of women attractive, but I do in fact need to be attracted to her. I could show you pictures of women that I've actually gone on dates with to see what type of women do indeed find me attractive.

Based on everything you've written, you are "too selective" in comparison the average male. This means you are losing out on a large percentage of opportunities. You're losing out on almost all of them.

You need to keep in mind that we are living in a broken, fallen world. This is the devil's playground. Pretty much everyone you meet is dysfunctional to some noticeable extent. You will either have to accept this reality and date women who have problems (all of them do) or you are going to be alone.

Just about everyone is experimenting with drugs starting from an early age, have parents who are divorced, start watching porn as pre-teens, watching gore videos, have anxiety, suffer from depression, on meds, start getting tats as soon as they leave the house at 18, get fat from fast food, etc.

Not offering any advice, just observations that will help to ground you as to what is "normal." A severely damaged body and psyche are in fact, normal or the statistical average these days.