"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Is she playing games?

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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GrowingPains

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Did you reply with the standard ... "Who's this?"

#textgame
Wouldn't it be a bit petty to respond that way? And then wouldn't OP be playing games too? I mean I get play the game but not games. Are they congruent?

I say it seems petty because if you were talking to her, you probably saved her number. And if you don't have it anymore, what's there to assume other than: he deleted my number (most likely) or he never saved it (not something I would do. I think having 3-4 unsaved numbers at a time is too much work to remember who I'm talking to). Now, assuming she assumes you deleted her number... That'd only make you look silly because you went through the trouble to delete a number (granted, it has been half a year) and usually I've only ever deleted numbers if I would never contact that person again (an ex, or I moved and it was a random number I pulled but never hung out with). My assumption would be insecurity if I thought someone went through the trouble to delete my number.

So, back on topic. If she is playing games... What games could she possibly be playing? You haven't spoken to her in a year so there's no investment, emotionally or monetarily, that would allow her to string you along at this point. I think a better stance to take is whether you want to smash or not. Are you still interested at this point? If you are, makeep her work a little bit. And if she starts working for it, put the ball in her court and see what she does. Actions.

I'd just assume she's pursuing you. She reached out half a year later.
 
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Mazer

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I personally wouldn’t even respond but if you decide to, then shoot her a text 2-3 days later and ask her to come over and catch up. I wouldn’t invest anything else.
 

marmel75

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OP was a troll splinter cell sent to infiltrate the board for a long period of time acting like a normal member before turning troll upon whatever trigger was given by his handlers...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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sosousage

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OP was a troll splinter cell sent to infiltrate the board for a long period of time acting like a normal member before turning troll upon whatever trigger was given by his handlers...
Yes i saved this board with my sense of humor
 

MillionBillionaire

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Wouldn't it be a bit petty to respond that way? And then wouldn't OP be playing games too? I mean I get play the game but not games. Are they congruent?

I say it seems petty because if you were talking to her, you probably saved her number. And if you don't have it anymore, what's there to assume other than: he deleted my number (most likely) or he never saved it (not something I would do. I think having 3-4 unsaved numbers at a time is too much work to remember who I'm talking to). Now, assuming she assumes you deleted her number... That'd only make you look silly because you went through the trouble to delete a number (granted, it has been half a year) and usually I've only ever deleted numbers if I would never contact that person again (an ex, or I moved and it was a random number I pulled but never hung out with). My assumption would be insecurity if I thought someone went through the trouble to delete my number.

So, back on topic. If she is playing games... What games could she possibly be playing? You haven't spoken to her in a year so there's no investment, emotionally or monetarily, that would allow her to string you along at this point. I think a better stance to take is whether you want to smash or not. Are you still interested at this point? If you are, makeep her work a little bit. And if she starts working for it, put the ball in her court and see what she does. Actions.

I'd just assume she's pursuing you. She reached out half a year later.
Petty? Who gives a fvcuk... the whole point of "who's this" is to fish for information such as motive.

new to this?
 
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