Reached out to an old flame...how should I read this txt convo?

[HankHill]

Me: Hey, remember me? My boss just got back from Costa Rica and that reminded me of you since you were planning to go there this year, right?
Her: Of course I remember you HankHill! That is funny your boss just got back from CR. I'll be there next week! How are you doing?
Me: Hey! you do remember me! haha I'm doing fantastic, how about you?
Her: That is great that you're doing fantastic! I'm doing well, I'm now recovered from a stressful work schedule, finally!
Me: I'm glad to hear that. So what's keeping you busy these days? Adopt another cat? [her cat died just before we broke up]
Her: I'm back to my usual book clusbs and outings! I plan to get a cat after I get back from vacation! Do you have any trips planned this summer?
Me: Right, you were quite active in social events and book clubs. No, nothing major planned this summer just some local fun activities. Gotta run but it was nice to touch base again! Ping me if you want to catch up again.
Her: Enjoy your local summer! Take care!
Her [2mins later]: Oh, I went to the Pink concert with [her bff] and it was amazing! Far more spectacular than any concert I've ever been to! I highly recommend that you go next time she is in town!
Me: What?! and you didn't even invite me?!! :angel emoji: Thanks, I'll try. Goodnight!
Her [next morning]: Hahaha :tongue in cheek emoji:

This was about 3.5 weeks ago, she's now been back from her trip for at least a week+. She seemed to want to talk and didn't give me the cold shoulder etc so I figured if she wanted to get together she'd initiate contact after she got back but she hasn't. So at this point should I bother reaching out with a 'hey how was your trip etc'? or let it fade out?

 

[sazc]

Let her reach out

 

[GT40]

Let her reach out

Yes. Don’t text her. Don’t look needy dude

 

[HankHill]

I know not to reach out and give it time since it's only been a couple of weeks but say I hear nothing for a month do I just forget it at that point or reaching out one more time isn't a bad idea? I'm in the latter camp right now.

 

[Igetit!]

Me: Hey, remember me? My boss just got back from Costa Rica and that reminded me of you since you were planning to go there this year, right?
Her: Of course I remember you HankHill! That is funny your boss just got back from CR. I'll be there next week! How are you doing?
Me: Hey! you do remember me! haha I'm doing fantastic, how about you?
Her: That is great that you're doing fantastic! I'm doing well, I'm now recovered from a stressful work schedule, finally!
Me: I'm glad to hear that. So what's keeping you busy these days? Adopt another cat? [her cat died just before we broke up]
Her: I'm back to my usual book clusbs and outings! I plan to get a cat after I get back from vacation! Do you have any trips planned this summer?
Me: Right, you were quite active in social events and book clubs. No, nothing major planned this summer just some local fun activities. Gotta run but it was nice to touch base again! Ping me if you want to catch up again.
Her: Enjoy your local summer! Take care!
Her [2mins later]: Oh, I went to the Pink concert with [her bff] and it was amazing! Far more spectacular than any concert I've ever been to! I highly recommend that you go next time she is in town!
Me: What?! and you didn't even invite me?!! :angel emoji: Thanks, I'll try. Goodnight!
Her [next morning]: Hahaha :tongue in cheek emoji:

This was about 3.5 weeks ago, she's now been back from her trip for at least a week+. She seemed to want to talk and didn't give me the cold shoulder etc so I figured if she wanted to get together she'd initiate contact after she got back but she hasn't. So at this point should I bother reaching out with a 'hey how was your trip etc'? or let it fade out?

Well.....to be honest dude......the way you come off here,you two seem more like old friends than old flames. Seem more like two old female friends who lost touch with each other than exes. I mean.....the chick was recommending concerts for you to go to.

Like reading this exchange..........if it wasn't for the title of the thread,I'd never had known there was ever anything sexual or romantic between the two of you. It's just all superficial pleasantries. Saying something sexual here would almost seem out of place. And that SHOULDN'T BE....not between two people who once dated and used to sleep together.

If you're gonna put yourself out there,might as well just gone ahead and do it.......I'd just ask her what she thought about the two of us getting together and hanging out sometime. Maybe tell her you were going through some old pics,saw one of the two of you together,or one of her wearing a particular outfit you used to like seeing her in. Just SOMETHING about the old spark that used to exist between the two of you instead empty,"polite" chit-chat.

 

[marmel75]

Again, men not taking action. If you want something to happen then you actively try and make it happen.

You left it up to her. 9 times out of 10 when you leave it uo to her you will lose.

You had an opportunity to get her out and you didn't take it.

 

[HankHill]

Now that you mention it... shoulda coulda woulda.

 

[Murk]

Way too passive, should have propositioned her for a meet then at least you would know one way or another.

Oh well, maybe next time, you live and learn.

An old flame reached out to me this morning and literally said let's do something fun tomorrow, so we are meeting in a park and going drinking on a boat. I have her Gucci glasses at my place still so that is how I'll be having sex tomorrow evening.

 

[HankHill]

Me: Right, you were quite active in social events and book clubs. No, nothing major planned this summer just some local fun activities. Gotta run but it was nice to touch base again! Ping me if you want to catch up again.

So in hindsight this is where I should've said "when do you get back from CR? I'll text you then so we can hang out" ?

I was going for 'leave it in her court and if she's interested she'll get back' ala Corey Wayne.

 

[marmel75]

Text her one night you are free out of the blue with simply "Drinks??" and see how she responds.

You have nothing to lose at this point, but at least you'll know your answer by what she responds with or doesn't respond with.

 

[HankHill]

Apparently I'm not good at interpreting the messages, what I took as a normal conversation I didn't read into what was behind each statement. I brought up the *new* cat because I was simply curious but you're right, it must've stirred up associated memories of her *old* cat dying and us breaking up. BTW, this is the woman that wouldn't put out as I mentioned in the other thread LOL. I don't have any other ex's to reach out to besides her and the LTR ex (who made me join SS) - now that one is a sex goddess and I could have her over in a sec but I can't stand the fact that she keeps flip flopping between me and her ex so I've resolved to not reach out to her. Over a month and half now.

Anyway, back to this one...and back to my original question should I reach out in a couple of weeks and as @marmel75 said just throw a random 'Drinks?' out there? or frame it a different way? we only dated for like 3 months so not a lot of history or memories. She's a red wine person, and a good cook (she liked making dinner together)...that's about it.

 

[R.U.G.]

Reaching out to an old flame.. Hmm, dangerous territory. I agree, it looks like I am reading a text exchange between two old female friends. You had a few times to chime in and turn it into a meet up and catch up, but we all learn. After she said she was doing nothing aside from the vacation, you should had said, we should get some drinks some time. Wait for her reply, then say what days work for you? Pick something close to her home, or, if you're really bold, to your home. If she comes to your neck of the woods, you are in a better frame. If she said no, not a problem. You just wish her on her way and that is that.

You can only learn this through experience. However, reaching out to an old flame is risky, so you get points for that.

 

[Gan]

Anyway, back to this one...and back to my original question should I reach out in a couple of weeks and as @marmel75 said just throw a random 'Drinks?' out there? or frame it a different way? we only dated for like 3 months so not a lot of history or memories. She's a red wine person, and a good cook (she liked making dinner together)...that's about it.

There's no reason to wait "a few weeks". Like Marmel said, text her whenever you're free. That text is good. Short, and to the point. No BS

 

[HankHill]

Yeah only problem is she knows I don't drink (she's a red wine person only). I mean I can still get something to drink if I go out but she'll know I'm trying too hard to please her. That's why I was thinking of small talking my way to get her to invite me over (she's a a great cook and if I say something to that effect) or invite her over to cook together.

Contrast all this to the other LTR ex where I just txt'd her out of the blue 'I so miss your body right now...' and her response was 'I'm home and you know where I live...'.

 

[Gan]

Yeah only problem is she knows I don't drink (she's a red wine person only). I mean I can still get something to drink if I go out but she'll know I'm trying too hard to please her. That's why I was thinking of small talking my way to get her to invite me over (she's a a great cook and if I say something to that effect) or invite her over to cook together.

Contrast all this to the other LTR ex where I just txt'd her out of the blue 'I so miss your body right now...' and her response was 'I'm home and you know where I live...'.

That might work. It might be better if you take the lead and invite her over instead, though. You never really know with old flames.

 

[marmel75]

Yeah only problem is she knows I don't drink (she's a red wine person only). I mean I can still get something to drink if I go out but she'll know I'm trying too hard to please her. That's why I was thinking of small talking my way to get her to invite me over (she's a a great cook and if I say something to that effect) or invite her over to cook together.

Contrast all this to the other LTR ex where I just txt'd her out of the blue 'I so miss your body right now...' and her response was 'I'm home and you know where I live...'.

Dude now you are just inside your own head. This is not a good place to be. Do whatever you want. Invite her over for dinner, invite her out for coffee, etc...just take some sort of action.

 

[HankHill]

Breaking news lol
Well what do you know, I just got a txt from her! Her ears must've been burning or something. Seriously.

"I got a new cat today! It took me 5 mos to grieve [old cat] and then I went to CR. [new cat] is feisty, also curious and playful now that I have her home! :heart emoji:"

3 mins later:

"I hope you're having a good weekend! :cat-emoji:"

OK so now how do I respond?

"Hey! that's awesome. I must meet this fiesty pvssy cat! lol"
"Hey! you're back from the trip! Cute kitty, congrats! When are you free so I can hear about your trip and meet your new cat?"
or...?


Edit: now 30 mins later - she just sent a pic of the cat.
I think I'm going to txt the second option above.

 

[R.U.G.]

Agreeing with marmel75. Just sh!t or get off the pot. Personally, I do not reach out to old flames. They were left back there for a reason. However, a few have reached out to me in the past. I always invite them over for drinks and something to eat. Since she cooks, did she make a really good dish you enjoyed? Say, hey, I really enjoyed that dish you once made. Let's set something up so we can make it together. Wait for a reply. If she says yes, you're in. Say, hey, how about my place (assuming you have a kitchen) at 8 on Friday? Ask her for the ingredients, pick them up with her favorite bottle of wine (assuming it's cheap). You, since you do not drink, get some ginger ale or something.

@ 43, I am surprised you don't know this already. Stop with this cat bs. It's childish and shows little backbone. She knows you want to meet her already, ask or let it be. I'd ask; if you are so inclined. 100% of the shots not made are guaranteed misses. So take the shot. You have nothing to lose.

You can try to escalate, but it may not go over very well via text. If she says, what would you like to eat? You can reply, well, take a guess ;'p

However, if her interest is not a 7 or an 8, this can fail miserably. So, for you, I'd take the cooking route and stick with food instead of her pvssy (in case you didn't get my text pun from above).

 

[HankHill]

That cat BS just gave me an in. Her whole text was about her cat. Trust me with women who see their pets as kids it's a huge deal to them.

Anyway, I just texted her what I wrote above as the second option and she responded with
Her: "I'll stay close to home most nights so she's not alone in the beginning".
Me: "7:30p tonight?"
Her: "Nope!"
Her: "She is just getting used to me and her new location..."
Her: "Maybe later this week? I'll check my calendar"
Me: "Sounds good. Will prob have to be next week though."

 

[HankHill]

So no more texts since the last update but now she keeps sending me pics of her cat every now and again LOL I haven't responded, I'll respond in a few hrs with something basic like 'looks like you two are getting along well!'. I mean what else can I do? I going to send her my d*ck pics in return hahaha - not that I've ever done that before, nor do I plan to. Nor can I say 'ok now let's see your other kitty instead'.

Time for my bike run...I need it to stop focusing on women so much and just friggn' get sh*t done like I was before I joined SS, now I'm post whoring like bigdave lol