The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Spaz]

Day 1 (need advice)

Recently got dumped by my ex-gf on June 22. We dated for a year on and off. It was her mostly who broke things off every time. She would come back everytime after me going silent or moving. We tried to talk things out and work on our issues. That did not work. We tried to do couples counseling but our schedules were too busy. Anyhow, after the breakup (June 22) I took a few days off and attended a cousin's wedding overseas. Made the mistake of calling her last Saturday (June 30) from overseas. Offered friendship, she said we can't be friends and needs time apart. She said at least 6 months apart and said in a way to torment me. I lost it. She hung up. I tried calling back twice.

Then yesterday this happened;

1) I tried calling her but she hung up the phone after a few dials.

2) I then sent her a text saying "I haven't been sleeping or eating and I cannot focus on work. I dont have family here (not my home country) and you were my closest friend. I dont know how I can function and move on. I am finding it difficult to do anything. I dont want to drink of smoke my problems away. I cannot go back to the psychiatrist (I have abandonment issues) because we had gone in together and I am worried that the memories of her in his office would be too much. I have a lot to get out of my chest. Please talk to me, I need you."

3) No response to the above text so I called back 3 times at different hour intervals. No response to any attempts.

I am not sure if she will come back after these moves but I dont expect her to. I plan on working on myself and getting healthier. Though I desperately need to see my counselor as well.

So today is my first day of NC. Wondering if I should remove her from Instagram? Would that ruin any chances of reconciliation and would it be seen as childish?

Any thoughts on how bad I messed up or chances of getting her back after these beta moves are welcome!

It's been a while now since I last entered here, usually when it's highlighted in the updates.

U need to create a new thread just for this buddy.

Gently reminding you that u hv been here since 2014 and it's abt time you read the DJ bible.

Sorry to be the bringer of bad tidings, I highly doubt she'll want you back given all the red flags u hv displayed.

Even if she did it's because she can't land a more manly man.

Nothing abt what you're posted is seemingly manly, masculine but highly feminine and no woman in the right frame of mind will be attracted to that. It's like dealing with another female from ur ex perspective. It's downright disgusting.

She was absolutely correct in dumping you.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man and it will make her happy.

All women deserves to be fvcked by a real man and not by some female stuck in a man's body.

And if u really desire to be that man; go read POOK in the DJ bible then start practising and in a short few years you'll be that person whom ur ex desires.

 

[beatjunkie]

It's been a while now since I last entered here, usually when it's highlighted in the updates.

U need to create a new thread just for this buddy.

Gently reminding you that u hv been here since 2014 and it's abt time you read the DJ bible.

Sorry to be the bringer of bad tidings, I highly doubt she'll want you back given all the red flags u hv displayed.

Even if she did it's because she can't land a more manly man.

Nothing abt what you're posted is seemingly manly, masculine but highly feminine and no woman in the right frame of mind will be attracted to that. It's like dealing with another female from ur ex perspective. It's downright disgusting.

She was absolutely correct in dumping you.

She deserves to be fvcked by a real man and it will make her happy.

All women deserves to be fvcked by a real man and not by some female stuck in a man's body.

And if u really desire to be that man; go read POOK in the DJ bible then start practising and in a short few years you'll be that person whom ur ex desires.

Ouch that hurt but thanks. It was the right thing to read/say to me. Clearly i went total AFC. My main concern now is trying to gain frame, should I remove her from instagram? Or just drop the whole damn thing as it is a lost case and move on and live my life without worrying what she may think.

 

[beatjunkie]

Allow me to add that the breakup occured because of difference in religion and families not being able to accept. It was not because i went beta or slipped up. She had been thinking about it, even mentioned that she lost sleep and then broke up with me after.

 

[Spaz]

Religion or family is merely a convenient excuse, I think deep down you know this too.

When a woman is deeply in love, nothing I mean nothing will stop her from wanting you even if u were the Devil incarnate.

That said, it's all got to do with you as a man, she doesn't find you attractive as in character attractiveness.

Delete her from all social network. Keep with the NC. If she calls to check up on you, it's not you but it's for her own validation; knowing she has power over men. Don't validate her. Remove as in dismiss.

Then work on urself and be a mother fvcking great man that you were born to be, as ur ancestors were thousands of years ago, they would literally turn in their graves knowing how far u hv fallen. We wouldn't want that would we?

 

[RedScorpion]

Ouch that hurt but thanks. It was the right thing to read/say to me. Clearly i went total AFC. My main concern now is trying to gain frame, should I remove her from instagram? Or just drop the whole damn thing as it is a lost case and move on and live my life without worrying what she may think.

Force yourself to wait at least a week about the instagram thing. I suggest if you can stand not looking at her page, or if you can set it so her posts aren't visible (not sure how instagram works), then you might be fine. Some people can't resist looking however. Any sort of viewing on how she's doing (good or bad, or even boring/neutral) will set you back. New info will stimulate you remembering that she is still a thing.

If you have to remove her (after some thinking about it), no shame in doing so. Do what you have to do to move on.

Regardless of how the break up went, going NC is the best way.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 12

Introspection and hard truths time. Messed up a good thing but these things happen and lessons were learned. Loving the challenge of NC and intend to stick it out for 60 days.

However I do plan to reach out after the challenge is over. Maybe I will feel differently by day 60. I'm doing this more for myself than anything else. So perhaps she meets another guy or forgets about me and moves on. Well that's a risk worth taking.

 

[GruntCardone]

Day 12

Introspection and hard truths time. Messed up a good thing but these things happen and lessons were learned. Loving the challenge of NC and intend to stick it out for 60 days.

However I do plan to reach out after the challenge is over. Maybe I will feel differently by day 60. I'm doing this more for myself than anything else. So perhaps she meets another guy or forgets about me and moves on. Well that's a risk worth taking.

This all sounds familiar. You've reached out to your previous ex with a backhand and it cost you your job.

Looks like no more trips to Dubai to give a speech to the UN on the company credit card while your secretary flips skyscrapers back home.. But the good news is I can recommend some good criminal defense attorneys for the battery charge. PM me for more info.

Good luck!

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 13

Salsa tonight. Hopefully be some hotties about. Cut down salsa days to three per week. Quality over quantity. Date with the "part time model" to look forward to Thursday as well.

Smashing work at the moment. We potentially have three new clients and another investee company to integrate into our portfolio. Also flying out to a prominent tax haven end of this month (work related). Think Cayman Islands, BVI, Jersey, etc. Will be meeting a number of government ministers and potential investors. With all these things to prep for July should fly by.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 2 (end of)

I woke up early this morning feeling extremely down and depressed. Went for a 45 minute jog and let the cold air hit and refresh me. It helped. On the drive to work I had to stop a few times to vent. Darn it was hard.

Afternoon I felt better. Much better. Productivity at work also picked up. I posted on socia media. Some old pics of me at work that a colleague handed to me that got me excited. I immediately regreted after as I thought she may perceive it as subliminals. Haven't removed it. Whatever, can I live a little?? I frankly don't want to delete her yet because, after going complete beta at the end with that text and 4 phonecalls, doing so would seem like an childish emotional reaction.

The good thing about today was that I told myself over and over that things happen for a reason and that there is no hope of a getting back together. I figure taking the harder path and accepting early on will make the recovery faster.

Hoping tomorrow won't be so bad.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

Day #85 of NC.

I haven't seen her but I fear running into her because we frequent the same areas. I did see her truck parked in the gym parking lot a few mornings ago.

Someone help me understand. In all my life I've never felt so much fear, I guess you'd call it, of another person. She's harmless. But somehow this oneitis is arresting my brain.
This would never be happening if I just went ahead and banged her that night instead of being nice guy too respectful to offend her with the sex she wanted.
Don't get me wrong. I DO NOT want to contact her. Doing so would be predictable and look super weak.
She is a boring gal herself. I suspect the only thing exciting about her would be the sex but I don't even know that because I was too wussy to try to make a move back in Oct. 2017!
I admit I do peep her FB sometimes but not as often as I used to. Her pics say she has over 400 but I only see about 15. She must be posting privately. I am sick and tired of looking for her car or truck when I'm out driving.

Guys, murder that nice/respectful guy that resides in you, and burn him on a stake.
Then, be on the lookout for when a woman wants sex from you and move in for the sex. Kino and escalate. Do not make my mistake and be a nice guy, it will eat at your soul for a long time.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 3

Feeling FANTASTIC. Much Stronger. I wish I had not texted her that msg and asked to talk. Break up is not bothering me so much today. Got back on Tinder and made a few matches (met my ex on tinder also lol). I saw some of her friends on Tinder as well so I am sure they will tell her about me being back on. I set up a date this evening with a girl i've put on ice so I am eager for that.

Only thing bothering me is still having her on instagram. I want to delete her and move on but I don't want to later regret that and re-add her or something. Also I feel like after going complete AFC during the breakup then at least this way she can see me improving and allow a slight chance of revenge. To stop myself from checking on her, I uninstalled it for now.

Hope this strong feeling lasts.

I don't plan on posting everyday. I guess the first 3 days is enough for a little bit.

Thanks everyone for putting things in perspective for me!

 

[Murk]

Was her bday yday, couldn't help but check her instagram. Deleted instagram (again).

 

[Spaz]

Was her bday yday, couldn't help but check her instagram. Deleted instagram (again).

Murk u gotta lay off any drugs and booze altogether for a couple of months to straighten out 1st.

Dafvck bro, you know why I'm saying this right?

 

[Spaz]

Day 3

Feeling FANTASTIC. Much Stronger. I wish I had not texted her that msg and asked to talk. Break up is not bothering me so much today. Got back on Tinder and made a few matches (met my ex on tinder also lol). I saw some of her friends on Tinder as well so I am sure they will tell her about me being back on. I set up a date this evening with a girl i've put on ice so I am eager for that.

Only thing bothering me is still having her on instagram. I want to delete her and move on but I don't want to later regret that and re-add her or something. Also I feel like after going complete AFC during the breakup then at least this way she can see me improving and allow a slight chance of revenge. To stop myself from checking on her, I uninstalled it for now.

Hope this strong feeling lasts.

I don't plan on posting everyday. I guess the first 3 days is enough for a little bit.

Thanks everyone for putting things in perspective for me!

Delete everything abt her. It helps with moving on and has nothing abt being weak or afc.

Don't do anything for her or like you said; for her/friends to notice any changes.

Do it for yourself, by yourself, and with thoughts of improving into the best version of who you could be.

Don't worry abt women.

Women can smell a successful man anytime anywhere, it's built within their DNA.

 

[beatjunkie]

Delete everything abt her. It helps with moving on and has nothing abt being weak or afc.

Don't do anything for her or like you said; for her/friends to notice any changes.

Do it for yourself, by yourself, and with thoughts of improving into the best version of who you could be.

Don't worry abt women.

Women can smell a successful man anytime anywhere, it's built within their DNA.

Didnt do anything for her. Working on myself and readimg the DJ bible.

Anyone else have any alternate views? Ya'll agree with Spaz?

 

[RedScorpion]

Didnt do anything for her. Working on myself and readimg the DJ bible.

Anyone else have any alternate views? Ya'll agree with Spaz?

I don’t disagree. Not seeing what she’s doing is the best way of moving on. Any new info about her (good, bad, or neutral) will pull her back into your mind, back into your current reality. Even indirectly, such as I remember my mom giving info about my ex to me (and how she was pissing people off, etc.). Nothing positive or jealousy inducing right? It still sent my mind spinning back, remembering all the previous stuff about her (and more). The main impact can be simply reminding that she’s not interacting with you. Which can be stressing. I firmly believe it’s actually part of the tactics girls use against us.

However, I recommend holding off removing her until you’re absolutely sure about it. Give yourself a few days to firmly decide about it. I usually give myself 3 days of consistent ‘yeah, this is what I want to do’. This is so you don’t make a decision off of a emotional response, as well as minimizing the chance of regretting your action soon after. Then you know you’ve thought it through, you have your reasons (regardless of what it may look like and how it seems to her), and you can fall back on them when you have your doubts.

I’m right there with you on this decision currently. I have the urge to simply remove this girl, but for myself, the best decision as of right now is to leave her on. That is mostly due to the fact that I can ignore her/not see her ****, and I know I can forget about her with or without it. I can always remove her later. Part of it is resisting checking up on her. Another girl in the past, I could not resist checking on what she was up to... and all I saw was pictures of her partying to the nth degree. It stirred me up along with all the previous crap that had occurred with her. So that was the call for me.

I recommend as part of your decision, if you can’t resist checking up on her/seeing what she’s doing - then factor that into whether or not to remove. Ultimately, this is all about your recovery, your health. Make your decision from a calm state of mind, and I think you’ll be fine.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 14 b!tches

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 15

In the taxi back home. Just banged a 21 year old photographer at her place across town. Wifie potential. Have another date tomorrow - that one is unlikely to hit the criteria for girlfriend spot but still worth letting her audition. Saturday I'm out with the boys salsaing and Sunday I'm heading to an all day party with another group of friends. This is how life should be.

The ex is dead to me. Reminiscing about our shared past is devaluing and disrespectful to myself. Best summarised by the master @guru1000

A new thing I have been practicing of late that I will share on the topic of achieving greatness is an absolute conscious refusal to commit to de-valuing thoughts or acts a/k/a "weakness."

- Thoughts about how to "game" or "keep" a particular girl is de-valuing

- Nostalgia and thoughts about an ex are de-valuing

- Thoughts about how Person A had screwed you is de-valuing

-Thoughts about how Person B <insert negative act> is de-valuing

-Aspiration toward mediocrity is de-valuing

-Indulging in superfluous worry is de-valuing;Etc. (Insert your personal demons here)

YOU are above these de-valuing thoughts. This is not to be confused with not properly preparing, planning, or coordinating the finer details but rather transcending the fruitless contemplation which intercedes. Some of our time may be spent in this mode of "fruitless contemplation," where we are buried in these circumscribing thoughts. I am here to say that those thoughts are indeed de-valuing and de-validating, which, collectively, can belie the "frame" of greatness which you already own.

The mind cannot operate with "greatness" and "weakness" concurrently. For most, the mind is in constant flux, though predominantly in weakness as the past (and thus the future) is familiar, somewhat bearable, and thus comfortable. For the great, the mind is more focalized, predominantly in greatness as the idea of the unknown and less familiar is welcomed, and the impending recondite challenges are embraced. Be conscious of your thoughts; they pave an unequivocal road.

Have a good day lads and stay strong.

 

[beatjunkie]

Darn darn darn! Sweating bullets. Was just on Instagram and saw a selfie she just posted. The background was this resort we used to go to on weekends. Who is she with???? Or is this exactly how she wants me to react?

I am in the airport now and heading out of town to attend to a friends wedding. This selfie put me back. Darn darn darn!

If delete her now i know i am going to regret it after. Have to grind my teeth for another week before doing so. Will be posting pics this weekend with the friends.

Any input is welcomed

 

[RedScorpion]

Darn darn darn! Sweating bullets. Was just on Instagram and saw a selfie she just posted. The background was this resort we used to go to on weekends. Who is she with???? Or is this exactly how she wants me to react?

I am in the airport now and heading out of town to attend to a friends wedding. This selfie put me back. Darn darn darn!

If delete her now i know i am going to regret it after. Have to grind my teeth for another week before doing so. Will be posting pics this weekend with the friends.

Any input is welcomed

Mute her on instagram. Especially since you know you’ll regret deleting her.

PS - Yes, this is something girls do. Great for them because you generally can’t ‘prove’ they are trying to get you jealous. But if it’s a bit unusual activity from them, then it’s probably accurate.