The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BondJamesBond424]

She won’t contact you unless maybe for some validation from an orbiter. You weren’t in a relationship, there’s no investment from her. Keep doing your thing but mentally you need to let her go.

It's slowly getting easier to put her out of my mind the longer NC. She's my oneitis but NC is helping greatly, while working and going to the gym and especially having 3 chicks liking me. I messed up with her and I just gotta accept it and forget about her and never be an AFC wussy again. I learned my lesson and it was painful. But fortunately I'm decent looking and don't have approach anxiety anymore.
Thanks for the encouragement dude.

 

[Murk]

It's slowly getting easier to put her out of my mind the longer NC. She's my oneitis but NC is helping greatly, while working and going to the gym and especially having 3 chicks liking me. I messed up with her and I just gotta accept it and forget about her and never be an AFC wussy again. I learned my lesson and it was painful. But fortunately I'm decent looking and don't have approach anxiety anymore.
Thanks for the encouragement dude.

We have all be there dude, that's why the advice is solid.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

We have all be there dude, that's why the advice is solid.

Thanks again for the encouragement and not making fun.
I've been in a relationship for 6 years and when I dumped my then gf I realized I had no game.
That's when this hot 49yr old blond hit on me at work and being inexperienced, I totally messed up any chances I had with her.

What I struggle with now is what she must think of me for being too wussy to make a move toward secs, what she told her close friends, etc. My only saving grace is that I'm busy making a comfortable life AND practicing skills with other chicks. I'm also conscious of having social proof everywhere I go.

My strategy is to pretend I'm an actor playing the role of James Bond and I always think of how JB would handle situations and I play it that way.

Too bad I didn't have this info just one year ago. She's 50 now, blond, cute face (wears makeup), great body, secsee as f, fun to hang with. Not relationship material. But If I had this info just a year ago her and I could be regular F buddies this whole time. Stabs my soul to think of how AFC beta I was.

If, and thats a big IF, if she ever contacts me again, I'll definitely be a way different guy she may not even recognize. Thats a good thing.

 

[Murk]

Well she's 50, I'm sure you can find a 40 year old or younger, one that you DON'T work with. Banging work chicks is more hassle than it's worth, I find it the easy option.

 

[RedScorpion]

She text me asking if we're still going shopping this weekend. Didn't reply.

Text me again telling me she'll come over tonight and help me with anything in the flat if I want.

I actually feel bad for her boyfriend. I bet he has no idea about this situation.

I just read your entire story about this girl. Seems really unfortunate that she's continuing this endless drama of dragging you into her life. She has a main bf that she clearly isn't willing to give up, yet is continuously pursuing another relationship with you. It's not fair to either guy to be doing this. I think it's the right move to be withdrawing yourself from her.

I might be getting myself into a similar situation... I won't explain it all out. Dealing with a girl possibly trying to get me jealous indirectly, even though she has a bf. Timings is a bit too coincidental for multiple parts, but none of it I could say for sure is for me. Probably trying to see if I'm still hooked on her... regardless, looking to stay outside that whole entanglement. She can flail in the background if she wants. I figure no reaction will be the best, since any reaction would show all the wrong things here I feel. Just slightly annoying.

 

[TBG]

I just read your entire story about this girl. Seems really unfortunate that she's continuing this endless drama of dragging you into her life. She has a main bf that she clearly isn't willing to give up, yet is continuously pursuing another relationship with you. It's not fair to either guy to be doing this. I think it's the right move to be withdrawing yourself from her.

It's a case of her wanting the best of both worlds as she just can't be on her own. No one in their right mind would let someone move in after only dating for a month.

Her 6 year relationship ended at the beginning of last year. During the time between that ending and us meeting she had three short relationships and God knows how many hump and dumps.

She's now in a relationship with a guy that works away for long periods of time, so again she's left alone. She even told me she feels "abandoned" when he's away. It's no coincidence she gets in contact and want's to hang out when he's away. She's looking for someone to fill that void.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 2

First post on this site in a long time.

With this chick for nine months. Didn't bang anyone else in that time. Probably caught some oneitis. We weren't right for each other at all.

Been through NC once before with an ex of three years. The more you talk, write or think about her the harder it is so won't be posting regular updates. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

[Murk]

Ping my ex an email - blame the coke and wine. She just ran 42.1 km for charity.

 

[TBG]

Like clock work she gets in touch.

Last weekend I put on my Instagram Story a post asking if anyone wanted to come help paint my flat. She sees it, but boyfriend is obviously back as I see on Facebook they went to a family event together.

Tuesday night comes round and she texts me late at night some meaningless question. I take that as her boyfriend is now away for work so I ignore it.

Today I'm once again working in my flat, and once again ask for help on Instagram. Its done in a joking way and plates normally get in touch. It's an always an easy in to go for a drink afterwards. Anyways she sees it but time times messages me "Wellll. Pffftt". Replied with "????". She's replied pointing out I didn't reply to her message from the other day. Seriously.

It clear she's butt hurt over me not asking her for help. Hopefully she's starting to realise she doesn't have the contol over me she once had.

 

[TBG]

Did what I should have done months ago and blocked her on everything.

Yesterday after continuing to ignore her she sent "Have I wronged you in some way?". Again ingored it. So she messages me on Instagram "I would have came for lunch with you if you hadn't been ignoring me for some unknown reason". So yes I was right about the Boyfriend being away, hence her coming to me for attention/wanting to hang out.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 4

Set myself a whole range of summer goals icluding:

Gym 5 days a week
Moving from Beginner to Advanced level in Salsa and Bachata by end of summer
Meditate twice a day

These are great but they don't actually help me get women directly. I think GFTOW is solid post break up advice as long as you ensure the quality is similar to your ex. I'm also a stage in my life where an LTR fits in with my life plans to have a family in my mid 30s.

So setting myself another additional goal:
Ask atleast two women a day for their number till the end of the summer.

When you embrace and accept these two truths:

1. You have immense value
2. Beautiful women are everywhere

Then finding an attractive woman is simply a matter of probability. I'm virtually guaranteed to have atleast one smoking hot plate by the end of summer.

 

[Paradiddle]

The NC Rule works like fvck. Had a good sex with my ex some days ago with no strings attached. I feel blessed to have found this forum. God bless you all who helped me through.

 

[Murk]

Ping my ex an email - blame the coke and wine.

Does this mean on reset? Even though I'm sure she doesn't get the emails and we haven't had an exchange for 5.5 months?

 

[Paradiddle]

Does this mean on reset? Even though I'm sure she doesn't get the emails and we haven't had an exchange for 5.5 months?

Reset.

 

[Magotrox]

The NC Rule works like fvck. Had a good sex with my ex some days ago with no strings attached. I feel blessed to have found this forum. God bless you all who helped me through.

Welcome! Search the old posts. There's so much gold around here.

 

[IKO69]

Day 4

Set myself a whole range of summer goals icluding:

Gym 5 days a week
Moving from Beginner to Advanced level in Salsa and Bachata by end of summer
Meditate twice a day

These are great but they don't actually help me get women directly. I think GFTOW is solid post break up advice as long as you ensure the quality is similar to your ex. I'm also a stage in my life where an LTR fits in with my life plans to have a family in my mid 30s.

So setting myself another additional goal:
Ask atleast two women a day for their number till the end of the summer.

When you embrace and accept these two truths:

1. You have immense value
2. Beautiful women are everywhere

Then finding an attractive woman is simply a matter of probability. I'm virtually guaranteed to have atleast one smoking hot plate by the end of summer.

I like your mentality. If you stick with this and continuously expand in your growth you will laugh at whatever issues you may have had once before.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 8

Looking forward to actually completing this challenge. Making it to 60 days.

 

[RedScorpion]

Rejoining the NC thread, and restarting NC I had before. Nothing of any direct communication had happened (just indirect online) - but I've gone through some introspection. I don't really sense any sort of friendship based in reality, as I doubt either of us will actually reach out. And if she did, I wouldn't be able to see it as genuine friendliness. Just remnants of the past sticking around, and more likely her seeking slight validation. But if that's the case, I won't provide attention to that end, and I'll let it fade silently completely away. This is more my affirmation that I'm keeping her existence out of sight, out of mind.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 11

Had a great weekend and seem to be over the hump. This breakup has been pretty easy. Gym or cardio daily, regular salsa, socialising with friends, spinning plates, getting into a new routine and setting new goals all helped immensely.

The only thing I really miss about her specifically (as opposed to simply missing having a girlfriend) is her body...that ass! Says it all really.

Life is great. Getting into my new routine. Friend-zoned one of my plates last night as I'm only interested in the highest calibre of chicks right now. Any girl I see needs to have the potential to be the wife. This one was a cool girl but zero sex appeal. Should genuinely make a good friend. Plus she salsas! We hadn't hooked up before anyway.

Had a date on Friday, which went well. Met her on Bundle. I can tell by the way she is, it will be a while before I bang but once I do she'll be around for a while.

Seeing her again this Friday and have a first date lined up on Thursday with a girl who I used to houseshare with a year ago. Reached out and was honest with my intentions. Told her she was attractive and the only reason I didn't try anything back then was because we were housemates. She was surprised but expressed an interest in us going for drinks and seeing where it leads. Excited for this one! She is beautiful. Model looks and physique with huge boobs for her frame. An amazing package.

Have a few more dates lined up as insurance but these are the two I'm most keen on. I am going to start using salsa as an outlet for finding new plates because the type of body I like (small waist, big bums, tanned skin) is much harder to find outside of the Latin/Mediterranean world. Work is also going well and the sun is out so it's a positive vibe all round.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 1 (need advice)

Recently got dumped by my ex-gf on June 22. We dated for a year on and off. It was her mostly who broke things off every time. She would come back everytime after me going silent or moving. We tried to talk things out and work on our issues. That did not work. We tried to do couples counseling but our schedules were too busy. Anyhow, after the breakup (June 22) I took a few days off and attended a cousin's wedding overseas. Made the mistake of calling her last Saturday (June 30) from overseas. Offered friendship, she said we can't be friends and needs time apart. She said at least 6 months apart and said in a way to torment me. I lost it. She hung up. I tried calling back twice.

Then yesterday this happened;

1) I tried calling her but she hung up the phone after a few dials.

2) I then sent her a text saying "I haven't been sleeping or eating and I cannot focus on work. I dont have family here (not my home country) and you were my closest friend. I dont know how I can function and move on. I am finding it difficult to do anything. I dont want to drink of smoke my problems away. I cannot go back to the psychiatrist (I have abandonment issues) because we had gone in together and I am worried that the memories of her in his office would be too much. I have a lot to get out of my chest. Please talk to me, I need you."

3) No response to the above text so I called back 3 times at different hour intervals. No response to any attempts.

I am not sure if she will come back after these moves but I dont expect her to. I plan on working on myself and getting healthier. Though I desperately need to see my counselor as well.

So today is my first day of NC. Wondering if I should remove her from Instagram? Would that ruin any chances of reconciliation and would it be seen as childish?

Any thoughts on how bad I messed up or chances of getting her back after these beta moves are welcome!