Is it considered cheating when

[jaymbrs]

a girl with a boyfriend goes out with a guy to have drinks? Or she has a guy over at her place but nothing happens? Just to hang? Mind you this guy is not gay and is not an old school pal or anything like that. These things sound more like dates to me.

Trying to settle a debate with a friend.

 

[Billtx49]

It’s cheating in the early stage that’s gone beyond the emotional cheating time frame, it’s now into getting to know you in person stage, so yes.
If she likes what she sees, bedtime likely comes next…

 

[jaymbrs]

It’s cheating in the early stage that’s gone beyond the emotional cheating time frame, it’s now into getting to know you in person stage, so yes.
If she likes what she sees, bedtime likely comes next…

Then she has the nerve to call my friend insecure for getting mad about all this. It’s basically hanging out with the intention of cheating.

 

[Billtx49]

Then she has the nerve to call my friend insecure for getting mad about all this. It’s basically hanging out with the intention of cheating.

Yep, and it’s probably all his fault… rotflmao

 

[jaymbrs]

Yep, and it’s probably all his fault… rotflmao

Always 2 sides to everything. But it is what it is at this point.

 

[fanatic22]

Its not in violation of the letter of the law but it certainly violates the spirit. We all know the single guy’s intentions, including the girl. To give him time and attention is disloyal to her boyfriend.

 

[fanatic22]

Also your friend should stop arguing with his gf and just break up with her. She’s testing the waters which is much easier to do with a backup. He should next her permanently but if he’s too attached, this at least forces her to choose now which gives him a far more powerful position.

 

[jaymbrs]

Also your friend should stop arguing with his gf and just break up with her. She’s testing the waters which is much easier to do with a backup. He should next her permanently but if he’s too attached, this at least forces her to choose now which gives him a far more powerful position.

Completely agree. She’s trying to get herself a little life raft. Everything’s easier said than done. I’m planning on sending these to him.

 

[devilkingx2]

a girl with a boyfriend goes out with a guy to have drinks? Or she has a guy over at her place but nothing happens? Just to hang? Mind you this guy is not gay and is not an old school pal or anything like that. These things sound more like dates to me.

Trying to settle a debate with a friend.

if she has a tangible legitimate reason (business colleague? study partner? group project together? drug dealer?) then no it's not cheating

otherwise she's clearly saying that they're not actually exclusive and going on dates with other guys on her own whim (and the guy should start finding other girls too), she doesn't think she has a bf she thinks she's just dating some guy casually

 

[highSpeed]

if she has a tangible legitimate reason (business colleague? study partner? group project together? drug dealer?) then no it's not cheating

otherwise she's clearly saying that they're not actually exclusive and going on dates with other guys on her own whim (and the guy should start finding other girls too), she doesn't think she has a bf she thinks she's just dating some guy casually

look, you can justify it by saying it is a "legitimate" reason but there's no reason to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, especially over at your house. "Study buddy?" Meet at the library. Business meeting? Meet at the office. F*ck buddy? Yep, better to meet at your house. Look, no excuses for having a male "friend" over at your house unless you wish for something physical to happen.

 

[devilkingx2]

look, you can justify it by saying it is a "legitimate" reason but there's no reason to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, especially over at your house. "Study buddy?" Meet at the library. Business meeting? Meet at the office. F*ck buddy? Yep, better to meet at your house. Look, no excuses for having a male "friend" over at your house unless you wish for something physical to happen.

that part was mostly devil's advocate for use in the cases where the girl is trustworthy enough to deserve the benefit of the doubt

the truth is that there's nearly no reason to be meeting guys she just met for drinks or 1 on 1 at her house but if she's generally a good girl she would deserve a chance to explain and provide the proper evidence before you jump to any conclusions...

...but this girl sounds like the opposite of that so OP's friend should hit the club and look for a replacement ASAP

 

[highSpeed]

that part was mostly devil's advocate for use in the cases where the girl is trustworthy enough to deserve the benefit of the doubt

the truth is that there's nearly no reason to be meeting guys she just met for drinks or 1 on 1 at her house but if she's generally a good girl she would deserve a chance to explain and provide the proper evidence before you jump to any conclusions...

...but this girl sounds like the opposite of that so OP's friend should hit the club and look for a replacement ASAP

No, sorry, not going to agree with you here. I find out my girl had another guy over at her house, there is no explaining that justifies that. Zombie apocalypse is going on outside? Too f*cking bad, you can't stay. How many excuses do you think she'd accept if she found out he had some chicks over to his place for some "drinks"?

 

[Roober]

My mom used to always say that when your on a relationship, you shouldn't be hanging out with those of the opposite sex, certainly not alone. I didn't used to always agree with this, but I totally get it now.

If you are in an exclusive relationship, you should not be hanging with people of the opposite sex, especially not in a home or in a date like setting. If I had a woman do this, and try to justify it, I would do the exact same thing. I would also likely demote her to plate status and give her less of my time.

I would say the guy is desperate and afraid to rock the boat.

 

[devilkingx2]

No, sorry, not going to agree with you here. I find out my girl had another guy over at her house, there is no explaining that justifies that. Zombie apocalypse is going on outside? Too f*cking bad, you can't stay. How many excuses do you think she'd accept if she found out he had some chicks over to his place for some "drinks"?

(note: this post is meant to address whether or not it's reasonably possible for her to have had a guy over in a benign way)

one time my friend said he was coming over to my house, he didn't ask he just said I'll be there soon I was like "when?" and then the doorbell rang. and that was it 2-5 minutes notice and we were hanging out, now if a female friend came over randomly like that and my girl found out about it I'd hope she gave me a second to explain that the girl just randomly showed up

so if a friend of hers just invites himself to her crib and she makes him leave quickly and you catch wind that she had a guy over while you were away or frantically leaving as you were coming home from work/arriving to pick her up, it's gonna sound really bad if you don't hear her side

not to say that sort of thing is common or happens often but it's not impossible and there'd be no reason to throw away a good girl for something like that

 

[jaymbrs]

seems so much worse when a guy has a girl over than when a girl has a guy over. And women tend to twist that **** around when they get called out.

 

[jaymbrs]

I tend to attract unavailable women. We would hangout 1 on 1 drinking, BSing about work or whatever. But it always led to something. Even if neither of us were necessarily looking for something to happen.

 

[RangerMIke]

Men and women can not be 'just friends'... acquaintances... sure, but if your chick is hanging out with other dudes one-on-one, you can be certain that one is interested in something more than friendship. Now chicks will hang out with dudes if she thinks he/they can do things for her, but men NEVER hang out with chicks they don't hope to fvck one day.

If your chick is doing this, just start dating other chicks. Don't argue with her, don't make demands, just tell her if she wants to see other dudes, you're cool with that, now you are just 'fvck buddies' and you're a free agent. She'll b!tch and get angry and insist you are being foolish, but just calmly tell her that her desire to spend time alone with other men means something different to you and that is that.

She can then decide if you are more important than her 'friend'... if she picks the 'friend', well you just saved yourself a lot of time and you will know where you stand. If she picks you... she will respect you more.... which mean she will love you more. You can not lose, you either get to find a new chick that respects you, and you will increase the attraction of you current chick.

 

[Spaz]

Woman r so predictable when they r abt to cheat..

What's so unbelievable is that their man r so oblivious to it all....or worse choose to rationalise their cheating ways.

 

[highSpeed]

(note: this post is meant to address whether or not it's reasonably possible for her to have had a guy over in a benign way)

one time my friend said he was coming over to my house, he didn't ask he just said I'll be there soon I was like "when?" and then the doorbell rang. and that was it 2-5 minutes notice and we were hanging out, now if a female friend came over randomly like that and my girl found out about it I'd hope she gave me a second to explain that the girl just randomly showed up

so if a friend of hers just invites himself to her crib and she makes him leave quickly and you catch wind that she had a guy over while you were away or frantically leaving as you were coming home from work/arriving to pick her up, it's gonna sound really bad if you don't hear her side

not to say that sort of thing is common or happens often but it's not impossible and there'd be no reason to throw away a good girl for something like that

I'm not going to say that things don't happen and strange circumstances don't come up. But that is not the norm. We don't have full disclosure from the OP to be fair but my take away on it is that she's asking or they're talking about a semi-regular occurrence. Every once in a great while when strange circumstances come up? Explainable, understandable maybe, depends on what exactly happened. A regular occurrence? No, those are dates. Whether or not something happened that specific time, doesn't matter. She has guy "friends" coming over on a regular basis to "hang" out, sooner or later, one of them is taking her to pound town.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I think men and women can be just friends in certain instances. Though I will admit 98% of the time one of the two "wouldn't mind" dating the other. I have a really good platonic female friend. We've been friends for 20+ years but I know per my Spidey Sense that she would date me in a heartbeat, so I'm careful not to lead her on. Still, we have fun when we go out on a platonic level. My gf of 9 years had a male friend she would hang out with regularly. He was maybe 17-18 years older, a 2/10 in male attractiveness and quite beta. Put a gun to his head and he probably would have said he wanted to date my ex but I perceived 0% threat so it was no big deal to me. I actually liked him and we would talk too.

So, a few moving parts here for your friends situation:
- Is the relationship a LTR? If yes, then move on to next step.
- Can the other male be perceived as a "threat" to the LTR? Looks, chemistry, $, current LTR on shaky ground, etc.
- Does he even care? With my ex and every gf, I carry an abundance mindset and for good reason, so if she f*ukcs the guy or gets distant or bitchy, it's good-bye.

If it does bother your friend, I would simply come straight out and tell her he feels it's inappropriate. Tell him to be a man about it and men call out bad behavior and BS.Then, when she plays the "you're just jealous card" I'd say "Ok, this isn't the kind of relationship I want, but good luck to you" and leave. I'd tell her to call me when she changed her mind about things and go NC. Leave her hanging. If she persists, tell her you want spend time apart. If she tries hard to get back after a while, do so under certain terms--tell her no more f*uck boys. If she stays NC, then your friend has his answer and he moves on. 4 billion women on the planet. He'll find another. Just tell him NOT to make a big deal of of it, like he could care less.

Good luck.