Strangest Situation I've Encountered

[John345]

So this summer, I worked at a restaurant to help pay for school and ended up asking the hostess out on a date. We went out a few times and at the end of the summer she gave me low interest responses about how she wanted to continue. Without hesitation, I nexted her. I kindly told her to "**** off" which she was not happy about. She continued to try to contact me when we got back to school but I ignored her. One night I finally responded and told her I was going to block her if she didn't become friends with benefits. Bold move, I know. But she agreed to it nonetheless. She spends the weekend with me at my apartment but doesn't have sex. However she acts like we're dating. This weekend she spent the night as well but also wouldnt have sex. She teased me the whole night and even stripped for me but would not put out. My gut instinct is that she is trying to up my emotional investment in her. BUT strange enough, she told me last night that she "doesn't date." I don't claim myself as a Don Juan, but I have had success in my days after first discovering So Suave. This could be the strangest situation I think I've ever found myself in. Nothing is making sense. The only conclusion I can come up with is that this girl is desperate for attention and has some form of abandonment issues. I am posting this thread not as a "what should I do" or "does she like me" post, but rather to crowd help and opinions so that I can better understand the psychology of the situation

 

[sazc]

The only conclusion I can come up with is that this girl is desperate for attention

That's the answer.

What a nutty chick. She's not even putting out (as she agreed to) so why are you even putting up with this drama? It does paint you as the weaker person in the 'arrangement' I'd next her and block her asap. Move on and dont look back.

 

[Tooldtoworry]

What she wants is u to commitment to a relationship and teasing u for sex so u will become bf/gf. She is hanging in there for u to get use to her to commit. She is gaming u and manipulating u. If u don't want her cut the cord and move on. Nothing will change till u commit.

 

[John345]

What she wants is u to commitment to a relationship and teasing u for sex so u will become bf/gf. She is hanging in there for u to get use to her to commit. She is gaming u and manipulating u. If u don't want her cut the cord and move on. Nothing will change till u commit.

That was my initial thought as well. But she said to me that she "doesn't date"

 

[Tooldtoworry]

Come on, if she doesn't date what is she doing with u. LIE, she wants u and that is all there is to it

 

[John345]

Come on, if she doesn't date what is she doing with u. LIE, she wants u and that is all there is to it

she tried to justify it by saying I do dating like activities but don't date. Girl is crazy

 

[switch7]

does she have lots of male friends?

 

[Tooldtoworry]

just manipulating u go by behavior not words

 

[Tooldtoworry]

Its dating no matter how u slice it

 

[John345]

does she have lots of male friends?

She has mostly female friends with a couple male orbiters

 

[QuadDeuces]

This is the reason you spin plates.
So you can shift your time and attention from the women who refuse to give you what you need/want to the women who do.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

She didn't like you enough to want to have sex with you.

What's so hard to figure out?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I am posting this thread not as a "what should I do" or "does she like me" post, but rather to crowd help and opinions so that I can better understand the psychology of the situation

She's getting your attention and companionship without having to bang you. For most people this takes a lot of chutzpah, but for some gals it comes easily. She's doing it because she can. Either consciously or unconsciously, she's seeing if she can wrap you around her finger with neither a sexual encounter or a commitment. Weird combination of self confidence and entitlement.

If you want to make her fish or cut bait, next time she's laying naked next to you, start jacking off and see if she'll help. At the very least, ask her for a dutch rudder.

 

[Trump]

Unless she gives you sex you have to cut it off fast. The more she stays with you, "dates you", teases you, without giving you sex, the more excuses she will come up with down the road to not have sex.

I think she wants to see how desperate you are, how many hoops you will jump through to have sex with her.

 

[John345]

After hearing all your suggestions it does seem that the most valid reasoning for her behavior is a love for power over men and a crave for attention. I am leaning towards nexting her. But I will likely give her one last ultimatum in which I tell her adamantly we can only hang out again if we have sex. I am currently spinning multiple plates so I will move on to another plate after stating my ultimatum. Do you all agree with this plan of action?

 

[zekko]

She has mostly female friends with a couple male orbiters

Are you one of them?

 

[Thorninmyside]

I personally wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. I just wouldn't contact her again. If she flipped out and asks why, then tell her she wasn't living up to her end of the bargain. Either way she sounds like a pain in the butt. Using sex as currency is obviously her style.

 

[John345]

Are you one of them?

I'd like to think I have enough self respect to not be an orbiter, but I have been wrong before

 

[AJ84]

After hearing all your suggestions it does seem that the most valid reasoning for her behavior is a love for power over men and a crave for attention. I am leaning towards nexting her. But I will likely give her one last ultimatum in which I tell her adamantly we can only hang out again if we have sex. I am currently spinning multiple plates so I will move on to another plate after stating my ultimatum. Do you all agree with this plan of action?

Ultimatums are nothing more than passive aggressive attempts to try to manage the power that someone has over you. You say you are currently spinning multiple plates? Then spin on and simply drop this girl and take back your balls.

 

[John345]

Ultimatums are nothing more than passive aggressive attempts to try to manage the power that someone has over you. You say you are currently spinning multiple plates? Then spin on and simply drop this girl and take back your balls.

I've never heard this advice on ultimatums before. The advice is solid and makes sense. I'm curious why she agreed to the first ultimatum then