She's not interested? ''Need some time for myself''

[TheGambino]

Number closed saturday. The number close went very well. Had fun with her and I kissed her on her mouth a few times. She blowed up my phone and we set up a date for thursday after some texts.

Monday night she texted me that she was bored and I talked her intoo a walking date at the beach near to us at night. We were both free the next day.

Before we got out she texted me that her ex is still contacting her but she isn't sure wheter she should go out with me or not. I told her were just having a drink casually and she agreed.

Date went great imo.
A lot of times she was mentioning a relationship. How she likes to be free, and she doens't like it when a man gives her boundaries on having fun and freedom of going out or not.

Picked her up, got some drinks and we talked in the car. She was talking so much. She can talk for hours. I just listened and we went for a walk. Told her some interesting stuff about myself and I felt like being nice all night. We sat under the stars and had some fun talks and we made out.

Dropped her off after 2 hours and we made out in the car again. She didn't invite me inside.

She told me I need to talk to my ex tommorow about ''us'' but for me it's really over.

Yesterday she texted that she had fun and what I was up too I answered briefly.

Today in the morning.

''Hey I wanted to tell you my bf and I are def split up now but I just need time for myself now, I can't easily do someone else right now. I really think you are nice but otherwise its going way too fast again''

Me: Okay no problem right

Her: Okay sorry

LoL, its been a while since I got this. Guys what do you think of all this and is this a NEXT or a NC scenario?

Gut feeling honestly says next this sheit... she wouldn't take a risk of losing me if she really liked me. The only thing is it could be ASD that's kicking in.

 

[bigneil]

Even if she likes you better, she is more emotionally invested with him. It takes time for those feelings to be transferred.

You're probably texting her too much and too excited to go out. Just take a step back and wait until she reaches out.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with Espi- push/pull.

"You seem like a cool person to hang out with but it wouldnt work right now with the things you have going on".

Un-qualify her (verbally/text) and then ghost. Chances are she will reach out later on and if not, she wasnt that interested.

 

[bigneil]

Right HERE is when I would have responded:

"Sounds like you've got some things to work on. I think I'll pass on our date tonight. No hard feelings and I wish you the best. --Espi"

You should THINK this, but saying it becomes passive/aggressive.

I once called a girl in 1992 and told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore and she said "Then why did you call??".

That said, cancelling dates can be very effective at measuring interest level and flipping the script so it's a judgement call.

 

[dude99]

Number closed saturday. The number close went very well. Had fun with her and I kissed her on her mouth a few times. She blowed up my phone and we set up a date for thursday after some texts.

Monday night she texted me that she was bored and I talked her intoo a walking date at the beach near to us at night. We were both free the next day.

Before we got out she texted me that her ex is still contacting her but she isn't sure wheter she should go out with me or not. I told her were just having a drink casually and she agreed.

Date went great imo.
A lot of times she was mentioning a relationship. How she likes to be free, and she doens't like it when a man gives her boundaries on having fun and freedom of going out or not.

Picked her up, got some drinks and we talked in the car. She was talking so much. She can talk for hours. I just listened and we went for a walk. Told her some interesting stuff about myself and I felt like being nice all night. We sat under the stars and had some fun talks and we made out.

Dropped her off after 2 hours and we made out in the car again. She didn't invite me inside.

She told me I need to talk to my ex tommorow about ''us'' but for me it's really over.

Yesterday she texted that she had fun and what I was up too I answered briefly.

Today in the morning.

''Hey I wanted to tell you my bf and I are def split up now but I just need time for myself now, I can't easily do someone else right now. I really think you are nice but otherwise its going way too fast again''

Me: Okay no problem right

Her: Okay sorry

LoL, its been a while since I got this. Guys what do you think of all this and is this a NEXT or a NC scenario?

Gut feeling honestly says next this sheit... she wouldn't take a risk of losing me if she really liked me. The only thing is it could be ASD that's kicking in.

Ok. No problem. Ghost. Next.

 

[TheGambino]

I killed so Many potentials due neediness. Everything else is on point.

 

[wifehunter]

Is too many chickies!

 

[nismo-4]

She's hung up on her ex.

Unfortunately, every woman has an ex.

You just didn't perform better than her ex. Second place is first loser. Your eagerness and caring too much put you there.

Read Espi's responce about this. It helped me out too.

Start coming in First place.

 

[lizardking82]

She's hung up on her ex.

Unfortunately, every woman has an ex.

You just didn't perform better than her ex. Second place is first loser. Your eagerness and caring too much put you there.

Read Espi's responce about this. It helped me out too.

Start coming in First place.

I think no matter what you do, sometimes women are at a stage where they are unable to feel for any other guy. The DJ is OK, the target is broken. Doesn't make the DJ a loser or anything like that, imo.

 

[Reykhel]

Number closed saturday. The number close went very well. Had fun with her and I kissed her on her mouth a few times. She blowed up my phone and we set up a date for thursday after some texts.

Monday night she texted me that she was bored and I talked her intoo a walking date at the beach near to us at night. We were both free the next day.

Before we got out she texted me that her ex is still contacting her but she isn't sure wheter she should go out with me or not. I told her were just having a drink casually and she agreed.

Date went great imo.
A lot of times she was mentioning a relationship. How she likes to be free, and she doens't like it when a man gives her boundaries on having fun and freedom of going out or not.

Picked her up, got some drinks and we talked in the car. She was talking so much. She can talk for hours. I just listened and we went for a walk. Told her some interesting stuff about myself and I felt like being nice all night. We sat under the stars and had some fun talks and we made out.

Dropped her off after 2 hours and we made out in the car again. She didn't invite me inside.

She told me I need to talk to my ex tommorow about ''us'' but for me it's really over.

Yesterday she texted that she had fun and what I was up too I answered briefly.

Today in the morning.

''Hey I wanted to tell you my bf and I are def split up now but I just need time for myself now, I can't easily do someone else right now. I really think you are nice but otherwise its going way too fast again''

Me: Okay no problem right

Her: Okay sorry

LoL, its been a while since I got this. Guys what do you think of all this and is this a NEXT or a NC scenario?

Gut feeling honestly says next this sheit... she wouldn't take a risk of losing me if she really liked me. The only thing is it could be ASD that's kicking in.

Gut feeling says next? She's already nexted you mate. The meaning is in the message.

I agree, that you pull away when you get any of that hesitation. That is the time to pull away covertly, not to fvcking push and try to convince her.

Trying to convince her "ah it's just a drink c'mon" is really trying to negotiate desire. You may convince her but is she really going with true, free desire or is it negotiated desire.

This is just very very low interest level.

If she had high interest level in you, I bet she wouldn't need time to get over her ex.

If she perceived you as having a higher smv than her ex I bet she's be branch swinging more easily.

 

[bigneil]

I firmly believe that with EVERY hot chick there comes a point where the DJ must be willing to walk away in order to keep her.

I've tried on at least 5 occasions to cancel dates with my current girl, often with profanity, and she has refused to allow it. She will send 8 texts and 2 emails and say the exact right thing every time.

Meanwhile, she loves the fact I do this. She often expresses how dumfounded she is, she'll say things like "You're NOT nice..." and "I get so emotional around you and I don't want to admit it to myself" and "You give me my space...".

If you make someone an offer and they jump at it you will wish you offered less. So when men cancel they are making a counteroffer which lets the woman know they are in the right ballpark in terms of his value.

Notice the BPD stories here always come from a scarcity mindset. "She left me and I couldn't go on! She was MEAN!" No man with options would ever feel that way. And most gorgeous women only want men with options.

Men, you must try walking away (from a date) at least once to see where you stand with a woman. Many hot, young women have never had a guy cancel in their life.

 

[bigneil]

In my opinion you must be willing to do it. For me being willing to walk away is self-empowering, but it's not for timid nor the weak.

Note: after 3 months of dating, she must know you will never threaten to abandon the relationship - no matter what. That is your promise to her as her rock. You can cancel plans but never the relationship.

By the 3 month mark it is implied you will walk away forever if she messes up, but it is never stated directly. Otherwise, if you constantly threaten to leave her (or even do it three times) she will usually start detaching emotionally and secretly replace you and branch swing.

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't think you did anything wrong. She's monkey branching and she determined you are not quite high enough for her to let go of the one she has. She guesses you are better than the one she has, but she thinks she can do better. Just walk away and see if she comes back.

 

[bigneil]

I set boundaries and I am always willing to walk away when they're encroached. This includes matters involving women, family members, and business relationships.

I'm more comfortable being alone and free than feeling compromised/settled/dominated.

I am free to leave anytime, for any reason, and she is free to do the same.

Yes, I always have one foot out the door. After each date, the relationship is complete until she reaches out again. This bothered my girl for the first few months. It was when I promised never to push her away again that she started saying "I love you" every time I see her.

A lot of men get overly invested and then feel like she robbed him somehow, as if she owed him something. That is why women often hate gifts, because they imply she owes him something. Women also know the difference between a generous giver and someone who is supplicating.

The combination of her reaching out, and him being a generous giver who expects nothing in return (and is willing to walk), seems to be the ideal long term power position. The worst she can do is let go and in that case he simply stops giving.

A lot of people say "You wait, she'll hurt you". With my formula, that doesn't happen. Plus, when you have your favorite girl other girls are always available.

 

[TheGambino]

Saw her twice after the date. 2 days ago in a club. We chatted for litarly 20 seconds and I bailed.

Yesterday night I was out again and ran intoo her, she saw me dancing with another chick but I didn't make eye contact nor talked to her. She was starring me down though but no one made a move. I didnt text or reach out or anything else, she added me on facebook.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Sounds like a serious chronic talker. Imagine if you had to hear about her day, every day.

Leave the Eat Pray Love sh*t to them while you go Eat P*ssy and Make Love.

 

[devilkingx2]

I once called a girl in 1992 and told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore and she said "Then why did you call??".

would've been funny if you paused briefly, then hung up

 

[BeExcellent]

In my opinion you must be willing to do it. For me being willing to walk away is self-empowering, but it's not for the timid nor the weak.

Early on when I started dating my (now ex) husband there was someone else I had been seeing and so I told future hubby I had plans to go see the other guy for a previously planned outing (in the interest of being upfront in my naive mind), lol.

Without emotion and without missing a beat my future husband stood up and said to me "You do what you like...but don't expect me to be here when you get back..."

He then left. Just like that. Needless to say I did not go on the trip. I never saw or spoke to the other guy again. And yes I picked up the phone and called future hubby to let him know I didn't go.

He let me sit a day or two before he called me back too (I'm old so this was before texting ) And I was the girl he wanted very very much.

Do NOT underestimate the power of demonstrably being willing to walk. Nobody did that to me...not men who were more successful and not men who were better looking. But he did. So I married him.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Early on when I started dating my (now ex) husband there was someone else I had been seeing and so I told future hubby I had plans to go see the other guy for a previously planned outing (in the interest of being upfront in my naive mind), lol.

Without emotion and without missing a beat my future husband stood up and said to me "You do what you like...but don't expect me to be here when you get back..."

He then left. Just like that. Needless to say I did not go on the trip. I never saw or spoke to the other guy again. And yes I picked up the phone and called future hubby to let him know I didn't go.

He let me sit a day or two before he called me back too (I'm old so this was before texting ) And I was the girl he wanted very very much.

Do NOT underestimate the power of demonstrably being willing to walk. Nobody did that to me...not men who were more successful and not men who were better looking. But he did. So I married him.

How come it took him telling you that for you to realize it was wrong to be playing two men at the same time?

 

[devilkingx2]

How come it took him telling you that for you to realize it was wrong to be playing two men at the same time?

she wasn't really playing them if it was just casual dating, which is what it was implied to be