BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[soulforge]

You would have been fully justified in breaking up with her for this. Just bear this in mind, when you start missing/thinking about her.

In my case, I knew deep in my heart of hearts there was no way it would last, and I could sense there was something not quite right about her and ultimately she would fvck it up. I also almost broke up with mine a few times, yet due to my emphatic nature I was willing to overlook the red flags under the assumption that she would change over time.

This was my mistake.

Its good that yours was willing to go to councilling though. I was trying to persuade mine to go, but she would refuse and gaslight the issues onto me, saying it was me with the problem.

I now realise the real reason she didn't want to go is because she wants to adopt children in the future, and she felt this may complicate things.

This is the real mistake... ignoring red flags.. the signs are always there..

But low esteem and codependancy prevents you from dropping that bish and moving on..

Also ignorance is bliss guys.. why do you need to know if she is banging someone else..

You need to protect yourself from this type of information. .

What you don't know, cannot hurt you.. just block that bish in every way possible and focus on healing from this trauma!

By the way.. how many of you guys would have probably felt better about the break up.. if you did the dumping??

I mean part of the turmoil is, that she pretty much treated you like crap.. in some cases abused you...

And you sticked around too, to then be dumped on top of that??

When your woman is not treating you well.. i say just dump her ass, then block, delete.. disappear.. heal.. learn from your mistakes.. grow.. move on!

 

[Mikeman123]

randall, I would say there is no timeline to make a prediction on your gf's behavior. As always, it comes down to interest level. She should be concerned that she's meeting YOUR needs and that you're satisfied in the relationship. If she stops showing interest, you will know what to watch for if things head south.

i agree usually interest level is what matterd but apparently according to how bpd chicks work it doesn't matter how high her interest level is in u she will always bail due to the fear of abandonment and/or fear of intimcity, unless ur abusive then they will stick around

unless that info isn't true?

quote from one of Shari's docs:
"NOBODY can make it work with a Borderline, and this is not due to any fault or shortcoming on your part. Yes, some partners remain for decades with BPD individuals~ but those relationships are never loving and harmonious, so I recommend against it~ unless you're truly addicted to pain, and the enlivening feelings that it generates for you."

 

[Mikeman123]

i just need to understand bpd or not is it normal for a woman to be able to be with someone for a year and profess their dying love for the guy and then break up with them one day 2 days after trying to get the guy to get them pregnant and was planning the wedding, and boom ditch the guy and be dating a new guy within 4 weeks and posting all their pics on fb together

all i need to know is whether or not that specific behaviour can happen from a normal non mentally sick woman or not?

please fuk i just need to know...

 

[Infern0]

i just need to understand bpd or not is it normal for a woman to be able to be with someone for a year and profess their dying love for the guy and then break up with them one day 2 days after trying to get the guy to get them pregnant and was planning the wedding, and boom ditch the guy and be dating a new guy within 4 weeks and posting all their pics on fb together

all i need to know is whether or not that specific behaviour can happen from a normal non mentally sick woman or not?

please fuk i just need to know...

You don't need to know ****, what you need is a virtual slap in the chops

*slap

Pull yourself together man, i know you feel like chit but pull yourself together.

 

[Ivar]

i just need to understand bpd or not is it normal for a woman to be able to be with someone for a year and profess their dying love for the guy and then break up with them one day 2 days after trying to get the guy to get them pregnant and was planning the wedding, and boom ditch the guy and be dating a new guy within 4 weeks and posting all their pics on fb together

all i need to know is whether or not that specific behaviour can happen from a normal non mentally sick woman or not?

please fuk i just need to know...

@Mikeman123 No, that is not normal healthy behavior. You already know that though. Don't blame yourself man, from what you have shared there's nothing you did or anything that occurred that would justify that type of behavior. That's a hallmark of mentally ill behavior though --- it is NOT rational, it cannot be justified. I'm sorry you're suffering -- I know you probably feel empty and hollow from all this, combined with floods of pain --- but as these other guys are saying you need to fight the urge to unravel. It won't do you any good.

 

[Ivar]

@Infern0 I'm curious .... after the 8 weeks of NC, what did she re-initiate contact with? An apology, an admission of wrong doing, an 'I miss you' / declaration of love, or she pretended she never did anything wrong? After the way she had left things with you (ghosting & moving onto new bf) I can't imagine what she would even open a dialog with after 8 weeks....

 

[Infern0]

@Infern0 I'm curious .... after the 8 weeks of NC, what did she re-initiate contact with? An apology, an admission of wrong doing, an 'I miss you' / declaration of love, or she pretended she never did anything wrong? After the way she had left things with you (ghosting & moving onto new bf) I can't imagine what she would even open a dialog with after 8 weeks....

"i just don't understand why you hate me, i mean didn't i mean anything to you?"

I'm DEAD serious.

 

[Mikeman123]

i'm trying with every fiber of my being

 

[bigneil]

i'm trying with every fiber of my being

Trying to start several memberships to cover up the fact we already told you what to do years ago?

These type jump from bed to bed to bed. She'll discard him for someone new when she gets bored and he stops being a challenge. You're better off w/o her.

Wait, you are saying there is a certain type of woman that will leave a good man for someone new, even though the new guy is less of a man? And then she'll leave the new man for yet another man?

But doesn't that mean she was correct to get bored and discard him?

Aren't you burning the candle at both ends? Saying she was a fool to leave you and also a fool to leave the next guy? Only one can be true.

 

[bigneil]

i just need to understand bpd or not is it normal for a woman to be able to be with someone for a year and profess their dying love for the guy and then break up with them one day 2 days after trying to get the guy to get them pregnant and was planning the wedding, and boom ditch the guy and be dating a new guy within 4 weeks and posting all their pics on fb together

all i need to know is whether or not that specific behaviour can happen from a normal non mentally sick woman or not?

please fuk i just need to know...

Wait, you are suggesting that maybe you might have been perfect, and she might have meant all those things, and therefore is actually INSANE to not stay with you, a guy who can't be bothered to punctuate? A guy who sounds like he is 18 and living in a dorm paid for by taxpayers?

Why SHOULD she stay with you? Do you think the forum feels that women should always be loyal to anyone who joins the forum?

Mikeman (aka pelvischestly)'s strong points:

1) She was with him for a year (until she wasn't)
2) She professed her undying love (that died)
3) She once said she wanted his baby and was planning a wedding (in that order)_

Needle off record.

Before declaring this girl insane, I wonder: does Mikeman have a job? How old is he? What were their dates like? Is he ripped?

THIS FORUM IS TURNING INTO A BUNCH OF SISSIES WHO CODDLE EACH OTHER WHEN THEY GET DUMPED, ALL TO PRETEND THEY ARE ALL VICTIMS OF CRAZY WOMEN (ALL WHILE HAVING ZERO NON-CRAZY WOMEN).

 

[bigneil]

i agree usually interest level is what matterd but apparently according to how bpd chicks work it doesn't matter how high her interest level is in u she will always bail due to the fear of abandonment and/or fear of intimcity, unless ur abusive then they will stick around

unless that info isn't true?

It's not true, you pvssy. Women don't leave men who they are interested in. Do you actually have the audacity to sit here and pretend this woman who dumped you actually had high interest but you somehow still had ZERO chance even though you did everything perfect, because she was mentally ill? I am appalled at this girly attitude here. REAL MEN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR SITUATION.

@Mikeman123 No, that is not normal healthy behavior. That's a hallmark of mentally ill behavior though --- it is NOT rational, it cannot be justified. I'm sorry you're suffering -- I know you probably feel empty and hollow from all this, combined with floods of pain --- but as these other guys are saying you need to fight the urge to unravel. It won't do you any good.

Ivar = Mikeman = Pelvischestly = FOUR PEOPLE WHO JOINED THIS MONTH.

BPD whiner cancer is taking over the forum. You bunch of faggOts.

 

[MasterAce]

Is he ripped? WTF?

You need ****ing help.

 

[phil2015]

is it normal for a woman to be able to be with someone for a year and profess their dying love for the guy and then break up with them one day 2 days after

all i need to know is whether or not that specific behaviour can happen from a normal non mentally sick woman or not?

In a word No!

This isn't normal behaviour. For anyone.

Mine did the same as this to me, as have countless other examples across this board. The internet is full of stories and accounts of these crazy people all doing the same crazy chit. The similaries are baffling!

No rational, straight-thinking sentient human would behave in such as way as this.

Take solace in knowing it was not your fault, and there was NOTHING you could've done to change the outcome.

She WILL do this again to the next 'supply' she meets. It is in her nature, she is wired up this way and unfortunately it is just who she is.

Mikeman123 - Put down the weight, grief, regret, shame and emotional detritus you are carrying. It will take time, but remember you are free of this now.

Answer me these questions honestly, considering how she has treated you.....

Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with this person?

Would you raise a child with this woman?

Do you trust her? With money, family, assets, property etc

What exactly does she bring to enhance your life and your purpose?



You only get one life, don't waste your time with someone who is going to do this to you.

No-one has the right to make you feel like you do now

 

[phil2015]

By the way.. how many of you guys would have probably felt better about the break up.. if you did the dumping??

I mean part of the turmoil is, that she pretty much treated you like crap.. in some cases abused you...

And you sticked around too, to then be dumped on top of that??

I personally would've felt a lot better if I had dumped her.

Unfortunately I didn't know about the whole Borderline Personality Disorder issue at the time, and I didn't know this is a universal thing experienced by people globally. Its a shame I didn't have this knowledge then because I would've recognized her for this at the time and could've taken action. In fact I put her behaviour down to something I was doing wrong, and began blaming myself for things, which was only furthered by her gas-lighting and blame shifting.

The red flags I did see I overlooked, which was my mistake :-(

 

[bigneil]

Mine did the same as this to me, as have countless other examples across this board. The similaries are baffling!

Oh, for the love of God. If I hear one more person use the word "mine" to imply "their (clinically insane person) who just wasn't good enough to love, cherish and stay with him forever" I'm going to break something.

Statistics show 98% of you can't have dated women in the 2 percentile. 97% of you are lying or delusional.

You're right about one thing though. Indeed, the similarities are baffling!

1) This woman actually had sex with the man (something very rare in his life apparently, as he got whipped).
2) This woman liked him, and then stopped liking him (female behavior 101, but one that is too painful for wimpy men, hence they've decided she was just insane to not keep loving him, even though he lives with his mom).
3) When he continued to hump her leg she started actually being nasty toward him (the way the guy would if some fat girl kept hugging him).

What is baffling is how so many of you are able to convince yourself (without any proof in 90% of the cases) that your woman was in the craziest 2 percent of women, and that somehow none of the 98 percent of non-crazy females liked you either.

When I noted that the hottest girl I ever dated said she had BPD, suddenly everyone became a keyboard psychologist here and thought they could give me relationship advice. Sorry, I take relationship advice from people with healthy relationships with hot women.

BPD symptoms = Low Interest Level. But quick! Someone tell me how BPD are actually so crazy they leave men they have high interest in.

 

[bigneil]

Wait, you guys are saying he should abandon the woman who has abandonment issues?

Is he ripped? WTF?

You need ****ing help.

Someone has no muscle tone. Except maybe in his right arm.

Ok MasterBates, I need help for asking whether our OP (who is probably the one with 7 accounts here who started 10 threads about BPD) is good looking? You clowns take zero personal responsibility. You want a second place trophy for having gotten laid by a girl you say is crazy.

Mathematical Proof You "She had BPD" Guys are Crazy

1) Most women can't be in the 2 percentile of women who have BPD
2) If BPD is underreported and 40-60% of women have it then it is NORMAL BEHAVIOR
3) Not every girl with BPD shows signs of low interest, so even if she does have BPD it is still your fault if she lost interest

I've never seen so many whiny girls here in my life. Shame on any of you garnishing this "Whah BPD" crap with faux sympathy for these wimps.

You guys have no argument. She lost interest in you because you weren't good enough. Now start improving instead of whining.

I'll say one thing: if your BPD girls found you weeping here you'd have ZERO chance to see them again. Your weeping was the reason she left you in the first place. She was SMART to get rid of you, and you know it.

 

[MasterAce]

I know what ripped means you fruit. Stop giving it the hard man act, and stick to posting pics of some mentally ill brass to a bunch of strangers, you laughably transparent, insecure tit

 

[bigneil]

I know what ripped means you fruit. Stop giving it the hard man act, and stick to posting pics of some mentally ill brass to a bunch of strangers, you laughably transparent, insecure tit

And I'm sorry, did I get in the middle of your circle jerk, MasterbAce?

Wow, you know what ripped means? You're not ripped, but you actually know what it means. I'm impressed!

You'll coddle men talking about imaginary women who might have BPD and on average rate 50, while denying and dismissing women who really do have BPD and rate 99, because it doesn't go along with your script?

You voted for Hillary, correct? Support Obamacare? Think Trump is mean to women?

Pathetic.

 

[MasterAce]

Oh **** me, the brain-dead spanner reaches new levels of stupidity. I know Yanks are ****ing backward but you take the piss, unless you're really so dense that you genuinely believe America is the only nation on the planet - or that Londoners can vote in US elections. And that's London in England BTW, as I can still see that confused look on your gormless face.
I can see why you kiss BPD arse so much. With your IQ of a 3 year old and her EQ of the same age, you're a match made in heaven.

 

[jaygreenb]

Wait, you guys are saying he should abandon the woman who has abandonment issues?


Someone has no muscle tone. Except maybe in his right arm.

Ok MasterBates, I need help for asking whether our OP (who is probably the one with 7 accounts here who started 10 threads about BPD) is good looking? You clowns take zero personal responsibility. You want a second place trophy for having gotten laid by a girl you say is crazy.

Mathematical Proof You "She had BPD" Guys are Crazy

1) Most women can't be in the 2 percentile of women who have BPD
2) If BPD is underreported and 40-60% of women have it then it is NORMAL BEHAVIOR
3) Not every girl with BPD shows signs of low interest, so even if she does have BPD it is still your fault if she lost interest

I've never seen so many whiny girls here in my life. Shame on any of you garnishing this "Whah BPD" crap with faux sympathy for these wimps.

You guys have no argument. She lost interest in you because you weren't good enough. Now start improving instead of whining.

I'll say one thing: if your BPD girls found you weeping here you'd have ZERO chance to see them again. Your weeping was the reason she left you in the first place. She was SMART to get rid of you, and you know it.

Hey Neil, I'm the original OP. Crazy this thread is still alive. Anyway, don't get on here much anymore but got an email from one of the guys on here and caught up. This seems like a lifetime ago but what a mind**** it was, funny now thinking back to it. I can tell you a few things. This is the only account that I have ever created, I have been with probably around 200 women in my life, I can confidently say in the life I have created I am in the top 10% of men out there, probably higher in some areas if you want to include income and independence. I can absolutely say this one was in a league of her own. Do I know its BPD for sure? No. I can honestly say though no other had done such a number on me. It was a gift though, because as hard as it was the growth and understanding I gained in the time after has only improved my life and understanding of women.